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Dead Horse Unable to Flog Dead Horse

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Not even fit for the glue factory, Theresa May is now attempting to sell her awful deal for the fourth time, but this time has cast aside all aspersions of it being a Brexit because she wants Britain to stay in the Customs Union permanently, thus making the whole sham an even worse bodge up than her other pathetic BRINOs.

How long can this madness go on? What does it take for this godawful wretch of a woman with no dignity left in her awful looted lying soul to get the bloody message that no one wants anything to do with her deal, or with her anymore.

Cue the highly embarrassing tawdry parade of Tory EU MEPs holding a press conference with no audience in the room apart from one press photographer who captured the miserable looks on those sacrificial lambs before they are sent out to slaughter.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, and Theresa May is frankly not just insane, but it seems very stupid and naive as well. Yet, not one Tory has stood up to her, or ousted her from turning the Conservative party into a laughing stock. Of course they have their reasons, Corbyn, a name that comes to mind, and the fear that a real Brexiteer could take the reins.

As for pushing this rehashed monstrosity through parliament, good luck with that. Which self respecting Tory would vote for it, especially when May went behind the Conservative party’s back to court the anti-semitic Labour party?

For their failure in ousting May earlier, the Tory party deserves everything it gets from now on, and that’s a good kicking in the nether regions, followed by another mass exodus of voters and MPs.

Get Ready For Wimbledon 2019

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Get your strawberries and cream out because we’re coming up to the Wimbledon 2019 tennis season.

Andy Murray, although keyed into retire could be making an appearance for some doubles to celebrate his Wimbledon career, despite suffering from a debilitating hip injury.

Djokovic and Kerber are the current defending champs and we are keen to see if they will keep their Wimbledon crown this year. Of course, Roger Federer will probably make a come back in 2019 but will have to beat Djokovic and Nadal to pull through.

The excitement does not however end there, you can always find a way to find out how to bet on the tennis to further spice up your viewing enjoyment.

One thing is for sure, this year will be another tremendous Wimbledon season, and we can’t wait till it begins in earnest. There is a mood of real burgeoning anticipation this year, and the betting possibilities are immense. Now is the time to analyse the player statistics and to make those forward bets before the odds change.

Other upcoming players that could threaten the Djokovic crown are:

Dominic Thiem
At World No. 4 and aged 25, Thiem is in his sporting prime, and has a long way to go till he finds his best form. His latest title in Barcelona came at the expense of home favourite Nadal and he denied Federer a sixth title at Indian Wells in March proving he is certainly capable of upsetting the best on their favourite surfaces.

Alexander Zverev
Current World No. 3 is this 22 year old German. Winning nine ATP titles in the last two seasons. Notable for beating both Federer and Djokovic in the ATP finals in London last year.

Daniil Medvedev
Medvedev is one player to watch for, as he has the same makeup as Djokovic. He could definitely pull out some tricks from his tennis bag this season to prove his ground.

The Wimbledon prize pot will also see an increase of 11.8 percent and total £38 million ($49 million) for this year’s championships.

The men’s and women’s singles champions will receive £2.35 million ($3.06 million) each — £100,000 more than the previous year.

There are only five Brits in the top 200 rankings:

31. Kyle Edmund

41. Cameron Norrie

77. Dan Evans

159. Jay Clarke

169. James Ward

 

Wimbledon 2019 Dates

The tournament will run from Monday 1 July to Sunday 14 July.

Women’s singles quarter-finals: Tuesday 9 July

Men’s singles quarter-finals: Wednesday 10 July

Women’s singles semi-finals: Thursday 11 July

Men’s singles semi-finals: Friday 12 July

Women’s singles final: Saturday 13 July

Men’s singles final: Sunday 14 July

Tickets

If you wish to get tickets, good luck with that, but there’s always a chance you can find something with some serious graft. Don’t forget to avoid the touts, and unless you’re a celebrity with VIP access, you will have to contend with The Queue – an ominous line of people that goes around the block and then some. Don’t forget to bring your tent.

With a new roof over court 1, the British weather will have to take a back seat, and those crucial matches will be able to be played seamlessly. *

Daily Squib Accurately Predicted Theresa May Would Cry in 1922 Committee Showdown

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There’s nothing like the sight of a blubbering female PM to make a 1922 Committee group back down from chucking you out there and then. We accurately predicted this would happen and be utilised by the PM a few weeks ago.

And so it goes on, Theresa May has survived to live another day by shedding tears at her execution party where she was effectively told to resign.

After pleading her case the cowardly PM who has no self respect anymore, or respect from her own MPs moped around the floor, a pitiful wretch of a woman with no dignity or self-esteem left in her pathetic husk teetering on her kitten heels.

This is a woman who is to blame for all the misfortune this country has endured through her laissez faire attitude of absolute apathy, complicit Remainer stance when it came to Brexit and the deliverance of democracy. She is the one who presented a deal that was effectively drafted by Merkel looking over her shoulder, and Barnier okaying it. To then present that deal was an impossible task because everyone would see through it, but she in her glorious stupidity thought that others were as stupid as her.

There should be no tears shed for this disingenuous treacherous wretch who has sought to deceive not only her own MPs, but parliament as a whole. May is only in her position because she is being bolstered by big business, who have trillions tied into the EU quagmire. They are above the law, and do not have any qualms about quashing Britain’s waning democratic process.

There will come a day when this pathetic wretch of a woman will be ousted, one way or another, however, in the interests of change, maybe it is better she stays to pollute the Conservative party further and destroy it completely.

Why should the Conservative party be destroyed? It won’t be completely eviscerated, but it does not deserve to be a party anymore, and it does not deserve to be labelled as ‘conservative’ anymore, it only deserves to be punished for not only betraying the Brexit vote, but for destroying democracy in Britain today. Mind you, the Labour party deserves to be destroyed as well but the communist population of Britain is too strong and it will unfortunately endure.

Here is a call to arms, on May 23, a vote only for the Brexit party will suffice. Something must be done about the state of politics in the UK where the system is geared more towards feudalism than democracy and parliamentary procedure is one that can be corrupted and skewed to benefit the controlling elite.

Fuck them. Fuck them all. But most of all fuck Theresa May (not literally though *vomit*)

BREAKING NEWS: Prince Louis Climbed to the Top of a Slide Mother Kate Reveals

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ROYAL EXCLUSIVE

The Duchess of Cambridge revealed the amazing news to the media a few moments ago that Prince Louis, one of the many children of William and Kate, has climbed up to the top of a slide.

The slide situated in the vast grounds of Bletchley Park is over 2 feet high.

Mother-of-three Kate, 37, spoke about her youngest child during an outing to Bletchley Park, Buckinghamshire, on Wednesday afternoon.

“Crawled”

“He crawled over to the slide. Looked left, then right, then up a little, before pulling himself up the slide. Halfway there, he stopped for about a minute and looked back for approval from the crowd that had gathered. Once the applause and cheering stopped he pulled himself up approximately 4 inches to the top of the slide. If this doesn’t beat a Meghan story what will?,” Middleton yelped with delight.

Spitfires

The event was commemorated by a flyby of a Spitfire squadron, and a 42 gun salute.

Royal commentator, Hector Montague, suggests this amazing feat could even be immortalised in a new stamp collection by the Royal Mail.

“One has to imagine the immense pride Kate Middleton felt as well as the assembled crowd of 400 on the day when Prince Louis climbed the slide. It’s an absolutely stupendous feat for the royal. Imagine, he actually traversed the height of such a slide, and lived for his mother to tell the tale. Incredible!”

Please stay tuned for more incredible updates – developing story

Palace News: Archie May One Day Meet His Long Lost Brother/Sister

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Good news for the newborn Archie, baby spawn of Meghan and Harry, he may one day get to meet his long lost brother or sister.

“Meeting siblings after many years may sometimes be a harrowing experience, however in the long run, if things work out, it can be very rewarding,” clinical psychologist, Marie Danzac, revealed on Wednesday.

With all the grand performance of presenting Baby Sussex to the media, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have knuckled down to parenthood with quite a bang, unbeknownst to Prince Harry, his wife may already be a veteran to giving birth.

“Prince Harry knew what he was getting into already, however, he may not know everything. It is certainly rather strange that the palace never delved deep enough into the history of this actress and seasoned grifter who seems to have put a spell on the poor easily led prince,” one royal commentator quipped.

Grotesque Bully Jeremy Kyle the Face of Reality TV

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To make a career out of bullying the vulnerable low-IQ mentally ill sector of the population is something Jeremy Kyle excels in. His exploitative reality show thankfully will not see the light of day for awhile after it has been suspended.

This sort of baiting vulnerable people for views was not only a despicable act of cowardice by Kyle but a comment on the whole concept of reality TV, that is commissioned by greedy ruthless television executives.

There is something very odious and evil about this format of televisual ‘entertainment’ that harks back to the Olde English tradition of putting thieves and petty criminals in the stocks where people throw rotten tomatoes at them.

The worst part of these focused attacks on vulnerable usually mentally unstable people is the hypocrisy of the man himself, here is a man who is moralising and berating some fucked up Council Estate mother of ten, when Jeremy Kyle himself is a total immoral miscreant himself.

We all know there is a sub-culture of the population that are totally ruined people with no use whatsoever apart from breeding and eating, but should we have entertainment on their behalf, to be paraded in front of millions of people and spat upon?

The millions that Jeremy Kyle has made from peddling other people’s misery may hopefully one day come to haunt him.

The disgrace of Jeremy Kyle is that he has an audience for this shit, and the audience are just as bad as he is, and sadly, the damaged people that are duped to go on these shows are all culpable as well. Polluting the airwaves with this sort of organised lynch mob justice is a sign that the world really is at its lowest form of expression.

EU Running Out of Things to Regulate

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The ridiculous amount of EU regulations for everything are running out according to an EU bureaucrat.

“Ve haff run out of things to regulate. My expense account and salary depend on regulating things, and if ve haff nothing else to regulate ve vill haff to regulate ourselves and this is ein dangerous thing. Your papers are not in order!!”

The EU bureaucrat, Johan Meinhoff, has called an immediate meeting to discuss this cataclysmic disaster, and was seen goose stepping into a consultation room on Monday.

There are currently 235 million regulations within the EU for goods and services.

Examples of EU Regulation: Toothpaste has 670,530 EU regulations, and pillows have 450,128. Men’s underpants have 870,934 EU regulations, and doormats only a measly 329,194. Umbrellas however have a whopping 976,493 regulations and vibrating sex toys 745,900 regulations.

Jean Claude Juncker on Monday attended the regulation meeting, and has actually suggested an eu regulation on regulations.

*Burp* “Excuse moi, my breakfast of filet de maigre parfumé au ras-el-hanout fenouil et riz rouge de camargue avec boudin noir, oeuf frit, salade d’asperges crues et chutney de tomate epicée washed down with a jug of Remy Martin Louis XIII cognac, came up slightly. Je however pense that we in the EU regulate our regulations with more regulations on top of the regulations we have already added.” *burp*

The consensus in the EU is that more regulations are needed in order to keep useless people in high paying useless jobs — regulating.

Tories Must Keep Toxic Theresa May As PM

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It is now apparent that Theresa May must be kept as PM for the Conservative party because any changes would meddle with the Brexit Party winning former voters from the Conservatives.

The gift that keeps on giving

“The Brexit Party has not only taken most former Tory voters but also Tory funding, and key former Troy grassroots members. This is why the Tory party needs to continue championing Theresa May’s toxic leadership, not only to destroy and punish the party for its Remainer Brexit stance, but to completely destroy the party as a warning to others who wish to thwart the will of the people,” one parliament insider revealed today.

If you previously supported the Tory party and are a real Brexiteer, probably now is the time to move over to a party that actually believes in Brexit and democracy.

The recent disaster where the Tories lost over 1300 councillors in local elections further compounds voter anger.

Theresa May’s disastrous, wasteful tenure as PM will no doubt solidify her place in the annals of history as possibly the worst PM Britain has ever encountered, even worse than Gordon Brown.

How Brits Use The Internet

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Britain is one of the most connected countries in the world and it infiltrates every element of their life. We take a look at the most popular ways Brits make use of the world wide web.

Social Media

Brits love social media. Whether it is tweeting about their day, connecting with friends on Facebook, or sharing their latest holiday pics on Instagram, very few Brits can say they go a day without any social media. As well as becoming a big part of relationships, it is also is becoming a way for businesses to connect with their audience or to creative different online movements and communities in Britain.

Shopping

Citizens from the UK are some of the biggest online shoppers in the world. Brits can spend hours browsing the web searching for a new outfit for that big night out on the weekend or getting the latest bit of technology for a lower price than in-store. It’s not just staying stylish and cutting edge though, as even the older generation who are less mobile or busier with high-level employment are making use of online shopping at supermarkets delivery service in order to save themselves a shopping trip.

TV

Having to tune in at a specific time to catch your weekly soap or reality tv program is a thing of the past. Nowadays, with the busy lives everyone is living they don’t have time to structure their lives around TV. As such, TV channels now offer a comprehensive selection of their programming online so you can watch things as and when they feel like on demand. The same goes for films, with film streaming sites being the preferred option for UK viewers.

Gambling

The British people have always loved a fritter and used to flock to bookmakers each week to place a bet on horse race or football match or travel to a casino to play their favourite casino games. Now online casinos are a thing, users can now log on to a casino on the internet to play online slots, roulette, blackjack or any other casino game. As well as place a bet on a sporting event as and when they want.

Employment

Getting a job has been made a lot easier in Britain thanks to the internet. They can often find jobs either directly on a company of their choice’s website, or by visiting job specialist sites that email them daily with the jobs in their field of expertise. They can complete the entire job application, including an interview over a video chat, via the internet. Saving both the candidate and the company a lot of time and effort.

Dating

Finding love online is now a much more preferred option over going out to a bar or social event to meet someone. There are plenty of sites out there where single people meet, chat and arrange real-life meetings in the hope of finding the one.

As you can see a diverse selection of uses, a testament to the way the internet has revolutionised the way people live their lives in the UK.

The Internet of the Future Will Not Remember Todays Internet

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Futurologists and technicians across the globe who work for a consortium relating to the internet of the future reveal some of the features that will be present, and how the internet and information of today’s internet will be irrelevant and obsolete.

“Everything that is being written on social media today will be irrelevant and incompatible with the future internet, simply because of its banal nature.

“Ninety nine percent of the internet today is junk, it has no value or relevance to the prioritisation of humanity’s existential ennui.

“Where the 20th century was immortalised by great works of art, literature and political, philosophical thought written in books, the early internet age is one of disposable digital ephemera that can easily be altered and subverted, then pumped out to billions of humans who believe falsities without question. This malleable digital movement of mostly useless information does not hold any intrinsic value.

“There is little value in interpreting how humans lived from a future stance in the first internet because many humans presented a fake view of themselves on the internet. This hyper-schizoid internet personality presented by humans gives a fake view on humanity and the many characteristics of the human psyche, which diverges completely from the person’s off-line existence.

“The future internet will have no such falsities because it will be linked directly into the human neurologically. Although the human will have the ability to change their portrayed shape online, their original source will be recorded, and their original thought patterns mapped.

“The archaic method of accessing digital information through flat screens will be long gone, and access to thoughts, as well as transmitting feelings, images into the mind fluid hive mind will give the computational power of the new internet a much needed boost into ultra-digital-realism.

“Needless to say, the future internet will be a pure construct of the human persona and each individual’s neurons, synapses, and hemispheres will be mapped. One man’s cranial topology does not resemble another’s, this is why the internet of the future will be tailored for each individual brain.

“Deep neurological enhancement will function as a process aided by nanotechnology and chipping directly into the brain itself.

“Monopolies do not benefit innovation because they stifle competition and ultimately human freedom. We see this today, with vast internet monopolies who destroy smaller innovative companies they see as a threat, and are biased in their political allegiance to only one political party. In the USA, four monopolies exist in each sector all pledging allegiance to one singular political party and ideology. This bias has now created a one-sided internet where all other viewpoints or discourse are either censored or the perpetrators of said discourse are unplatformed, effectively erased from existence.

“The future internet will have today’s monopoly companies split up to facilitate a fair field for all innovators. The companies will still exist but in the capacity of lighter operations, and the unbiased a political stance will be strictly controlled. There will be no censorship to any human thought in the future internet, to do so would be contrary to the human condition as a whole. Human behaviour is not just about being pleasant all the time, there are many facets of human behaviour, and each part shall be as important as the other.

“Innovation is key to all that will come, and there will be many hurdles ahead. Artificial Intelligence will be the metre to increasing creative new avenues, from there AI will create its own digital universe, which will also impact the human physical plane, and the noosphere as a whole.

“Today the internet is in its infancy, people are still stuck to 2d screens, people and companies are restricted to bias and censorship of thought. These are archaic and pointless elements that will not be needed in the future. The future internet will be one of complete enhanced immersion and absorption where the physical will be indistinguishable from the digital, and where human emotion will be able to travel across in the globe in nanoseconds.

“The future internet will look upon today’s internet as a place where only 1% of its content has any value.”