Just dial NSA PIZZA stating your social security number and you will not only get a piping hot pizza with your favourite toppings but if they’re two minutes late then they’ll throw in a side order of something you ordered in 2004.

“This is the most amazing service because you never actually see who delivers your pizza either. It like magically turns up on your doorstep and all you see is an unmarked government registered vehicle leaving your house at great speed. They got my favourite toppings and I hate garlic dip so they left that out too,” a pleased customer from the Fort George G. Meade area told local news crews reporting on the amazing story.

The covert NSA pizza delivery service is guaranteed to give you a smile and a full belly every time, just don’t ask too many questions about it.

“Many years from now Edward Snowden, will be looked upon as one of the greatest American patriots that lived and died for his country. He exposed the evil corruption and tyranny that built up within the former United States of America. What he did was courageous beyond words because the machinery of totalitarian oppression that calls itself the Obama administration was severely disrupted by his actions. My fellow Americans, I stand here and ask you, do you want to do something for your country or do you want to just sit there and ignore this sh*t? Do you want to live in a nation where we are not allowed our opinions, freedom of expression and most of all privacy? Do you want to live in a country that has set up checkpoints everywhere and listening devices? Don’t just stand there, do something. Don’t turn yella, get some damn balls, stand up. I fought in Iwo Jima for something and you should fight too. Don’t let my buddies who died going up those hills die for nothing. For god’s sake let us do something here. This is a turning point in history. We have seen what they want to do to us and they are treating us, we the f*cking people, with contempt — NOT respect,” Alfred Neuhart, 94, a world war II veteran and decorated war hero told people on the steps of the George Washington memorial in Washington DC today.

Nathan Hale

By not doing anything to stop the cowardly snooping, America is taking totalitarian strides towards a complete surveillance state. Since Obama has been in power, surveillance on ordinary Americans has increased by over 800% much like the gas price.

And it is not only mass surveillance that is curtailing American freedom but Soviet techniques of political correctness which aim to limit free speech.

“Edward Snowden will probably not make it to the end of the year, because the machinery of the state is working against him and trying to kill him wherever he goes. He exposed them, and that is punishable by death, they’re going to erase him from the earth, but the saddest part of this will be the people of the US will probably accept his erasure and simply carry on as if nothing happened,” a sad American said from his sofa.