17.7 C
London
Friday, July 10, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 560

Obama: “I’m Acting How Republicans Wish They Could Act”

1

President Barack Obama is simply doing what the Republicans wish they could do but are too caught up in petty things like the U.S. constitution, Congress and laws of the land.

“They wish they could do as I am doing now. I answer to no one. If I think of something I act on it with impunity and without legal counsel. You see my Republican cowards, you cannot touch me, I am not called Teflon Barry for nothing. Impeach me if you dare. Republicans stand for cowardice, ain’t that so Mr. Boehner?” the president taunted at a recent Immigration fund raising event.

The EU is Nazi Germany Backwards Say Historians

0

The EU is doing things backwards, as they still hold the same strategy as Nazi Germany but are merely operating in a covert reverse fashion.

The violence and war will come towards the end of the EU’s life. Many nations which have been supposedly amalgamated into the EU entity have factions within their populations that may revolt in the future.

There is only so far the elastic band can be pulled before it snaps back, and the EU’s policy of disenfranchising millions of people within its prison borders will come back to haunt the unelected technocrats at the top of the pyramid.

One thing the EU has been very careful to hide is their plan to create an EU military force, which they will implement soon. Currently, most EU states reside under the auspices of NATO, however in the future there will be movement away from this, or a limited presence within NATO’s banner.

A dedicated EU military force will emerge to seal countries into the sovietized fascist system of control and power. Eventually, all previous nation states will be completely stripped of their sovereignty and will merely be known as sectors within the EU state. Nationalism to previous national entities will be made illegal and punished severely.

The EU claims to be a proponent of racial equality, whereas Nazi Germany was staunchly for racial purity. You may think there is some difference there however the Aryan superiority of the higher echelons and majority of the EU populations still stand today. The EU in the future will cleanse their remaining populations of undesirables and those not deemed worthy.

How does this tie in historically with Nazi Germany and France? The Russian problem has always irked Europe, Napoleon and Hitler attempted to conquer the Russian bear but failed miserably ultimately resulting in their demise. The EU has plans to infiltrate Russia, first economically then militarily. Already, we are seeing these plans coming into effect with economic sanctions and the engineered reduction of the global petroleum prices.

If you want to understand the strategy of the EU read a history book of Nazi Germany’s strategy from the last page.

George Osborne Mulling Over Ukip Defection

0

After David Cameron’s Conservative party was spectacularly wrecked last night at the Rochester by-election, Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne is mulling over a Ukip defection himself.

“These days I’m fit as a fiddle and ready to go. The Tories seem to have lost their bite and are ineffectual. I’m frankly sick of Cameron’s pandering to the EU which is in my opinion holding back the UK. There is a vast world to trade with, and not just the failing entity of the EU. We need to broaden our horizons, make Britain Great once again and not just a sector of the European Communist Bloc,” Mr Osborne said, before being cut off when David Cameron walked into his room.

“Ready, steady, defect! ” This is the call from many Tories now, as for the Lib Dems, with 300 votes, they do not have a call any more, just a whimper will do there.

Obama: “Whitey Was an Immigrant Once Too”

11

“Thas right folks, all ya’ll whitey were immigrants to North America once and you systematically conducted a program of genocide on Native Americans killing millions, but don’t let that make you feel bad it was only hundreds of years back huh,” President Obama told an immigration hearing set up by the Republicans.

America’s opposition party have been somewhat caught out in the headlights, having gained control over congress they still find themselves ineffectual and impotent as the Democrat president moves ahead with another executive order.

Open Doors

One of the president’s aides, Ungawa Mkosu, had this to say about allowing the first tranche of 5 million illegals into the U.S.

“First we’re going to let in 5 million this month, then after that it’s a message to some of the poorest nations in South America to come on over. Your people have hope, America, the land of opportunity is also yours, built up, ready to use. You won’t have to live in slums any more, Americans will welcome you into their mansions, the streets are paved with gold, if you have a medical problem you will be cured in some of the best hospitals in the world — for free. We will give you food, housing and jobs. You want to work, many Americans are too lazy, they have been entertained to the point of being obsolete, so you will take their place. America has opened its doors, Obama be praised, not just from South America, you can come from Africa, India, China, anywhere.”

The dreamers have awakened, the gift bestowed on them by Barack Hussein Obama beckons.

Now is the time to act. America is everyone’s land now.

Antoine Dodson: “Bill Cosby We Gon’ Find You”

0

The Dodsons, residents of the Lincoln Park housing project in Huntsville, Alabama, may be getting closer to an unsolved attempted crime in 2010.

Millions of people worldwide may recall the incident which occurred in 2010 and became a world renowned internet sensation.

“I got an inkling who did it now. I always wondered why there was a signed DVD box set and t-shirt of the Bill Cosby show left behind in ma sister’s bedroom. Y’all been reading the news lately? Well, looks like we got him. Bill, if you watchin’ this, we gon find you, there’s nowhere to run, he’s climbin’ in your windows, he’s snatchin’ your people up, trina rape ’em, so you need to, hide yo kids, hide yo wife, hide yo kids, hide yo wife…” Antoine Dodson, told ABC news.

 

Lena Dunham Playboy Spread Goes Viral

1

 

“It was great, I got to meet all the bunnies and we showed each other our spreads. My young sister was not with me so I couldn’t do my usual exploratory spread check, besides I’m older and not so young any more. You see if you’re a liberal feminist you can get away with anything, like normal laws or societal morals don’t apply to us,” Lena Dunham recalled.

The actress and author even took time out to meet Playboy’s grandmaster, Hugh Hefner.

“He’s a great guy. He actually told me he was a feminist himself and displayed his trophy wife who is a very mature 23 years old. It was okay because he gave her five bucks and told her to itch his scrotum. Getting old is hard ya know, that thing hung down like an old leather bag and was touching his slippers. When I get old I want to be like Hugh Hefner, he’s the real deal. Feminism is great because we get to pick and choose what we want, like we don’t really want to do things like getting punched in the face by guys, even though that’s what men do to each other, equality means we get other men to punch other men in the face, or we can punch men in the face with no repercussions. I would actually get annoyed if a man did not open a door for me or treat me with respect. Yeah, so what if all the bridges, skyscrapers, massive engineering feats  throughout all of history were created by males? Us feminists walk across bridges, but we don’t care to talk about cantilever span or lamellar structure, that shit bores me to tears, I’d rather eat a cake and talk about makeup. Last I checked I was a woman, and so is my sister. Ho hum.”

Lena Dunham’s new book ‘Playboy Feminism’ is out now not in all good book shops.

Americans Fooled by Obamacare Prank

1

“We fooled yah! Eheheheh!” President Obama and former adviser, Jonathan Gruber told Fox news on Sunday.

What were they talking about you say? Well, the Obamacare that fooled so many Americans into opting into a system that they cannot afford and is not workable in any way is what they were talking about.

“See it from our point of view, this Obamacare debacle was a big frickin’ joke and we fooled the American people over and over again. How could we do such a thing huh? Well, it’s easy, Americans are dumb, stupid, gullible and ignorant. It’s as simple as that folks, no hard work was involved at all, we did it as a big joke and now there’s people out there who can’t pay for their medical treatment or medicine. Look at me here, I’m laughin’ my ass off! What dumbasses!” Obama said whilst slapping Gruber on the back.

Who was that president again who once said ‘Fool me once….’?

David Cameron: “I’ve Just Started Reading the Daily Squib”

0

“I got back and I started blabbing on about there being another economic crash. Then one of my aides told me I should read the Daily Squib newspaper as they have been accurately predicting the exact things I’m saying now. Gorr blimey, I read through some of that and it sort of made me wake up a little. I don’t like what they say about me though, even so, I just can’t help being a fan, it’s spondeliciously entertaining satire with an edge of extreme dark truth,” the PM, David Cameron, told the BBC on Monday.

It’s not news that Prince Charles is also a fan of the Squib, as well as Harry, and lest we forget old Boris, who even attended the Squib’s inaugural party on April Fool’s day, 2007.

Prince Charles himself is a dab hand at a bit of spoofery and satire, as memorably displayed in this rather jocular video of some royal lampoonery. Camilla was not present at the time.

Man Cries For Being a Man

5

 

“This is a crime against humanity. It does not matter that I’m a genius who engineered the landing of a craft on a comet and no woman could achieve such a feat. I am a man and for that I am truly sorry,” the man sobbed into a tissue, whilst being filmed.

Next week, Kim Kardashian’s celebrated naked buttocks will personally land on the moon.

Biden: “I Dare You to Impeach Obama”

0

“You think Obamo’s done some damage. Wait until I get on the scene, I don’t even know what day it is today, hell, I don’t even know my name,” vice president, Joe Biden told ABC news.

As the calls for impeachment of the current president rise daily, the feeling is that whatever happens, the US is on a boat with no paddle, no rudder and no plugs for the shit that’s flooding the boat.

“Let’s look at it this way, impeaching this good for nothing dog won’t achieve anything because then we get Biden, the biggest loser this side of Kansas city in the White House. The only positive I can see is that Biden might get things to quieten down a little, we still got two years of this shit left. Worst case scenario, Biden starts a nuclear war, but Obama’s already doing that right now by coercing the Russians. Okay, here’s the deal, I say we impeach Obama, then get Biden in, shut him up in congress, then when the election comes around the country votes Republican. Has Biden done anything in six years? Exactly! The only reason Obama wants to get 5 million illegals legit is because they’ll vote Democrat. He couldn’t care one chicken bucket if they live or die, he’s doing this for the Democrat 2016 elections,” an unnamed source from Capitol Hill revealed Friday.

KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH