17.7 C
London
Tuesday, January 20, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 355

Woman Detained in Dubai For Gin and Tonic Drink on Plane in 1976

Dissah Peer
-
0
Woman Detained in Dubai For Gin and Tonic Drink on Plane in 1976

A British woman has been detained in Dubai and sentenced to thirty years in prison for having a gin and tonic drink once on an Emirates flight in 1976.

The 64-year-old woman who booked a two week holiday at a Dubai luxury hotel was detained at the airport when she arrived last week.

Once landing, Hillary Wanstead, 64, was ushered quickly into a secure room, strip searched, and told to lie on the floor naked whilst officials gave her an internal body cavity examination. She was then handcuffed and thrown into a van where she was taken to the Dubai Court of Misdemeanours, denied a lawyer, and charged with a thirty year sentence after evidence was shown of her alcoholic drink in 1976, when she was travelling from London Heathrow to Australia.

Prosecutor, Jamal Al Hussein, revealed the sordid details of the detention.

“We are constantly looking on ways to detain Western infidels, and we scour all records dating back decades to find anything we can use to arrest these dogs. It’s good for the tourist industry in Dubai because it gives an element of fear to any prospective tourist. We have actually seen bookings rise. This woman is now going to do thirty years and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”

Britain’s Consulate in the UAE, are already inundated with British detainees in Dubai, and have a backlog that stretches for years.

“Unfortunately we will only be able to get to Mrs Wanstead’s case by the year of 2025 simply because of the backlog. We are dealing with thousands of expats and tourists already,” an unrepentant Consulate worker revealed.

Dubai is a perfectly safe place for Westerners to visit.

 

No Name Yet For Harry and Meghan Markle Baby Girl

Dissah Peer
-
0
No Name Yet For Harry and Meghan Markle Baby Girl

Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex has given birth to a baby girl at the Frogmore Estate in Windsor.

The secretive birth has been a very private affair, however anonymous courtiers have revealed exclusively some details.

Meghan Markle was last seen in public on March 19, but has been out of sight since then which is highly unusual for the celebrity who courts attention at every moment.

The celebrity couple have chosen to not make any public announcements as of yet, and are keen to enjoy their new baby in total privacy away from the crowds.

There will be no photoshoots on the steps of Lindo wing, as was the case with other royals.

Meghan plans on feeding the baby only vegan food and vegan milk, as well as not giving the baby girl any gender specific roles or toys. The child will also be taught about socialism and activism from a young age and schooled on role models like Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King and Malcolm X.

The couple plan on showcasing the baby in a few weeks to news media and the public, but until then will keep the birth a secret. The rest of the royal family have attended, and Prince Philip was said to be kept away so as not to cause offence with one of his quips.

Commemorative souvenirs, stamps, plates and banana baskets have been manufactured already but are firmly on hold for now.

 

 

British Government Chooses Assangexit Instead of Brexit

Dissah Peer
-
0
British Government Chooses Assangexit Instead of Brexit

The sclerotic UK government seems to have its priorities all wrong, instead of getting us out of a Soviet EU superstate they prefer to incarcerate a person representing the right to freedom of speech who exposed massive war crimes — Julian Assange.

No doubt dark forces in the upper echelons are pulling the strings, and the betrayal of the Ecuadorian government led fully to Assange being dragged out by his beard by some hired goons and stuffed headfirst into a waiting police van.

Assangexit was thus committed with more vigour than Brexit which has been derailed three times already and now given another unnecessary extension. If only the UK had as much interest in completing a proper Clean Brexit as was voted by 17.4 million people on June 23, 2016 than their urgency to shit upon the mantle of free speech and the rights of one man who stood up to corrupt governments.

Government corruption, an endemic malaise that stinks up the globe, is now a default setting, and Theresa May who presides over daily lies and betrayals is so deep in corruption that her head is barely bobbing above the manure.

We see mass corruption in the House of Commons and Lords, where Britain’s parliament have circumnavigated democracy and tried with many attempts through contravening the law and parliamentary procedure to thwart Brexit. Their promises to honour the EU referendum result with nothing but lies and blatant betrayals as they simultaneously received large sums of raw cash from the EU delivered in discreet brown envelopes in back alleys .

We could have had three or four Brexits, instead we got an Assangexit.

Unfit PM May is Drugged Up and Mentally Unstable Say Parliament Insiders

Dissah Peer
-
0
Unfit PM May is Drugged Up and Mentally Unstable Say Parliament Insiders

If one were to imagine Theresa May’s bedside cabinet, they would not be surprised in learning the myriad of pharmaceutical drug bottles, and stacks of pills she has laid out all over the place.

Doctors who have examined recent footage of the PM wandering around Brussels red carpets have come to the conclusion that Theresa May is so whacked out on drugs she barely knows where she is or what she is doing.

“If you watch her usual robotic movement, it is now more pronounced and jerky. Her eyes are far gone, the pupils dilated, she has a thousand yard stare and we suspect she is barely functioning as a human being anymore,” Professor Friedrich Hegel, at the Munich Institute of Psychiatry and Mental Health told Euronews.

Westminster insiders know that the PM is suffering from severe depression and needs to be propped up by certain drugs taken every day.

“We’re talking Lorazepam, a benzodiazepine anxiolytic drug that is used for severe anxiety, and the serotonin reuptake inhibitor Sertraline. She is also probably on large doses of Modafinil, a drug used to treat narcolepsy. Add into the mix copious amounts of Adderall, and Methylphenidate, as well as Amisulpride, Clozapine, Paliperidone and Quetiapine, it’s quite a mix. One can imagine she chucks it all into a large jug then downs the lot in one gulp,” a Westminster insider revealed.

The PM is just going from one long meeting to another, she is simply going through a well known routine in autopilot. Her barely functioning robotic body is carried by a brain that is so fucked up it’s a miracle she can get through any sort of political discourse let alone make any crucial decisions that will affect Britain for decades.

“Our country has now been effectively entrusted to a drugged up robotic freak who is an automaton fucked up on copious amounts of prescription pharmaceuticals,” another parliamentarian added.

Brexit: Why Britain’s Enemies Do Not Want a Strong Nation

Dissah Peer
-
0
Brexit: Why Britain’s Enemies Do Not Want a Strong Nation

To have a forward looking independent sovereign Britain that embraces democracy is a threat to Britain’s enemies.

Instead, those who wish to weaken the country wish it to be swallowed up by a soviet EU superstate where its wealth, innovation and freedom are subverted and assimilated within a collectivist totalitarian mechanism then eviscerated completely.

The EU only weakens nations, it takes away power of a country’s right to self determination, and to make its own economic decisions. Britain as a free nation would thus be a greater threat to the EU, and to countries like Russia and China.

This is why within the UK, there are enemy operatives within parliament who are funded directly by the EU and Russia trying to stop Brexit with such vigour. These same people who promised to uphold the EU Referendum result have now subverted and almost destroyed any chance of a proper, clean Brexit.

The enemy within, works for the enemy without, and their job is to keep Britain shackled to an EU political superstate to weaken Britain and rob it of its riches.

Debt ridden EU countries like Greece, Italy and Spain need the cash cow of Britain, a stalwart money bank which funds their socialist lifestyles of three day working weeks and massive pension plans when they retire at 40.

Media elements who have received large funding from the EU, like the BBC, and Russian owned newspapers like the Independent and Evening Standard are also actively trying to thwart Brexit.

The elements in the British parliament who are paid by the EU to destroy Brexit, are also supported wholly by Russian interests. Certainly, to have an independent Britain is a great threat to Russia and China. They do not want Brexit at all costs, because Britain would once again rise economically and militarily.

Theresa May and her operatives are therefore seeking to ruin Brexit, to keep Britain shackled indefinitely to the EU, to never be able to make our own laws or control our borders, or to make trade deals for ourselves.

No, Britain must be weak, it must be enslaved, it must have its economic wings clipped, it must be controlled by Brussels, because the EU fears it as much as Russia and China do.

The operatives actively working against Britain in parliament do not have morals, or care about their country, they have had their bank accounts filled by the EU and Russian elements. This is all that they care about.

 

Loser PM Theresa May’s Name Now Used by Brits When They Step On Dog Shit

Dissah Peer
-
0
Loser PM Theresa May’s Name Now Used by Brits When They Step On Dog Shit

Prime minister May, who has reneged on her Brexit promises and abandoned her own party to plot a Customs Union BRINO (Brexit In Name Only) with Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour party is now mentioned in curses by Brits when they step on dog shit in the streets, a recent survey finding revealed.

When asked what they say after stepping on a dog turd, 98% of respondents out of 30 million Brits said they now shout out the name ‘Theresa May’.

“This is an incredible find. Theresa May will not only go down as the worst PM in British history – even worse than Gordon Brown – but she has now entered the realm of folklore and everyday linguistic usage. Everyone hates stepping on dog shit, because it’s like peanut butter in consistency, very hard to get off the grooves of your shoes, and stinks horribly. This is what people in Britain are now connecting the PM with, they see Theresa May as a large piece of dog shit and it has become a cultural, historical reference that will last for years or centuries,” Angela Trimble, chief officer of MORI revealed on Sunday.

Stepping on a Theresa May whilst strolling in the park is a nasty business. You can wipe your shoe on some grass but the clumps still stick to the sole of the shoe, sometimes coming up the sides. If you get into your car, the waft of a Theresa May will hit your nose, and the May will squelch all over your accelerator pedal.

Theresa May’s name is also now used when someone does a large turd in the toilet and it won’t flush.

“I’ve just done a Theresa May in the bog. Blocked the drain. Might have to call the plumber in,” an example of the usage in everyday conversation.

Historians will write down Theresa May’s legacy as one that killed off democracy in Britain, and lied to the people before condemning the nation to indefinite EU imprisonment…that, and being called a ‘dog shit’.

 

 

Experts: Thanks to May’s Brexit Betrayal and Marxist Alignment With Corbyn, Labour Win Now Inevitable

Dissah Peer
-
0
Experts: Thanks to May’s Brexit Betrayal and Marxist Alignment With Corbyn, Labour Win Now Inevitable

There is something to be said about a PM who has gone rogue, rejected democracy, embraced Marxist ideology, and is showing signs of serious mental instability like Theresa May is doing in the last months of a crumbling fractured Conservative government.

Constitutional experts for the ‘Formal Undemocratic Conservative Keynesian Education Department’, understand fully what the future movement of politics and economics in the UK will entail.

“The current government under Theresa May is supposed to be Conservative, yet have now aligned with the Marxist ideology of Labour, and Jeremy Corbyn. This alignment is confirmed not only in its alignment with EU policy, but in the alignment of soviet political correctness drives by the former Conservatives and the rejection of democracy by denying the vote of the people in the EU referendum.

“Theresa May and her henchman Philip Hammond, have shown themselves in true form for the first time as Marxists who were masquerading as Conservatives.

“What does this alignment with the Marxist doctrines of the Labour government mean for the former Conservative party? It is inevitable that the party in its new form will not exist anymore due to its transformation, and many in the party will feel abandoned and leave tovintage-Labour-poster-Corbyn-s-ideas-are-prevailing360 form actual conservative political parties. Theresa May and her rejection of democratic values as well as rejection of conservatism will ensure the split and destruction of the Conservative party forever.

Storming the bourgeois palace

“By aligning herself with Corbyn, May has brought a newly formed legitimacy to Jeremy Corbyn and his staunch Marxist political outlook. This legitimacy will foment in new political alliances and electoral wins for Labour, who have been courted by May.

“Furthermore, May’s intransigence and failings to uphold the vote of the people in the EU Referendum will bring forth a democratic deficit to the United Kingdom, devaluing its institutions and its justice system to one of undemocratic authoritarian totalitarianism. The former Conservative party under May has already lost vast numbers of grassroots voters, as well as increased MP resignations. More will follow severely damaging the party, as many voters have vowed to never vote Conservative ever again after the undemocratic Brexit betrayal by Theresa May and her cohorts of Marxists.

“When Corbyn forms his new government after winning the next general election through the sheer numbers in the UK who now subscribe to communism, Theresa May and her former Cabinet and advisers will all be given key roles in either the Labour or EU political entities. The remaining minority conservatives will have to either form new political parties or drop out of politics altogether as they will be marginalised.

“The UK is now seeing a major shift to embracing full communism as its all encompassing ideology, this is seen with the alignment with the EU and Labour party. Once Corbyn is in power, he will begin to implement the 10-year-plan. Mass nationalisation, and a process of collectivisation where wealth will be redistributed to the lower echelons. There will be an increase in welfare state mechanics, and an increase in governmental departments for all sectors. One part of the ten-year-plan will be vast building initiatives to bring housing to millions of welfare recipients by building over greenbelt land and an increase in migration, to ensure Labour never has a deficit in voters ever again. This embracing of immigrationCorbyn Soviet 360 will need more free housing, thus pushing Britain’s already faltering economy to the limit. Whilst increasing cheap housing stock for millions of welfare recipients and migrants at great cost to the taxpayer, Corbyn will introduce punitive property taxes for those over a certain threshold including mansion taxes that will punish the richest. Interest rate hikes will also serve to punish millions of Britons, thus increasing costs on everyday items like food, fuel and utility rates. The royal family will bear the brunt of the punishment with budgets cut by over 80% leaving them with vast debts, so their palaces can be repatriated to the people and turned into public places to be soiled and invaded. Lesser royals will have to either get jobs or join the welfare state.

“Thanks to Theresa May destroying the Conservative party and democracy in Britain, it is almost a dead cert that Jeremy Corbyn will be in power for the next 10-20 years.”

Brexit Betrayal Britain : Cowardly Britons Silent in Defeat

Dissah Peer
-
0
Brexit Betrayal Britain : Cowardly Britons Silent in Defeat

The sands of time shift with mysterious inelegance towards defeat for Britain, and the cowardice that soaks the land is silent but deadly.

Tis better to have a cuppa and roll one’s apathetic eyes as freedom flies out the window like a cup of regurgitated vomit, because tomorrow is another day in Brussels land, and not Eng-land.

 

As the politicians subvert democracy to nothing but a shameful lie, justice, freedom and equality run dry.

Great evil is always allowed to happen because good men stand by and do nothing, and so it is today that Britain is now a land of cowards, a land of lickspittle yellow chickens all clucking around their factory farming instalment where the EU farmers process them to be served up on some Brussels haute cuisine dinner plate inhabited by some vile unelected eurocrat with an unlimited expense account.

If the bets were out, it would be down to the grind, and 100 to 1 that Brexit will never happen now if we only knew how to get the William Hill promo code.

All aspersions of bravery in British history are now fables, mere fairy tales told to brainwashed EU children, because bravery and having a backbone are now far gone, residues of a long lost Briton, now simply a simpering slave with no inkling of who or what they are anymore.

Donkey Britain eu referendum
Donkey Britain

Britons are now lost, their identity is one of servitude to foreign powers, and of cowardice never before witnessed in this grey turd hole of a country beaten from the inside.

Parliamentarians, a dishonourable stench ridden lot who are on the Brussels take, or vying for a key position in the EU when they retire, are not only liars who reneged on honouring the vote result of the EU referendum but are now also feudal lords who have rejected democracy in its entirety.

Among all this betrayal and disgusting display of cowardice, there is only silence from the beaten British people. They accept their fate as much as cattle do on the way to the slaughter house as not one of them had the courage or fortitude to stand up and do something.

Silence is the real killer and it reveals something intrinsically true about modern Britain, of how much the people have been brainwashed to serve their EU masters after 45 years of servitude.

 

Useless people do not deserve anything apart from derision and disgust, and their fate is now sealed in the annals of history to be swallowed up whole by the EU superstate, to be integrated wholly by the soviet machinery of collectivism, and to suffer a fate worse than death itself by giving away all their rights and sovereign control to a foreign power.

One can only imagine the disdain the great kings and queens of British history would feel if they saw such a bunch of lily-livered cowards as is the case in the country today, or the great generals who fought battles for Britain, or the soldiers who died in all the wars.

Simply present a pile of vomit and a bucket of stinking urine placed under the stained British flag because that is all there is left, and that is all it deserves.

Have another cup of tea you fucking coward, you are not British anymore, you are a stain on the memory of a once brave, great country, you are a failure, a shameful disgrace, you might as well roll over and die now and wallow in your dishonourable cowardice, or go to the cenotaph and defecate all over it — your silence, as this country was completely and utterly defeated, will ensure it.

Britons Now a Defeated People – How EU Soviet Ideology Conquered Britain Without Single Shot Fired

Dissah Peer
-
0
Britons Now a Defeated People – How EU Soviet Ideology Conquered Britain Without Single Shot Fired

Selling out your own country to a foreign force for money is now quite the rigueur in parliament as many MPs are now officially and unofficially on the EU payroll. Parliament was easy to corrupt because there are many greedy MPs already on the take in Britain.

Over 45 years of EU indoctrination Britain has steadily become more soviet and undemocratic in its outlook. The people now love their EU prison and any diktats thrown at them however miserable and degrading they accept without question. The two world wars were thus fought for nothing, and Britain lost in the long run.

Historian Miles Gannet, reveals the reason for this soviet conditioning.

“The EU superstate is the recreation of the USSR in Western Europe. They have central committees just like the Russian soviets, and they have unelected officials who dictate policy to other regions which have been conquered by the EU. The EU’s method of conquering nations is purely economical, they effectively threaten the previously democratic country with economic sanctions, trade embargoes, customs delays, financial punishments until they capitulate and surrender. The EU conquers nations from within by infiltrating their parliaments with their paid off agents or utilise vast sums to bribe civil service officials to betray their country and people.

“For 45 years Britain has been under EU law and much of the population are now fully integrated in soviet EU ideology. The people do not know that they are not free, or living under a former sovereign state, they are mostly only interested in travel passes to places like Benidorm and mobile phone roaming charges. Britain’s parliament is a subject of the EU with little or no power any more to do anything for themselves, and they have to put all proposals through Brussels first. It is no more than a serf state under EU communist rule.

 

“Modern communism, as adopted by China and the EU is essentially one that allows a form of capitalism, but its system of process management and directive implementation is fluidly that of a collectivist communist regime. The EU Commission is run by unelected officials for the EU communist state without any reproach or consequence of their decision-making.

“History books are written by the victors, and what we will see is the history of Britain before the EU conquered the country being erased in the future. The EU will control all literature completely and erase large portions of history that pertain to democratic freedom. They do not want people to get ideas about democracy or freedom, because these are deemed as extremely dangerous.

“Orwell warned us about this possible future in the book, 1984, but what he did not foresee is the fact that Britain would capitulate and surrender to communism so easily. The EU through Article 13, and 11, will effectively erase large portions of the internet and vast libraries which are already disappearing anyway thus sealing its complete control over all thought.

“The future for the nation formerly called Great Britain is one of servitude to a vast economical megalith that dictates all law, and taxation. As just another sector under EU rule, there will be no more Britishness, even our royal family will be assimilated, taxed to the hilt and their budgets cut. For too long the EU has deemed the British royal family a supreme threat to its soviet EU ideology, and they will be cut down to size in a decade to a minimum and their palaces sold off.

“Britons always used to fight for their freedom in the past, but now all there is is corruption, and apathy. People do not care any more, and are not willing to fight for their rights or any semblance of dignity. Now a defeated people, Britons wallow in their cowardice and accept every indignity thrown upon them from their oppressors without even lifting an eyelid as their EU masters laugh at conquering a whole nation without a single shot being fired.”

Parliament Bill Denying 2016 EU Referendum Ever Occurred Passes into Law

Dissah Peer
-
0
Parliament Bill Denying 2016 EU Referendum Ever Occurred Passes into Law

The parliament bill tabled by MP Dominic Grieve and Chancellor Philip Hammond was passed by the House of Lords only after three hours of deliberation.

The new law effectively denies that the so-called largest democratic vote that supposedly took place on June 23, 2016 never happened and the result of the vote to leave the EU is erased from history and all parliamentary record.

Hansard, the official edited verbatim report of proceedings of both the House of Commons and the House of Lords has been ordered to completely erase all record of the EU referendum ever taking place, and the last three years of records shredded.

There were cheers in parliament today in both houses when the new law was instated, and anti-democratic Remain protesters outside parliament all breathed a sigh of relief as in their view, their role had been vindicated.

Prime minister, Theresa May, who encouraged and approved the new bill passing into law was adamant that the EU referendum never existed and has also said the same about the concept of democracy in Britain in 2019.

“The what? EU referendum? Never heard of such a thing. It must be a figment of your imagination. Democracy? What the fuck is that? Never heard of that either.”

All British newspapers and media have also been instructed under the new law to delete all articles relating to that thing that never occurred in 2016 with threats of severe punishment including imprisonment for editors and writing staff.

Under EU Directive 45683-43a we do not know what this article we have just written pertains to and are not liable under the new law to admit this or the subject of the article exists or existed at any time in the past or future.

 

1...354355356...804Page 355 of 804
squib footer 270

Breaking News

Copyright © Daily Squib 2024.

The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.