Retired House Speaker John Boehner to Start Rhino Farm in Zimbabwe

“I like rhinos, what can I say. Gonna sit back, chug some rhino milk and watch my flock galloping around on the farm. It’ll remind me of the old days,” Boehner told reporters after announcing his resignation as Speaker.

Before his retirement, the House Speaker made a final gesture to his Democrat friends by extending another debt ceiling deal and inviting the whole of Guatemala into the United States.

“Don’t know if they have rhinos in Guatemala but they got hella lot of poor people so I said why not, let ’em all in,” Boehner added, before letting off a noisy gaseous fart into a crowd of real Republicans.