Here’s a sneak peak of what Scotland will look like after independence from the United Kingdom of Great Britain.

The magnificence of Scotland will soon be revealed to the world as it is spectacularly transformed into a paradise never before witnessed by any person standing alive today on the British Isles.

Resplendent with multiple tennis courts on every corner of the once grey green land, the palm trees will bristle with ripe deep fried Bounty bars, and the clouds will all disappear travelling instead down South where all the shisters live.

The coronation of King Salmond and Prince Murray will commence three days after liberation and there will be festivites all round, including free haggis and barrels of booze for every Scot.

Welcome to Scotland a paradise of freedom and the occasional glassing.

We have acquired a few words from a Celtic druid master, Caledonus, one of the last druids to have survived the massacres by the Christians over the centuries.

“Our ancestors were massacred in cold blood, then they built churches over the ley lines and central energy points from which we worshipped and killed our priests and children by dashing their brains against rocks. They subverted the energy from which we fed, then destroyed our sites, leaving only a few remains today. They took our pagan earth rituals and put their contrived religion over ours. Our solstices, our rituals were changed and made theirs over time subverting them and disguising their true meaning.

“The Celts were the original inhabitants of these islands, and the rest are all warring immigrants. What we see in the future is something that needs to be addressed. Scotland and Wales, as well as some parts of Cornwall are the last standing ground. It is crucial to our survival that we have a separation from those who stole from us as there are serious dangers afoot through mass unfettered immigration. This brings in disease, viruses and ultimately a plague for all who reside there. We have felt aiteacht for some time.

“When the governments of England under Labour opened the doors to mass immigration, they did so only with malice in their hearts, you see what they seek is a breeding ground for disease, and so it is written in the stones, there shall be an opening for the entrance of such an all encompassing virus as the South has an open door to the rest of the world through constant air traffic. Sooner or later the vast influx shall bring forth a cursed virus onto the populations of the South. Open borders from air, sea and land will bring it through and it will spread, the stones reveal the céalmhaire.

“Scotland, this is our only chance for survival. The earth will eventually be given back to its original inhabitants, the Native American tribes, the Aboriginals of Australia will have the roaming lands of their ancestors back eventually. The earth does not belong to anyone, and the arrogance of the brute conquerors will one day come back to them. The earth always wins, you cannot tame nature, nature always finds a way. They have forgotten about the source and their own arrogance will be their díth.

“Every day, those infected with Ebola fly into our land, how long before the virus spreads and mutates? We must shut the border to Scotland as this will be the only way to survive the deluge. Once the South is infected, Scotland will be the only place that stands.

“We must prepare. Do not forget the first ones, as Henge and Callanish makes us all remember the past is the future and the force of nature always wins in the end.”

Prime Minister, David Cameron himself commissioned the massive battered mars bar to be made and presented to the Scottish people prior to voting on the Scottish referendum held in a few days time.

“If this doesn’t sway the Yes voters I don’t know what will,” a nervous PM said from Downing Street.

The gargantuan deep fried mars bar is the creation of a catering company in Cheshire, who have been constructing the mars monstrosity for three weeks now.

“The deep fried mars bar has a length of 65 feet and width of approximately 35 feet. It weighs over 18 tonnes and had to be deep fried in specially constructed deep fat frying machines made in Germany specifically for this purpose. We used over 8 tonnes of batter and the caramel was shipped over from twenty locations worldwide. We are gifting this large deep fried mars bar to Scotland as an impetus to vote No to independence,” managing director of Halstow Confectioneries told the BBC.

The deep fried mars bar left its warehouse this morning at 5am and a specialist crane lifted it onto an HGV for the arduous journey up North.

People have been lining the streets as the deep fried mars bar goes through villages, towns and city centres along its route, cheering it on.

“We had some kids trying to bite chunks off it when going through one village, we had to get security in,” Chief Inspector Collin Waring, revealed.

The estimated time of arrival in Glasgow should be by 4pm Wednesday, just in time for feeding time when the chippies open.

Follow the Deep Fried Mars Bar Journey LIVE only on the Daily Squib

Timeline

5am – Mars bar has left the warehouse and is being loaded onto an HGV lorry.

5.30am – The mars bar has now travelled 4 miles and is at a roundabout near an industrial estate

6am – Rush hour morning traffic and onlookers have slowed the mars bar down.

8am – The mars bar is now about to enter the motorway heading North. Police escorts have arrived to protect the mars bar.

12.03pm – The mars bar convoy stops at a Little Chef as the drivers and police are a little peckish. Perhaps they’ll be having mars bars?

12.15pm – News just in SNP leader Alex Salmond has told Yes voters to avert their eyes and plug their nostrils when the mars bar crosses the border into Scotland.

We can guarantee that Alex Salmond will not take Scotland to Independence on a variety of reasons.

Firstly, there are many voters within Scotland who were not born there, and are of English descent, it is their vote which will push the No vote.

Yes, the ‘yes’ word is a positive word, however regarding independence, yes is now looked upon as a no, no. One must also factor in those who control commerce, and it is they who truly control all politics, polls and economic policy. There has been an emphatic, no from the commercial world.

If the Scots were serious about Independence they would create a military unit now and secure the vote, but they have not done so, therefore they are at the mercy of foreigners living in Scotland, who will vote no.

A vast number of Scots depend on welfare payments paid by the English taxpayer, this is another major reason why the Scots will vote no, as an Independent Scotland may result in a loss of their benefits and booze money.

Alex Salmond has already lost, one only has to look in his eyes to see that, and thus, the United Kingdom will prevail.