There were mass riots in the fields and cobbled streets of Somerset yesterday when the Chancellor, Alistair Darling, announced the huge price hike on cider.

Whose
cider you on?

“At the moment we have the situation under control with only 34 towns and villages burning uncontrollably. Hopefully by the morning the rioting may ease but we’re staying in our little police station until we get reinforcements.” Inspector George Knacker, of the Bridleswaide Constabulary told the town’s local newspaper.

Cider in the West country is almost a religion and to meddle with the price, as Mr Darling has done, is considered by most as sacrilegious behaviour beyond comprehension.

“I want Darling to come and see what he’s done here. I want him to see the vats of cider left there because we can’t afford to buy a pint or two. If he’s got the balls to show his face down in these here parts he better get ready because he’s going to need a bloody army I tell you,” an angry ex-cider drinker from Wiveliscombe told the BBC before tossing a molotov cocktail into the already burning Town Hall.

The damage caused by rioters has been estimated to be over 256 million pounds so far, but the extent of the destruction is still not yet known as the riots are ongoing.

Speaking from the Westminster Duma, Comrade Darling unveiled the new punitive measures package that will help repatriate all wealth from the rich bourgeoisie scum, who are the only ones left with any assets in the United Soviet British Union, thus their wealth will be given to the Benefits consuming key Labour party supporters.

“Our great unelected leader, Comrade Brown ordered me to strip the bourgeois masses of all their wealth. Well, I think I have achieved this task, and will implement it immediately. I have also ordered for anyone who has worked hard for their money to be stripped of their wealth and to have their assets broken up and given to the Benefits people and scroungers in council houses the length and breadth of Soviet Britain.”

Commissar of State for Children, Schools and Families, Ed Balls was on hand to reassure the remaining population who still have some assets left, that the Labour cause was a noble one: “Our Labour policies are averse to any citizen working hard to acquire any form of wealth or assets, this is true, however you must understand we are simply redistributing the wealth to those who don’t want to work and have nothing. Surely you will agree that they deserve your assets more than you do?”

This new equality drive by the state is being implemented to ensure that the British Soviet people are equal in poverty, but there is one consolation Comrades, like all people on Benefits in the UK today, everyone will have a 67 inch plasma TV embedded in their council house living rooms to enjoy for the rest of their grey and sad wasted lives.

“If everyone in Britain is poor and does not have any assets, we have achieved our goal,” Comrade Darling said defiantly, before being driven away in his chauffeured Jaguar.

“This is no Tea Party, this is a f*cking slaughter. We’re going to take what the white man built up and we’re going to take these people into debt oblivion,” president Obama told the House of Representatives.

After standing up at the podium to speak to the House, Mr Obama got down to business with venom in his words: “There’s nothing you can do to stop the bill that will bankrupt America go through. You Republicans have fought me all the way to save your nation from destruction but now that I have you by the balls, what are you going to do? It’s over! Stand back and accept your defeat, the country that you built off the backs of the black man and black woman slaving in your cotton fields is gone now. I’m going to personally tax you people and bring in so much debt to you that you will all wish you were living in England where the tax is so high that you can’t even buy a lollipop without taking out a f*ckin’ loan. Look at Britain’s NHS. They’re so overloaded that people are now using it for un-assisted suicide. We want a system like theirs, where you can go in to one of their squalid, dirty germ infested wards healthy and come out in a bodybag. This is the gift I give to you, whitey. It is necessary to destroy America so as to bring in the New Era of Socialised Collectivist Change. Please now bend over and cough.”

American deficit debt has already quadrupled under Obama’s so-called stimulus package and with his new Healthcare plan it is going to explode. What’s going to happen when China stops buying US bonds and dumping the Dollar?

The brutal censorious Chinese regime is shutting down Google in China soon and this will be the last time the Chinese people can search for the truth about the savage barbarity committed by the communist ruling elite on 4th June 1989.

六四事件

Speaking from an internet cafe in Beijing, an anonymous internet user wrote on an illegal message board: “It is quite funny that the Chinese system which is meant to benefit the people, as Mao was taught by European aristocratic controllers, is simply a mechanism of ultimate control that exists purely to service the sybaritic corrupt elite leading classes of China. It is a land of extreme poverty and deprivation for literally billions of people whilst those who spout out their evil suppressive message to the brainwashed Chinese masses get away with murder every day as they dress themselves in the finest blood soaked silk garments of gluttony.“

Sadly for that particular internet user, in China’s regime of censorship, an inspector was probably monitoring his every word and he would be receiving a visit from a few thugs later on in the day so he could be re-educated in the proper way.

It’s an age old Labour tradition. After trashing the economy, there are usually mass strikes across the whole country culminating in social unrest and anarchy.

“We’re not just good at queuing in this miserable country. We’re also good at striking, although not as good as the Frenchies. It’s a bit like the Seventies at the moment; you know when we had the last disastrous Labour government in office. This time though, people are striking for strikes within strikes,” Willie Wonka Walsh, the CEO of Britain’s flagship airline, British Strikeways, told Sky news.

“Strike fear into the heart of strikes”

Union leaders were adamant today that national strikes on strikes will go ahead even if strike action is prolonged for another three years of Labour-led strikes: “This strike is simply about striking and strike dates for strikes within strikes. Over 547% of our members who voted for strike action about strike action within strike proceedings have voted for strikes. This is a strike about strikes. Let me be clear here, we’re striking because of strike action and our strikes will be effective within the strike period,” RMT union leader, Bob Vulture told the Labour state broadcasting mouthpiece, the BBC yesterday.