17.7 C
London
Tuesday, April 7, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 528

Lehman Brothers Ghost Appears Over Acropolis

0

“We couldn’t get any money from the ATM, and a fight broke out between pensioners, so we thought we’d stroll by the Acropolis to wile away the time. What we saw was a ghost of the Lehman Brothers logo hanging over the facade, it was sunset, and many could clearly see a sign hanging in mid air. It said Lehman Brothers on it. Wow! I wonder what it all means?” Angela Kudunski, visiting with her family from Philadelphia, USA, told reporters.

The event was witnessed by thirty people, some even trying to go up to the ghostly image, but it later on disappeared completely.

If anyone knows what the significance or meaning of the Lehman Brothers apparition is, please leave a comment below?

Tsipras: “I’m Thinking of Changing Greek Flag Colour”

0

The Greek PM may be making u-turns, circles and what not, but one thing is for sure, he has as much bargaining power as a soiled yellow rag dumped in a urinal.

“I’m sending letter to Schauble saying we accept austerity to pay back the 350 Billion euros we squandered, he read and say the letter is bull. I say it real letter, innit. He say no, wait until referendum you called. I say, referendum? Oh that! Oh that nothing, I dust under carpet, it small mistake, please Mr Schauble, please Mr Dijsselbloem, can I come to Brussels to shine your shoes? I do a good spit shine, aww, please do not be offended by my yellow little self, I crawl on my hands and knees, would that please you? Bwaaak, bwak, bwak, bwak!”

So, it’s austerity until 2057 then.

Going Rogue Tsipras “I’m Not Taking Any Calls From EU or IMF”

0

The phone is now off the hook, people may be ringing, but they won’t get through.

If Greeks can’t have their gold-plated pensions, they want to deny the rest of Europe as well. The falling indices are testament to that.

“The Greek people are a human shield now. I have put them in front so the creditors can punish them,” Tsipras told no one in particular on Monday morning.

Merkel is now biting into her schnitzel, and Schauble’s wheelchair is going around in circles, as for Lagarde, she has unceremoniously burnt that leather jacket, but the Greeks are happy, they see a way out of the EU, and as they stand outside the ATM machines in the sunshine, they at least know they have the weather on their side.

Greece may now be classified as a rogue nation, especially for consorting with the enemy, but at least they got away with the what some would say the biggest bank heist in history — 350 Billion euros.

“In Greece, we have beaches and sunshine. We spent the German money, and now we have none, but we still have good weather and scenery. That’s more than the Germans have,” a jovial fisherman from some Greek island said before going back to sleep in the shade of his moored boat.

Our Response to Latest Lord Dannatt Communique Regarding ISIS

3

The former Chief of the General Staff, Lord Dannatt has written in the Daily Mail on Sunday that military action is needed to stave off the rise of Islamic group, ISIS.

The Daily Squib has been calling for an increase in military expenditure and re-introduction of the military draft for over a year and it is good that someone of his stature is slowly coming round to calling for some form of troop deployment to the Middle East.

Military Experts: Why the West Must Not Send Troops to Iraq Unless...

Experts: While West Sleeps ISIS Training Children to Fight

The terrible act of terrorism on innocent tourists in Tunisia murdering 39 people in cold blood, was committed in a country supposedly freed by regime change in 2011 and was a so-called success story of the Arab Spring.

One must understand the savagery involved in such actions on the tourists in Tunisia, and how detrimental to Western civilisation it truly is. The only response should be to go to war in a clinical, effective manner, eradicating the threat completely. This action can only be completed with intricate planning, including contingency plans for post conflict stabilisation.

What Lord Dannatt says in so many words can be boiled down to one sentence, and that is the globalised West is nearing a point of action.

The West however must heed some warning in entering a conflict through obvious provocation by groups like ISIS. War is expensive, and every air strike, troop mobilisation, intelligence operation, logistical, and tactical manoeuvre costs large sums of money. Under the current uncertain economic climate, this is what the enemy probably wants the West to do, and are provoking a return to boots on the ground to embroil the West in another quagmire, or as the Americans phrase it, a ‘clusterfuck’. The West can however bypass the costly part by using military conflict as an economic boost, not only as a tool of conquest but increased spending on the weapons industry.

On the subject of globalisation, there are obstructions in its progression. These blockages, chiefly Iran, Syria, N. Korea and key players, Russia and China, are the final barrier to a world that is truly global.

Friend or foe?

How come the West tolerates Saudi Arabia? They have multiple beheadings, stoning and arms chopped off for stealing. This form of Middle Ages barbarism is still tolerated, and Western leaders visiting Saudi Arabia are convivial with their leaders and royalty. In essence, Saudi Arabia is not that much different from ISIS regarding brutality and yet it is tolerated and revered as a key ally. This question is possibly answered by what lies under the feet of Saudis, a thick black substance that powers the vehicles of the West. Yes, there are elements of hypocrisy in how the West deals with the Middle East, but there are many separate variables and strings that must be taken into consideration.

By sending a few thousand troops to the Middle East now, a sticky plaster to the problem would be the ultimate result. For the real solution, we at the Daily Squib suggest full military conscription and an increase in spending for all armed forces. This suggestion cannot be scrimped on, and the financing of this effort is there already, just stop spending on useless foreign aid, because it is not needed any more. Extravagances like foreign aid spending must come after conflict. These are times of war. The mainstream media is not acknowledging the fact that the world is in the intermediate beginning phase of a global conflict for earth’s last remaining resources and ultimate hegemony, but it will have to soon enough.

As is the case with the West, there is a profound ignorance towards the machinations and core of Islam, and its role within ISIS.

Battle Between Orthodox Islam and Shia Sect Helps West

The West has become too liberalised, too soft, and will need to adopt a military society to survive. It is no use to show off how liberal and civilised you are when the barbarians are literally knocking on your door. This sort of nonchalance and apathy is the reason that all great civilisations perished. Maybe it is the time of modern Western civilisation to disappear, simply because they did not see what was coming down the pike or were too lazy and liberalised to act.

Maybe the advent of robotics and AI within the military is the ultimate solution to the problem. Much technology is being developed and there have been glimpses of it, but from what the public is allowed to see, these are still in its infancy. Military technology always operates 50-70 years in advance of civilian technology, therefore we estimate that the time scale to unveiling the real hardware is soon, as required by any given situation.

Ultimately, the hierarchy knows what must be done, and how push and pull factors are used to gain ground in the interests of security and survival. Control all sides and stand back and watch. There is only so much that can be divulged to the public.

People of Britain Daily Squib EU Appeal

1

Do you want to be ruled by someone else, do you want others to dictate to you their every whim, do you want shoddy laws created in your own country discriminating against you, do you want to end up an economic basket case like the rest of Europe, do you want to be enlisted in an EU army, do you want your kids to be enlisted in an EU army, do you want your freedom to be British?

W A K E    U P

This is real, this is no joke, this is not satire, this is as real as we have ever got. The EU referendum is the last chance the British people will have to keep their island. Please understand the gravity of the situation here, the economy will not suffer if we are out of the EU, it will soar. The UK will be a global trading partner and not stuck in some measly corner.

Here at the Daily Squib, we feel David Cameron’s pain, because he has been told that economically the UK will be better off stuck in the EU bloc, but he knows deep in his heart that what he is doing is wrong. Here is a man, a Prime Minister torn between selling off Britain on the cheap, surrendering to the EU when he should be freeing us from the chains and constant Schengen immigrant attacks. We know what is truly in your heart David and we urge you to go towards the light, because becoming a traitor to your people was never in your remit. The pompous gorillas strutting around Brussels are not Britain’s friend and you know that.

Okay, some parts of Europe are nice, but so what? Being out of the EU will not stop you travelling, you will have a British passport and that is still a ticket to pretty much anywhere.

Do you want hospitals, do you want schools, do you want to drive through roads again, do you want more money in your pocket?

Think about it, less money spent on EU benefits will mean exactly that. They are ruining Britain from the inside, they are taking away resources, they are causing massive crime waves, throw away the ghettos, deport the ones who are no use, get this island back to what it used to be, not some dumping area for the world’s poor, uneducated freeloaders. Britain should be inviting educated, intelligent people who will be of use, instead the clever ones are leaving these shores as they see what is happening. We need Brain Gain not Brain Drain as is the case right now.

The tiny island of Britain is being swamped and someone has to do something about it. That someone is you, and your chance to vote will be what makes this country Great again, not some insignificant zone floundering in a sea of mediocrity within the eurozone.

Break the chains holding Britain, stamp on the hands dragging us into the sea, stand up and fight for your country.

Please spread this article far and wide, read the Daily Squib from now on, we tell it as it is, we are not bullshitting here. This is Britain’s last chance. Open your eyes. See what is happening and know that you can change the future.

New Taxi App Unter Causing London Traffic Chaos

0

 

Created by 21-year-old Hong Hung Hi. Unter is based in Palo Alto, United States and is now worth over $650 billion.

“The concept is real simple. Where Uber means cars, Unter means drivers can use anything to transport their passengers. You got a go-cart, shopping trolley nicked from Morrisons, an old mule, or just a piece of rope, your customers get to their destination and everyone’s happy.”

Despite the words of encouragement from the company’s founder, Unter has come under fire recently from Londoners and taxi firms that use motor vehicles to transport their passengers.

“I was driving down Shaftesbury when in front of me were 260 Unter taxis. Some were in trolleys, there was a tramp dragging a passenger in a cardboard box and even a camel. When the lights turned green, it took three hours to clear the junction,” Ron Melchard, a London cabbie told the BBC.

Unter customers are however delighted with the app and it has got rave reviews on the site.

“Where can you get a ride from Highgate to Whitehall for 23 pence? I thoroughly enjoyed my ride on an old dusty carpet smeared with cat poo and dragged along by my Unter driver. It took four days for the journey but my cab costs have gone right down.”

Confederate Flag Now Classified As Lethal Weapon By U.S. State Department

2

 

“Under section 1034-23, the Confederate flag is now classified as a dangerous weapon and any citizen seen owning, looking at, or even thinking about the flag could be prosecuted under the Obama Offensive Flag Law,” Vice Chairman of Staff, Daquan Yoghurt, told reporters.

On Thursday, a man was arrested in Kentucky after wrapping a confederate flag around a black poodle belonging to an old lady, he proclaimed his innocence but was still shot 47 times by police officers attending the scene.

The new ruling will be instated nationally in its entirety some time next week, and should pass through the Senate in July.

Scaremongering German Eurocrat Unveils Putin Monster For Brexit

0

 

Enter Christian Democrat MP Dr Norbert Röttgen, a chief commissar of Comrade Merkel, and her fiendish plot to unseat the EU referendum.

He thinks he speaks for Russian pariah president Vladimir Putin, and says Uncle Vlad wants a Brexit.

“What we have here is a classic case of fearmongering propaganda which will invariably be pumped into households day and night right up to the referendum. It will seep into your very soul, and under the carpets, you will think Russians are behind the curtains waiting to pounce and the spectre of T-90 tanks rumbling down Trafalgar Square will haunt your every waking moment. The truth is, if Putin wanted to take Britain he would take it irrespective of it being in the EU or not. He would first cut through Europe like a knife through butter and the decommissioned British army would of course fight to the end outnumbered Zulu-like on this embattled island. Whether Britain joins the EU or not is of no consequence, what shall be done, shall be done, and Putin is simply being used here by their historic German foes as a focus point to scare the living shit out of you,” Professor of Propaganda Studies at Ruislip University revealed today.

The truth is, without the shackles of the EU holding Britain back, it would soar to be a global power, not only economically but militarily.

TIPS TO BYPASS PRO-EU PROPAGANDA

1) Switch off the telly as soon as it comes on

2) Look briefly if caught out, but then use factual reasoning powers and logic to see the nonsense of the propaganda

3) Always look at alternative sources (Daily Squib comes to mind)

4) Remember the people that died for Britain, remember their sacrifice, remember that surrender is not what made Britain. Winston Churchill wanted a united europe but not a Stasi totalitarian Soviet dictatorship

5) Look at the streets right now, and multiply by a thousand the number of foreign people there, because if Britain surrenders, you will eventually be turfed out of your own home and country by economic invaders and lose everything

6) Bookmark this site right now and spread far and wide

 

Fit of Rage: Greek PM Tsipras Force Feeds Schäuble Kebab at EU Meeting

0

“I gotta da pita bread and da chilli sauce and da kebab, I wrap it up, and I put it in my briefcase with EU proposal. I’m angry! When I got to the meeting Wolfie, he look at me and say No! That’s when I see red mist, I calmly get up take the kebab and I say here is Greek gift to you-u-u! I stuff the whole pita in his mouth and he chokes (making choking sound) then I say you like your meal? Do you like this nice Greek food? I give it to you my friend!” a visibly shaken Tsipras recalled on Euronews TV channel, after the umpteenth eurozone meeting this week.

The Germans did not take kindly to the culinary intervention and quickly ushered the Greek PM out of the room while Wolfgang Schäuble recovered from the kebab assault.

Meanwhile, back in Greece, ministers were unrepentant about the incident.

“If we lose this free money we always get, we are going to have to work and pay tax. That is unthinkable for Greeks. We just want subsidies, free money and a good time by the beach. Tsipras was just showing the goodwill of the Greek people,” Latsos Manaka, a Finance Ministry spokesman told newspapers on Wednesday.

U.S. Economy Bubble Resembles Large Unpopped Pimple Says Fed

0

The U.S. economy resembles a large straining pustule about to pop its bulbous pus all over the place.

“You ever get a pimple on the end of your nose? First it’s angry and red, painful to the touch, you nurture that thing with love and care, squeeze it once in awhile to test its contents. Once matured, it fills up nice and good, you can even see a little white head straining from the top. This time when you squeeze, you get payback as that balloon pops satisfyingly all over the mirror, well, that pimple is exactly like the economy, and when it bursts it will actually be a relief,” Fed Chairman, Janet Yellen told Congress on Tuesday.

KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH