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Europe Prepared For Sharia Law

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Europe Prepared For Sharia Law

The world is changing at breakneck speed and so are the laws governing the EU.

European technocrats are preparing the continent for Sharia law as the pace of migrants from the Middle East and Africa increases daily.

Speaking from Brussels, Jens Toldtars, an EU official revealed that many things will have to change as Europe accepts millions of new people.

“Women will have to be more modest in their attire as showing any skin is strictly haram, there will not be any alcohol and Fridays will be the time of prayer as the Muezzins make their calls to visit the mosques. These are just the small things that will change. No more pork, ham or sausages, this order may be hard for the Germans, but they will get used to it, especially as the punishment for not adhering to these laws is being beaten or stoned. Adulterers will be stoned, thieves will have their hands chopped off and we are currently discussing how to go ahead with beheading, we may re-introduce the guillotine as it is a far more efficient, less messy way of conducting executions.”

Under Islamic law men are allowed to have up to twenty wives each, and women are not allowed to drive vehicles under some severe regimes like Saudi Arabia. As of yet, the EU is under consultation with Islamic scholars on how best to implement the new laws.

Earthquake Disrupts Social Media Networks

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Earthquake Disrupts Social Media Networks

At least 34,000 people are said to have been killed in Pakistan, with 48,000 deaths reported in Afghanistan.

The magnitude 7.5 earthquake was centred in the mountainous Hindu Kush region, 75km (46 miles) south of Faizabad, the US Geological Survey reported, disrupting social media presence in the region.

Mark Zuckerberg, CEO for Facebook is calling for an urgent task force to travel to the area.

“We’re going to get some balloons up in the air relaying Facebook internet to these people. This is a matter of major importance that needs to be addressed immediately.”

One survivor, Abdul Rahim, 21, from a remote mountainous village with no running water or food was desperate to update his Instagram page but was unable to do so yesterday.

In the city of Karimabad, one man who lost six generations of his family was desperate to update his Twitter page and is making a ten day journey to neighbouring Pakistan to an internet cafe.

 

Iraq War: Tony Blair Apologises By Not Saying Sorry

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Iraq War: Tony Blair Apologises By Not Saying Sorry

“I would like to apologise by not saying I am sorry for my actions that caused the Iraq war and the resultant deaths of millions of people,” former prime minister, Tony Blair told no one in particular yesterday.

As well as not being very sorry, the former PM did not apologise to any servicemen’s families who lost their loved ones or those who lost limbs during the failed war.

“I’m not sorry that you lost both your legs, your arms and your testicles after an IED blew them off, you signed up to the army so it’s all your fault,” Mr Blair told a man in a wheelchair at a recent Iraq war memorial service.

Mr Blair is currently enjoying an all expenses paid three week holiday in the Maldives on board a billionaire friend’s $450 million cruise ship.

Family Can’t Go to Tuscany After Tax Credit Cut

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Family Can’t Go to Tuscany After Tax Credit Cut

The Binghams will not be able to go to Tuscany this year because the horrible Conservative government have cut their tax credits.

The family who live in a 10 bedroom villa in Grimsby paid for by the council receive £76,000 in benefits per annum, but with all the tax cuts are now having to make do on the bread line by only shopping at Waitrose every other day, and will this year not be able to take their customary trip to Tuscany.

“It’s vile what the Tories are doing to this country. I’m also cutting down on servicing the Ferrari, and my wife had to clean the house herself the other day. These cutbacks are criminal. Fucking Tory scum,” Mr Bingham said spitting on the floor with a big greenie.

Processed Meat Report Can Give You Cancer

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Processed Meat Report Can Give You Cancer

Reading a report about processed meat giving you cancer can actually give you cancer a new report from the Daily Mail has reported.

“If you read this report whilst eating a bacon sarnie with oodles of brown sauce dripping down your chin, there’s an even bigger chance you will get cancer,” Dr. Rhanjita Singh who wrote the report revealed.

So, what sort of cancer will you get if you read the report or you eat processed meat?

“Probably cancer of the arse hole. That’s where the processed meat goes and stays, or you could get cancer of the eyeballs, I know it sounds rather gruesome but I’m just reporting from the report I wrote whilst wearing special glasses. It doesn’t matter anyway because everything these days gives you cancer,” Dr. Singh added.

 

This Christmas Snuggle Up Relax and Think About the Refugees

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This Christmas Snuggle Up Relax and Think About the Refugees

 

The whole family is here and everyone is armed with some seriously potent warm mulled wine, that is except for the children who are sipping their eggnogs, giggling and crashing about.

You look out of the window past the intricately decorated tree, this year you’ve gone the extra mile, baubles that cost a mini fortune decorate the greenery, reflecting the flickering light, a mini world of dreams and wishes. The snow flakes in the blackness light up, soft pads of delight making you cosier in your glowing warm bubble.

The family are all excited as the anticipation is reaching fever pitch for the present opening ceremony the coming morning, and the gluttonous delights of eating so much delicious grub that the buttons on your clothes ache to be released.

Then your mind wanders as you continue to look out of the window. Out there in the cold, damp, wetness are the refugees, some may be huddled in ditches, in alley ways, or makeshift tents. Their homes are gone, a distant memory in a far away land, some are children alone with no food, money or knowledge of where to go.

Yes it’s freezing, chilled to the bone, that awful aching coldness which is punctuated with being sodden wet, clothes soaked cutting the skin, as another guard kicks you hard, you don’t feel the pain any more, your pain threshold is so high already from years of living in a war zone.

Sometimes you feel a sense of hope, that you may find some kindness, but instead you only see bared teeth, snarled noses and piercing shouts of hatred. Your humanity is stripped to the bone, and theirs is fleshy, plump and well fed.

Wow, it’s great you’re not a refugee trying to get into Europe, you remind yourself by taking another sip of wine, jiggling your toes in your woolly socks and smiling.

Christmas is going to be great this year.

Experts: Christianity Will Be Gone From Europe Within Decade

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The Christian faith is already declining within Europe and the final death knell is an estimated 35 million migrants being allowed into the continent from the Middle East.

“If we calculate 35 million more Muslims coming into Europe on top of the ones numbering 739 million, there will be an exponential growth in the Muslim population, due to their high levels of breeding. This sudden rise in the population will change the demographics permanently resulting in the eventual snuffing out of Christianity all together.

“Within ten years Europe will be unrecognisable as the Islamic hold on populations continues. European policy is such that nothing can be done about the deluge.

“Not only is Christianity on the back foot, but so is nationalism as the EU engineers a constant barrage of attacks on national sovereignty.

“If you are a Christian, you and your family can prepare for the changes that are taking effect by learning the Quran and adhering to Islamic laws. It could get dangerous for you and your family if you are not able to recite the Quran word for word in the future.

“Globalist techniques are certainly elemental in the mass migratory push, but so is war, therefore it is best practice to learn about defence and survival techniques which will be needed in a few years.”

As Accurately Predicted Far Right Rises in Germany

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As Accurately Predicted Far Right Rises in Germany

The Daily Squib predicted accurately in 2012 that the European Union would see the rise of Fascism again, and the EU’s Hegelian Dialectic is working wonders.

First you create the problem, then the people cry out for a solution, finally you complete the coup de grace as you initialise the solution.

From within the nation of Germany will come once again a far right leader to vanquish the Marxists in charge at the moment.

The current state of the EU is run by Marxist collectivists and their actions are actually fuelling the resurgence of fascism in Germany with Pegida at the forefront.

The EU under the East-German bred Merkel is in fact an amalgamation of fascistic and Soviet political doctrines, confusingly enough they incorporate the closeness of the fasci rods through integration of other states but overall there is a Marxist communistic temperance with regards to social issues like immigration and welfare as well as collectivisation.

Hitler’s brand of National Socialism was inherently race based, and under Merkel’s EU, the race element is kept firmly under wrap.

Pegida, on the other hand is a right-wing fascist party which is anti-Islamic and race centric, and if a leader who is worthy comes forward, there could be a repeat of the Brown Shirts.

When the Socialist Marxists invited in millions of refugees into their EU countries, they effectively sealed their own doom as mass immigration in such a short time only brings forth destruction of nations from within.

There will be chaos, there will be disorder and through this a new leader will come forth to purge the Marxists from their parapet.

China Thinks It Could Win War Against West

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“The Chinese are good at copying but innovation is still the West’s sole tool. Sure, they are good at espionage within Western companies, stealing plans, thieving specialist data, but at the end of the day, China is not a creative force, it is simply a force of manufacture and plagiarism. This is why their air and water are so polluted. The Chinese have killed off their own land for greed, and to live in China today is a sure fire  sentence for early death. Their people are suffering in overcrowded polluted cities where the air is full of heavy metals, cancerous poisoned food and water supplies and a government that turns a blind eye to corruption,” a senior analyst revealed in a recent paper.

China’s bloated population of 1.357 Billion people is a blight on the earth creating untold damage to the environment. It is to this end that whatever measures Western countries take to reduce global pollution, China is there creating vast amounts of pollution desecrating the earth further offsetting any Western progress. Something has to be done about the Chinese and their Malthusian population nightmare, and it will have to be drastic action to either reduce it by 95% or eradicate it completely. Even a mass sterilisation program would barely touch the current population’s upward trajectory.

What of China’s human rights record? Naturally, this is overlooked by some Western nations when dealing with the economic benefits of Sino-Western relations, but one can not overlook the totalitarian evil meted out on the people. Forced organ transplants, beatings, torture, concentration/re-education camps, the Tibetan and Uyghur massacres.

China wants to expand, of course they do, with nearly two billion Chinese people stinking up the world, they need new territory to mess up, they need more resources. Think about the amount of finite natural resources the Chinese use up, it’s a disgrace to humanity.

When it comes to military might, China certainly has a well honed army of millions, but is that enough for a war against the West. Well, if a conflict were to arise, China now has the capability to take out U.S. satellites from space and has embraced drone technology as much as America.

The West is still decades ahead of China in military technology but the Chinese could still cause some damage if conflict reared its head.

Lord Ashcroft: “I’m Okay!”

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Lord Ashcroft: “I’m Okay!”

“At least I’m not Russian, I hear they deal with people like me with cups of polonium. I’ll be okay, the mysterious illness that shut down half of my organs and nearly killed me only made me stronger,” the ex-Tory supporter told the Guardian.

The 69-year-old billionaire’s 18-day illness occurred immediately after he published a tell-all book on Tory leader David Cameron causing major kidney and liver failure, leaving him battling for his life.

“No one knows what happened. One minute I was fit as a fiddle and the next I was close to death, it happened very quickly. The doctors do not know what happened either,” Lord Ashcroft revealed yesterday.

Suffice to say there were no Get Well cards from Cameron or any other Tories.

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