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Daily Squib Favourite TRY Agency Wins Epica Awards for Humour Second Year Running

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Daily Squib Favourite TRY Agency Wins Epica Awards for Humour Second Year Running

It’s those crazy Norwegians again with their amazing humour and the creative director Øystein Halvorsen for TRY a truly creative Oslo based advertising agency. We are glad the other jurors agreed on our choice for the Epica Awards humour prize.

The TV advertisement was commissioned for a Norwegian supermarket, its key line, keep it simple, and this is true in humour and satire as well, simple but effective implementation will get the laugh.

Once again, the creative team satirised the perils of living in a smart technological house where everything is voice activated, and humours the viewer with the smug technophile getting his just desserts. Sadly, there is not a video feed to Mark Zuckerburg’s smart home as well, where there may also be such hilarious consequences for the over-usage of complicated technology.

Here is last year’s humour gold award for a brief recap:

 

Overall the country with the most winners is France with 88 awards including 12 Golds. The second most successful country is Germany with 72 awards, including 22 Golds.

The most successful network is McCann Worldgroup with 52 awards including 17 Golds, followed by BBDO and DDB who each won 43 awards. BBDO has won 9 Golds and DDB has won 3 Golds.

At the agency level, the standout name is Ruf Lanz in Zurich with 18 winning entries, but no Gold. Another agency outperformer is BBDO New York with 15 awards including 3 Golds.

The brand that collected most awards is McDonald’s with 31, including 11 Gold.

Three days of Epica jury proceedings in Amsterdam have come to an end and the finalists for all genres will be announced on Friday.

Bonne chance…or in Norwegian..lykke til..

Sign the Petition For President Trump to Pardon Roger Stone

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Sign the Petition For President Trump to Pardon Roger Stone

It is in the president’s powers to pardon one of his key strategists who helped the president get elected in 2016, but has been viciously convicted by a 99% Democrat jury in Washington D.C., a state that voted 90.9% Democrat in 2016.

If you feel a partisan injustice has been committed, please sign the petition here: https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/pardon-roger-stone-0

The petition already has around 15,000 signatures but needs 87,808 by December 15.

So, come on stand up if you support Roger Stone, who was convicted just for playing the game. Don’t hate the player — hate the game!!!

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Mr President, Roger Stone showed supreme loyalty to you, he was no stinking rat like that lawyer Cohen, he never threw you under the bus, so it is your duty, as a man of honour, the Teflon Don, to pardon Roger Stone. It will be like two fingers up at those commie bastard Dems who hate freedom and America.

Sign_KC2026-button_mobile

Please sign the Pardon Roger Stone petition – and forward to all your friends.

 

The #MeToo Mob Out For Royal Blood

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The #MeToo Mob Out For Royal Blood

The scent of male blood is in the air but this is not any ordinary blood, it is the blue blood of royalty, and it makes the #MeToo predators wild with animalistic yearning.

“The #MeToo mob have taken down some big beasts, but Prince Andrew will be their biggest prize, and it will for them signify a massive victory against the hated patriarchy. The #MeToo mob do not care about the concubines, who willingly joined the harem of Epstein, they just care for more male blood spilled in the name of extreme far left feminism,” Professor Angela Deansbury, head of anthropology at Oxford university revealed on Tuesday.

After the Duke of York’s disastrous own goal Newsnight extravaganza, it can be noted that Prince Andrew is not the cleverest of individuals, and is so out of touch with the commoners, he might as well be communicating through a courtier.

So what if he lied whilst being interviewed? The common don’t deserve the truth, and so what if he slept with the prostitute, or multiple prostitutes?

If sleeping with a 17-year-old prostitute is his only crime, in England, where the legal age of consent is 16, then it is obviously the fault of the dumb Americans who are now so puritan they make the Dalai Lama look like a sex pest. There seems to have been some kind of Soviet revolution in America in the last decade, because these chumps are whacking around as if they don’t know if reproductive organs exist, and all life on earth is not created by fucking.

As for the #MeToo ‘crying’ prostitutes, who accepted the gifts, accepted the money, and the jet stream shopping trips, they are now not crying because they had sex with old men, but because they lost out on a large pay off from Epstein, who was so mysteriously and conveniently erased out of existence.

Now that the media is out to get the old Duke of York, one can only say utter bollocks to it all, because the royals will always win, and have the higher ground. The Windsors are untouchable, and as much as the tabloids try to beat them down, they will get nothing but pie in their faces. They’re all orf limits, that is, except for Meghan Markle, who is as royal as a greasy cheeseburger served in some dust torn Midwest diner.

Maybe now is the time for a quiet retirement for Prince Andrew, simply because the royal blood has been scented by the jackals, and it is better to have a dignified retreat.

NEW Photographic Evidence Proves Prince Andrew Innocent

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NEW Photographic Evidence Proves Prince Andrew Innocent

New photographic evidence dredged up from somewhere or other corroborates the story that the Duke of York has “categorically” denied having any sexual contact with an American woman, who says she was forced to have sex with him aged 17.

Answering questions about his links to convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein in a BBC interview, Prince Andrew said the alleged incidents “never happened”.

Virginia Roberts, one of Epstein’s concubines, claimed she was forced to do the dirty with the prince three times. The new photograph reveals that the prince was nowhere near that woman, and instead, a lying imposter had in fact taken his place.

“This new picture is proof that the prince is innocent. He did not lie during the Newsnight interview about never meeting the young woman. Does that face look like prince Andrew? Look at his nose for god’s sake, it seems to be growing by the inch! No! Prince Andrew would never lie to protect himself after sleeping with dozens of young women procured for his pleasure all those years ago. Absolute tosh!” a close friend of prince Andrew, Alfred Pinocchio revealed in the Daily Mail yesterday.

It’s a good thing Epstein is not alive today.

Once in a while we include a little gem presented to us by a reader.

Honourable

Copyright © Anna Nolan, 2019

Cripes, what an imponderable
That one oh-so honourable
Should be subject of such panning;
This is not what one’d been planning.

One is simply flabbergasted
To have been put down, lambasted;
Where’s the nation’s gratitude
For one’s famous aptitude?

You must feel, deep down within:
One can’t stay at Premier Inn –
A mansion is what one does need
(One must be mindful of one’s breed).

It may be full of household staff,
But one would never make a gaffe
Of giving them a fleeting glance;
They were all naked? Quite by chance!

Maybe Jeff was “unbecoming”,
But one never saw it coming;
To one, he was just a chum,
And one never has been dumb,

Neither has one been a drip,
Always showing leadership:
One is, clearly, quite aware
How to ditch a billionaire.

One’s weekends are spent a-shooting,
Why should this now need refuting?
And one’s vivid recollection
Is of showing no affection.

Woking does a decent pizza,

But it’s not exactly Ritz – a?
And so one remembers well
All the details – can’t you tell?

One had let one’s side, um, down,
But they really went to town –
British media (damn the lot):
They are like a juggernaut.

It’s a most horrific whammy,
But a ride with one’s own mammy
Might just soften them a tad,
After all, one’s not a cad:

Au contraire: one’s virtue – pure;
And to think one must endure
Such appalling balderdash
And give up a birthday bash!

How did it all go so awry?
One has to face the FBI;
It is as bad as it can get,
And one can’t even break a sweat!

Visit Anna Nolan’s blog: http://flaming-english.com/

How to Meet the Locals in Brussels

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How to Meet the Locals in Brussels

Belgium is a beautiful country to move to for expats and students. Also, a tourist hub, Belgium attracts people from all over the world. However, moving into a new country and trying to fit in with the locals is not an easy thing. This is because there are barriers such as language and culture to consider.

You have to be ready to get out of your comfort zone to go out there and mingle with the locals. One of the best cities in Belgium where you can move to and fit in easily with the locals is Brussels. It is not automatic and you have to work on meeting and creating friendships with them. How do you do that?

·      Check the local websites for accommodation

One thing that makes it difficult in a new city is finding the right accommodation especially if you are a student with a tight budget. Brussels attracts many people some of who stay for short periods while others settles into the city for long-term projects and business. To find international student accommodation in Brussels, you can also use social service organizations, and talk to the locals about the most affordable neighbourhoods. The good news is that Brussels is an affordable city and no matter where you chose to stay, transport facilities are excellent and the infrastructure is one of the best in the world.

The Royal Palace in Brussels
The Royal Palace in Brussels

·      Meet and greet

This may seem almost impossible especially if you are the shy type but it is one of the best ways to connect with the locals. Fortunately, Brussels has immense networking events all based on several themes. You can join any of the events that range from cooking classes, dancing classes to sports activities.

Visiting the local restaurants, art galleries, recreational parks and museums is also another way of getting to know the locals. Attending local events and going deeper into the village to find out how the people live is another way of connecting with the locals.

·      Learn the local languages

The most popular languages in Brussels are Dutch and French. If you are not very conversant in either of them, learning both or at least one of them is a sure way of meeting the locals. Interaction becomes easier and you can share ideas and ask all the questions you want about the city without any difficulties.

·      Book a meal with the locals

There is no better way to meet the locals than to share a meal with them. If you find it so hard doing that personally, you can use a service such as Bookalokal that pairs you with people that love to cook and eat. This helps you to get a local to host you and share their food culture and tips on how to cook and get along in a foreign country with ease.

Such services also give you a chance to meet with other internationals holding cook and eat meet ups. You not only learn about the local food couture, but you also learn more from other people from other parts of the world.

Wrapping it up

Making friends and making lasting relationships with new people is not an easy feat and can be very intimidating for some people. Socialising and learning everything there is to learn about the locals is the best way to start the lasting relationship journey. Fortunately, Brussels has friendly people and many opportunities that make you fit in easily if you are willing to give it a go.

UK Population Will Be Forced to Watch Labour’s ‘British Stasi Broadband Service’

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UK Population Will Be Forced to Watch Labour’s ‘British Stasi Broadband Service’

The dystopian future gallops forward each day with huge strides, and at the forefront of this Venezuelan socialist hell is Jeremy Corbyn’s insane ideas to nationalise all internet services in the UK, to present a free communist internet service for all called the British Stasi Broadband Service.

Costing in excess of £100 billion to set up, not including the compensation payments to existing large broadband providers, and the legal court case costs, as well as major infrastructure costs, the deluded Labour hierarchy are adamant that their plan is a viable one.

Let us not forget that Labour’s open door immigration policy will mean that every year 800,000 new users will be added to the Stasi broadband scheme adding further costs to the impossible project.

In addition to the vast costs of initially implementing the internet program, Corbyn and his Marxist Chancellor of the Stasi Exchequer want to tax the internet tech monopolies to run the program. Well, good luck with that one, because it is not in Google, Facebook, Amazon’s remit to pay tax. Blood from a stone is an easier option. These internet giants will simply bypass the UK, and save their billions, because for them, Britain is a small crumb in the big pie.

Another further point about Corbyn’s Stasi broadband program is — could you trust it?

Labour’s central Stasi office will be filling their databases with your personal information to use as they wish. Day and night, the population of Britain will be tracked, monitored and their habits archived for eternity. Say a word against Corbyn, and you could be visited in the middle of the night by Labour Stasi agents, dragged into an unmarked van and never seen again.

Britain will be like communist North Korea or China, where certain news stories will only be allowed to be shown, and heavy state censorship would prevail. If Corbyn wants, he could introduce a great British Stasi Broadband firewall, cutting the UK internet from the rest of the world.

You will be forced to be connected and watch Labour’s British Stasi Broadband Service at all times of the day and night or imprisoned.

This Orwellian nightmare is almost upon us, because there will be the unintelligent Labour voters who are so indoctrinated by communist mantras they will agree to anything that Corbyn and his evil team ask them to do.

See the warnings in history, if Corbyn is ever elected, leave Britain and never look back. From that point on, Britain will have ceased to exist anyway.

How an Exclusively Democrat Jury Convicted Roger Stone

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How an Exclusively Democrat Jury Convicted Roger Stone

When it comes to sham trials, and partisan stitch-ups, the fake trial of Roger Stone has to really stand out. Orchestrated by Democrats and Hillary Clinton cronies from the get-go, this trial was set in Washington D.C., a place which voted 90.9% Democrat in the last election.

Did Bill Clinton go to prison for twenty years for lying to the American people when he famously uttered the words: “I did not have sexual relations with that woman!” No, of course not, he was a liberal socialist American, and they can get away with murder — literally.

When it comes to Republicans in America, the hammer comes down hard, and these double standards have never been so accentuated by the Roger Stone trial.

As far as many fair-minded Americans, he was simply doing his job, and he didn’t throw his boss Trump under the bus like all the others either.

corruptio optimi pessima

This sort of kangaroo court justice is now all too prevalent in America, and is a sickening detriment to democracy.

You see democracy depends on one side admitting they lost, and capitulating to the winners, but the Democrats have still not admitted they lost the 2016 election to Donald J. Trump. It is the same in Britain where the Remoaners have still not admitted that they lost the EU Referendum to leave the EU in 2016 and are still to this day trying to stifle and ruin democracy in Britain by stopping Brexit.

If you’re in politics and you don’t stretch the truth a lil here or there…you fuckin’ get eaten alive, they trample you, you get fucked, and then you will see yourself out of politics in a nanosecond. No honest man ever made it in the political world throughout history, and the one’s who thought they could were shot.

Politicians have to lie to the people every day, because if they do not, the people would find out the truth, and there would be non-stop riots in the streets.

The squeaky clean Democrats of course never lie to get what they want.

Get with the fucking program, but that’s socialism for you, one rule for them, another rule for others.

Let’s hope Roger does not get Epsteined in jail. The corruption is so endemic in the United States these days that even China must be taking notes on this one. There are other options, flee..go to a place where there are no U.S. extradition laws.

How Do “Refer a Friend” Bonuses Work

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How Do “Refer a Friend” Bonuses Work

Whenever we discover new hobbies or catch the latest movie in theatres, we always want to share the experience with friends. Hopefully, they will love your new-founded activity as much as you do.

While a word of mouth is still effective, the emergence of technology allows us to communicate with each other and connect with our interests and hobbies.

From social media and chat boxes, tech permits us to find out new information and ways to spend our leisure time with friends.

Businesses and websites have taken advantage of this phenomenon by implementing an opportunity for users to refer a friend in exchange for a reward.

Not only do the companies gain another customer into their base, but also maintain loyalty and positive user experience with their already established customers.

Multiple product-based and service-based companies utilize this strategy. For example, tutoring organizations and online games, have been implementing referral programs by offering direct benefits to existing users.

While these features may entice you, the goal is to refer to websites and services to friends in order to help out the companies and yourself.

The casino industry is known for having plenty of bonuses to give to its users, including free slot games and referral programs. Therefore, casino regulators are using this feature to expand a greater customer base.

Since it sounds pretty simple, let’s break down on how a referral program works, as well as examine its effectiveness.

A referral program can be distributed in two ways, either through word-of-mouth marketing or refer-a-friend program.

Word-of-mouth marketing is the traditional form where customers build a network of conversations through the influence of their own network. In other words, the customers themselves become social proof.

“Friend recommendation” among friends, family, and even celebrities and influencers is the most effective and credible version of a referral program that can send the profits to a significant increase.

Yet the refer-a-friend program is also worth taking a look, as it has shown to be more purposeful than the former.

A refer-a-friend program essentially incentives current customers to refer their friends and family to a specific business.

Typically, a form of a reward is offered to the customer referring the company to another potential customer who signed up or made the purchase.

Several surveys and statistics illustrate the success of incorporating the refer-a-friend program into their business model and overall marketing strategy.

About 90% of consumers trust in companies and services recommended by friends, family, and people they generally know. In addition, friends influence approximately 81% of online consumers in the United States in making purchase decisions.

According to OCG, bonuses have played a huge part in acquiring new users in the online casino industry.

Taking our previous example, online casino games are on the rise partially due to the very popular application of the refer-a-friend bonus.

Nevada reported two consecutive summer months in 2019 that went past the one-billion-dollar mark in casino revenues.

Even the most untraditional locations that are including casino games are seriously profiting from this new addition.

A Chicago airport with a slots section, for example, is expecting to generate about $37 million per year.

While the benefit of ‘refer a friend’ bonuses for the already established customer is clear, the question that arises is if the new customer somehow gains anything from this transaction.

The “friend” in this situation is also entitled to some kind of reward similar to the original customer, as well as the welcome bonus meant for new users.

All in all, a referral program is a key tool for creating new leads, improving conversion, and enhancing customer loyalty.

The leads are ultimately based on social proof of the founded customer base, along with peer-to-peer recommendations.

Besides, if the potential customer has not yet responded to the referral, the program is still a strong addition to the marketing sector of the company, as it boosts the company’s reputation and builds your email list.

Usually, the original customer’s bonus is received once their friend creates an account or utilizes the reward referred; however, each website and service has different regulations that may vary and affect the time of the bonus’ arrival.

Multiple well-known companies have implemented the referral program in one way or another, such as Dropbox, Uber, and AmazonPrime.

With Dropbox offering the customer and their friend 500 MB of free storage, the company was able to grow to over 4 million permanent users in just 15 months.

The referral program was the only form of marketing Dropbox seriously needed, as this strategy increased the business’ signups by 60%.

AmazonPrime’s referral program was along the lines of putting the friend’s $5 purchase into your pocket, specifically into your next purchase with the company.

With a clear call to action and easy share-ability, AmazonPrime’s referral program was extremely successful, as they opened the doors to every possible customer, Prime or not Prime.

Due to the overwhelming evidence of the refer-a-friend strategy, there is nothing left to do but to learn how to create a successful marketing model.

Some basic tips include determining the targeted audience, setting achievable marketing goals, choosing an incentive, implementing tracking software, and most importantly, clarifying and promoting the program to users.

Choosing the incentive should be inventive, inviting, and interesting for all customers. Different choices are available, such as cash, loyalty points, free trials, and store credit.

Furthermore, there are fun incentives that could be implemented and advertised, including mystery referrals, where users unlock mystery gifts for every friend they refer the service to.

While the incentive should be new and fresh, it should be realistic to be effective with all customers, both established and potential. For example, users will be more likely to refer a service to a friend if the reward is quite large.

At the end of the day, referral programs are extremely effective for any kind of company, be it a small online casino website or a worldwide e-commerce platform, that will increase and maintain a solid customer base.

It is important to give back to your customers, and for new customers to know that they have a way of receiving perks for their involvement and contribution. A well-structured Refer-a-Friend bonus program can help a business acquire new users and retain existing users, which not only helps with growth but also gives the company a good valuation.

5 CBD industry trends for 2020 you should know about today

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5 CBD industry trends for 2020 you should know about today

The CBD industry is growing rapidly in 2019 and with the upcoming new year, CBD is expected to interact with a variety of products, as research continues.

CBD or cannabidiol is the non-psychoactive compound found in the hemp plant and it possesses various properties that the human body can benefit from. The ongoing research regarding CBD and its health benefits is extremely promising.

With that said, as of today, the use of CBD has spread through the health, wellness, beauty, beverage and food industries. The substance is being used in various dosages depending on the specific purpose.

Although research recognized the plus points of this substance a while ago, regulations were coming in the way of CBD being a commonly used product, legally. In the last decade, adequate research on the topic led many governments, including the US government, to legalize the use of the substance with some specific restrictions. For example, some CBD products are infused with THC or tetrahydrocannabinol, and legally in the United States, these products cannot have more than 0.3% THC.

The market-size of the CBD industry is growing fast with the current demand. To get a full scope of CBD and its popular uses, below is a list of five CBD industry trends for the year 2020 that you should know about today.

CBD infused Coffee

There’s CBD in everything these days, but CBD infused coffee is on the top of the chain. According to CBD Kyro, you have to figure out your ideal dosage by starting small and then increase your dosage when it comes to infusing CBD in coffee.

It is safe to say that coffee is a part of the daily routine for most humans. Whether it is your morning coffee, or you need a mid-day break, coffee is an essential part of any worker’s life.

Restaurants and Cafés have started selling CBD infused coffee in most major cities after understanding the demand and realizing that people are raving about its benefits.

So what are the benefits of adding CBD to coffee? The truth is CBD makes caffeine consumption even better. Caffeine is strong and it does have some negative effects. Caffeinated beverages can cause nervousness or stomach aches.

CBD has a smoothing effect when it interacts with your coffee and makes sure the purpose is served by making you feel the right amount of awake.

According to Healthcare Weekly Mag, the trend has begun for health-focused restaurants, cafés, and spas to offer CBD infused coffee at a small added cost.

CBD and Treating Patients with Mental Health Disorders

CBD has definitely entered the picture in terms of helping patients deal with symptoms of various health conditions. Among these, a lot of research has been conducted to test CBD with people that have mental health disorders.

According to Daily CBD Mag, the industry is making huge strides dealing with conditions we never thought could be improved, like autism. CBD also helps patients with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), which is also a neurological mental health disorder like autism.

Regarding autism, CBD helps by reducing neurobiological inflammation and acts as a relaxant. Similarly, in the case of ADHD, CBD helps reduce the impact of symptoms like stress and anxiety.

The impact of CBD in this field is monumental as these mental disorders are permanent. They can only be treated and not cured, so having a natural substance that reduces the pain and suffering is extremely crucial.

CBD in the Skincare and Beauty Industry

CBD has already started making its mark in the skincare industry. The market size of CBD in skincare is growing at a rapid pace and it is expected to cross $1 Billion in the next five years.

As discussed earlier, CBD has strong anti-inflammatory properties. Skincare and beauty product lines, after a lot of testing, have started infusing CBD into certain products structurally. The addition of the substance is starting to help treat skin-related problems like acne, dry skin, eczema and so on.

Especially products like gels, face masks, and moisturizing creams are expanding their sales by introducing CBD into their products.

Some other beauty products that are currently trending in the market include face oils and mascaras from various brands that are banking on CBD’s anti-drying properties and long-lasting effects.

CBD for Pets

Dogs and cats are the most common kind of pet animals a home hosts. In recent years, a lot of studies have been conducted in regard to how CBD helps pets with their common problems and illnesses.

Pets get often injured, some of them develop health issues like arthritis, and especially in the case of dogs, they develop seasonal allergies and suffer from pain in the bones as they age. CBD can treat almost any kind of pain, and it also acts as a relaxant for no matter what a pet is suffering from.

Pet owners are also using CBD to help them with anxiety during thunderstorms or noise-related events that disturb them. CBD pet care products can be found in the form of edibles, oils and it can also be added to their regular food.

If you do have a pet, make sure you consult a veterinarian before introducing CBD as knowing the correct dosage is extremely important. It is also essential to do your research to figure out the right way to introduce CBD to your pets.

Overall, the CBD pet care market is definitely trending and the market size is expected to double in the year 2020.

CBD and Retailers

With the high demand for CBD in multiple industries, the movement to bring CBD to shelves has already begun. CBD in itself is a trend and as mentioned earlier, there is a CBD infused product for every industry.

CBD product companies have started creating partnerships with big retail brands as legalities keep getting clearer by the day. The market is going to become more diverse.

CBD is such a hot trend and whether it is fashion brands like Urban Outfitters or wellness brands like CVS and Wallgreens, they are all now selling CBD products. In 2020, we can expect that more national retailers will start incorporating the sale of CBD products on their shelves.

This movement is going to increase sales for the CBD industry in 2020 and combined with the increase in online sales, the CBD market is expected to grow to new levels. Although there may be some risk in this for retail brands, they are stepping in early as they are confident that more research will yield positive results.

To sum it up, the CBD industry is booming and it will continue to show its dominance in 2020. Before taking CBD for any purpose, do look at your state or country’s laws, and consult a professional doctor.

Agent Cob Wants to Start a Stasi Britain if Labour Wins Election

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Agent Cob Wants to Start a Stasi Britain if Labour Wins Election

Comrade Corbyn (aka Agent Cob) who was a Soviet spy in the 1980s during the Cold War, has revealed how he will change the face of Britain once Labour comes into power.

“Not only will I bankrupt the country with my Marxist techniques of ruination but I will employ hundreds of thousands of Stasi agents to infiltrate every part of your lives. Forget about Facebook or Google knowing everything about you on the internet, we’re going to know about it on the ground. We will find out more about you than your family will even know, and not only that Comrades, we will also use any information we find against you. This in Politburo or Stasi circles is called Kompromat.”

agent cob soviet spy proof

Under the last Labour government that plagued the country for many horrible years, they brought out more CCTV cameras in Britain than people. This created a country where you are filmed everywhere you go, creating a spy nation network of cameras that tracked and traced people day and night.

Agent Cob, who will head Britain’s Stasi network also plans on employing children into his spy networks.

“We do this for your own protection”

“We will encourage young children to be our eyes and ears for the Stasi. They will be encouraged to report anything suspicious or if anyone says bad things about the Labour party. Even if it is your mother, father, brother or sister, these Stasi children will report their disloyalty to the Marxist Labour state, and the offenders will be arrested in the middle of the night and sent away to re-education camps somewhere up North. All good Stasi child agents will be rewarded with an increase in their chocolate rations.

“This our pledge to you comrades. Not only will Labour destroy aspiration, not only will we ban the ownership of private property, but will bring equal misery to the populace by integrating a Stasi system of fear and terror. Thank you comrades, we can count on your votes. Remember, the British system of elections is easily corruptible. We expect all indoctrinated students in Britain to vote two or four times each, and all other Labour voters to vote as many times as they can for our party. Thank you comrades, for voting for your own imprisonment within a stifling Stasi system that will make East Germany look like a holiday camp.”

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