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Good News: EU Has Change of Heart Lets Britain Go Without Ransom Payment

John Gaines
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Good News: EU Has Change of Heart Lets Britain Go Without Ransom Payment

 

Donald Tusk was cheery today after announcing the change of heart and end to ransom payments.

“I woke up this morning and thought to myself. What are we doing kidnapping the UK? We are holding them to ransom and all they want to do is to leave the European Union. We are not kidnappers, or Somali pirates, even though we have been acting like that for some time. This is ridiculous behaviour and by punishing them, we at the end of the day punish ourselves.”

EU Commission President, Jean Claude Juncker was also apologetic and even shed a tear during a press conference.

“The way I treated the British. I am ashamed of myself. Here is a country that saved Europe in WW2, and we are treating them like criminals, just because they want to leave the EU. I am sorry to Mrs. May for calling her an old bag, or was it a witch? Anyway, I would like to extend my profound grief at the way the EU attacks dogs have been treating the British. We are not Mafiosi, although we have acted like that. If the Brits want to leave, they should be allowed to do so without huge ransom payments, or punishment.”

Chief EU Brexit EU negotiator Michel Barnier, was also repentant of his awful treatment of the British.

“I am French. Yes, we dislike the British, and have for some time, however, I am extremely sorry for the way I have acted in trying to sabotage Brexit at every turn, and with my impossible demands of ransom money. The British do not owe us anything. Does Japan, which is not even in the EU, have to jump through so many hoops to trade with the EU? No! The same must be entreated to les Rosbif eating friends in Britain. From now on, I will be kind to you. Especially as it is you who liberated us cheese eating surrender monkeys in WW2 from our keepers, the dastardly Jerries.”

Huzza! Britain will leave the EU, the ECJ, and will not be held to ransom any more.

The Intrinsic Difference Between Satire and ‘Fake News’

John Gaines
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The Intrinsic Difference Between Satire and ‘Fake News’

Recently, satire, a literary genre which has been around for thousands of years, has been much maligned by the forces of ignorance, and of the endemic culture of fear spreading across the heavily controlled mass media.

To have satire labelled as ‘fake news’ by the apparatchiks and so-called holders of the ‘ultimate truth’ is laughable to any satirist, especially in its usage of the didactic grammatical form of literary nuance.

Fake News

Let us get this straight, the catch-all term ‘fake news’ was created during and after the Trump election in November 2016. Fake news was a term created most definitely by members of the American Democrat party as a reaction against Hillary Clinton losing the election to Donald Trump. Their claim was that the Russians skewed the election media by manipulating articles and media on social sites like Facebook and Twitter. The term ‘fake news’ was also utilised against any independent news source with a right wing conservative stance.

There is no doubt that Russian Troll factories were probably complicit in their role to destabilise, misinform, and spread their fake news throughout Western media. Here is the first distinction: Fake News is a tool used for propaganda purposes to destabilise other governments/ political factions or regimes by spreading blatant falsehoods. In both world wars, there was an abundance of fake news/propaganda used to try to sway views and opinions of the troops and general populace.

Satire

Satire, on the other hand, does not seek to maliciously destabilise or propagandise foreign governments in a militaristic intelligence driven sense. It does not work for clandestine government agencies in some bunker in Moscow, on the orders of the FSB, or Vladimir Putin.

Satire’s role is mainly as an entertainment vehicle to mock the foibles, hypocrisy and character of celebrities/politicians or institutions including their ideas, claims and proposals. Through the use of humour, parody, irony, sarcasm or exaggeration we expose the myriad of flaws or vices within these individuals or groups. We see everything through a macro and micro lens simultaneously.

The Daily Squib, for example utilises the more hard-hitting Juvenalian genre of satire. Horatian satire is more jocular, and we sometimes delve into the world of Horace, however our main focus is on Juvenal. The satire of Juvenal does not necessarily have to be funny or humorous, its main objective is to cut to the bone, to get to that ultimate truth however nasty it may look in the cold light of day.

ministry of truthThe truth! This is where true satire deviates from fake news further, because satire is based on the ultimate truth of any given subject, whereas fake news is made to completely mislead the target and sway them towards a lie or certain thought process benefiting an International or domestic agenda. The Daily Squib is akin to an unholy mirror that reflects daily topical discourse and reanimates it in a Luciferian light of ultimate truth.

As a satirist, I have found this thankless job more to be a way of life, filled with immense passion, creativity and dedication. Satire is to me High Art and yet The Daily Squib is continually punished monetarily and censored by almighty web authorities like Google and our site deleted from Google News feed for no reason other than hysteria. It has been nearly erased from search engines in 2013, but it fights on through adversity in the name of satire. We at the Squib have a devout allegiance to the spirit of Decimus Junius Juvenal, the Roman poet and satirist born some time in the first century AD. To see us, and other fellow satirists, who create satire daily so maligned by the term ‘fake news’ is an insult to such a renowned literary genre.

Naturally, the analysis could go on forever, however in the interests of lazy satirists who can’t be arsed to explain the obvious to misinformed, ill educated nincompoops, go read a copy of George Orwell’s satire 1984; to not only understand satire, but ‘fake news’ as espoused by the fake news peddling — ‘Ministry of Truth’.

Mugabe Democratic Election Into Obscurity Goes Well

John Gaines
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Mugabe Democratic Election Into Obscurity Goes Well

In another one of president Mugabe’s elections where democracy is strictly adhered to, the dictator and criminal who has stripped his country of its wealth for his own gain, has had a result he was not counting on.

The election, or military coup, to be more precise, ousted the tin-pot dictator and has put him under house arrest.

Speaking from his new prison, Mugabe was defiant that democracy had finally been served upon himself.

“All those previous rigged elections I presided over were proof that I was a ruthless dictator who often used violence against my own people to get what I want. I have a villa alongside Lake Como, Italy, I have numerous properties in Lake Geneva and several in other undisclosed areas. Along with my many Swiss bank accounts where I siphoned off literally billions whilst my people starved, I am adamant that the military coup committed against my terrifying regime is a just one.”

It is good to see that some form of order has finally arrived in Zimbabwe once more after many decades of the horrible Mugabe reign.

Mild Mannered Christians Proclaim Jihad On Greggs Bakery

John Gaines
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Mild Mannered Christians Proclaim Jihad On Greggs Bakery

Many formerly mild mannered Christians have taken to Britain’s High Streets in utter outrage that Greggs bakery supplanted a picture of Jesus in the Manger, for that of a sausage roll.

Reverend Miles Kettering, 62, was caught in the village of Bell End, Worcestershire, by MI5 operatives this morning in a dawn raid with two Kalashnikov machine guns and an assortment of home made bombs. It is believed he was getting ready to assault the local Greggs Bakery in the village.

Mavis Butterworth, 87, a regular church-goer at Bell End church, was shocked by the whole affair: “Reverend Kettering was to his flock a mild mannered good Christian who was very kind to us all. This is why it is such a shock. I fear, however, that the Greggs sausage roll pushed him over the edge.”

Meanwhile in Scratchy Bottom, Dorset, it is believed some choir boys from the local church had been brainwashed into wearing suicide vests and told by the congregation to target Greggs bakeries within a twenty mile radius.

“They were told that if they avenged the depiction of Jesus as a sausage roll they would all go to heaven and receive 72 piping hot sausage rolls for eternity,” Janice Frampton, 75, told the local newspaper.

Across Britain, many formerly mild-mannered Christians seem to have been triggered to act, as this sausage roll Greggs fiasco has spread across the media.

To counteract the possible attacks, Greggs has 24 hour armed guards standing outside each bakery, with concrete bollards and perimeter fences safeguarding the bakeries.

Researchers Grow Massive Frankenstein Brain in Lab For First Time

John Gaines
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Researchers Grow Massive Frankenstein Brain in Lab For First Time

A research team in Germany have managed to grow massive brains of human and ape genetic sources from scratch to find out the inner workings of the mind and development cycle in a lab environment.

The researchers have managed to trick white blood cells from humans and apes to form stem cells and grow into vast complex versions of brains known as brains.

Neuroscientist Maximilian Gesundheit, director of the Einstein Foundation Genius Research Initiative, has said the mega brains have helped scientists to get a much more in-depth understanding of the human brain.

He said: “Our first brain grew to the size of a Volkswagen Beetle.

“It was huge, and it pulsated. This living brain even tried to escape the lab at one point.”

The Frankenstein lab brains can grow for several weeks and sometimes up to a year, meaning the researchers are able to compare how a human brain is different to those of apes.

50 cent

“We even consulted American rapper 50 Cent for a sample of his living tissue to grow a brain. At first the brain grew with limited intelligence capability and size, until we administered stem cells from humans. It was incredible. Somehow the inferior cells were superseded and taken over by the superior cells administered,” neuroscientist Gesundheit added.

The remarkable experiments open up new doors for neuroscientists and could help lead to important scientific advancements.

Gunther Fischface, director of the George W Bush Institute for Psycholinguistics, said: “We’ve been a bit frustrated working so many years with the traditional tools.”

He added: “Now, we have these massive fucking brains that are helping us to understand which genes are important and which genes are just pure junk.”

Although the lab brains have only been growing for less than two years, already the scientists have discovered that the human brain’s early development is why it is able to grow much larger in size and capacity at later stages.

The human lab brains took nearly 50 per cent longer than their ape counter-parts to undergo their early development.

The discovery could help the researchers understand why humans have better memory, attention, awareness, language, and thought.

However, experts have warned that the results of these peculiar experiments do not necessarily give the full picture.

Ryan Fulchester, a geneticist at the University of Washington in Seattle, said: “When I visited the lab, I patted the mega brain and it did this massive gooey brain fart all over the floor.”

The scientists’ discovery is just the first step in understanding why human brains are so fucking complicated.

5 Amazing HTML5 Games to Play Right Now

John Gaines
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5 Amazing HTML5 Games to Play Right Now

Online games are a great way to escape boredom and people are spending hours playing these addictive games based on the innovative HTML5 technology.

This technology eliminates the need to download games and provides dazzling visual effects.

The HTLM5 technology allows developers to create games across various platforms and incorporates many exciting features such as Canvas and audio elements.

While app stores are an excellent reservoir for discovering various apps, HTML5 has had a
significant impact on social discovery.

It has become a tool to connect with other users on a busy day.

Also, HTML5-based games help conserve battery life by eliminating the need to download
and store games.

In this article, we will provide a review of the top HTML5 games that are soaring on popularity charts right now.

1. HexGL:

The HexGL is a fast-moving game built on the HTML5 technology. The idea is to control a
spaceship using your keyboard and touchscreen. This game also supports a leap motion
controller. You can speed across galaxies in an ultramodern jet car. Also, you can boost the speed and go as fast as you want. This impressive game has been created by Thubaut Despoulain, a computer engineering student in France.

2. Gonzo’s Quest:

This game is an exciting and fun way to enjoy your free time. Gonzo’s Quest by Karamba
revolves around the search for a hidden treasure. The player seeks the treasure through free spins. You can play this innovative game using the casino’s money, and you can cash out your winnings at the end of the day. This sophisticated game allows you to make money on the side while enjoying the best of online gaming.

3. Clash of Vikings

The Clash of Vikings is a game that is sure to test your strategic skills. In this game, the aim is to defend your towers from enemy attacks while trying to launch an offensive against the opposing side. The USP of this game is the stunning graphics and enthralling storyboarding. You can use soldiers and spells such as Brute, the powerful sorceress, and balls of fire amongst others to defend your kingdom.

4. Escape from Aztec:

This fast-paced game involves saving your life from the angry King Aztec whose treasure you have stolen. Now, you have to run for dear life and navigate your way through time-worn ruins, gaping holes, and various other obstacles. The goal is to avoid deadly traps and collect coins to buy upgrades. You can get even farther in this game if you use boosters.

5. Funny Faces:

Funny Faces is a game that will test your memory skills to the hilt. In this game, the player is shown a series of faces which are supposed to be reconstructed in a given timeframe. While this sounds simple, it is challenging to recount the details of every face shown. This intriguing game involving recalling graphic details is ideal for kids and adults alike.

West Entering New Puritanical Age

John Gaines
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West Entering New Puritanical Age

Millenials, the New Puritans, do not like to have fun, do not have sex, do not drink, do not do drugs, do not swear, and do not condone free speech. Instead, these miserable excuses for human beings prefer to stay in their safe spaces and display their outrage of anything masculine or fun from the safety of their couches on Twitter. This applies to male, female, transgender, cis, non binary or whatever Millenials.

Naturally, this puritanical behaviour is backed up by the left-leaning social networks and the major media networks in America, as well as the BBC in Britain. Google, for example, which went from an all encompassing, all accepting entity during the early years of the net, is now a pseudo-Orwellian Marxist puritanical anti free-speech, anti-art PC monstrosity that dictates puritanical leftist rules to everyone through its octopus grip over the whole internet.

Soviet Puritan Cancer

The puritanical behaviour is mostly seen in the rise of Third Wave Feminism, which is an extreme level of hatred of men. What we are seeing here is not a push for equality, but for superiority over men, and in most cases, the complete emasculation and eradication of men from this earth.

The demonisation of anything masculine, behavioural or otherwise, is seen in the daily, weekly, monthly witch hunts against men. Of course there are some men who have genuinely behaved badly, however when it gets to tarring every man with the same brush, where every action a man does is scrutinised analysed, then condemned, we are reaching impossible levels of feminism that completely abhors anything a man does and actively encourages  emasculation inciting back lashes, and possible civil unrest.

The utterly boring banal selfie-taking narcissistic lives of these puritans is a terrible vision of not only our immediate future as a race but a terrifying glimpse into the far future.

Eventually the puritan Millenials will be the generation running the show, and in 30-40 years time, life on earth will be even more of a puritanical nightmare. One can imagine these emotionless, sexless, characterless Googlebot android people roaming the streets looking for anyone who is happy and is having fun. Their microchipped brains linked to the hive mind, they analyse your every feature, your social network past, and your private details before making a decision and marching you off to a Google/Facebook reconditioning camp.

These are people bereft of any life, of any soul, and they have no idea about freedom, privacy or just having a good fucking time. These soulless sad people will live and die an empty life without having experienced one percent of what life could offer, they are walking corpses, cancerous tumours upon humanity, they are awful pitiful creatures who can only be cured by a bullet in the head, such is the level of their Marxist programming.

Carving Up the Turkey This Christmas Will Be Fun

John Gaines
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Carving Up the Turkey This Christmas Will Be Fun

When Christmas comes, turkey won’t be the only bird you’ll see carved up but the weak blanched torso of Theresa May replete with designer shoes and the massive dark bags under her startled dead eyes.

The weak, ineffectual, incompetent corpse of Theresa May is still barely walking the hallowed halls of the House of Commons and Number 10, but for how long? Can the country take any more incompetence, disregard for Brexit, and utter complacency to the serious issues of the country.

The blundering mess of May, especially when dealing with the Priti Patel affair proves to many how weak May’s position is, and how the crumbling edifice of her prime-ministership is sinking into the mire daily.

Gone before Christmas, these are the whispers heard in the dark halls of Westminster and in the drinking holes. May’s biggest mistake was appointing Hammond as Chancellor of the Exchequer and the myriad of waffling statements she has made about her vision of a watered down Brexit which would actually not be a Brexit if she had it her way.

As the knives go in to carve up the Christmas turkey of Theresa May, there will be squeals of delight and anticipation by the dinner table as everyone asks ‘what happens next?’.

One can only hope that a competent former Mayor of London, keen cyclist and latin orator takes the helm of the ship and lets it set sail to the true promised land. Aut Caesar aut nihil.

Why Pretty Patel Should Not Be Sacked

John Gaines
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Apparently Pretty Priti Patel is about to be sacked by Theresa May because of some weird mix up over talking to the Israelis.

Surely this cannot be so? It is quite clear that Priti Patel, a very capable MP and Vote Leave campaigner should not get the sack because she was told to keep the information hush hush by the peeps up on high, and she was just pandering to their wishes.

The main reason for not sacking Pretty Patel is because she is quite the pretty one, and to lose such prettiness from the Cabinet would be sad to say the least.

She looks pretty here, she looks pretty there, and there should be more pretty female MPs, but under the current PC climate, one must not dare go any further, and even calling Priti Patel pretty could get one in all sorts of trouble.

So, to concisely put the point forward, please do not sack pretty Priti Patel, with those perfect pretty dimpled cheeks, and her perfect pretty face, because she is in the words of Larry David, ‘pretty, pretty, good’.

Advantages of Free Mobile Games

John Gaines
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Advantages of Free Mobile Games

Mobile casino games are versions of games found on online casinos (online casino gaming)
modified to be enjoyed on mobile devices.

The most obvious advantage of online casino games are that you can play the games on the go.

Wherever you are, you can enjoy your favourite mobile games as long as you have Internet access.

You can now turn long boring queues and events into an epic skill enhancement adventure on your mobile device.

Being able to play anywhere means you get a lot of practice.

The game time you put in will inevitably result in an increase in your experience level.

The more experienced you are the more likely you are of developing strategies that work and becoming a regular winner if you were to bet using money.

You do not have to end a winning streak because you have to move away from the computer. You can continue to ride it out on your mobile device anywhere you are.

Most mobile casino games come with bonuses that are not available to the desktop player.

Real money online casinos are now offering an extra bonus which is only accessible if you are playing on a mobile device.

Playing games on touch a screen is way more comfortable and easier than playing on a desktop.

You can check any casinos online for types of mobile casino games. Online games are no
exception. Mobile devices do away with all that tedious clicking.

Games look better on mobile devices because they are designed to fill the entire screen.
Although mobile games are relatively new you can rest assured the mobile gaming experience is only going to get better.

If you have not yet joined the mobile gaming frenzy you are definitely missing out on a wonderful experience.

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