Formerly a lawyer of high regard, but now the right hand man of Herr Juncker, he has been useful in disposal operations in the past.
“When it comes to effective disposal, Colonel Selmayr is a leading proponent in discreet handling but vicious punishment. He comes from the rear or the side, and when no one is looking, schlapf! It’s over,” one of Juncker’s aides revealed.
A true believer in the thousand year EU project, otherwise known as Reich, Selmayr conducts hits on anyone who gets in the way as ordered by his leader Jean Claude Juncker.
Colonel Selmayr has subsequently been credited with some of the European Union’s most hard-line negotiating positions, including its demand that Britain must pay a £80 billion Brexit divorce bill, as well as leaking a damaging account of Mrs May to a German newspaper during recent talks in Downing Street.
“He works underhand, below any known belt line, and from the shadows. People disappear, one minute they are there, the next they swim with the fishes, and no one knows where they are. He is an expert in clandestine operations, disinformation, propaganda and trickery of the highest order,” a scared Brussels worker revealed to the BBC, but has not been seen since speaking up.