Bloodbath at PMQs Over Partygate and Cakegate

LONDON - England - Monday's PMQs over the ongoing saga of Partygate saw another bloodbath, as multiple MPs jostled to knife the PM.

The vitriol came thick and fast during Monday’s PMQs over the lockdown partygate debacle, exposing Number 10 staff including the PM himself enjoying the delights of wine and cheese fuelled parties, along with lashings of cake, while everyone else in the UK were adhering to the lockdown rules.

Cake burp

Assorted Opposition members and devout Remainers of the house voiced their disgust at the Prime Minister with various words of derision and revulsion, urging Boris to stand down from his position. After saying sorry multiple times, the pathetic looking PM, a forlorn creature backed into a corner, could only parrot the words: “Sorry, sorry, sorry (ad infinitum), let us please wait for the Sue Gray enquiry report.”

Standing Order 43

Ian Blackford, the SNP leader was no doubt one of the most vocal of the MPs to voice his disgust, and was duly thrown out of the chamber by the Speaker for blatantly calling the PM a liar.

Theresa’s revenge

Anger directed at the PM was not the sole constituting property of the Opposition, but also came from Boris’ own party, notably from Theresa May, who was ousted as PM by Boris himself. Sticking the bitter poisoned knife in his back, one could see her enjoyment as she twisted the blade further with her last words: “Which was it?” The look on Boris’ face after that stabbing frenzy was a joy to behold for many Opposition members and Remainers who are currently on a murderous mission to lacerate the PM well and truly from throat to gizzard.

Despite the blood soaked PMQs session from hell, Boris will survive this assault in spite of the multiple attacks from all quarters.

Many people broke the rules of lockdown, including the eternally nasal voiced robotic Labour leader Keir Starmer, although this has been naturally brushed under the carpet by the media.

As for the puerile investigation into Partygate, it is trivial compared to the geopolitical mess that is unfolding in the Ukraine regarding imminent Russian invasion. To see grown men and women, who supposedly run this country ripping each other apart just because some ministers had a few drinks after working 18-hour days in a time of great turmoil during the Covid pandemic, is truly pathetic.

In the interests of Brexit and improving the British economy, as well a reducing the spectre of rising inflation, as well as dealing with the threat of war from Russia, we need to get over Partygate. So what if it was a fucking party, you try and function under considerable stress and hard work without letting off some steam. The parties were there for the mental health and well-being of Number 10 staff, who worked damn hard during the lockdown period. Remember, these are humans, not bloody robots. People should be damn well grateful for the efforts made by Boris and his team that has successfully brought the country through the Covid pandemic phase.