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Taxi For Carrie!

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With news that desperate Number 10 aides ordered taxi drivers to take elongated routes for the PM’s controlling wife so that she would miss key meetings is indeed a telling story about the fear involved with power mad Carrie Johnson.

One can imagine the clueless Number 10 Wag being paraded around half of London and not realising she was part of a cruel ploy to keep her mangy control freakery at bay. Bravo is the only answer, but they could have done better in their ingenuity.

Taxi! Taxi for Carrie!

Why not instruct the taxi drivers to drive up to Scotland, maybe, and plonk her on a ferry to the Outer Hebrides?

What about suffering a series of flat tyres, then instructing other taxi drivers in the vicinity to steer clear of the area, so she cannot hail another cab. One can imagine Carrie could be out of commission for at least five or six hours at a time.

Forget about taxis, how about booking her on a one way flight to Guatemala?

Alternatively, Number 10 aides could have sent Carrie off to one of those department stores and clandestinely tampered with the lifts. Carrie would not be seen for days.

Enough! (Ed)

Meandering Convoys, Schmucks and 270 Quacks

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Along Came a Convoy

Truck

Biggity, Riggity

Ottawa, Canada

thundered as protesters

rallied there, eh…

Keeping with patterns of

pusillanimity,

Justin—the hoser—was

frightened away.

 

Whoops

Vintage boxer engraving vector illustration

Daffity, Gaffity

W. Goldberg, on

ABC’s program where

five biddies cluck,

uttered some utterly

antihistorical

comments to which we say:

“Oy, what a schmuck.”

 

Remiss Information

doctor

Media, Schmedia:

‘Rogan’s a menace

according to erudite

medical pros!’

Now, it’s been found that those

two-hundred-seventy

“doctors” were mainly just

regular Joes.

 

ClydeAlways.com

 

 

THE 2022 PHNX AWARDS LIFT OFF WITH DIVERSE JURY

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Launched in the heart of the pandemic, the PHNX Awards have evolved into an annual celebration of the resilience of creativity.

In 2020, AdForum launched the PHNX Awards as a way of supporting our industry and proving that nothing can keep creativity down. Originally a one-off award, its success has led to the founding of a new player in the global awards landscape.

As in previous editions, the PHNX will bring together a diverse jury of creatives, marketers, journalists, strategists, agency leaders and consultants – the only jury of its kind.

To make sure the PHNX is as accessible as possible, initial entry is free, with a subsequent fee of 150 euros per entry (170$) ONLY if the work is shortlisted. This is designed to keep things fair while covering costs.

Entries will be open from February 1 to May 1 and the shortlist will be published on May 16. The grand jury will then vote on the Gold, Silver, Bronze and Grand Prix candidates. Winners will be honoured during an online celebration on June 16.

As always, our aim is to celebrate the people behind the great work. We are calling on agencies, freelancers, brands and production companies to enter a carefully curated selection of 25 categories, with a focus on craft.

Philippe Paget, AdForum CEO and founder of the PHNX said: “Since the very first PHNX experiment, we have seen that there is a place in the world for a highly accessible competition judged by a different kind of jury – a jury drawn from every corner of our industry. The standard of entries is always outstanding, and it gives me great pleasure to see the PHNX fly again.”

See the site here: www.adforum.com/phnx

For more information:

CEO Philippe Paget: [email protected]

Zucked! $251,000,000,000 Wiped

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What does $251.3 Billion look like in the Metaverse? Ask Mark Zuckerberg, who lost $30 Billion in his personal fortune yesterday after stockholders realised there is a mass exodus of users from Facebook. Zuck got zucked in the ass — hard!

What could you have done with $30 Billion? That amount could have at least funded one Meta rocket to rival Bezos, Musk, and Branson.

zucked meta facebook dropOne could also argue that a lot of these internet behemoths are valued on thin air, and when that thin air gets too thin, all you get is space.

Zucked!!!

Zuck got Zucked. Just retire to Beijing where your true heart lies, and leave us alone. At least you can enjoy the billions you have left. Just please stop your Facebook and Meta crap. It’s old and tired already, and most people with any modicum of awareness or dignity have long since gone.

Live and Let Die Myspace Facebook!

Tabloid Politics Novella: Zero

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It is quite rare that talent spans so many genres and artistic avenues as the artist and author Al Schnupp. Amongst his paintings, collages and theatrical scripts, he has even birthed some seriously funny fictitious political satire novels. Schnupp’s 3D collage page on his website exhibits some true artistic delights, with his tribute to artists.

Schnupp has now conjured up another literary delight – Zero. This is in no way a review, as we have not received or read the book, however in the interests of art, and political satire it is only too right to give this talented geezer a little Squibby push. By all means, buy the book, it will certainly tickle your fancy.

ZERO

How does an egotistical buffoon with no talent become the darling political celebrity of his country?

Maxie convinces her husband, Zero, to commit a bizarre crime that showers him with riches, making it possible for him to campaign for leader of their country.  With Horace as Campaign Manager, the trio embarks on a whirlwind of fundraising, cover-ups, debates, makeovers and scams.  Meanwhile, Inspector Oodles and his assistant, Minnie, assume a variety of disguises to uncover the true identity of Zero and his cohorts.  Who will garner the most votes: the Zealots, Hysterics or Fanatics?  An outrageous fable, fuelled with invented words, that lampoons American-Style politics.  Cabal Books

Buy the book here

“Schnupp has adapted his extraordinarily prescient stage work into a novel that would be utterly off-the-rails, if it didn’t so eerily reflect actual American politics…At once both uproarious and terrifying in how closely its madness parallels reality, Zero is highly recommended.”

Midwest Book Review

“Al Schnupp’s brand of political satire is delivered with sensational results….his choice to ground such madness in an off-world setting proves wholly sublime…a must-read for fans of the genre.”

BookViral

“the characters are ludicrously colorful with sort of a Dr. Seuss meets Monty Python vibe…”

 Elaine Pascale, Hellnotes Review

Al Schnupp - zero

How to Survive the Cost of Living Crisis

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The current climate of inflation in real terms being recorded at higher than 40% is the highest level families have dealt with in over 70 years. There are ways however you can get around the cost of living crisis that is causing huge amounts of suffering across not only Britain but the globe.

Much of the problem of rising food and energy prices is geopolitical, and can be traced back to certain areas of global food distribution, as well as energy distribution. In the case of Europe, there is a problem with gas distribution, due to the fact that Russia is the main producer of gas, and the threat of war in the Ukraine.

Grow your own food

Hydroponic vegetables and fruit can be grown all year round with a reasonably inexpensive setup within your home. One can set up an entire room full of vegetables etc with minimal equipment and cost, therefore reducing your food bills. No soil is needed, as the seedlings are grown in tubs filled with water and propagated in coconut coir or rockwool.

Bake your own bread

This is a no-brainer. All you need is flour, yeast, water, sugar and a bit of salt. You can use a bread maker machine or your oven. Buy bulk flour from wholesalers.

Cook in bulk

Learn to cook large meals (casseroles/stews) that can either be frozen, or can last for a few days for the entire family. By cooking in bulk, you will inevitably reduce food bills. Reduce the impact of the cost of living crisis by buying goods in bulk as well.

Install a wood burner

Before you install a wood burner, you will need to check if you are located in a low emissions zone. If so, then you will have to purchase a low emission burner. Wood burners are a great way of reducing one’s energy bills, simply because they radiate out huge amounts of heat for little input.

Insulate your home

Insulating your home will guarantee that you will lose less heat, thus saving on the insane heating bills you would otherwise pay. The cost of insulation is inexpensive and will save you money in the long run.

Solar energy

Solar energy can pay off in the summer months, however in the winter there is minimal light, therefore if you live in the UK, you may have to purchase the more expensive type of Monocrystalline panels which give the most energy despite low levels of light.

Do not eat out or get takeaways

Another no-brainer. Avoid any form of food delivery service and restaurant. Saving money this way, and only eating wholesome home cooked food is not only better for you but cheaper as well.

Forget about holidays abroad

This is the number one money saver, and should be adhered to, especially during the pandemic. Why pay through the nose to get trapped in airport queues for hours on end, vaccination passports, covid tests just to visit some overpriced tourist trap hellhole where the locals hate the sight of you? Either you are insane or a sucker for throwing away your hard-earned cash. You might as well throw bundles of cash down the toilet.

Sell stuff

Everyone has junk in their attic, or stuff you have not used for months or years. Sell it. You will be surprised at how much you can make by selling things you do not use or need anymore. You can either sell online, or at car boot sales, or a yard sale.

Dump your car

Driving in London is an absolute nightmare and expensive, so sell your gas guzzling car and invest in a decent e-bike or regular bike. If you live in rural areas, unfortunately you will probably still need a vehicle, but maybe try getting a hybrid or reducing the frequency you drive.

Forget About “Levelling Up” What About Finishing Brexit?

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Levelling Up? What a load of utter bollocks, anyone can see this is just a marketing slogan to placate the Red state Northerners that voted for Boris in the election but were duly abandoned and forgotten thereafter. With an election coming over the horizon, Boris and his wife, Carrie, have decided to do a spot of “Levelling Up” so the traditional Labour voters do not veer back to Labour. Will this “Levelling Up” nonsense work? Well, the supposed “Levelling Up” will only level up from the 2030s onwards, according to policymakers. You try levelling up whilst you are being taxed by the Tories beyond the brink. If taxing people through the anus is not an election loser, what is?

The news in parliament is that Boris and team have effectively forgotten Brexit, which still needs to be completed, and are ashamed of it.. Not only is the Northern Island issue a mess, so is illegal immigration, and the never ending fishing saga. Britain is still subject to many EU laws, including ones regarding motoring. The EU is going to make it compulsory for new vehicles to all have speed limiters in the UK, and despite supposedly Brexiting from the EU, it seems we are powerless to get out of the ridiculous EU diktat. There is some movement on securing global trade deals, however none with the Biden U.S. administration. Biden, actively detests the British and being a socialist Marxist, sides with the EU at every opportunity. There are many pet projects which are frankly useless, and these are obvious Carrie projects forced through by squeezing Boris’ gonads. It seems Boris cannot say no to his domineering power mad young wife, possibly in fear she may withhold her nightly delights.

Certainly, the global Covid pandemic has put a spanner in the works, but this cannot be solely blamed for the certain shift of attitude towards the hard fought battle of Brexit by Number 10. It is every Brexiteer’s dream that Boris brings back the passion he had in campaigning for Brexit in the first place, and his hard fought stance during the period when most of parliament tried to reverse the EU Referendum result.

We must fight on with Brexit, as this is the truly most defining moment in British history for the last 40 years.

Partygate: Parliament is Not Part of the Public

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One man’s indignant reply to all the public and media outrage over a few parties attended by MPs during the lockdown.

“All these people horrified that MPs in Parliament did this or did that whilst the public were ordered to lockdown during the pandemic are frankly deluded. Parliamentarians are not plebs, they have privileges afforded to them that are exclusive of the public. In this respect, the plebs only have one control factor over the MPs, and that’s who they vote for in the next election.

“The public outrage over how ministers conduct themselves is irrelevant and an invasion of privacy. Even though MPs are public figures, they should also have the right to privacy in their private lives to some extent.

“Yes, MPs have second homes and duck houses for their ponds, drive around in chauffeured cars and have expense perks along with their large salaries, however, in the most part they put the work in.

“No one says anything about American Senators or Governors and their vast riches/salaries/perks in America. Success and money are lauded in the USA, whereas in the UK, if a hard-working minister so much as has a party after working 18-hour days to save the country from Covid, they are tarred and feathered in front of outraged mobs demanding resignations. The outrage against any form of success or privilege is also a symptom of Britain being a socialist nation, and what more of a symbol of socialism is there than the NHS. It does not matter if a Conservative government is in power, the system is socialist, therefore the Conservative government is forced to function within a socialist system and structure.

“In the interests of mental health, despite any sort of lockdown, every human needs to let off some steam, and because the MPs were working so hard in the interests of the country, they had the right to party. Of course, there is the argument that anyone in power needs to uphold a moral code and stay within the law, but again, those arguments are moot when in reality, parliament is separate to the public, and it is endowed with the ultimate privileges that go with governance.”

Bloodbath at PMQs Over Partygate and Cakegate

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The vitriol came thick and fast during Monday’s PMQs over the lockdown partygate debacle, exposing Number 10 staff including the PM himself enjoying the delights of wine and cheese fuelled parties, along with lashings of cake, while everyone else in the UK were adhering to the lockdown rules.

Cake burp

Assorted Opposition members and devout Remainers of the house voiced their disgust at the Prime Minister with various words of derision and revulsion, urging Boris to stand down from his position. After saying sorry multiple times, the pathetic looking PM, a forlorn creature backed into a corner, could only parrot the words: “Sorry, sorry, sorry (ad infinitum), let us please wait for the Sue Gray enquiry report.”

Standing Order 43

Ian Blackford, the SNP leader was no doubt one of the most vocal of the MPs to voice his disgust, and was duly thrown out of the chamber by the Speaker for blatantly calling the PM a liar.

Theresa’s revenge

Anger directed at the PM was not the sole constituting property of the Opposition, but also came from Boris’ own party, notably from Theresa May, who was ousted as PM by Boris himself. Sticking the bitter poisoned knife in his back, one could see her enjoyment as she twisted the blade further with her last words: “Which was it?” The look on Boris’ face after that stabbing frenzy was a joy to behold for many Opposition members and Remainers who are currently on a murderous mission to lacerate the PM well and truly from throat to gizzard.

Despite the blood soaked PMQs session from hell, Boris will survive this assault in spite of the multiple attacks from all quarters.

Many people broke the rules of lockdown, including the eternally nasal voiced robotic Labour leader Keir Starmer, although this has been naturally brushed under the carpet by the media.

As for the puerile investigation into Partygate, it is trivial compared to the geopolitical mess that is unfolding in the Ukraine regarding imminent Russian invasion. To see grown men and women, who supposedly run this country ripping each other apart just because some ministers had a few drinks after working 18-hour days in a time of great turmoil during the Covid pandemic, is truly pathetic.

In the interests of Brexit and improving the British economy, as well a reducing the spectre of rising inflation, as well as dealing with the threat of war from Russia, we need to get over Partygate. So what if it was a fucking party, you try and function under considerable stress and hard work without letting off some steam. The parties were there for the mental health and well-being of Number 10 staff, who worked damn hard during the lockdown period. Remember, these are humans, not bloody robots. People should be damn well grateful for the efforts made by Boris and his team that has successfully brought the country through the Covid pandemic phase.

Spotify: To Joe Rogan or Not to Joe Rogan

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With the exit of mewling dog rocker, Neil Young, then the yowling Joni Mitchell, we now have Nils Lofgren the 70-year-old guitarist for Springsteen wheeling himself out of the Spotify door. All of this because of some bald muscle man who thinks he is a sort of philosopher has voiced his opinion on the subject of vaccinations. In reality, he has not said anything bad about vaccinations.

Rockin’ in the Cancel Culture World

“I’m not an anti-vax person,” Joe Rogan has said. “I believe they’re safe and encourage many people to take them.”

Rogan also has commented that healthy people do not need to take the vaccine, and this is where he has fallen into a bit of bother with the vaccination cancel mob police.

In the interests of free speech and the right to say what you feel about any given situation, he should be defended to the death, as anyone who profoundly believes in the divine human right to speak freely without undue punishment should be duly afforded.

Sure, we may not always agree with what someone like Joe Rogan says, but it is his right to have an opinion, whatever it is.

Vaccinations have brought hospitalisations down, and although they do not prevent the spread of Covid, vaccinations have saved lives. One only has to look at the data to see, especially in the UK, how there have been minimal deaths from Covid in the third wave.

If a person has the necessary common sense to exist as a human, they will hear what another person says, make an informed reply in agreement or not regarding what the person said, then move on. Why as a society does anyone have to be cancelled? People say or think the oddest things, so what? Is it going to kill you to hear someone else’s opinion on something, however mundane or serious sounding?

Let bygones be bygones, let people exist, let humans express themselves if they fucking well want to, however nonsensical or ridiculous the words or sentences are, what is wrong with a little eccentricity, a little difference?

You would think these Spotify legacy hippies, children of the 60s would understand the concept of freedom of speech, but it seems in their old age they have turned sour and lifeless. Fling your corpses onto the burning pyre right now, you are not worthy of artistry anymore, it has left you because you hate freedom of expression, you are not worthy of the guitar or microphone anymore, and Jim Morrison’s ghost pisses on your rotting formaldehyde heads.

If people die without taking the Covid vaccination, it was their choice to do so. They should be praised for their bravery for dying for their cause. You as a vaccinated person do not need to directly care about any of the deaths, yes it is a tragedy, but they made their choices freely and this should be respected. If you wear a proper rated mask, and take the necessary precautions, let the others who choose not to vaccinate or wear masks die from the deadly virus. It is their right to do so, and it is your right to take precautions.

Stop trying to preach to vaccine dodgers, just let them be, and they will in turn leave you alone? Definitely this world needs more humility, more understanding and most of all it needs its freedom of expression back.

Let Joe Rogan keep his $100 million Spotify talk show, it’s certainly worth more than all the one-hit wonder legacy stars who have spoiled in their old age. They can certainly rot in their multi-million dollar mansions atop the Hollywood Hills, reading their well thumbed copies of Das Kapital. If those old fuckers cannot recognise why free speech is so precious anymore, they deserve nothing better than to have the exalted muse take the little talent they had and relegate them to the wilderness of cowardly failure for eternity.

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