We conducted the interview in Alex Salmond’s home town of Glasgow in his council flat which he shares with his pet budgie Angus and a few heroin addicts on the estate.

DS: So how are things after the disastrous referendum vote which many see as Scotland having being robbed of freedom?

Salmond: I’ll always be defiant to the end, it’s not over even if the fucking cat purrs, and don’t count us out yet, we Scots have a wee bit more fight in us.

DS: Since your resignation as SNP leader, how have you been spending your time?

Salmond: You ever heard of Special Brew? Well, I’ve been downing a lot of that, also whisky, crack cocaine and a wee bit heroin just to calm my nerves. I have a lot of time on my hands now, I go down the benefits office and get my giro, by mid afternoon spent the lot. It’s not easy. This is how 90% of us Scots live our short lives.

DS: What do you think of Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling?

Salmond: I can’t say the words here, but I don’t think they’re Scottish. In the old days they would’ve been strung up on a tree and dealt with the way way we deal with traitors.

DS: Do you feel let down by big business?

Salmond: It’s called blackmail where I come from, they threatened people, so they voted no. If you scare people enough they’ll do anything.

DS: Do you think it was right for the Queen of England to intervene during the referendum?

Salmond: Put it plainly, no is the answer to that. It was a very well placed sentence, she wanted people to think carefully. Now I’m a politician and I know if people think that can be dangerous for them. Well, there it was, the answer was no independence for Scotland.

DS: Yes, but to be honest you didn’t have much of a detailed plan for the Scottish economy did you?

Salmond: Excuse me (Salmond takes a swig from a can and burps loudly). Plans are for sissies, we were about getting our freedom, where there’s a will there’s a way, we would have been like the next tax haven or something, you know like Switzerland.

DS: Do you think there will be another chance for Scotland to gain its freedom?

Salmond: No. That’s it for Scotland. We’re a beaten people now, because we’re not Scotland any more. Same thing happened in Northern Ireland. Once you let them in, that’s it. Now fuck off, I’ve got a date with some meth.

The interview ended abruptly when our reporter was kicked out of Salmond’s dingy flat.

The streets of Glasgow were teeming today with people all chanting that they were ‘better together’.

“It’s like a love fest, we hug each other, sing songs of unity together and we’re getting all loved up,” Angus McFenster, 35, a Scottish nationalist said whilst removing someone’s hand from his neck.

A BBC crew were in town, they felt the love too as bottles and stones rained down on them.

“Love is all around, better together or something like that, innit?” a unionist voter said from his hospital bed.

To understand the English, one must go back thousands of years, as migratory forces and conquest coloured the British Isles thus leaving deep scars that are still visible today.

The Angles, the Saxes and the Jutes are the English, a pseudo Germanic tribe who travelled over the Millennia from the borders of the Black Sea, tempered with Nordic Viking blood, Norman and Roman, it is a credit to this mass mixing of bloodlines that we have modern Britain today.

The current royal family of Britain are from the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha lineage and have steadfast Germanic roots as do most of the  English population.

So why are the English so afraid of being English? Why are they always hiding behind the all encompassing shield of the United Kingdom?

There is a certain element of self loathing which the English have adopted, however this is wholly unjustified and irrational. Their shame lies in their history of conquest, which should be celebrated and not put down. One can only blame the politically correct socialists for this stance.

The Imperialistic British Empire stretched from British Alaska to the Dominion of Australia from 1603 to 1949 it was the greatest empire this world has ever seen.

The key to being English over the centuries is absorption. Whilst keeping the ultimate core of what it means to be English, they have been able to assimilate a multitude of cultures into the Anglo system, linguistically, culturally and politically.

If one is to study the structure of most governments and nations around the world today, they are English, through administrative, governmental departments; and through the law courts, through financial structures, literature, music and military structures, the English always created the most efficient method in technique and conquest.

The loss of the British Empire in 1949 saw a sad decline in a truly magnificent dominion after 346 years, and this decline precipitated the rise of the socialists within British society who incorporated the National Health Service and other more inclusive forms of state governance.

The English have always warred with the idea of race, to be English is something that cannot be achieved with dark coloured skin. Whereas to be British, or be part of the Commonwealth one can be of a different colour. This element within the structure of English society and culture is something that cannot be negotiated, and although holds fascistic tones, is not overtly racist, it is just English.

What of the mass immigration from Eastern Europe during the EU influx? One cannot deny that there have been massive migratory forces involved with the EU’s Schengen policies, and even though the millions of poor Eastern Europeans coming over the borders daily are a cause of frustration, in time they will fit in more than those of colour who have tried to assimilate but have never been accepted. Not only are Eastern Europeans predominantly white, but they’re Christian, therefore over time they will be accepted faster than those who do not match up to requirements.

To be English, therefore is borne not only of ancestry but of colour. The colour part is extremely important within English society as well as the Christian root of their system, and of course the all important class system. Muslims, however, are an affront to English society, and this religion out of all others is treated as a pariah, a danger to everything that is English and it seems Western society as a whole holds this belief as well.

To have a runner from Jamaica in the Olympics running for Britain is seen by many as a Commonwealth participant running under the Queen’s flag, in no way are they deemed as English.

There are anomalies however, especially regarding football, where the England team does incorporate black players on occasion, this sometimes applies to countries like Germany who will incorporate a player who is half something else. When it comes to sport, there is a grey line which is usually traversed, and as long as the participant is deemed as fit to play for the nation’s team, they are mildly accepted. When it comes to famous sportsmen and women, naturally, their fame does supersede race, but generally only when they’re winning.

The Scottish referendum has revealed some discrepancies and cracks within British society, the United Kingdom is definitely not united, and the massive influx of immigrants from some of the poorest countries in the world has created a fracture that may never heal. The Labour government who were in power from 1997 – 2010 engineered the open door policy in order to destroy English society and to some extent it is working. What they have gained in voters for elections, transversely has precipitated the downfall of the United Kingdom, because they want England destroyed and the EU to take its place.

When Ed Miliband, who is not English, is voted in in 2015, his main impetus will be to destroy England further, achieved by further integration into the EU and encouraging millions more immigrants to come to the UK. This act will not only create a constitutional crisis, but a societal crisis, as the English will become even more marginalised in their own land. Not only will Labour destroy English homogeneity but his party’s actions will destroy the NHS, school systems and transport systems whilst creating a vast bottomless pit of debt that will ruin what was once England.

If you are English and you live in England, and your ancestors lived in England, do not be ashamed of it but be proud, because now is probably the time to do something about it.

How ironic that it took a traitorous chief bottler and reverse Midas touch politician like Gordon Brown to bring out the bottle in many Scottish voters.

As the resounding No vote by the bottlers reveals a nation with more mangy haggis than sporran, once again, Scotland has been party to treachery by its own brainwashed people.

“It’s not much of a cry to go into battle as a cry to go into bottle,” a former Yes voter and bottler told the BBC.

Gordon Brown’s traitorous bottler disease infected millions of Scottish bottlers with a resounding No vote, orchestrated of course with the help of Labour, who need Scotland to win a majority in a general election.

“I suppose I was working for the other side the whole time eh,” SNP leader Alex Salmond revealed whilst giving Darling a special handshake and a wink.

Perhaps, treachery is part of the Scottish psyche, as witnessed by William Wallace when he was abandoned by “Red” John Comyn during the battle of Falkirk in 1298 thus leading ultimately to his execution by the English.

Naturally, the Daily Squib accurately predicted the outcome of this sham referendum way before the results, but what can we say, we just can’t help doing what we do.