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Why Michelle Obama Will Not Run For President

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To become a U.S president requires a full medical test and examination. Even though, Michelle Obama is riding high in popularity with American socialists after the success of her recent book, this one necessary requirement is the factor stopping the former first lady from putting herself forward as a candidate.

Many in the Democratic party are clamouring for Obama to run of the presidency in 2020. In addition to her consistently high approval rating, Obama brings with her an immoral fortitude and aspirational progressive tenor that so many are seeking from elected officials in the next election.

Obama, however, finds herself lacking on the main qualification for running for president—she has no interest in having herself examined medically, especially if this examination revealed anything she does not want to be revealed.

Despite her obvious talent for leadership, her imposing hulking figure, her charisma and her inspirational speeches, she says she is uninterested in running for president, purely because it could bring more scrutiny upon herself, and her true physicality.

Veteran campaign manager for the Democrats, Budd Heimey, revealed how he has tried but failed to persuade Michelle Obama to put herself forward for the role.

barack and mike obama“Believe me I tried but she is an imposing figure. She put me in a headlock, as she has incredible strength and height, and told me in no uncertain terms that she did not want me to mention it again. Remember this woman has shoulders, and a grip that can crush walnuts. At one point I passed out, but she revived me with a hefty kick in the groin before telling me to ‘get the fuck out’.”

No one really knows why Michelle Obama would be avoiding a medical test as a requirement to become president.

At a recent weight lifting charity event where Michelle lifted up a 6’4 man with only one arm and tossed him across the room, reporters were lax to ask her.

“Remember what happened to Joan Rivers? Well, I got a mortgage, family and car payments and a life. That’s why I don’t ask questions about Michelle Obama,” one journalist for a well known news network revealed.

5:10 – 5:13

Male Feminist Wrongly Accused of Rape by Feminist Activist Commits Suicide

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A man who accidentally tripped up on a banner left on the ground at a feminism protest three years ago and fell forward onto a female feminist activist where he put his hands out to break the fall, underwent 24 months of a gruelling court case where he was accused of rape by his former feminist friend and colleague.

The male feminist, who cannot be named, fell on top of the female feminist and landed between her legs. By falling in such a manner, an accusation of attempted rape was first upheld, but was then escalated to full rape by the woman, who used to be a close colleague and activist in feminist causes with the man.

“Here is a male feminist who was devout to the cause of emasculation, who supported his own destruction as a man, being accused of something that he was totally against. Even the thought of penetrating a woman was abhorrent to this man and he campaigned for decades as a male feminist activist to end such anti-feminist practices. To be accused by the same feminists of an act that he actively abhorred was an aberration and complete betrayal that sadly led to his tragic suicide,” the man’s lawyer released as a statement at the inquest held in South London.

According to the report at the inquest following the man’s suicide, it was revealed that due to the false accusations he had not only been abandoned completely from his lifelong feminist friends and colleagues, but due to the social stigma, his own family had rejected him, he lost his job, his home and was living at a bus stop in Clapham.

Brexit Widdecombe Bomb to Destroy Opposition in European Elections

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If you want to bring out the big guns, the Howitzers, the napalm, forget about that, the Brexit Party just went nuclear, cue Ann Widdecombe.

This former MP was a Tory party member for a whopping 55 years before defecting to the Brexit Party to defend the mantle of democracy and sovereignty in Britain.

The Engineer, as we call him at the Squib, Nigel Farage, is a genius politician who has now rallied some big names into the new Brexit Party and has gained major voter support as well as funding.

As the Conservatives flounder aimlessly under the pathetic cowardice and treachery of Theresa May, their polling numbers are in such low figures that it may now take decades to recover all the ground lost with voter sentiment. May has not only abandoned voters, but Tory grassroots and much of the party, yet she is still supported by the Tory Remainer hierarchy who are as instrumental in the destruction of the Conservative party as May is.

The fateful date of the European elections on May 23 comes towards us like a speeding bullet, and many are itching to go to the ballot box for some serious punishment meted out on to the Tories, and Labour party.

One day, maybe Britain will rise from the ashes of treachery and cowardice, to look forward onto the open seas once again, to man the ships, and set sail to forge those lucrative trading deals. Until then, we are stuck with Theresa May, an insipid turd that refuses to be flushed down the toilet bowl into the sewer where she belongs.

Ann Widdecombe will be the one who takes the fight to the EU, and not of her former party who have abandoned everything it stood for — instead, she will stand up for Brexit and Great Britain.

Prince William Wants Prince Harry, Meghan Markle ‘one way trip to Mars’: Report

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A new report claims that Prince William wants Prince Harry and wife Meghan Markle “as far away as possible, like on a one way trip to the planet Mars.”

Prince William reportedly wants the Duke and Duchess of Sussex to go on a one way trip to Mars to ensure that he and wife Kate Middleton stay in the spotlight.

Insiders claim that Kensington Palace considered sending Harry, 34, and Markle, 37, to Syria or Iraq at first, but settled on Mars as the best solution to the problem.

“There have been various ideas floated for them to take on a job abroad, such as governor-general of the Sunni Triangle in Baghdad or Syria, wherever,” a palace source told The Sunday Times.

harry and meghan Mars

SpaceX

Palace courtiers and advisers are now talking to SpaceX pioneer, Elon Musk, to send the couple on a one way trip to Mars.

A friend of William and Harry alleged, “In some ways it would suit William to get his brother off the earth for a few decades and Meghan as far away as possible.”

Elon Musk, has been commissioned by the palace to design some kind of royal spaceship that will ensure Harry, Meghan will travel to Mars safely with a flight crew who will help set up a Mars colony once they get there.

The cost to the British taxpayer for the Duke and Duchess to go to Mars could be in the region of £450 million, however many are saying it is cheap considering what you get for that price.

 

Seven Months to Mars

“Going to Mars is no cup of Earl Grey tea. We are talking seven long months. I can’t imagine Meghan or Harry being able to cope without the paparazzi for that long? This is why we have designated one paparazzi to be their official photographer during the arduous journey,” Miles Franklin, a SpaceX team member told the Times.

“Once on Mars, the couple will still be able to update their Instagram page, but there will be some delay in doing so. Communication delays between Mars and Earth can be between 3 and 22 minutes,” Franklin added.

Desperate times desperate measures

There is a real feeling of desperation in the palace about what to do to get the limelight back on Kate and William, who have been sidelined by Harry and Meghan.

Hopefully, the Harry, Meghan Mars trip will be the opportunity Prince William and Kate Middleton need to rebuild their public personas and reclaim their rightful place as the new face of royalty in the 21st century.

Kensington Palace didn’t deny the rumours of sending the Sussex royals to Mars, but said in a statement, “Any future plans for the Duke and Duchess are speculative at this stage. SpaceX founder, Elon Musk is in close discussion with the palace. The Duke will continue to fulfil his role as Commonwealth Youth Ambassador until his departure date to Mars.”

If this all goes well, Musk will be in for a knighthood, the palace has confirmed.

New Vote For Comrade Theresa May Ten Year EU Soviet Plan

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Addressing the people of the EU Soviet Sektor 101 Formerly Great Britain, Comrade Theresa May has spoken about the sector’s future in miserable slavery to our EU masters.

“COMRADES, men of the Remainer Army and Remainer Navy, commanders and political instructors, working men and working women, collective farmers-men and women, workers in the intellectual professions, brothers and sisters in the rear of our enemy who have temporarily fallen under the yoke of the Democratic brigands, and our valiant men and women guerillas who are destroying the rear of the capitalist Brexit shisters!

“On behalf of the EU Soviet Government and our Labour-Con Bolshevik Party I am greeting you and congratulating you on the first anniversary of the Great Remainer Socialist Revolution.

“Comrades, it is in strenuous circumstances that we are today celebrating the first anniversary of the Remainer Revolution. The perfidious attack of the Brexiteer brigands and the war which has been forced upon us have created a threat to our EU Sektor. The vile treacherous Brexiteers and their hunger for democracy, and sovereignty reckoned that after the very first EU Referendum our soviet socialist Remainer army would be dispersed, and our EU Sektor would be forced to her knees. But the enemy gravely miscalculated. In spite of temporary reverses, our Remainer treasonous army are heroically repulsing the Brexiteer’s attacks along the entire front and inflicting heavy losses upon them, while our EU Sektor—our entire European Union—has organized itself into one fighting camp in order, together with our Soviet Remainer forces, to encompass the rout of the Brexiteer invaders.

“There were times when our EU Stasi Sektor was in a still more difficult position. Remember the year 2016, when the former Great Britain conducted the largest democratic vote in the history of the country? 17.4 million of our country was at that time in the hands of treacherous democracy and freedom lovers. These scum, these miscreant capitalist democracy lovers voted to leave our beloved Soviet EU even after we skewed the election in our favour. But we did not become despondent, we did not lose heart. In the fire of corruption, treason and treachery we forged the Red Army and converted our country into a military camp. The spirit of the great Lenin animated us at that time for the war against the interventionists. And what happened? We routed the interventionists, and democracy lovers to recover all our lost territory, and achieved victory.

“Today the position of our country is far better than on June 23, 2016. Our country is now merely a Sektor of the great EU Communist Super-State. We are no longer enslaved to ridiculous aspirations of freedom, democracy or making our own laws. We are under the yoke of the European Union forever, and our Soviet collectivist assimilation is complete.

“For the complete destruction of the Brexiteers!”

“Death to the Brexit democratic vile pig swill!”

“Long live our glorious Motherland, Brussels, her Soviet Stasi prison!”

“Under the banner of Lenin, forward to victory!”

Happy St George’s Day

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It’s a happy St George’s Day in EUngland (EU Sector 101) today.

All over the EU sector soviet citizens and comrades have been celebrating St George, but many do not know anything about the story or why they are celebrating.

In Manchester street parties were held, and everyone waved EU flags in total ignorance to what they used to fly as a flag in the past.

“I heard it used to be a flag of a big red circle,” one man said.

Another man chimed in and postulated “I fink it was a big star and a moon, or summink like that.”

In London, where no one speaks English anymore, the street parties were jovial with only a few rabid stabbings.

“Sunt doar aici pentru beneficii,” a Londoner replied when asked what the significance of St George’s day was, whilst chomping on a large cabbage roll called a Sarmale.

One woman was adamant that she knew the significance of St George’s day.

“Dawno, dawno temu był facet o imieniu St George. To wszystko co wiem.”

Meanwhile at 10 Downing street, the EU sector Kommandant, Theresa Von May, was flying the EU flag at full mast to celebrate St George’s Day.

She addressed the nation with a telivisual communique to celebrate this wondrous day.

[Translated from German] “Comrades, today I would like to honour all soviet EU citizens within this sector. I have been asked by my superiors in Berlin to thank you all for capitulating throughout the terrible years of Brexit threat and to allow this former country to be completely swallowed up by the soviet EU superstate where Marxist collectivism is key to our functionality. All citizens will be given an increase in sugar rations by half a gram, and you will have an increase of one segment of chocolate for the day. Thank you for your endearing surrender. Long live the EU! Niech żyje Unia Europejska! Trăiască Uniunea Europeană! Da zhivee Evropeĭskiyat sŭyuz! Jetoni gjatë Bashkimit Evropian!”

Additional news — in sector 101-D, formerly Dalston, an Albanian man was arrested after an altercation with three Poles, one Bulgarian, five Romanians, and sixteen Afro-Caribbean gentlemen who had previously been on a pickpocket and stabbing spree leaving 49 people dead. All detainees were released without charge and given warnings at the insistence of the London Mayor Siddiqistan.

Masterful Cinematography Graces the Puy de Fou With Director Bruno Aveillan

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It is great to see attention to historical detail as one witnesses within this short masterpiece filmed in the Puy de Fou, where acclaimed French director Bruno Aveillan cruises through time as if it were nothing but a short, hop, skip and jump.

One can see elements of Terry Gilliam, maybe some Les Visiteurs a la Jean-Marie Poiré albeit without the quirky comedy, and a smidgeon of Ridley Scott-esque historical detailing.

The short film was filmed entirely in the heart of Puy du Fou’s authentic, scenic park and includes performances from the park’s stuntmen, horse riders and artists.

eternals scene

Preparation for the film took two and a half years and an entire week of filming using five cameras filming simultaneously in order to bring this unique picture to life, one that reflects the quality experienced by Puy du Fou’s visitors. Over 200 actors from Puy du Fou took part in the making of this extraordinary film, which required 600 costumes, 30 horses, 2 tons of fireworks, 30 make-up artists, 2 drones and over 60 hours of rushes.

Bruno Aveillan has been able to translate the aesthetics and visual force of Puy du Fou’s facets which have made the park famous for over 40 years, into a spectacular and moving film.

Technical excellence, intricate visual magic is all too apparent, and after watching the film, one can only want more of those moments in time.

‘Eternals’ showcases the amazing theme park in the heart of the Vendée region of Western France, it brings forth the qualities of the French imagination and their deep historical cultural value. Forget Disney Land Paris, Puy du Fou is the place to go, to truly enjoy one’s freedom of expression and imagination.

 

How Men and Women Differ in Gambling

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It’s no surprise than men and women are different in many respects. But do they play differently? Let’s see what the science says on this matter.

Why do they play?

People gamble for a variety of reasons. Some are attracted by the possibility of making money on gambling. Some prefer the thrill that you feel while you wait for the casino game to show you the result. Some like the social aspect of gambling.

Studies show that men and women are mostly similar on this question. Roughly a half of men and women are in for the money. They see gambling as a form of investment where you can win a fortune if you bet long enough.

Men and women are equally divided in the question of boredom. 22% of women and 19% of men gamble because they’re bored as found on IrishCasinoHEX’s view on MrGreen Casino. As for the thrill of gambling, 5% more men than women gamble for the thrill of the game first and foremost. The numbers here are 20% and 25% respectively.

What do they play?

Now, men and women are much more divided in terms of games they prefer to play. 73% of men prefer to bet on sports while only 40% of women do. This may be due to the fact you have to know a lot about dozens of factors to bet effectively or to the fact that women are less interested in gambling on average.

Bingo, however shows quite different results. 28% of men play it while 60% of women gamblers do. There’s evidence that women prefer to play non competitive sports and calculate their chances of success, while men go for competition even when they’re bound to win.

The same study correlates with the statistics that shows men prefer competitive gambling like poker. They’re 10% ahead of women in preference to this sport, with exact numbers being 30% and 20% respectively.

However, women are 10% ahead of men in online slots. 36% of women prefer to play them, while 26% of men do.

How do they risk?

Men tend to take risks more than women on average. As the study we mentioned before shows, men can be less calculative about taking risks, however.

If either gender would win £500, 71% of women would cash in, while only 60% of men would. 13% of men are going to reinvest the cash they won to win even better compared to only 9% of women.

A study on problem gambling shows that more men than women are problem gamblers. The numbers are 2.9% for women and 4.2% for men.

Where do they play?

A lot of respondents of the survey gambled in front of TV, a common modern day trend. A third gambled in the bathroom, with men being 4% ahead in this category. 10% of either sex gambled in a hospital – a sane decision considering the size of a hospital bill.

As for family events, 12% of men would distract from them to gamble, while only 8% of women would.
What sites do they play at
Brand loyalty is rather high in gambling. About a third of men and women play at one website only. Another third gambles at two websites.

The number of gamblers who play at more than 6 websites at a time is as low as 10% for both sexes. Men and women are quite united in this respect, and don’t want to pick many places to play.

How much do they spend?

Men spend a lot more on gambling on average. Half of women don’t spend more than £10 a week on gambling, on par with 35% of men.

In all the consequent spending brackets, men are represented more than women. Often, the numbers are quite small. For instance, 3.5% of men spend £250 a week, while only 2.2% of women do.

Are they different or alike?

Men and women are quite different in gambling habits. Men spend more, and play different games. However, the difference is more about being 10% ahead of another sex than being cardinally different.

Actress Emma Thompson Brings Champagne and Caviar to Extinction Rebellion

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After flying thousands of miles first class in some carbon emission nightmare 747, celebrity luvvie, Emma Thompson immediately got into her dungarees and asked her chauffeur to drive her to the Extinction Rebellion protest where middle class crusties and other socialist/Marxist ephemera are sitting in.

“Darlin, do you like my dungarees, have some champagne, it’s a Mouton Rothschild, but you wouldn’t know that would you?” Thompson quips at a crusty who hasn’t washed for six years, handing him a glass of the best.

Dungarees are a staple for champagne socialists, as it portrays an image of being of the people. The fact that Emma Thompson is staying at the Dorchester in a luxury suite, is neither here nor there.

“Would you like some caviar? You look like you have not eaten anything all day, poor darling,” the celebrity sighs, as she hands out some prime Sevruga with a little spoon.

Times are hard for the protesters and they need all they can get, so it is thankful they have such a champion on their side.

“You lot carry on, I’ve got a dinner appointment at Le Gavroche with some of my luvvie chums. Ta ta for now, see you tomorrow for some more photo ops.”

 

Bloodbath Tory Disaster Planned For Next Month’s Local Elections

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Hundreds of Tory councillors will lose their seats next month in local elections because of Theresa May whose name is now associated with ‘betrayal’.

Conservative Associations across the country are finding that Mrs May’s name is so toxic with voters that the mere mention of the Prime Minister gets in the way of campaigning with some even showing their disgust by spitting or shouting.

On May 2 a total of 8,773 council seats will be contested across 259 councils in England and Northern Ireland. The Tories currently have control of 163 councils, Labour have 74 and the Liberal Democrats four.

Latest polling suggests the Conservatives will suffer heavy losses as voters punish them for Mrs May’s failure to deliver Brexit.

Toxic Theresa

Pollsters are now predicting the Conservatives will lose control of at least 100 councils simply because of toxic Theresa May and her role in betraying the people.

“Theresa May has taken the Tories back centuries and we will lose everything we have worked for. It is nigh on impossible to get canvassers or volunteers now. Even mentioning May’s name to voters can have violent effects, with one man headbutting a canvasser when he dared to. This is unworkable,” a Tory council worker revealed.

As predicted by the Daily Squib, because of Theresa May and her Remainer cult, who have actively deferred Brexit two times already and consorted with Jeremy Corbyn, the Tories will be thrown into the political wilderness for at least thirty years.

“What we are seeing here is a PM who does not care for her councillors, her own party, her voters, and ultimately the whole country. Theresa May is now so reviled for destroying Britain’s democracy that many people say her name when they step on a dog shit. How bad is that?” another Tory councillor who will lose his seat revealed.

Anne Hedgerow, the councillor for the Milliscombe and Trentonsplean ward, was asked four times by the BBC whether she would like to praise the Conservatives’ handling of Brexit, but would only say: “I am a Conservative candidate in the local elections and I will do the very best I can for my residents in the local elections. In other words, I’m fucked.”