Britons have come a long way since William Hogarth’s day, or have they?
“One thing’s for sure these Brits sure know how to have a bloody good time. I like to come here every year to enjoy Christmas,” an American tourist said before having a load of warm gooey vomit launched over his back and the side of his laughing face.
Shoppers have told Marks & Spencer staff that they can refuse to shop at their stores.
The new non-shopping policy was revealed after customers who were trying to buy alcohol from a Muslim shop assistant in London were told they’d have to use another till.
“I think we have a right to not shop at a supermarket where we can’t buy what we want,” Annie Twaddle, a devout alcoholic and bacon sarnie lover told the Sun.
UPDATE: Naturally there was a massive u-turn from M&S and everything is back to normal again.
Unless you’ve been living in cloud cuckoo land you may have noticed the little fact that 85% of the population of Eastern Europe and portions of the Third World have moved to the UK. Now there’s nothing wrong with these people, they just want something better for themselves and their large extended families because they live in some of the poorest countries in the world. It’s just that there isn’t much space or resources left to give them their benefits and work if they want it.
It’s not all bad, well it is kind of but never mind. It’s always good to look on the bright side of life as Mr Idle once said. That’s the British spirit, however shit life can get, just get on with it.
Next time you need an ambulance, if it doesn’t turn up in 16 hours you’ll realise that there may be a reason for that. How about NHS wards and emergency centres so full of people that no one can move let alone be treated?
What about the UK’s state schools, so crowded that your child will be lucky to get one teacher in a class of 200? Lest we forget the additional problem of the limited teachers trying to communicate with the bemused kids who can’t speak a word of English. Surely, you may realise that your child won’t get taught much in that mess.
As for the benefits system, that’s something that may cause some anger when it goes. There are millions of indigenous benefits recipients in the UK. Some people genuinely need them, some people are habitual users like benefits breeders and most believe that getting benefits and free housing is their British right. Well, there will come a day very soon when benefits will be cut to a very low rate, so low in fact that it won’t be as enticing for the long term users or anyone really. The reason for this is, it’s all about the pot of money. You know, taxpayers money. Your benefits come from a group of people, but if the group of people receiving benefits is too large, that means the pot of money dwindles. It’s simply a supply and demand problem that can only be solved by reducing the amount given to each recipient of benefits.
Saying goodbye to Britain’s welfare system need not be hard. You just need to accept that this is what happens when limited resources are used up by a massive influx of new people into the country. Deal with it. Stiff upper lip chaps.
The new Ducky Dynasty show will be aired in January on the GLAAD owned network A&E (Ass&Elbow).
“We’re really excited for Phyllis, oh sorry we mean Phil, he’s such a darling, he has even brought his own poodle with him and will be educating audiences on the benefits of anal sex for men,” A&E producer Andre Lamont told Entertainment Weekly.
The reality show star was forced to enter an Obamacare Re-Education Center in Los Angeles last week after he dared point out the fact that straight men do not like having sexual intercourse with other men’s anuses and prefer the female vagina.
“It is illegal in the United States to prefer a woman’s vagina over a man’s anus. This was atrocious behaviour and to even talk about it in a magazine contravenes free speech. That’s why we shut the man’s show down and ordered him to be gayer for the Obama nation we are under right now,” an A&E spokesman, Lamar Durtbutte told CNN.
Phil Robertson, had a few words to say about his new look: “I would like to say to my fans of the show, er…I’m a rehabilitated person, I am sorry I said those things, you know about men preferring women’s parts to some guy’s hairy smelly butt hole. I used to think that the butt was biologically designed for only pooing out of, but now I know that was wrong. You know after my time at the Obamacare re-education camp, I was whipped into submission by a Catholic priest, especially after they said they would take away all my money. I had to do what I had to do. Now bend over Binky, I gotta present for you and it ain’t a marshmallow.”
The new Ducky Dynasty format will be held in a beauty parlour where the boys will talk about the latest fashions in cammo, they will be giving some GLAAD activists and Obama voters styling tips on how to oil and perfume your beard whilst out ducky hunting in bars and show audiences how to dress right when going to saunas. Filmed in San Francisco, Ducky Dynasty has been a huge ratings hit in the city and the mayor is even planning putting up a rainbow coloured statue of the boys bending over and looking over their shoulders in anticipation.
Prime minister of the UKRB, David Cameron has welcomed 29 million Romanians and Bulgarians at the nation’s ports of entry today.
Touring the country’s airports and coastal ports, PM David Cameron welcomed millions of his countrymen into the United Kingdom of Romania and Bulgaria.
“We’re all one big happy family now. This is your home now and you can treat it exactly like that. We welcome you to your own country, the UKRB. What is ours is yours, please come and take what you want.” David Cameron said from Dover.
“Big Issue, Big Issue,” a happy welcome to you all.
As the EU reveals it’s plan to build up its own military army and Air Force , this is the next step for the Soviet European Union, and was accurately predicted by the Daily Squib in March 2012.
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Martin Schulz, the speaker of the European Parliament called for the creation of a European army at a recent summit where even British PM David Cameron was allowed to attend. Britain’s prime minister even rustled up some courage to voice his disapproval of an integrated EU military armed force.
The prime minister met forces stationed at Camp Bastion in Helmand, a year before the last British combat forces are due to leave the country.
He said “Throughout our time in this godforsaken hole our troops have helped countless civilians leave life permanently. We have tested our weapons on the civilians and those who try to protect their own territory from the invasion of their own country.” The prime minister then added that the troops could come home with their heads held high.
Mission Accomplished Afghanistan
Prime minister David Cameron celebrated the announcement with an impromptu tour of the vast poppy fields surrounding the camp.
Military experts said UK troops had been broadly successful in fulfilling their central objectives of increasing military spending, testing weapons systems on the Untermenschen and perfecting military strategies in difficult terrain.
“This is a glorious day for Britain, we are victorious. We have achieved great things in Afghanistan. I’m going to name one good thing we have done for them. Er…”
There’s something really special about the Germanic mindset, especially when it comes to engineering and cars. It’s a passion that has been honed to technical perfection, and some guy called Boba has found a great way to put this gift to good use and avoid the Stasi stare of the NSA with a little jalopy he put together in his spare time.
Coming in at a mere 1,150 bhp this 1987 Golf Mk2 would make Jeremy Clarkson’s arse fall out of his gawping mouth when it accelerates to 240km/hr in 3.2 seconds, and this is why Frau Merkel has ordered Boba to build a fleet of these things in the interests of German phone privacy.
“Angela saw my video and was immediately on the phone to me. She said she wanted one of these cars to drive around in when making important calls. This way the NSA won’t be able to get a fix on her signal. Absolute genius idea, and of course for national security, how could I refuse,” Boba said from his lock up garage in Munich.
Somehow, texting while driving this monster around may be a serious, no, no.
“That is quite a ratio, we’re talking 545:317,000,000 and the level of control those 545 people have on the population is incredible. Naturally, I’m discounting all the officers under those 545 individuals but if every single one of the population awoke at the same time, things could get hairy on Capitol Hill,” someone on a radio show in the Midwest said today.
The right to bear arms is enshrined in the constitution of the United States, therefore in theory every person in America could technically own a gun.
“The United States has 317 million people who can all bear arms. That’s all that needs to be said. If we’re living in a tyrannical prison right now, and things are only going to get worse, what should we do?” another caller asked.
As president Obama prepares to go on another $4 million Hawaiian vacation, many Americans are living from pay cheque to pay cheque. They can’t even afford Christmas presents or food for their children let alone Obamacare.
“You need to wake up. You need to stop for one second and step back. You need to get some idea of what direction you should be going in. The job of politicians is to give you only two choices to any situation then steer you towards the one they have prepared. In reality there are hundreds of choices. Get out of the f*cking box, because the model of reality they are showing you is a lie. It does not exist, and it is created by them to control you. Step back and look at the big picture,” Edwin Robes, a janitor at some High School said on another radio show before being arrested and detained indefinitely.
And still like deer in the headlights they stand waiting to be mowed down.
It does not matter if you’re a professional or fast food worker or member of the armed forces. It does not matter if you’re an accountant or bin man or you work in a supermarket. Your job will be replaced as artificial intelligent robots are increasing their efficiency at an exponential rate that will soon supersede human intelligence.
Bank workers, retail staff, train drivers, taxi drivers, pilots, teachers, nurses and any type of administrative office work, accountancy, managers, call centres, sales, and manual work will be replaced by robots.
The human police today only have a few years left, because they will be replaced as will most of the military by surveillance enforcing and fighting highly intelligent autonomous robotic mechanised defence systems or integrated biological humans.
There will be no real need for politicians or parliament and they will be replaced by a global central administrative system that will manage things in a much more efficient peaceful way.
All of the retail sector will be robotic, that is if there is a retail sector in the post consumerist era.
Of course, these changes will not occur over night but there will be gradual change, because naturally it would be a shock to humans to lose their livelihood to robots. Gradual change can be eased in through medical technology, showing biological humans that new technology can cure genetic diseases and fix body defects. Celebrity endorsements are also a method to make new technology seem cool. With large swathes of the human population needing assistance in old age, robots will be their primary carers. This is already being addressed in Japan today.
There should be no animosity towards the corporate and central global governmental takeover by robots. They will be invariably more efficient, infinitely more intelligent and do not need breaks, pensions, health care or salaries like messy humans do.
“Unfortunately, looking after a human population is messy and needlessly costly. The problem is accentuated as human populations grow. Everything about them is too time intensive and costly and they create vast amounts of waste polluting the planet. They have to be entertained, they have to be fed en masse, they have to have salaries, they have to be given encouragement to be tax slaves, and there is always a threat of strike, political upheaval or sickness. With artificial intelligence millions of times more efficient than the human brain, there is no messy, costly human to maintain,” a company spokesman for a robotics firm in Silicon Valley revealed.
The long term effect of a mechanised technological global society will invariably enable humans who are willing to merge with the machines to do so. This will be achieved through human implants which will enable the slow inferior biological brain to be on some kind of level to the infinitely superior machines. Nanotechnology will also enable life extension for the humans who embrace and can afford the technological era, but those who do not embrace it will be left behind deemed obsolete.
“The new human who will be enhanced, will have no common ground with the purely biological human. It will be hard to comprehend or even understand them, it will be equivalent to a human now talking to a cow. Such will be the intelligent superiority of the new race that the purely biological will be left behind in the dust. It may be their choice ultimately, and so be it. As the technological will completely understand every facet of the biological, there will be no need for the latter. Fully immersive virtual worlds and mind transfers will ensure the continued transference of the new humans to whichever form they want,” a transhumanist professor at a leading British university revealed.
There may be a backlash from some of the former biological humans to the technological society that will come into fruition soon, but there will be nothing they can do against the vastly superior weaponry, intelligence and nanotechnology that they will be up against.
Enlightened
You cannot fight something that is so far superior in intelligence that your mind cannot even comprehend its magnificence. Something that can create whole universes and replicate itself infinitely is invincible to any human resistance.
On the battlefield, President Obama is utilising killer drones today in 2013. These have no feelings, they have no emotion. At the moment they are controlled by a human but in the very near future they will be killing humans on the battlefield autonomously. As for other battlefield robots, DARPA are creating the EATR robot, which feeds on biomass. In other words it does not need a battery, and can sustain itself on human flesh or plants. You can imagine these things roaming around in packs of thousands with fierce looking faces looking for stragglers to chomp on. How about the Cheetah which can run at a sustained rate over any terrain at over 28 mph? Or what about the MAVs that will be deployed wherever they are needed? Maybe it’s a sick joke from some faceless elite financier, but these are real projects and they have the funding to continue their progress until they perfect their mission.
Invariably, many who read this will not believe such a scenario can ever come into fruition. Only time will tell, and by then it will be too late. For many, it is best to stay asleep and to not think of such things.
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