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Trump Tweet to Daily Squib Demands Removal of Interview

Alba Kirkee
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Trump Tweet to Daily Squib Demands Removal of Interview

Today, Trump tweeted to the Daily Squib that he wanted an interview we conducted in 2016 with him to be removed.

Let us say that it took us by surprise, especially when he called the lovely staff at the Daily Squib ‘assholes’.

Well, in defiance, no Sir, we will not delete the marvelous interview conducted by our chief reporter Labby Majora.

As a piece of journalism, the interview gives a full in-depth viewpoint into the world of Donald J. Trump, and we say this in a kind way, we did not intend to make you look like an ‘asshole’.

In fact, Mr. Trump, we would advise you yourself to step away from the keyboard because some of your twitter rants are not becoming of a president or very statesmanlike.

Why don’t you get an intern to do that stuff? Shouldn’t you be running the country or something? Maybe building a wall?

trump tweet

Our Chief reporter was frankly quite upset, and was found in the photocopy room masturbating viciously in disgust. Unfortunately, for that, he has now been relegated to mopping duties in the canteen.

To reiterate, no, sorry, we will not delete the wonderful interview of you Mr. Trump, because it is a segment of history, a small part of the puzzle piece, a plop in the toilet of journalistic license that should not be erased but instead applauded.

January Transfer Window: Could a Spurs Star be Heading to Old Trafford?

Alba Kirkee
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January Transfer Window: Could a Spurs Star be Heading to Old Trafford?

 

Danny Rose, one of the Premier League’s leading defenders, told The Sun during the summer that he had “one big contract left” and that “time is running out to win trophies”.

He also added: “I know my worth and I will make sure I get what I am worth.”

Although he soon apologised for his comments, it’s likely he still feels the way he does and is reportedly keen on moving back to the north to ply his trade – with Manchester United
looking to spend big to get him to Old Trafford.

Levy might have the reputation for being a tough man to negotiate with, but Spurs’ refusal
break their wage cap, although admirable, could be about to bite them.

The White Hart Lane men lost right-back Kyle Walker to Manchester City this summer for around £50m and are now firm title favourites, so expect Rose to command a similar fee and have a comparable impact, again swaying title odds for those who bet on football if United sign him.

Despite Luke Shaw returning to the starting fold recently and impressing against CSKA
Moscow as the Red Devils sealed Champions League knockout stage qualification, doubts
surround his future.

The former Southampton star has found it hard to get going in Manchester, due to devastating injuries and managerial worries about his attitude.

So, could Rose be a viable target for Jose Mourinho, with Shaw heading towards a January or summer exit?

United aren’t short of funds and will be ready to spend on players that could see them
overtake title rivals City.

United have already triggered the option of the one-year extension they hold on Shaw’s
four-year contract. This prevents to chance of losing him for nothing when he could become a free agent at the end of next summer.

Losing Rose could start a high-profile exodus at Spurs, as there’s only so long you can continually go trophyless and be paid what some players feel is under their market value.

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For instance, Dele Alli signed a new £50,000-a-week six-year deal in September last year,
but recently left his old agent in favour of a deal with the agency that represents Cristiano
Ronaldo. Alli could comfortably earn four times what he is paid by Tottenham by leaving
next summer for a Spanish giant or either of the elite Manchester clubs, which puts Levy in a difficult position. Eager to keep his talent, while remaining true to his strict financial plan,
may not be possible while Spurs build a new stadium.

After starting the beginning of the season with a knee injury, Rose has made just two Premier League appearances since coming back.

In fact, it appears the England international is firmly out of favour with Mauricio Pochettino, having either been on the bench of not in the matchday squad for five of Tottenham’s last seven league outings.

Could United snatch Rose away from the London club? Rumours certainly suggest Mourinho
would love to have the Doncaster-born left back starting for the Red Devils.

The Evil of Tony Blair Never Falters

Alba Kirkee
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The Evil of Tony Blair Never Falters

Here is a man who did not bat an eyelid when he invaded Iraq and oversaw the extermination of millions of people. His actions created a vacuum in the Middle East that is still raging on in Syria. For profit, Tony Blair murdered over a million humans in Iraq and Afghanistan, and yet he still shows his face today.

Blair is the face of pure evil, a festering blackness that is now trying to infect the Brexit proceedings, and his efforts to turn people against Brexit will only make them more resilient.

No! There will not be a second Referendum, Mr. Blair. You may consult with the enemy, you may dip your treasonous fingers in the murky waters of the EU Commission, however, your efforts will ultimately fail, as you have failed in life, your only salvation is a living death.

There will be no deliverance for Tony Blair, in this physical world or the one that follows. He may hide in his myriad of mansions paid for from the blood and tears of many, but he still will never find peace, or redemption for the evil he has sown in this world.

Let us pray for the dark soul that is Tony Blair, that it be thrown from this earth, and consigned to the deepest depths of darkness forever, to be forgotten and never repeated by another living person.

For this horrid, mangy excuse of humanity, Blair will never stop Brexit, as much as he will try with his other evil friends, like Peter Mandelson. There is no turning back the clock, the people voted on June 23, 2016, to leave the EU, and whatever happens now, we will leave the EU and forge our own destiny on the high seas.

No one wants to listen to Tony Blair anymore.

DreamShaper_v5_blood_on_ground_0
Tony Blair’s Iraq legacy

Moaning Luvvie and His Continual Last Film

Alba Kirkee
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Moaning Luvvie and His Continual Last Film

As luvvies go Daniel Day Lewis is top of the herd, and a truly celebrated actors actor, however he keeps having these moments of self-pity and declaring this is his last film.

“O woe is me, I am a celebrated actor, I act, I become the role. This was my last film,” he said in the previous film he acted in.

It must be such a chore, such a hurdle to be so celebrated, to be at the top of the actors pile, and this is the only way Mr. Lewis can cope with it.

Whether it’s working as a cobbler or spending long days in the mansion moping about his celebrated status, Daniel Day Lewis is just an over privileged pompous old fool who probably thinks the world revolves around his fat luvvie head.

Grow up man. If it’s your last ever fucking film, like the other ones, just go away without announcing it every time. What do you want, a fucking medal or something for doing something you profess to hate so much?

There are literally millions of wannabe actors who would drag their genitals over miles of broken glass to even get a position like Daniel Day Lewis, but here he is moaning into his champagne.

Why don’t you actually do something other than moping around and moaning? Not many people even know you exist?

 

BAD DEAL: Weak Theresa May to Pay EU Ransom 100 Billion Euros

Alba Kirkee
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BAD DEAL: Weak Theresa May to Pay EU Ransom 100 Billion Euros

Margaret Thatcher would have never bent over and got fucked by the EU, especially after their criminal ransom demands, but Britain is different today, and at its helm is Theresa May, who has capitulated to the erroneous demands of the EU and will be parting with 100 Billion euros of taxpayers money.

By playing a weak hand, Mrs May has consigned Britain to the dustbin of history, and ruined any sort of Brexit that voters voted for on June 23, 2016.

David Davies, the chief negotiator has not achieved anything, and neither have any Brexiteers within the Cabinet.

The money that will be thrown into the EU black hole will no doubt be spent on even more useless socialist projects, wasted on propping up the Greek failing economy or just given to poor beggar nations like Romania, Italy or Spain who are vastly in debt.

The advice to Mrs. May is to just shoot yourself in the head because you have condemned Britain not only to donkey status in the world, but to be laughed at for eternity.

This is what has happened to a country that won two world wars, once had a vast empire straddling the world, and commanded respect from other nations.

When Britain could have easily traded using WTO rules, and left without paying a penny, as told by WTO leader Roberto Azevedo, Theresa May has basically shit on this country, and shit on the millions of people who voted to get out of the EU.

London Mayor’s Gender Neutral Toilets Have Holes in Them

Alba Kirkee
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London Mayor’s Gender Neutral Toilets Have Holes in Them

More gender-neutral toilets should be built in public spaces to help trans and non-binary people feel more comfortable, according to Sadiq Khan’s new London Plan.

The mayor’s planning blueprint for London will build more public toilets across the capital, including in commercial developments, to reflect the diversity of the city.

The document, due to be published this week, will include guidance saying more toilets must be built in shops, leisure facilities and large public areas that are suitable for all users, including transexuals, homosexuals, cottagers, doggers, cis and non-binaries.

In a historic move, the London Plan also calls for the provision of gender-neutral toilets for trans and non-binary people.

Khan said he was concerned that some Londoners and visitors to the city are limited over where they can visit and how long they can spend somewhere because the capital does not have enough appropriate toilet facilities.

Glory Holes

“I have vowed to be a mayor for all Londoners so I am determined to ensure that everyone has the ability to enjoy our great city to its fullest,” he said.

“Toilets are a vital public service and can help to shape the experience of the capital for those who live here and for those visiting. When you walk into the new toilet cubicles there will be a hole in each wall. These holes are named in local slang as ‘Glory Holes’. We have incorporated a clean environment for all genders to conduct their business in a private, clean atmosphere.”

Mike Hunt, chief executive of Gloryhall, a charity for LGBT rights, said: “We’re pleased the mayor has used the London Plan to call on councils to create more gender-neutral toilets, and so help meet the needs of all Londoners and the city’s many visitors. Gender-neutral toilets are a practical solution for many people, for many reasons and it’s a powerful demonstration of acceptance that has benefits for everyone.

“But, the London Mayor has still come short, there is no mention of sauna facilities or massage beds.”

Women’s Rights campaigner, Virginia Mulch, commented about the gender neutral toilets, and said: “Women have wanted equal rights, and now we have them. We have to share toilets with men, transgenders and homosexuals. You can’t get better equality than that, can you?”

 

New Reality Show: ‘I’m a Celebrity Sex-Pest Get Me In There’

Alba Kirkee
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New Reality Show: ‘I’m a Celebrity Sex-Pest Get Me In There’

“Because of the current climate of celebrity perverts and sex abusers, the time seemed right to bring the show to viewers. We like to keep up with the times, and the other formats seem so tired and old now,” series producer, Bogart Menendez revealed.

According to the press release, Harvey Weinstein has already been signed up for a cool $2 million. He will be put into a jungle somewhere in Borneo clad only in a shower robe.

“We put the sex pest celebrity into the jungle, and within a 20 kilometre radius will be various young actresses dotted around. Obviously, Weinstein will be chasing these women, and it is their job to either flee outside the barbed wire electric fence perimeter or succumb to the greasy charms of Weinstein,” Menendez added.

Rated as X, the program will be aired at midnight, and still has to go through Ofcom’s strict regulatory restrictions.

Luckily for the actresses, if anything gets too heavy, they will have an assortment of weapons on hand to deal with the sweating, dribbling mass of Weinstein rearing up on them.

Each episode will have a different celebrity sex-pest. Already, quite a few names have signed up, and they’re all from Hollywood.

Royal Family Prepares Itself For Arrival of Creole Princess

Alba Kirkee
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Royal Family Prepares Itself For Arrival of Creole Princess

Prominent members of the royal family today posed for a photograph to commemorate the arrival of Prince Harry’s bride to be, Meghan Markle.

The fifth in line to the throne will marry Ms Markle in spring 2018.

The couple, who have been dating since the summer of 2016, did not attend the photo session in Buckingham Palace but instead posed for the press at Kensington Palace in London, where they will live.

Royal aides said that by donning afro hairstyles, the royal family are subtly saying ‘Yes, it’s okay to have a mulatto princess amongst the pure blue blood breeding pool’.

At one point during the photo session, the Duke of Edinburgh said something rather unsavoury about cannibals and spears, but it was luckily brushed under the carpet when Prince William coughed.

Prince Harry, has come a long way since the days of donning swastikas, and calling brown people ‘pakis’.

In a remarkable change of direction, the Prince now likes to talk about sensitive subjects like mental health, and his choice of bride is also an indication that his past is well behind him now.

Welcome to the 21st Century Royal family.

BREXIT: EU High Representative Joins Discussion With Theresa May

Alba Kirkee
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BREXIT: EU High Representative Joins Discussion With Theresa May

 

‘Bimbo’ is a six year old chimpanzee who is the High Representative for the EU Commission and specialises in EU law making as well as bananas.

Mrs May, the British PM in charge of Brexit talks asked Bimbo the chimp whether upping the Brexit ransom to £40 Billion would allow talks to go ahead regarding trade deals?

Bimbo said: “Ooh, aah, ahh!”

Astounded at the answer, the British PM capitulated, because she is weak, and said that Britain would of course throw in a few crates of bananas into the mix.

On hearing this news, Bimbo said excitedly: “Ooooooh! Oooooh! Aaaaaaah! Aaaaaah!”

The deal was sealed there and then much to the astonishment of everyone gathered.

EU Spokesman, Gunther Weisehaus, later told the press: “Bimbo achieved more in three minutes, than the whole blasted lot of overpaid apparatchiks at the EU Commission.”

Black Friday Pandemic Spreading Across Globe

Alba Kirkee
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Black Friday Pandemic Spreading Across Globe

This virus has no cure, it has no possible chance of a cure in the future, as it mutates every year getting worse and worse.

Spawning mainly in North America, where the dregs of humanity live in their consumerist driven dystopia, this virus has no boundaries to who it targets, the fat, the thin, the rich, the poor, anyone is susceptible to — GREED!

Yes, folks, that 55 inch 4k HDR TV you just trampled over some woman’s head to get, is the finest example of pure greed at work, and it is an unstoppable force, as it spreads far and wide.

The only distinction that this virus has is that in Sub Saharan Africa, the villagers trample over each other to get a bag of grain to feed their family from an aid agency; whereas in the West, the rabid hordes of greed driven infected trample over each other to get electronic items labelled as 70% off retail price.

BLACK FRIDAY FRENZY

It is not just the people scrambling in the stores who display this virus, i.e. the poor, but also the rich, who are the ones who fuel this greed virus. They are the ones behind the scenes who put on the sales, they are the ones who hype it for weeks before the event, and they are the ones who ultimately make vast profits from fuelling the unadulterated greed that envelopes whole cities, and communities.

Will there ever be a cure? No, because greed mutates, it spreads, it has no qualms about who it infects, it is not discriminatory, greed, greed, greed..

Since there are only two major emotions humans are controlled by — Greed and Fear.

One day it would be good to have a Black Friday where greed is not the master, but fear is.

For example, if you do not run away from that HD television in 10 seconds, you will be shot. An interesting reversal where the crowds run away from store sales as opposed to being attracted to them like the filthy greedy fucking rats they are.

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