“I am honoured and tearful to have won the competition, and it is an even greater honour to be presented my prize of 850 Trillion Zimbabwe dollars (£12.42) by our supremely ugly leader, Robert Mugabe,” Mr Ugly, Mison Sere said after the competition.
Sere is planning great things with his winnings, one of which is buying a rubber dinghy to cross into Europe and escape Zimbabwe next summer.
Shabba Ranks was not available for comment.
“We thought we’d give Putin an early Christmas present so we shot down his plane over Turkey. After ten warnings what else is there to do but blow the plane from the sky,” one Turk said munching on a kebab.
It’s okay though because the pilots survived, they were rescued by ISIS where their parachutes landed. Oh shit!
Putin was not available for comment, he was too busy trying to keep his finger off the red button.
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“At least Jeremy Corbyn was voted in, that was not the case with Gordon Brown who shoehorned himself into the Labour leadership from Tony Blair without an internal election and was summarily voted out of office after his disastrous tenure as an unelected Prime Minister.
“Ed Miliband was a nightmare that never happened for British voters who thankfully saw through his façade on election day. Can you imagine five years under Miliband, Britain would be hell on earth?” a voter said on Sunday.
Corbyn, although portrayed as a loon by the media is actually forthright in his actions and speech, he has the demeanour of a man who just doesn’t give a shit, and really he doesn’t.
There is support for Jeremy Corbyn, simply because of the sheer number of disaffected, marginalised people there are in Britain today.
Labour really has a fighting chance in 2020 under Corbyn, as he exudes an inner strength that is unmatched by any other Labour candidate or for the most part any Tory on the current roster.
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Odeon Cineworld and Vue chains, who control 80% of screens around the country, have refused to allow the Lord’s prayer to be aired as a sixty second advert because of a policy of not allowing political or religious advertising.
Dictating what can and can’t be broadcast, or message heard, is a crime in our view, and the Church has every right to be angry. We’re also with Dawkins on that one.
As a society, we should embrace freedom of expression in all its forms, even from those who we may staunchly disagree.
There should be civilised discussion of all subjects allowed in all forums of life, if not, then we ultimately depart from civility and enter a place of ignorance and dictatorship.
The word assassin derives from the Arabic ‘hashishiyyin’. Hasan ibu-al-Sabbah was the leader of an extremist hashish munching Islamic sect during the period of the Christian crusades, whose penchant for calculated murder of opponents was unrivalled.
Within Europe today many potential assassins are within our midst, some who do their job cleanly, and others who complete their jobs in a messy fashion for maximum money shot effect, but either way, these people have triggers, and their controllers are able to switch them on and off at will.
Psychological alters (alter egos) are embedded deep within the mind, where they can outwardly exhibit completely different personalities, but they have many multiple alters within their honeycomb minds, some parts not even aware that other parts exist.
The process of mind control usually starts from infancy, and religion is an excellent conduit although the best technique is trauma based. The Islamic religion is the most effective tool around today for perfect mind control, but Christians and other religious recipients are also very susceptible to mind control.
Trauma based mind control is a process of breaking down the individual’s mind into many parts through the amnesiac qualities of trauma. For example, if you are involved in a car crash, your brain will create an amnesiac barrier to the traumatic event so that you will not have to re-live the horrible event over and over again. Mind control experts utilise this same technique but with torture on the individual, breaking down the person’s mind then rebuilding it as they choose. The same variation is also used in military training of soldiers. Each soldier is broken down through intense training and controlled abuse. The controlling trainers then rebuild the soldiers’ minds training them to kill and complete tasks without question.
Religion is the most powerful conduit for mind control.
If you believe that Jesus walked on the water and his body floated up to heaven after he died, you have been brainwashed to some extent, and there are grown men and women around today who emphatically believe that Jesus was a supernatural being. These people still function in a seemingly normal manner in their jobs, their daily life yet were brainwashed from infancy to believe in something that is completely removed from reality, science, logic or physical possibility. Brainwashing is also generational, and is carried from the parents to the child.
There are thousands of innocent looking refugees walking into Europe right now, but to stigmatise those who are genuinely in need of help is wrong, unfortunately amongst the real refugees will be the alters. They will look as harmless and needy as the rest, they will have stories of horror, of hardship and war, but that will be their top visible layer, and not the multiple alters they hide so well. Only highly trained people or their specific controllers can detect the embedded parts of a functioning alter.
The process of training these people to be assassins and terrorists possibly takes years, and the mind control experts in charge know exactly how to manipulate their charges with intricate care.
There is an element of truth in mind control in popular fiction, for example in the Bourne Identity, there are prime examples of actual CIA processes utilised on agents, as well as Ian Fleming’s Bond character who does display many facets to his character of mind control.
Distinguishing the mind and the brain is of course an important factor in describing things, the brain is the property of the medical faculty and the mind is a concern of the psychoanalytical field, however when it comes to complete mind control, both elements are utilised to great effect sometimes with the use of drugs.
One can get Sirhan Sirhan, a loopy Palestinian immigrant to do things he never thought possible, especially when he has a complete blackout to the things he did afterwards, or how about getting some social misfit to go on a shooting spree, an excellent precept to calling for gun control. Get enough shooting sprees going, then everyone will be calling for it to stop.
Learning a linguistic set of words, your first spoken sentence, the process of learning is an indirect process of mind programming, because it establishes a given pattern that one must follow through symbols.
Fashion is a form of mind control, and people who follow fashion are dedicated to their narcissistic desire to follow others in the way they look. Followers of fashion think they are unique but this cannot be further from the sordid truth as they are really mindless followers.
What does a computer programmer do? First he has to be programmed himself, then once he has been programmed he can utilise his new found program to do some programming within the framework of the programming language.
Being in a football crowd at a game is a tribal form of mind control, even doing a Mexican wave at a game displays a certain hive like behaviour.
If you are reading this right now, or have come up to this point, well done. This article is not brainwashing you though, that is not the purpose of this article, but please email the editorial department detailing the bank transfer you are about to complete for as much as you can spare, let’s say a £1,000. Thank you.
Click.
Well, we feel there is no appreciation of quality any more on the internet, all advertisers are looking for is visits, they do not look at the quality, insightful nature of the content.
You can have a potato on a plate on YouTube getting 560 million visits and millions of subscribers, and they will have full appreciation from the advertisers and sponsors.
Quantity does not necessarily mean quality and satire is something that holds testament to that fact. By not being able to measure quality, the internet controllers like Google and key advertisers are overlooking the many sites who offer something new, refreshing and insightful, they are consigning whole swathes of innovators into the dust bin of inequity surpassed by banal plastic meaningless, art-less shit, not fit for purpose but as a twenty second flick by a surfer.
Our site has been punished by the un-mentionables ever since its inception and sabotaged on many occasions because of its content, but we survived that and are still recovering although daily more hurdles are thrown our way. C’est la vie.
As we mention on our Satire page up top, satire really is the last bastion of free speech and we intend to stick to our guns through all the bollards, walls, and other nonsense thrown in front of us.
By stifling satire, humanity as a whole suffers because the dissemination of real truth is thus stifled and the narrative is one of totalitarian dystopia and dictatorial conformity.
Ad-blocking has hurt publishers, in fact so much that many have gone under, however, we could take these ads off tomorrow and we would really love to but how the fuck would we pay for the beer?
The Daily Squib from now on will solely be producing cat videos with Justin Bieber soundtracks.
End of rant…
The sheer scale of bombing in Syria by the Russians is outstanding. Just in the last few days the Russian sorties have taken out thousands of Jihadist sites, and with talk of landing 150,000 troops to clean up the job, there is a moment of disturbing silence as the Americans can only sit back and watch.
We saw some chummy behaviour with Obama at the G20 and there were even murmurs of Putin coming in from the cold although the reality of the situation is far from any sign of reconciliation.
Putin has taken Syria, America has lost Syria, that is the bare bones truth of the matter. Of course, Assad will be allowed to stay but his debt to Putin is unpayable, he will forever be Putin’s subjugate.
The Americans who had Syria and Iraq firmly in their sights are now effectively locked out. What are they going to do, time has already passed and their chance to take the prize left with the dinner money? Obama’s recalcitrant tone of not following advice from his generals and military advisers to invade the fucker and get it over with have left the United States standing on the sidelines, a missed opportunity that does not bode well in the long term for American hegemony in the region as well as globally.
Where does Britain fit in with all of this? Fuck knows, and that’s a quote from David Cameron, who probably doesn’t even know what a hellfire missile is.
To see the scale of the Russian incursion into Syria we refer you to an excellent interactive map of the current conflict.
He may not be very welcome at Facebook after being banned countless times for the crime of having a unique name, but Phuc Dat Bich is always welcome at the offices of the Daily Squib because we like jokers.
“We would like to extend the red carpet out to Phuc Dat Bich, a man unjustly ostracised by social networking sites like Facebook who are so politically correct that they not only ban innocent pictures of proud mothers breastfeeding their babies but rather weirdly allow Jihadists to spread graphic videos of beheadings. Where’s the logic in that? Phuc Dat Bich!” our commissioning sub-par editor said today from the bath.
The guns, the guns, how on earth is Obama going to pull this one off?
Obamaworld is crumbling before his very eyes, as the terrorists and Republicans bay at his pluggy ears.
Capitol Hill insiders are cautious to explain what has happened: “Obama, he had a dream, instead it has become a nightmare. As stock buybacks accelerate, the fracture within America is widening to a chasm, a goddamn Grand Canyon and the moderate terrorists he armed didn’t turn out to be so moderate. But we want to know, how is the prez going to get the guns, Mr. and Mrs. America ain’t going to give them up so easy?”
Ninety nine percent of Americans hate Black Lives Matter, and have no desire to embrace the transgender movement as well as feminism, but there is some solace for Obama because there is a growing anti-gun movement although it is still encompassed by Americans stocking up on even more guns and ammo.
An Obama administration official revealed the plan on Thursday: “It’s easy, we are going to ask nicely, give up your guns, and they’re going to hand them over. This action is going to happen in the final year of the president’s term in office.”
Good luck with that one.
Without 911, the invasion of Iraq and Afghanistan would never have taken place, because after the event there was unity in fear, this unity carried forward calls for invasion by Bush and Blair. Documents from Hillary Clinton’s emails confirm that Bush and Blair had already agreed on the Iraq invasion one whole year before the event.
Fear is one of the most powerful control mechanisms available in the arsenal of the controllers and it is to this end that the populations gladly give up their limited freedoms out of fear. Without fear there would not be intrusive TSA checkpoints, or the Department of Homeland Security or invasive data gathering operations by the NSA.
The emotion of fear is a crucial mechanism for human survival however to be perpetually fearful is a condition that makes life unbearable, and the controllers like this, they want you to feel uncomfortable, they want you to submit to their every whim especially when passing their laws restricting your rights and already limited freedoms.
Whoever controls and funds ISIS knows how to engender fear amongst the pampered, entitled Western populace.
The key to circumnavigating the obvious prompts for fear is to utilise rational logical thought, to view any event from many angles and to find through many sources your own understanding of any situation. Ignorance is the cause of fear.
Be prepared, because it is not just ISIS who are the enemy, you are as well, anyone can see that by simply protesting in the streets of any Western city today. You will immediately realise who they see the enemy as, when the black clad truncheon wielding storm troopers beat you to the ground and splatter your teeth across the asphalt.
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