Labour’s Final Solution: Death to the Bourgeoisie

LONDON - England - Comrade Darling today unveiled new measures to punish the bourgeoisie and destroy those who own any assets or wealth.

Speaking from the Westminster Duma, Comrade Darling unveiled the new punitive measures package that will help repatriate all wealth from the rich bourgeoisie scum, who are the only ones left with any assets in the United Soviet British Union, thus their wealth will be given to the Benefits consuming key Labour party supporters.

“Our great unelected leader, Comrade Brown ordered me to strip the bourgeois masses of all their wealth. Well, I think I have achieved this task, and will implement it immediately. I have also ordered for anyone who has worked hard for their money to be stripped of their wealth and to have their assets broken up and given to the Benefits people and scroungers in council houses the length and breadth of Soviet Britain.”

Commissar of State for Children, Schools and Families, Ed Balls was on hand to reassure the remaining population who still have some assets left, that the Labour cause was a noble one: “Our Labour policies are averse to any citizen working hard to acquire any form of wealth or assets, this is true, however you must understand we are simply redistributing the wealth to those who don’t want to work and have nothing. Surely you will agree that they deserve your assets more than you do?”

This new equality drive by the state is being implemented to ensure that the British Soviet people are equal in poverty, but there is one consolation Comrades, like all people on Benefits in the UK today, everyone will have a 67 inch plasma TV embedded in their council house living rooms to enjoy for the rest of their grey and sad wasted lives.

“If everyone in Britain is poor and does not have any assets, we have achieved our goal,” Comrade Darling said defiantly, before being driven away in his chauffeured Jaguar.