Billions of children around the world were said to be very upset today as news agencies reported the odious goings on by the NSA.
Speaking from the North Pole, chief elf, Dingbat Ringworm had some words to say about the sordid situation.
“When I logged onto the mainframe to adjust some Christmas present lists, my cursor suddenly started to move of its own accord. Then I got an email from someone called Eddy Snowden, he said the feds had been spying on Santa. Not only that, the Christmas lists were then sold to some guy called Zucky, or Zucker. Now that dude sold the lists to marketers and ad agencies so the shit is absolutely everywhere now. Let’s just say when Santa heard about it all his beard nearly spontaneously combusted. Never seen the guy that angry since Frizwald dropped a load of Xmas prezzies last year when loading the sleigh.”
No More Windows 97?
Because of the database invasion, Santa has now ordered all his elves to write the Christmas present lists on paper. This means Christmas could be delayed by three whole weeks because of the mammoth task at hand for his little helpers.
“It looks like we have to go back to the bad old days huh. I don’t even know if we have enough paper to write it all up. Thank you NSA, You just made our lives a lot harder,” another disgruntled elf told the Elven Times.