Processed Meat Report Can Give You Cancer

Reading a report about processed meat giving you cancer can actually give you cancer a new report from the Daily Mail has reported.

“If you read this report whilst eating a bacon sarnie with oodles of brown sauce dripping down your chin, there’s an even bigger chance you will get cancer,” Dr. Rhanjita Singh who wrote the report revealed.

So, what sort of cancer will you get if you read the report or you eat processed meat?

“Probably cancer of the arse hole. That’s where the processed meat goes and stays, or you could get cancer of the eyeballs, I know it sounds rather gruesome but I’m just reporting from the report I wrote whilst wearing special glasses. It doesn’t matter anyway because everything these days gives you cancer,” Dr. Singh added.