On her latest trip to Strasbourg for an EU meeting on mass unfettered migration into the Schengen zone, Chancellor Angela Merkel was caught up in a rather embarrassing situation.
“The Chancellor was dropped off and was making her way to her train platform when she was greeted by a number of migrant men washing their feet and other body parts from a tap on the main concourse,” Merkel’s attache, Hans Gruper, told Bild.
The Chancellor was immediately embarrassed by the situation and tried to sneak past the collection of men washing.
At one point, a man pulled down his trousers and proceeded to wash his anus with nothing more than his hand and cold water.
One onlooker found the event quite amusing.
“I saw Merkel holding her breath as she attempted to sneak past the group, but the sight of the man’s anus being washed in front of everyone was too much, even for the Chancellor. Of course, it is not the fault of the migrants, this is how they live in their culture and are not fazed by such actions, but in Germany it is not normal or civil behaviour.”
Chancellor Merkel did eventually catch her train to France, albeit with a little trauma on the way.
Since the massive influx, in Europe it is quite common to see such displays in public places.
In a recent tabloid interview, Mr Javid said he was standing outside Euston station when the moped thugs rode on to the pavement.
They deposited a large Zombie knife deep into his head and zoomed off, he said, which left him “angry and upset”.
He said he is now working on a review to give police more power to pursue moped murderers and thugs.
“Before I knew what was happening, this large Zombie knife was embedded firmly in my brain,” said Mr Javid, who was appointed home secretary in April, becoming responsible for the UK’s policing and security.
Speaking of the incident, which happened last Tuesday, he said: “I was angry and upset but thought myself lucky they did not steal my precious iPhone or Rolex watch as have many who fall prey to these vicious criminals.”
His revelation comes days after unfunny ‘comedian’ Michael McIntyre was robbed by men on a moped in north-west London.
Home Office proposals announced this month aim to ban the sale of the weapon of choice of these moped thugs — Zombie knives.
The new Home Office rules will also give police powers to pursue criminals if they have committed a crime.
“If someone commits a crime and police want to pursue them, they should be allowed to.”
Meanwhile in London, it is all too easy to acquire hand guns, sold for as little as £50 a piece in most pubs, and even though Zombie knives are now banned as well these can easily be found in any open market for £10.
Theresa May frankly is not capable of negotiating her way out of a paper bag let alone a proper Brexit as voted by 17.4 million people. Concession after concession has left the government with no negotiating power with Brussels, and is now swamped not only by the House of Lords, but by traitorous Remainer MPs on the Soros payroll.
These greedy treacherous swine Haw Haw Remainers, who are willing to betray Britain for a few quid are vile miserable creatures only fit for the stocks, to be displayed to all and sundry as rotten tomatoes and excrement are thrown at their ugly putrid faces.
The devil’s daughter has thus spawned another batch of slimy eggs from her overworked puckered anus, as she delivers another Remainer plot to derail Brexit with a disgusting squishy popping sound. Soubry, a militant treasonous satanic witch deserves only one thing, to be punted full force in her grime box.
Maybe it is time to punish the useless Conservatives once and for all. No one dared to oust the pigeon liver’d lying coward with no backbone May, even though she has shown countless times to be a retrograde abhorrent Remainer not worthy of a squirt of piss from a pig’s straining bladder.
Punish them – Vote Corbyn
Vote for Jeremy Corbyn. Never vote for the Tories again. Yes, this would be the ultimate punishment not only for those who messed up a clear and easy opportunity to leave the EU once and for all but for the country which will fall into deep economical malaise once Agent Cobb begins his Bolshevik revolution.
To coin a Burke cliche, ‘All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.’ Certainly, this has been the case. Where was Boris? He jibber jabbered but did nothing apart from tout useless bridge projects across the Irish sea. Same goes for the Reese-Mogg, IDS and Farage, and Gove, and Davis. They were all talk but no substance, they blabbered like little old ladies around a knitting circle but did fuck all. You Sirs, with the utmost disrespect have been useless, because Theresa May is still PM, and she has fudged the whole Brexit debacle into a maelstrom of unworkable manure, a quagmire of intersecting Remainer plots all culminating at the Remainer Treasury held by that glib fustilarian miserable wart, Hammond.
Let us all now vote for Jeremy Corbyn, the ultimate insult to the nation, and deserved punishment that will destroy Britain forever. Let the riots begin, from town to town, rubbish stacked high in the streets, discontent, looting and anarchy.
This is no Brexit Theresa May is setting up, in fact, Britain will be worse off, and still tied to the EU for eternity. Do not dare to even call it a Brexit, it is a Brino — Brexit in Name Only.
As former president and token black president Obama sat on his haunches for eight years whilst twiddling his Marxist agenda around, Trump has achieved economic success, and something no other U.S. president could achieve — a peace treaty with North Korea.
Now that Kim Jong Un has come in from the cold, the Democrats are very silent…apart from Robert De-Niro who yesterday said the eloquent words ‘Fuck Trump’. What happened to Bobby eh, he was great in the early days, Deer Hunter, King of Comedy, Taxi Driver, Mean Streets, Goodfellas, Casino, Heat, but now he has turned into some sort of sap who can only make threats to a president who is actually moving mountains and get parts in shit movies like The Intern. Who would have thought, De Niro’s politics were that of a red commie bastard? What a fucking douche.
Over in old Blighty, we wish we had half the leadership of Trump, instead we are being led by a grey old boot Remainer with no fucking balls, no guts or charisma. Theresa May is a wet diarrhoea spillage not worthy of anything but the glue factory where they send old forgotten nags to get processed. She is a dead rotting carcass with no life, no chutzpa, no plan, and has wrecked Brexit simply because of her insipid lifeless non-personality, her purposeful stalling, and her treasonous Remainer appointees.
What did Obama achieve apart from introduce a failing health care system into America that is costing people way more for way less treatment? Obama lost the Ukraine to Russia. Obama spent trillions of U.S. taxpayers money on useless socialist pet projects that have doomed future generations of America to vast un-payable debt. When Obama was elected U.S. debt was 9 trillion, at the end of his eight year reign it was 23 trillion dollars.
Where is Barack Hussein Obama now? Who fucking cares? Him and his horrid cantankerous moose beast of a wife can rot in obscurity and Oprah appearances.
Trump has done more for African Americans than Obama ever did. He has brought massive employment to blacks, and also is not agitating the racial situation, something that Obama and his pal Soros tried to do during his evil term of office. The constant riots and agitating, the race baiting, was all Obama, who encouraged African Americans to riot pushing racial disharmony and hatred of white Americans.
History has spoken and Donald Trump has Trumped Obama a thousand times over.
As for Nobel Peace prizes, if Trump does not get one for his achievement in North Korea, then it is a flawed, biased prize, because Obama only got the prize for the colour of his skin, and he achieved nothing during his tenure.
What’s left for Trump now? Well, we got the wall, the trade war to make things fairer, a possible Iran incursion and cleaning out the Marxist agitators from internal governmental operations, amongst many other projects in the pipeline.
Bravo Trump, balls of fucking steel. On the other hand, what does this mean for the world order? How will N. Korea fit into the Trump World Order? Could there be a disturbance in the Force?
Men have been continually attacked, vilified and made into third rate citizens for decades by the media, feminists and general anti-male #metoo one woman agenda.
It comes as no surprise then that men are just leaving women alone, because in the end men cannot win if they help a woman or leave them alone.
No doubt, this is what happened in a recent incident in the London Underground when a woman was attacked verbally and physically by a mentally unstable nutter. The two men in the carriage casually walked off into the adjoining carriage leaving the woman alone with her attacker.
There is little cause for modern feminist women to be alarmed by this, because it is a hole dug solely by themselves as they have alienated men to such a level that men are going their own way, and leaving women alone to get on with it.
The chivalrous male still lives on only in the imagination, because to open a door for a woman is seen as a serious sexist chauvinist act, and to protect a woman in this day and age can lead to men being prosecuted for sexist outrage, let alone daring to compliment a woman on her looks.
One cannot even ask a woman out on a date, or her phone number without being dragged through the courts, or feminist friendly newspapers. The media is now chock block full of articles where innocent men are charged with rape when in the past it would be labelled as bad fumbling uncommunicative sex.
The #metoo generation is one of thug rule, of judgement and sentence before fair trial, of alienating men to such a level that repair of the damage meted on relations with the opposite sex are nigh on impossible.
It is to this sorry end, that many men now leave women alone even when they see a female being viciously attacked.
This is what Third Wave Feminism has created and this is the lonely bed women must now lie in.
The President of the United States, Donald Trump was told off for doing a series of large shits on one of the G7 summit tables during a luncheon.
Much like a puppy has to be broken in, the summit leaders, Angela Merkel and French President Macron, along with Canadian PM Justin Trudeau told the American president off for his big smelly turds, which attracted large bluebottle flies into the luncheon room.
German Chancellor, Angela Merkel scolded the Donald for ‘doing a very very bad thing, mein gott!’ and even threatened to rub his nose in it as a lesson.
Watched by other G7 summit attendees, even the Japanese PM balked at the disgusting display, upturning his nose when the smell hit his nostrils.
The incident occurred during luncheon, when all the delegates were sitting at their tables, and the food was served.
“We had just been served the first course of celeriac risotto, toasted buckwheat, truffle, Chanterelle mushrooms, rosemary and celery leaf when Mr. Trump stood up, undid his trousers and pulled down his Y-fronts. He then positioned his large buttocks over the plate and these large turds came out of his asshole as he grunted with gusto. He seemed to find it pleasurable as his eyes rolled up showing only the whites as large pieces of excrement flopped unceremoniously onto the table and plate. The smell hit us immediately and some delegates vomited. Mr. Trump giggled like a little boy as he wiped his messy ass with the expensive cloth napkins, even grabbing Theresa May’s napkin when finished with his one,” a shocked Canadian PM Trudeau recalled.
After the display, the delegates crowded around Mr. Trump to tell him off and tried to educate him in the ways of G7 summit etiquette.
Political commentator and psychologist, Bernard Ernst, examined Trump’s behaviour and tried to rationalise it afterwards.
“Mr Trump is a primal animal. This is the way he showed his displeasure, by taking a big shit on the table. It is obvious that he does not approve of events at the G7 summit, and what he also did was to designate the area as his territory, much like a dog does with urine and excrement.”
It remains to be seen whether Mr. Trump will be invited back to the next G7 Summit.
Under the careful apathetical watch of London Mayor Sadiq Khan, London’s murder rate is now triple of Bogota or Cartagena.
Tourists who are keen to experience this phenomenon are travelling to London to encounter the murder first hand.
Juan Motola, 43, from Fort Lauderdale, USA, is fascinated by grim tales of the city’s past: “I would read about Jack the Ripper and what he did in the East End when I was a kid. I always imagined the cobbled streets of London amongst the fog and flashes of knives as a poor lady of the night was gutted and left for all to see. I’m coming to the death capital this time to see it all first hand.”
Tourists don’t need to buy expensive tickets to the London Dungeons, or Madame Tussauds, because the real action is on the streets.
Stewart Penrose, a crime consultant reveals the best times to get murdered in the city, as well as the prime spots for a quick dispatch.
“You don’t want to come onto the streets at rush hour in the morning from 7am to 10am. The reason for this is that the Afro Caribbean gangs who commit most of the crime don’t have jobs, and are usually still in bed. If you want a good stabbing, walk the streets after about midday, and of course the night time is the best for getting shanked or chopped by a machete. Don’t forget to flash your Rolex watch or expensive camera wherever you go, this will quicken your demise considerably. South of the river is now the best place to go to get murdered. It’s like the Wild West.”
Because there are no police on the streets of London anymore, thanks to the London Mayor’s orders, violent crime has risen as much as by 80% in some areas.
Tourist Abel Dannon, from France arrived in London on a Tuesday, and had been murdered by Wednesday his brother revealed.
“He was sad about breaking up with his girl. He bought a one way ticket to London, and we wondered why. According to reports, he was seen walking down Croydon High Street holding up job application leaflets. The last I heard was it was a quick death for him. About twenty thugs descended upon him with machetes. People just stepped over his mangled body for hours.”
Indeed, murder now is so common place that many bodies scattered on the streets are routinely ignored.
“It’s just another day in a Labour run city. I had to step over four bodies and a severed hand this morning on the way to work. Luckily I did not spoil my suit,” Stockbroker, Giles Mathers, revealed in the Evening Standard newspaper.
This year’s prestigious Bilderberg meeting will be held in the beautiful city of Turin nestled deep in the Italian countryside.
The vistas of the city and its renowned architecture will satisfy the attendees from the delicately decorated roof gardens where we will convene after the meetings in the evening.
To say it is a great honour to be invited would be an understatement, but after our recent Kissinger interview it was somewhat expected.
At the moment, I’m trying to figure out what to take in my little bag (not the old lady) to the luxurious hotel we have been booked in. Sorry mes amis, but I cannot divulge the location, but will give you a few tips. It is relatively close to the Royal Palace, and a 5-minute walk from Piazza Vittorio Veneto, it is however near a grotty shopping centre, not that delegates will do much walking.
Valentino Castle – former residence of Royal House of Savoy.
As with regulations, on pain of death, I cannot say much more.
All this tosh about groups of young ladies being escorted into the rooms is something I can say does not happen. You only get to choose one or two for the night, not more than three much to my chagrin, and there is a pecking order, hopefully no sloppy seconds or thirds.
George ‘7 Jobs’ Osborne and other Remoaners will be attending, they seek to fight the populism encroaching on their territory, and I will be the dissenting voice of reason to their avarice and greed.
The food presented to the delegates will no doubt be something to be savoured. Last time I was in Turin I thoroughly enjoyed the Piemonte cuisine, especially from a restaurant situated within the grounds of Rivoli castle itself, yes it only has a single Michelin star, but the food was unspeakably agreeable to my palate. The Fassona fillet is certainly one reason to get back there, you can practically die for such delights.
All these conspiracy theory nutcases and their tinfoil hats have got it all wrong. Alex Jones and his demented website with his rabid evangelical Christian fanatics can all go and swivel on Satan’s bulbous erect helmet for all I care.
This is why, we’re giving you prior news right now dear reader of one point four, because there will most probably be a news blackout from the Squib lasting for a day or two depending on how much good stuff I consume.
When it is time to get back to the murder capital of the world, bad old Londinium, the inane nonsensical stories will no doubt resume.
There you have it, you have all been priorly warned.
On a book tour in Harlem, New York, the former president, Bill Clinton revealed why he is fully backing the #MeToo man-hating agenda which has turned into a mob ruled witch hunt of anything masculine.
“When I allegedly raped those women who claimed I allegedly raped them, I did it with their full consent…allegedly. It’s of course their #MeToo right to claim I raped them, but I was too balls deep at the time to even think about anything. You know when you’re moving inside, it just feels like home to me, you lose all track of time or anything from the sheer pleasure, there ain’t nothing wrong with doing it, so I got no need to apologise for something that feels so goddamn right. As a #MeToo campaigner, I say to these women, I say, “Me too” I know how it feels when people don’t believe a word you say is true. I never lied a day in my life.”
During the book signing, a woman who looked suspiciously like Monica Lewinsky, smoking a long soaking wet cigar, was in the line awaiting a signed copy of the book, she was replete in a blue dress with many crusty white stains all over the front and back.
One woman in the queue said she smelled of stale semen and Havana, and complained to the publisher’s assistant who was attending the signing.
“I’m not sure what her game was, but I called her out, and when she saw she was rumbled she quickly fled the store in tears,” the woman from New Jersey said.
Hissssssssssssss
Just at that moment, there was a hissing sound which filled the whole room causing everyone, including Bill Clinton to turn around.
The horrific sound emanated from Hillary Clinton who turned up wearing a scarf over her thick overcoat in the 90 degree heat, stumbling all over the floor, her eyes seemed to not have any control in where they looked. At one point, one eyeball looked to left whilst the other went right.
One spectator was traumatised by the sight.
“I saw Hillary hissing in anger. Like with real venom. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. She had seen Monica in the queue and got off her wheelchair much to the concern of her physician. Her tongue was long, it fluttered and flickered like a lizard or snake’s. She went towards Bill full of rage, but luckily was stopped when she fell flat on her face and knocked herself out completely.”
It’s safe to say that Bill Clinton and co. have landed precipitously in the #MeToo generation with an almighty squishy bang!
Every four years during the summer, the number of ‘unauthorised absences’ at UK businesses suffers a sharp upturn. This head-scratching anomaly is made even more curious by the fact that the four-year cycle matches the four-year circle of the FIFA World Cup, precisely.
Of course, in reality this convergence of sickies and football is not too hard to understand, and a recent survey held by the football tipping site FootballTips.com had revealed that workers in the UK are not exactly abashed to admit that they ‘play hookey’ during the four weeks of the world’s greatest sporting tournament.
Naturally, one of the main joys of sneaking off work during the World Cup Finals is getting away with it scot-free – but if you’re tempted to miss work to watch Panama take on Tunisia during this year’s finals, then don’t rest on your laurels that you’re going to get away with it. Out of the 2,203 people aged eighteen and over questioned by FootballTips, 41% of them said they’d been hauled in front of their bosses for a dressing down over their absenteeism.
The first question asked in the survey was “How many days will you take off work to watch the World Cup this year?”. The average answer was a whopping seven days, but when asked how many of these absences would be unauthorised, that figure dropped to four. Hopefully you’re asking yourself where are these companies that allow employees to take three ‘authorised’ absences just to watch football.
Survey respondents were also asked if they had taken time of work to watch the 2014 World Cup, and 68% of them said that they had, and, as mentioned above, 41% of those who took time off for the football found themselves in trouble for doing so.
If you need to find some quick bogus excuses for time off during this year’s finals, note that ‘a doctor’s appointment’ was the most popular reason given by employees for a World Cup sickie at 32%, with a straightforward ‘I’m too ill to work’ next at 20%. Winning the third-place play-off is ‘a family emergency’ at 17%.
Calculating the cost the World Cup makes to the UK economy is no easy task, but if we take that 44.5 million people watched the 2014 World Cup in the UK, and that 43% of them were in full-time employment, that gives a workforce of 19 million people. If each took seven days of seven hours off at a rate of around £14 per hour, that gives us (19 million x 7 x 7 x 14) £13 billion in lost revenue.
A spokesman for FootballTips, Tom Rooney, said “The World Cup is of course a hugely important time for many of us living in the UK, even though England usually do terribly. It is surprising how many people plan to take time off to watch the games, especially as over half of this time is likely to be unauthorised. If you do plan to pull a sickie instead of going to work, at least avoid posting anything on social media!”
Let’s hope for the UK’s economy that England don’t go and win the 2018 version of the tournament, else the total money lost could become astronomical!
