17.7 C
London
Thursday, April 25, 2024
secret satire society
HomeWorldJuncker: "I Want to Make Britain Suffer Terribly"

Juncker: “I Want to Make Britain Suffer Terribly”

BRUSSELS - Belgium - It's just another day in the EU for Jean Claude Juncker.

“I am not a monster, I just detest the British and Britain. I hate you all, you Ros Beef munching idiots who think you are better than the EU,” Mr. Juncker says calmly at a luncheon.

Today he is receiving the eminence of another pompous British swine, and he can’t wait to get his claws into this piece of sacrificial meat.

“We eat Britisher cochons for breakfast here. One of them comes to me and says he wants a leaving deal, then another comes up and says they want to stay in the EU, so I say to each one of course, you can have what you want you idiots, I play for time, it is no problem. One way or another we have you by the balls.”

And next week, it will be the same story.

“They will say that they will walk away. I laugh, for me that is the best thing, because we close the door on them forever. The Germans can sell their cars to the slit eye Chinese or the dumb Americans. We just go on, we are the EU, we survive. Look what happened with Greece? We keep paying their debt, now it is 589% of their GDP. We have hooked them forever. They will pay us until 2089. You see, you can’t walk away from the EU. We are like the biggest mafia around, once you are in only two ways out, death or prison,” Juncker adds, as a slop of emulsified food gloops from his open jabbering mouth.

All is well in Brussels, and nothing changes here fast. There is always some overpaid committee to discuss new issues within their periodical time table of unnecessary directive driven biased laws, as long as the members are sated with the impressive lucrative package deals they accrue every day, time is really not of the essence.

“Britain? What is it? I have even forgotten it exists. And I will dangle a carrot in front of that old hag every time, she takes a bite, then I retract the carrot and put in its place a nice freshly laid merde. Wonderful. To see the look on her face every time is delicious to behold. Anyway mes amis, I have a date with another barely legal young lady in my office, a different one is sent every day. It’s good to be the president.”

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press
curtis-press

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!

Translate »