17.7 C
London
Saturday, July 11, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 519

Bankrupt Russia’s Expensive Syrian Blunder

0

 

Has Putin bitten off more than he can chew? Here is a man who is Russia’s strong man and he is now bogged down in Syria. How long can he sustain the expensive bombing campaign before his accountant starts prodding him on the shoulder?

Why haven’t the Russians learnt from their mistakes in Afghanistan?

“Putin is someone who can’t walk away from anything, and once he is committed to something that’s it, there’s no going back,” a Moscow insider revealed.

The extent of territory that needs to be bombed is vast, and even though there are many nations involved, Russia has taken the mantle as head bomber.

Russia’s economy will slump by almost 4 percent this year and barely grow in 2016, with forecasters expecting the country’s recession to persist as the engineered low oil prices hit on Russia’s main income.

Western sanctions have also hurt Russia’s economy which were put into place after Putin invaded and annexed Crimea.

Overall global commodity prices are seeing a major slump which invariably eats into Russia’s continued economic misery.

Bombs cost money, military logistics cost billions and even though Putin has been bombing thousands of targets, there is no assurance that he is making any headway destroying ISIS or other rebels, who simply move to other areas when they hear the jets, or get intelligence of attacks prior to bombing campaigns.

The Americans have been very kind to ISIS by notifying them 45 minutes before they bomb so that people can get out of the way, the Russians probably do not offer the same sort of courtesy, but as mentioned before, hitting things from thousands of feet above the ground is no assurance of killing fighters on the ground. Sure, they may blow up a few shacks and sheds, but for that kind of money, it would be better to have troops on the ground to sweep the area afterwards taking out any stragglers and securing the territory once and for all.

At the moment the Russians are spending a measly $4 million a day on Syria, but Putin has already spent over $180 million since the beginning of his campaign. This money will go down the drain as Putin bombs and bombs for many years to come, entrenched in an unwinnable conflict, draining Russia day by day.

Russia is economically weak, plodding along at a snail’s pace and destined to poverty, this is why the quicksand of Syria will invariably hasten Putin’s head strong demise. Alienating whole countries like Turkey will also not solve any problems for Russia.

Big mistake Mr. Putin. Has the grand master chess champion finally been checkmated?

WESTERN COMPANIES BOYCOTTING/NOT BOYCOTTING RUSSIA – UPDATED

How many years will Russia be entrenched in Syria?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Trump Planning Muslim Detention Centres in U.S.

1

Republican candidate Donald Trump is planning to unveil his plan for Muslim detention centres in the U.S. where Muslims will be kept and monitored at all times.

“We did it to the Japs. We put them in concentration camps in World War II, so why not the Muslims?” Trump said at a recent rally in Missouri.

Currently there are over 3,000 mosques in America, and the number is growing daily, but under Trump things would change.

“Demolish them. Make them into parking lots, at least they’d serve a purpose then.”

Muslim detention camps U.S

And what about relations with Muslim countries like Saudi Arabia and Pakistan?

“We would sever ties with all these savage countries. Nothing but beasts roaming the prairie.”

So, there you have it folks, when Trump is elected it’s goodbye Muslims and hello Trump paradise.

Mr. Ugly Zimbabwe Honoured By Mugabe

0

 

“I am honoured and tearful to have won the competition, and it is an even greater honour to be presented my prize of 850 Trillion Zimbabwe dollars (£12.42) by our supremely ugly leader, Robert Mugabe,” Mr Ugly, Mison Sere said after the competition.

Sere is planning great things with his winnings, one of which is buying a rubber dinghy to cross into Europe and escape Zimbabwe next summer.

Shabba Ranks was not available for comment.

Russians Eat Turkey Early This Christmas

0

 

“We thought we’d give Putin an early Christmas present so we shot down his plane over Turkey. After ten warnings what else is there to do but blow the plane from the sky,” one Turk said munching on a kebab.

It’s okay though because the pilots survived, they were rescued by ISIS where their parachutes landed. Oh shit!

Putin was not available for comment, he was too busy trying to keep his finger off the red button.

Oh Shit! Is this World War III?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Labour: Corbyn Better Than Miliband or Brown

0

 

“At least Jeremy Corbyn was voted in, that was not the case with Gordon Brown who shoehorned himself into the Labour leadership from Tony Blair without an internal election and was summarily voted out of office after his disastrous tenure as an unelected Prime Minister.

“Ed Miliband was a nightmare that never happened for British voters who thankfully saw through his façade on election day. Can you imagine five years under Miliband, Britain would be hell on earth?” a voter said on Sunday.

Corbyn, although portrayed as a loon by the media is actually forthright in his actions and speech, he has the demeanour of a man who just doesn’t give a shit, and really he doesn’t.

There is support for Jeremy Corbyn, simply because of the sheer number of disaffected, marginalised people there are in Britain today.

Labour really has a fighting chance in 2020 under Corbyn, as he exudes an inner strength that is unmatched by any other Labour candidate or for the most part any Tory on the current roster.

Would you vote for Jeremy Corbyn in 2020?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Lord’s Prayer Welcome in Cinemas

0

 

Odeon Cineworld and Vue chains, who control 80% of screens around the country, have refused to allow the Lord’s prayer to be aired as a sixty second advert because of a policy of not allowing political or religious advertising.

Dictating what can and can’t be broadcast, or message heard, is a crime in our view, and the Church has every right to be angry. We’re also with Dawkins on that one.

As a society, we should embrace freedom of expression in all its forms, even from those who we may staunchly disagree.

There should be civilised discussion of all subjects allowed in all forums of life, if not, then we ultimately depart from civility and enter a place of ignorance and dictatorship.

The Islamic Alters Within Europe

2

The word assassin derives from the Arabic ‘hashishiyyin’. Hasan ibu-al-Sabbah was the leader of an extremist hashish munching Islamic sect during the period of the Christian crusades, whose penchant for calculated murder of opponents was unrivalled.

Within Europe today many potential assassins are within our midst, some who do their job cleanly, and others who complete their jobs in a messy fashion for maximum money shot effect, but either way, these people have triggers, and their controllers are able to switch them on and off at will.

Psychological alters (alter egos) are embedded deep within the mind, where they can outwardly exhibit completely different personalities, but they have many multiple alters within their honeycomb minds, some parts not even aware that other parts exist.

The process of mind control usually starts from infancy, and religion is an excellent conduit although the best technique is trauma based. The Islamic religion is the most effective tool around today for perfect mind control, but Christians and other religious recipients are also very susceptible to mind control.

Trauma based mind control is a process of breaking down the individual’s mind into many parts through the amnesiac qualities of trauma. For example, if you are involved in a car crash, your brain will create an amnesiac barrier to the traumatic event so that you will not have to re-live the horrible event over and over again. Mind control experts utilise this same technique but with torture on the individual, breaking down the person’s mind then rebuilding it as they choose. The same variation is also used in military training of soldiers. Each soldier is broken down through intense training and controlled abuse. The controlling trainers then rebuild the soldiers’ minds training them to kill and complete tasks without question.

Religion is the most powerful conduit for mind control.

If you believe that Jesus walked on the water and his body floated up to heaven after he died, you have been brainwashed to some extent, and there are grown men and women around today who emphatically believe that Jesus was a supernatural being. These people still function in a seemingly normal manner in their jobs, their daily life yet were brainwashed from infancy to believe in something that is completely removed from reality, science, logic or physical possibility. Brainwashing is also generational, and is carried from the parents to the child.

There are thousands of innocent looking refugees walking into Europe right now, but to stigmatise those who are genuinely in need of help is wrong, unfortunately amongst the real refugees will be the alters. They will look as harmless and needy as the rest, they will have stories of horror, of hardship and war, but that will be their top visible layer, and not the multiple alters they hide so well. Only highly trained people or their specific controllers can detect the embedded parts of a functioning alter.

The process of training these people to be assassins and terrorists possibly takes years, and the mind control experts in charge know exactly how to manipulate their charges with intricate care.

There is an element of truth in mind control in popular fiction, for example in the Bourne Identity, there are prime examples of actual CIA processes utilised on agents, as well as Ian Fleming’s Bond character who does display many facets to his character of mind control.

Distinguishing the mind and the brain is of course an important factor in describing things, the brain is the property of the medical faculty and the mind is a concern of the psychoanalytical field, however when it comes to complete mind control, both elements are utilised to great effect sometimes with the use of drugs.

One can get Sirhan Sirhan, a loopy Palestinian immigrant to do things he never thought possible, especially when he has a complete blackout to the things he did afterwards, or how about getting some social misfit to go on a shooting spree, an excellent precept to calling for gun control. Get enough shooting sprees going, then everyone will be calling for it to stop.

Learning a linguistic set of words, your first spoken sentence, the process of learning is an indirect process of mind programming, because it establishes a given pattern that one must follow through symbols.

Fashion is a form of mind control, and people who follow fashion are dedicated to their narcissistic desire to follow others in the way they look. Followers of fashion think they are unique but this cannot be further from the sordid truth as they are really mindless followers.

What does a computer programmer do? First he has to be programmed himself, then once he has been programmed he can utilise his new found program to do some programming within the framework of the programming language.

Being in a football crowd at a game is a tribal form of mind control, even doing a Mexican wave at a game displays a certain hive like behaviour.

If you are reading this right now, or have come up to this point, well done. This article is not brainwashing you though, that is not the purpose of this article, but please email the editorial department detailing the bank transfer you are about to complete for as much as you can spare, let’s say a £1,000. Thank you.

Click.

The Death of Quality on the Internet

1

 

Well, we feel there is no appreciation of quality any more on the internet, all advertisers are looking for is visits, they do not look at the quality, insightful nature of the content.

You can have a potato on a plate on YouTube getting 560 million visits and millions of subscribers, and they will have full appreciation from the advertisers and sponsors.

Quantity does not necessarily mean quality and satire is something that holds testament to that fact. By not being able to measure quality, the internet controllers like Google and key advertisers are overlooking the many sites who offer something new, refreshing and insightful, they are consigning whole swathes of innovators into the dust bin of inequity surpassed by banal plastic meaningless, art-less shit, not fit for purpose but as a twenty second flick by a surfer.

Our site has been punished by the un-mentionables ever since its inception and sabotaged on many occasions because of its content, but we survived that and are still recovering although daily more hurdles are thrown our way. C’est la vie.

As we mention on our Satire page up top, satire really is the last bastion of free speech and we intend to stick to our guns through all the bollards, walls, and other nonsense thrown in front of us.

By stifling satire, humanity as a whole suffers because the dissemination of real truth is thus stifled and the narrative is one of totalitarian dystopia and dictatorial conformity.

Ad-blocking has hurt publishers, in fact so much that many have gone under, however, we could take these ads off tomorrow and we would really love to but how the fuck would we pay for the beer?

The Daily Squib from now on will solely be producing cat videos with Justin Bieber soundtracks.

End of rant…

America: Keeping Up With the Russians

0

The sheer scale of bombing in Syria by the Russians is outstanding. Just in the last few days the Russian sorties have taken out thousands of Jihadist sites, and with talk of landing 150,000 troops to clean up the job, there is a moment of disturbing silence as the Americans can only sit back and watch.

We saw some chummy behaviour with Obama at the G20 and there were even murmurs of Putin coming in from the cold although the reality of the situation is far from any sign of reconciliation.

Putin has taken Syria, America has lost Syria, that is the bare bones truth of the matter. Of course, Assad will be allowed to stay but his debt to Putin is unpayable, he will forever be Putin’s subjugate.

ISLAMIC STATE TERRITORY

The Americans who had Syria and Iraq firmly in their sights are now effectively locked out. What are they going to do, time has already passed and their chance to take the prize left with the dinner money? Obama’s recalcitrant tone of not following advice from his generals and military advisers to invade the fucker and get it over with have left the United States standing on the sidelines, a missed opportunity that does not bode well in the long term for American hegemony in the region as well as globally.

Where does Britain fit in with all of this? Fuck knows, and that’s a quote from David Cameron, who probably doesn’t even know what a hellfire missile is.

To see the scale of the Russian incursion into Syria we refer you to an excellent interactive map of the current conflict.

Phuc Dat Bich Always Welcome at the Squib

0

He may not be very welcome at Facebook after being banned countless times for the crime of having a unique name, but Phuc Dat Bich is always welcome at the offices of the Daily Squib because we like jokers.

“We would like to extend the red carpet out to Phuc Dat Bich, a man unjustly ostracised by social networking sites like Facebook who are so politically correct that they not only ban innocent pictures of proud mothers breastfeeding their babies but rather weirdly allow Jihadists to spread graphic videos of beheadings. Where’s the logic in that? Phuc Dat Bich!” our commissioning sub-par editor said today from the bath.

KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH