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What Kind of Sofa You Should Buy During the Global Food Crisis

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Buying a sofa can be a real nightmare. Does it fit with the aesthetics of your room? Are you looking for a retro look or minimalist designer post-modernist look? These are some of the questions you may ask yourself when choosing a new sofa.

Sofa so good

Outside in the streets, you nonchalantly view the total collapse of society due to extreme levels of food price hyperinflation. People are now rioting and looting all that remains on the destroyed streets. Cars are being torched everywhere by angry, desperate people intent on destruction. You can certainly confirm that the huge cost increase of food and utilities is a cause for concern, but buying a new sofa is a much more important priority.

Why spend your last bit of money on something as important as staple food supplies when you can purchase a Victorian antique chaise longue, or a Strandmon from Ikea?

Apart from the lobotomy machine (TV) in your sitting room, a well-designed sofa is a must to complement the juxtaposition of shapes within the space and that all important Feng Shui.

“One may suppose that you have not eaten a morsel of food for four days and are feeling rather peckish. You must at that moment dial up a furniture site on the internet and order an expensive sofa. There are some great deals these days and some companies even offer services where you can purchase a sofa and pay 6 months later. That’s actually a really good idea because the hyperinflationary riots and looting marauding mobs will be the cause of complete societal collapse in about two months.”

Eco Activist Glues Hands to 737 Jet at Gatwick Going to Morocco

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Gatwick’s authorities were too late to save an eco activist protesting for Insulate Britain when he glued his hands to a 737 jet departing to Casablanca, Morocco on Monday night.

Flight 658 lifted off from Gatwick Airport at 18.35. It is still not known what has happened to the eco activist.

Baggage handler, Raja Singh, 53, from Southwark said he may have seen the man running along with the plane as it took off to its destination.

“Blimey! Good gracious me. I could not believe my bloomin’ eyes. The man had glued both his hands on the top of the left wing of the aircraft. I had just finished my shift. Oh, that poor man. He kept shouting something about insulation but the bloody engines were so loud. When the plane started going down the runway, he tried to keep up with it running along like a mad man, innit. Eventually it was too fast for him and it dragged him along like a rag doll. It lifted off into the air. Oh, blimey!”

The flight time of approximately three hours and fifteen minutes from Gatwick to Casablanca would be a harrowing experience for the man.

Authorities in Morocco were notified but there have not been any reports regarding the activist yet.

“What with below freezing conditions and low oxygen, it is highly unlikely the eco activist will survive the three-hour trip,” a Gatwick spokesman said.

UPDATE 

Flight 658 landed safely at Casablanca Airport at 20.54 hrs Monday night.

Officials searched the aeroplane’s wing and found nothing apart from a pair of severed human hands glued to it. The rather gruesome find may give up clues to help trace who the owner of the severed hands was.

“What probably happened during this tragic situation is that the activist’s hands froze at about 35,000 feet. Eventually, the weight of the body dragging along gave way and broke free. We do not know if the eco activist was alive or conscious at the time,” civil air authority engineer Matt Cohen, revealed on Tuesday.

WARNING: PLEASE DO NOT GLUE YOUR HANDS TO FAST MOVING OBJECTS IN ANY CAPACITY. 

 

 

 

U.S. Midterms? It’s an Absolute No-Brainer

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The beautiful vistas that grace Democrat run cities across the United States may be in focus during the Midterm elections this year. Strolling down the joyful streets of Philadelphia’s Kensington avenue, you will see for yourself what liberal socialism can do to any city. Smell the wonderful smells, regale the wonderful sights of socialistic liberalism at its zenith.

Everyone loves Los Angeles, the city of angels and one could say demons…shhhh. No, really, there’s truly no place like the magical city of LA where dreams are made and immense fortunes solidified on the gold paved, star struck streets.

Lest we forget San Francisco, the Californian jewel in the crown. This city is truly a Democrat dream come true, especially with its liberal city makers who have truly gone out of their way to accommodate absolutely everything and everyone. It is this inclusivity that truly distinguishes Democrat cities from the orderly, clean, crime free streets of Republican run cities. Who wants that? It is better to have open sewers with people defecating in the gutters and jamming needles in their pockmarked ankles in front of schools. Democrats support this way of living and abhor the disgrace of law and order displayed within Repugnant run cities across America.

KENSINGTON AVENUE, PHILADELPHIA 

SKID ROW, LOS ANGELES 

TENDERLOIN, SAN FRANCISCO 

DETROIT 

Living With Covid? How About Fucking Dying With Covid Instead

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We’re supposed to be living with Covid these days. Yeah, it’s mainly because the government practically bankrupted itself during the fucking lockdowns, either that or some very poor choices were made by our greasy haired Chancellor of the Exchequer and we are all suffering the consequences now.

The thing is, the pandemic never stopped. In fact, it’s getting worse because no one wears masks anymore apart from the diligent ones. Boris got bogged down in Partygate so he said fuck it let them all get infected. He lifted all restrictions to detract from the Partygate nonsense that nearly brought down the government. With no more restrictions, infections are soaring and due to the high cost of free lateral flow tests, the bankrupt treasury halted those, meaning no one knows what the hell is going on. It’s like a double fuckin’ whammy.

The worst part of this dereliction of care is that unless someone somewhere in government does something, the shit is going to escalate beyond any point of return. We have all these multiple variants banding around mixing with each other, Covid xyz, Covid abc, Covid this and Covid that. The real chart of infected is probably a 90° line up exponentially increasing at an r rate of 10.

Sure, it’s only mild, no one is getting sick you say. Yes, but what happens if one of these dastardly microbes decides to mutate into something really deadly and potent? Are you going to wear a mask then or just take it all into your lung tissue so it can shred your lungs from the inside out? What about people with underlying medical conditions?

What about the longterm effects of being infected with Covid? Some scientists say it shrinks the brain, causes longterm fatigue and can linger in the body for months. Who fucking knows anymore? One scientist says one thing and another says something else. Living with a shrinking brain? We’ll soon have a population of dumbed down idiots stuck in front of their TVs watching Strictly Come Dancing and antique show reruns for eternity (oh, shit).

We are not living with Covid, we are fucking dying of Covid and all the government is doing is watching from afar. Let them die of Covid. Let them get infected. They don’t like Covid rules. It’s all about the money. Making money to pay more tax is hugely important to the programmed masses therefore they have been given the freedom to continue their tax-slavery and die from Covid as well. How worthless is your pitiful life that you value money over it? Essentially, we are not defeating this virus but allowing it to mutate ad infinitum. We get freedom, but so does the virus, and soon enough it is going to mutate to perfection because it is being allowed to increase its capacity to learn from each person it infects. You want the perfect killing machine? You allow it to learn and adapt without any threats.

 

Ah, the Daily Squib’s Only Day Off – April Fool’s Day

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Aye, it’s that time of the year where the Squib staff take a single day off from the job. It’s not that we can write much satire these days anyway without being given a site policy violation by you-know-who, that almighty monopoly that now controls everything on the Internets. We try of course to squeeze through the cracks with various linguistic gymnastics but even then things are getting harder for satirists and shall we say comedians these days. We have recently been focusing on the Ukraine war so that detracts somewhat. Anyway, enough moaning, enjoy April 1st, we will be down the pub getting totally bladdered.

ADFORUM OFFERS ITS SERVICES FREE TO UKRAINIAN AGENCIES AND PRODUCTION COMPANIES

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Agency presence on AdForum.com is usually membership-based and delivers international visibility among potential clients and agency search consultants through the ability to showcase their creative work.

AdForum attracts more than 4 million unique annual visitors from the global advertising and marketing community.

The package includes access to AdForum’s Creative Library, a database of over 200,000 creative campaigns. Ukrainian agencies will be able to add their own work and use existing campaigns for research.

The news follows AdForum’s recent decision to offer Ukrainian agencies free entry to its PHNX Awards. Under the current system, agencies pay for entries if they make it to the shortlist (initial entry is free). This charge will be waived for Ukrainian entrants.

AdForum CEO Philippe Paget said: “As incredible as it seems, from our contacts with them we know that many Ukrainian agencies and production companies are still working. But we also know that they’re struggling. We hope this gesture may help them to stay engaged with the global community and find new clients now or in the future.”

PANEM SEO Agency Needs Your Help – Support Ukrainian Companies

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We are appealing to internet businesses large and small to help us to help you. As a Ukrainian SEO agency, we are currently suffering terribly due to the Russian invasion of our country. We would like to offer our SEO services to help your company’s performance rank on the Google search engine. Please help our business in this dire time of need, and we will do our utmost to help your company on the internet.

PANEM SEO

The internet is a mass of meandering avenues, complicated algorithms to be traversed, and competition for the number one position on search engines is fierce.

ukraine heartThe need for good SEO optimization has never been so high. Many businesses, including small and large, try to take advantage of it, but few succeed. The competition is intense and reaching the top position in Google is becoming harder and harder. Yet, with SEO agency Panem your chances are so much higher.

As more businesses shift to SEO for their main marketing channel, having a professional team that understands the intricate nature of online advertising is essential. We as an SEO agency are a certified Google Partner, and we specialize in multiple types of promotion.

Be it PPC strategies or AdWords creatives, we’ll use these tools to their absolute limit so that your business can move up the ranks and appear across a wide range of relevant media platforms. It’s time that you and your business products step up to the front page of the Internet. Working with an SEO agency will help you reach new people much faster and more effectively.

PRNEWS.IO Took an Initiative to Support the Ukrainian Media

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The PRNEWS.IO team came up with an initiative to support the Ukrainian media. The platform offers businesses to buy appearances in Ukrainian media using their catalogue. To support the work of editorial offices during the war, the service has cancelled fees for all media outlets owned by Ukrainian publishers.

Despite the shelling, the Ukrainian media continue to work on the informational front, publish objective news, photo, audio, and video evidence of Russia’s aggression against the Ukrainian people. They are regularly attacked by hackers, they get on the list of enemies of Roskomnadzor and are limited in online access.

Most media before the war were financially dependent directly on advertising. According to PRNEWS.IO, since February 24, its volume has decreased by 90-100%. The editorial offices are asking the news outlets and businesses of other countries to support the work of the Ukrainian journalists. However, not everyone has the opportunity to accept money from abroad.

“The significance of the activities of our journalists and editorial offices, as well as their courage, cannot be overestimated. Staying in Ukraine, working under shelling or from bomb shelters, they risk their lives preparing and publishing objective news about what is happening in Ukraine.

“Therefore, the PRNEWS.IO team offers domestic and foreign companies to buy advertising in Ukrainian media using the platform catalogue. By paying for content, you will help the voice of Ukrainian journalists to strengthen and tell the whole world about what is happening in Ukraine,” says Oleksandr Storozhuk, the PRNEWS.IO board member.

The advantage of the platform is the unique financial logistics. Thanks to it, the service can accept payments from anywhere in the world and promptly sent them to the media.

To join the PRNEWS.IO initiative to support Ukrainian media that are left without the usual sources of funding, it is enough:

  • select the publication you want to support in the catalogue;
  • click the “Checkout” button on the right and make the payment;
  • in the order form, write words of support and send the text.

Funds will be assessed and available for news outlets immediately.

The PRNEWS.IO platform is currently connected to 5000+ news sites owned by Ukrainian publishers.

About PRNEWS.IO

PRNEWS.IO is an Eastern European startup based on a mission to use big data for predictable brand communications with people through media stories. The company collects information on hyperlocal online newspapers and niche online publications. A total of 72,000 media outlets from 142 countries are connected to the platform. Since the beginning of 2021, the platform PRNEWS.IO has been visited by more than 1.5 million people.

PRNEWS.IO operates in Estonia and has a development office in Ukraine. The company is also a service provider for the Estonian digital citizenship program — e-Residency.

Ouch! EU Now Has to Pay For Gas With Russian Rubles

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How’s that for a final kick in the cojones? That clever chappie, and murderous bastard Vladimir, is now demanding energy-choked EU nations pay for their gas supplies in Russian Rubles. All of those sanctions seem to have done very little because the Russian currency is once again flying high above levels prior to their implementation.

Already, Germany and Italy are seriously considering bending to Vlad’s demands.

Economic war for the EU and US meddlers who stoked this mess up in the first place and a continuation of Ukraine being pummelled by Russian cannons are par for the course. It all seems so silly, as if we are surrounded by little children having tantrums, withholding their toys from the other children when they don’t get what they want, crying into their jelly.

Meanwhile in China, Lavrov is solidifying Russia’s union with China. There can only be silence from Beijing Biden as he has been told to not even dare consider sanctions on China for colluding with the enemy. Chairman Xing Ping-Pong has Biden by the ball sack and all has to do is yank it a little like a grizzled bell before Biden gets the message. Just keep quiet old man, the fellow communist whispers into Biden’s half-deaf earhole.

The saga continues. The mish mash of blurted mumblings and meaningless words from a weak United States limping from one diplomatic disaster to the next, but what can you expect from a nation run by a bunch of woke whiners more concerned with coercing toddlers to become transgender than something as unimportant as geopolitical brinkmanship?

As Uncle Vlad sits back in his cavernous bunker somewhere in the middle of Russia, he can only crack a smile whilst sipping another jug of Polonium-210. He looks down to see the faithful head of one of his female consorts bobbing up and down before grunting and waving her away unceremoniously after finishing.

There is a certainty to all of this. Biden in his infinite stupidity will escalate things further. When that happens be very afraid and thank the corrupt pieces of shit that installed him into power by any means possible, because you will be paying for their indiscretions for a very long time.

Someone Needs to Slap Some Sense into High Tax Rishi Sunak

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It’s Friday night, you order up a greasy Indian takeaway. When Rishi Sunak, the high tax Chancellor of the Exchequer turns up at your door, you tell the fucker to sling his hook. Someone in parliament needs to slap some sense into this creepy greasy-haired vulture bleeding Britain dry. For a start, he is a remainer it is a certainty whatever anyone else says, this piece of grease-laden chapati wants to ruin Brexit Britain and make everyone’s life harder.

Any economist or person with some semblance of logic knows that to invigorate and restart an economy, whatever the global situation, you have to lower taxes. Scrap the hated EU VAT of 20%, lower income tax, lower business tax, lower council tax, lower interest rates, lower fuel tax and all the other fucking taxes that leach huge sums from people every bloody month. Make Britain move again, not stultify it with concrete shoes.

High-tax Sunak thinks that invigorating an economy means taxing people and businesses to death. No! That shit halts economies. People stop spending, people get scared, businesses cannot grow or even trade anymore.

“You put your salary into your bank account. Immediately, the direct debits suck your money back out. What’s the fucking point?” one man said.

One thing Sunak is not over-taxing is the huge amount of stinky grease he schleps on his fucking hair every day.

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