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Sunday, December 28, 2025
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April Fools? We’re Off to Enjoy the Sunshine

 

Here are some delightful April Fools’ day efforts from some other publications:

The Daily Telegraph has excelled itself in some relatively realistic photoshop work, well done. Google Japan has been having some handy April Fools fun and ITV have laid some square eggs. The Sun had some fracking fun, the Guardian decided on a tried and tested egg theme, and finally the Express revealed news of a very important discovery.

We hope to see our two readers tomorrow, when we’ll be back for some more Squibby deadly satire and spoof.

Climate Change Due to Climate Says Scientist

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“Ever since the earth had a climate, it has changed. If the earth did not have a climate, then it would not change,” Ed Parthibs, an analyst on the Climate Change project based at the North Pole revealed yesterday.

The data collected over forty years reveals startling examples of climate change.

“Let’s see, the earth is 4.54 billion years old, therefore our study spanning 40 years ain’t much is it? The earth’s history of climate change can be viewed in soil samples spanning back millions of years. The earth used to be very hot once, then it cooled down a bit, then it got hotter, and this was before humans were around.

“When humans got all industrial, the earth’s climate was doing it’s own thing, but then there were too many people, and things got a little overcrowded. You had greedy nations who used up lots of resources, and poor nations that got sucked dry of resources. My guess is this ‘climate change’ shit is nothing to do with the earth’s natural climate change but simply about over population.

“As resources dry up and are completely depleted, there will be more unrest amongst the locust-like human populations. So, to surmise, this is not about climate change but about too many people. What’re we going to do about it?”

Politician Finds Way of Pleasing Everybody at the Same Time

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Speaking from his constituency office, Dilbert Jenkman, MP for Pradstow on the Wold has come up with a real solution.

“It’s very simple really. I was sitting in the commons the other day and I came up with the formula. You know whilst staring at the ceiling, yawning and playing with my pen. If every politician did this, then the world would ultimately be a better place. Well, I simply walked away from it all. That’s it. If you’re a politician and want to please everybody, just walk away. Just go.”

With that profound revelation, we leave you with another piece of advice from the newly enlightened politicos….no, that’s it, nothing.

Everywhere You Look You Will See Mark Zuckerberg’s Face

Mark Zuckerberg recently used some of his pocket change to acquire an up and coming company called Oculus Rift.

“I’m so happy. We’re going to have every person on the planet now wearing these head pieces. You won’t be able to take them off because they’ll be sewn onto your fucking head. Just think wherever you look, whoever you see and talk to, it will be my smiling face on the body. You can’t hide from Facebook or the mighty Zuck.”

Facebook is even planning on dropping these things from drones in Africa so they can enjoy the benefits of such technology.

Dengo Matwa, a bicycle repair man from Kiralwo, East Africa said: “I live in a corrugated iron shack. This Zuckerberg guy put a leaflet through my hatch the other day saying I can live in a king’s palace with Facebook signs everywhere and Zuckerberg faces all over the place just by having this thing sewn on my head. Thank you but I would rather keep my rusty tin can shack and once a day bowl of oatmeal.”

Fears Scots May be Losing Their Scottishness

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With all this talk about the Scots wanting to keep the pound sterling if they secede from the United Kingdom, there is one question that arises. Why on earth would the Scots want to keep the English pound? Don’t the Scots have anything left in their bawbags?

True Scottish freedom should be embraced by the Scots, roaming the glens with wind up their kilts and munching on mushy oats. Where’s the sense of wildness that defines the Scots, has it disappeared somewhere into the ether?

“Stop moaning about the pound, if the Scots want freedom, fuck the pound, it is better to be a poor free man than a rich slave. We need the clans back again, where real men fought for freedom not pandered to others, are you with me, or are you going to go with a begging bowl like some scrawny dog waiting for scraps?” an angry Scot shouted from a tower somewhere in Scotland.

Calls to Bring Back Rummy and His Known Unknowns

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Amid false flag reports emanating from the Erdogan controlled Turkish front, recordings of former Ukrainian prime minister Tymoshenko ordering the nuking of 8 million Russians and U.S. diplomat, Victoria Nuland telling the EU to ‘fuck off’ whilst admitting the U.S was complicit in the coup d’état in Kiev, someone is doing a lot of recording and leaking these days.

The calls are out there now to bring back Donald Rumsfeld, because at least he knew the known unknowns.

“If we bring back Rummy he could put the Russians back in their place. These libs couldn’t fight themselves out of a paper bag. Look at the mess they’ve created, or maybe that’s what they want huh. At least with the neo cons you knew you were in a constant state of war and people accepted their false flags graciously, the dems are just too erratic and have pussified everyone so no one knows what’s going on any more,” an uninformed Capitol Hill insider revealed Thursday.

How utterly embarrassing this all is..but, let’s face it, governments have been doing this underhand stuff for centuries, false flag attacks are an accepted policy within the right circles and the chaos that is occurring globally now is a sign that president Obama is doing his job right. This was his job, and he is positively moving mountains, making the herds scatter, increasing fear, paranoia, terror, and ultimately war.

Obama: “Putin is Bluffing”

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While Obama twiddles his thumbs, maybe plays another round of golf and flies around to meet the Pope, he is encouraged by the fact that Russian president Vladimir Putin is bluffing.

“There is nothing to see here. Putin is not doing anything. I know he’s bluffing. I’m more concerned with dirty bums on the streets of Manhattan,” the president of the United States said from the golf course.

Unconscious Couple Caught Coupling Consciously by Semi-Conscious Policeman

 

“The perpetrators of this audacious act were caught coupling in an unconscious state on the beach. I myself am always in a semi-conscious state so I don’t know if what I saw actually happened but I have a feeling it kinda could have happened consciously speaking. Did I just say that?” officer Dean Geraldo for the LAPD told his superiors before being fired on the spot.

The couple in question, were not named but have been stretchered off to a macrobiotic holistic personal development acai berry quinoa center somewhere in Beverly Hills for some unconscious yoga coupling sessions.

Why Fluoridated water is Good For You

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Fluoride in the water system is very good for the population because it affects certain parts of the brain that enables compliance with authority and lowers the IQ of children.

“We learned this technique many years ago from a certain someone with a dodgy moustache. What the Americans already do is put a by-product of the fertilizer industry into the water, so that these poisons benefit the population. We want to do the same in the UK now, so you can drink and wash in a lovely soup of fluoride and oestrogen every day. Do part your man boobs and listen, there is a reason why the male fertility rate is dropping at an increased rate, IQ levels are dropping and cancer rates are sky rocketing,” a Westminster insider revealed.

Fluorides are general protoplasmic poisons, probably because of their capacity to modify the metabolism of cells by changing the permeability of the cell membrane and by inhibiting certain enzyme systems, but don’t let that bother you when you have a nice cool glass of refreshing water.

Fluoridated water will also be utilised in food, ice cream and pretty much everything you consume. Enjoy!

Experts: The Inevitable Resurgence of European Fascism

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Back in 2012 the Daily Squib predicted in its own way that the EU was a catalyst for the re-emergence of European fascism, in one form or another.

Through the billowing smoke of incompetence, corruption and idiocy of the European Union, there now rises a tangible fascistic threat to the current EU debacle.

Fascism is something that never went away from Europe, and there is a growing tide of discontent against the forced multiculturalism being pushed down the throats of the whites within the continent. The EU already incorporates an amalgamation of fascism and soviet ideologies, however pure fascism, as in the racial form could be a threat initially to the EU, but once it is dissolved, ethnic fascism would reconvene the states, as one cohesive unit, albeit without the non-whites.

“In any area of town, if anyone who has colour moves in, we move out. This is the way it has always been and will always be. The French are notoriously racist, and Le Pen is a reaction to the influx of African and Algerian immigration, who breed like rats and are a burden on French society. Fascism thrives when there is an element of threat, to spur on the white masses. They must feel as if they are in constant danger and a good leader will ensure he/she will keep on stoking the fires until a raging storm builds up,” a fascist Le Pen supporter revealed.

There are of course elements of the Hegelian Dialectic at work as well, deep down, the majority of whites detest any other skin colour, and it is this biological programming that allows fascism to flourish, as the supposed opposition wills it into place through forced multiculturalism.

The fasci rods are all too prevalent in the UK as the rise of the English national parties grow stronger every day. Mass immigration was allowed to happen for a reason, to create discontent and calls for a solution. If you overcrowd the indigenous population with foreigners, then you create hatred. This is what they want, they want the people to demand a solution, and they will be presented with one soon enough.

Looking from the outside inward, Martin Amis understands full well, that the English core is one of skin colour. He states astutely that darkies can never be English, and this is the defining point about Englishness. You may be well spoken, well educated or talented, even born in the UK, but you’re not English, and never will be. But what of the Poles, and other white Eastern Europeans who have come over to the UK in the most recent EU migratory push? Well, they may talk sort of funny, have weird names, but they will supersede the darkies, because not only are they white, but they’re Christian. They will be English one day. This is a fundamental point to make, they will supersede the immigration from the 1950s – 80s, which included many dark skinned people from the Commonwealth countries. Those immigrants into the UK, from the 50s – 80s will never be accepted into the English heartland, and are classed as untermenschen.

Therefore, we come to the crux of the matter. The rise of fascism in Europe is down to one very simple element, and that is the fact that what ever happens, if you have a non-white skin tone, which is something you were born with and cannot control, you are a lesser human being in the eyes of a fascist.

Soon the day may come when the soldiers come door to door, they will take the coloured occupants from their houses and march them down the streets all the while, the silent curtains twitching with relief.