17.7 C
London
Monday, April 13, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 463

GUANABARA BAY: Brazil Olympic Sewage Event Highlights

0

 

The Angolan sailing team got off to a fanciful start when one of their sailors fell overboard with his mouth open. During the rescue attempt he had swallowed three used tampons, a diarrhoea filled nappy, a used condom and a large floating turd which had just been flushed.

Igonumu Akata, 34, a three time bronze medallist was conscious when brought on board but sadly died ten seconds later.

The raw sewage pouring into Guanabara Bay where the triathlon, sailing and marathon swimming events are taking place contain so much bacteria that even mild skin contact can mean serious infection.

“If you swallow the water you die. It’s really that simple,” said Australian Olympic triathlon athlete, Miles Dunbarr. Unfortunately after making his comment he was found floating in the sewage lifeless.

Brazilian Olympic officials have downplayed the concern for the swimming and sailing events by simply ignoring there is a problem of raw sewage.

Jaeieo Baiaiaiaiae, said: “In Brazil we are used to swimming in raw sewage. Given time, these athletes will get used to it too. We drink and swim in the water, there is no problem. Eventually you get used to pissing out of your anus with projectile diarrhoea.”

So far on the first day of events, 34 athletes have died, and 120 are in intensive care.

 

Superhuman Russian Olympic Athletes Wow the Crowd

0

 

Dmitri Vodkarov, 24, for the men’s badminton shone through today when he leaped over 15 feet into the air to recover a shot that won the gold medal. Spectators were said to be flabbergasted as the Russian, without the use of springs or ropes just lifted off the ground effortlessly and whacked the shuttlecock into team USA’s court winning the game. No one knows how he managed to achieve such height and agility.

Olga Steroidkov, 19, utilised superhuman strength during the women’s 400m freestyle swimming competition by churning the sewage filled water like a human torpedo. Bystanders said she seemed to have a propeller or outboard motor strapped to her legs, but after she finished the race, it was evident she had no extra equipment. How did she do it?

Vlad Druggov, 22, spectacularly won gold for Russia at the 1000m kayak event. He sped so fast through the turd and nappy filled water that many spectators did not see him. TV crews had to slow the footage down and even then he was a blur. No one knows how he did it. He completed the event in 14 seconds.

Markov Dabeastov, 23, completed the men’s triathlon event in 23 minutes gaining a new world record and a gold medal. He completed the event so fast that an hour later, he was still waiting for the other competitors to cross the line.

Yuri Amphetaminov, 21, during the javelin event, managed a throw so spectacular that the crowd could not believe what they had just witnessed. The javelin travelled out of the stadium recording a massive 6.7 km distance. On landing, the javelin pierced through two concrete walls and a solid steel door.

These are some of the superhuman feats committed by the Russian athletes, and no one is sure how they did it. Russian president Vladimir Putin is said to be very proud of his country’s athletes and is thankful to the IOC for providing those extra rooms for privacy purposes.

So far the Russian gold medal tally is 1,200.

WIFI SNOOPING: Is the BBC Turning into a Creepy Evil Organisation?

3

 

If you haven’t paid your TV licence for awhile you may be used to the aggressive threatening letters that are put through your door on a weekly basis, in fact this happens to people even if they pay their TV license but the brutish thuggery of the BBC knows no bounds, it now wants to monitor your web surfing habits.

BBC Invasion of Privacy

Page 38, 1.38

The BBC’s final detection and enforcement option is its fleet of detection vans. Where the BBC still suspects that an occupier is watching live television but not paying for a licence, it can send a detection van to check whether this is the case. TVL detection vans can identify viewing on a non ‐ TV device in the same way that they can detect viewing on a television set. BBC staff were able to demonstrate this to my staff in controlled conditions sufficient for us to be confident that they could detect viewing on a range of non ‐ TV devices.

Although this practice of snooping on peoples’ wifi habits is highly illegal, the BBC is utilising the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act to conduct its invasive snooping activities.

The data gleaned by the BBC could be useful for many purposes and capitalised on as they will have carte blanche to collect internet information from all households.

This new creepy malevolent behaviour by the BBC is in line with their past practices of harbouring and sheltering the likes of Jimmy Savile. No surprises at all.

Has the BBC Turned Into a Creepy Old Auntie?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Huge Sinkhole in China Swallows At Least 347,000 People

0

 

At least 347,000 people fell into the 300 metre (980 feet) long, 290 metre wide and nine mile deep sinkhole, which appeared during heavy rain in downtown Zhengzhou, in the central province of Henan, the Beijing Youth Daily said, citing witnesses.

An initial investigation showed the collapse might have been caused by overflowing sewage pipes buried under the road breaking up due to the rain, provincial firefighters said in a social media posting.

High ranking communist official Li Yung Gunk was insouciant about the tragedy: “By 2pm today our population will grow by 5.6 million people. This is like a drop in the ocean.”

Experts: Zika Global Delivery Will Accelerate After Brazil Olympics

1

For Zika, this is the best conduit for claiming new territory, and the 2016 Olympics will surely accelerate the spread of the virus worldwide.

Naturally the authorities on the ground are saying there is no threat, and this is the recommended response to a virus that has spread now to the continental United States in Florida.

Mothers who give birth to Zika babies in Brazil are shunned and rejected by their own families, as well as silenced by the Brazilian authorities.

Zika remains in sperm for a prolonged period, and even though the virus may not show up elsewhere, it can be transmitted months after the host is infected.

Nations participating 207
Athletes participating 10,293 confirmed (more than 10,500 expected)
Events 306 in 28 sports
Opening ceremony 5 August

The inevitable spread of the virus will become a global test post-Olympics but may be a much needed respite from over breeding in third world countries.

If there was any sign of responsibility, the Brazilian Olympics would be cancelled, however there is too much money at stake for such a thing to happen.

The corporations would rather the globe become infected with Zika than to cancel their lucrative deals.

 

Trump Mail Order Bride Melania NYPost Nude Extravaganza

0

 

Not content with capitalising on Melania’s blatant verbatim plagiarism of Michele Obama’s speech, the chink in the Trump armour seems to be his wife.

Democrats do not seem to care about non PC sexism when it comes to exposing the body of a rivals wife, and yes there is an element of hypocrisy here as well, but when it’s election time anything goes.

Knauss

Yes, you can see Melania’s chuff, and you can see her pert breasts with nips that look like walnuts, bronzed up and ready to go. The additional photos showing Melania in sapphic embrace also endear the viewer to the potential FLOTUS.

Imagine having a first lady like that, where you already have seen every inch of her quivering body.

For an old fat rich man like Donald Trump, his mail order bride ticks all the boxes, especially in the body department.

“She has this kinda Transylvanian accent. I can imagine Trump handing her his American Express Gold card and with his fat podgy right hand gently directing her head downwards,” one Democrat quipped.

If Donald Trump can get out of this one, kudos to the man, that means sleaze comes to the White House. He will deck the place out in gaudy gold plated furniture and his mail order bride will be draped over the furniture as an adornment worthy of a multi-millionaire classless loudmouth thug.

Here’s to Trump…and his wife.

Another Year Another Episode of Celebrity Big Brother

Such is the turgid vapid state of our culture today that the banal pestilence of reality TV invades all quarters, even if you do not have a television, it seeps its ugly puss filled parade of losers and vile celebrity empty egotistical moroseness into the media bucket of excrement.

Big Bother more like, and how George Orwell would surely vomit to see his creation defiled in such an unholy way.

A singular episode of this cretinous empty headed reality filth surely would make any sane person wish to disembowel themselves with a rusty razor blade such is the banality of its repetition.

Year after year, celebrities or nobodies join the circus to be ogled at in their fish tank of pomposity and all pervading plasticity. These non-entities trying so hard to be seen, yet they only dig their own graves with each second on the clucking mess that is touted at every moment by the fawning media.

This person did that, she said something, he said something else. Who cares? Do people really have such empty lives that they watch this shit? Surely there must be something else to their existence, surely they must have seen through this by now.

The only Big Brother worth watching would be one where the celebrities are put in the house, given weapons and told to fight to the death, the last man or woman standing soaked in blood and guts applauded for their purging skills.

It is this very perfunctory effort to stolidly remove any mystique from celebrities that is an affront to fame that is most sickening. Today, there is no mystique left, we know the warts and all, and this in effect removes celebrity status. Without mystery, there is no fantasy on behalf of the non-celebrity.

These people are not famous any more, because fame is sucked from their every pore for every minute, or second they are on Big Brother. They are one thing though, whores who will do anything to be on the box, and that very act diminishes any form of talent they may have aspired to achieve.

Fuck them. They are nothing and will never be anything, forgotten in the sands of time much like 99% of popular culture around today, meaningless crud of the lowest kind, not worthy of merit or mention apart from the most aggressive invective.

Apparently the World Will End Again Today

 

If religion hasn’t brought upon enough nightmares upon this earth already with wars, prejudice, hatred and division, there are Christian sects who are vying for the earths destruction.

The End Time Prophecies espoused in the Bible apparently predict according to some that today 29th July 2016, the polar caps will shift, there will be vast earthquakes, volcanoes and fire. From heaven trumpets will sound, and an army of white clad soldiers on horses will fly down from the stratosphere chasing Arabs who are deemed as satanic beasts to be slain where they stand. Amongst the Arabs is the anti-Christ and he will be thrown into a molten pit of lava with the rest of them.

But it doesn’t end there. Angels will come down to the graves of those who died and take the souls of Christians. Anyone who doesn’t believe in the fictional Jesus Christ character, is doomed to burn in the fires of hell for eternity.

Don’t forget to slug a few pints of vodka whilst watching the video, and if you have to laugh, do it with gusto, and let off a burp or three to confirm you are still alive.

Gossip Trump Has Lost the Election Already

0

What kind of a president gossips about phone calls with the Russian president in which they reveal that Putin called Obama a n*gger?

Trump is a gossip, a low down blabber mouth and a vulgarian.

It was obvious many months ago that Trump is swimming in waters that are way above his station, but his most recent faux pas is a red stop sign saying no way is this guy going to be president, he is an imbecile with not a single diplomatic bone in his body.

Some people will say ‘what you get is what you see’ with Trump, but the role of any politician or premier is exactly the opposite of that.

Donald Trump is a liability, not only to the United States but the globe, and every day we see more utter foolishness from this little man.

It is certain when the debates between Clinton and Trump materialise the evidence will be clearer, on the one hand will be a mature adult, on the other will be an irresponsible kid.

Trump has lost the presidency all by himself, and it is time the people of America woke up to who he really is — an idiot.

Welcome to Merkel’s Schengen Death Zone of Terror

0

 

Communities have been blighted in Germany as their towns and villages are taken over by hundreds of thousands of people who harbour deadly terrorists waiting for their time to strike.

The free movement within the Schengen death zone enables these terrorist cells to travel freely within Europe, and to smuggle deadly weapons without any form of checks at borders.

Countries like Kosovo where there are vast amounts of unlicensed guns are vying for EU membership and are currently in the fast-track queue.

The Syrian Jihadi cells that have infiltrated Europe through its open door policy are numbered at a moderate 5,000 by EUROPOL, however if one were to include radicalised homegrown Jihadists, and disenfranchised Muslims within the continent, the  numbers would be well up in the 100,000s.

The well trained terrorists that were invited into the EU merged with migrants. These are battle hardened men and women, trained to blend in, who do not overtly look Islamic, and indulge in alcohol and Western customs. They are triggered by their handlers or news events at any given time, their weapons ready, they can commit attacks within the Schengen zone at any point, and for the European security forces, it is akin to finding a needle in a hay stack.

The role of the attacks on Europe encompass many motives, but the main role is to inculcate a feeling of total fear, the second is to make Muslims living in Europe a pariah, to be hated and feared so much that they will escape to the Middle East and the so-called Caliphate. This within Islamic terms is called the Hijra (migration).

The French seem to have borne the brunt of the attacks in recent months with the Nice attack and numerous others. The Germans have had their fair share, but these are silenced as much as possible by the authorities. Western women are targeted and raped by Islamists, but the worst part of this horror is that EU officials cover up the news and they are not reported by the press.

The only solution is to shut off the Schengen free movement zone completely. All borders must be sealed off if Europe is to be saved from this savagery, however one suspects this will never happen under Merkel and Juncker’s watch.

It is almost as if they invited terror into Europe willingly and are encouraging the deaths of EU citizens with their actions. Maybe it is so, maybe that is their wish, for they have now created a climate of utter terror and fear in Europe where Muslims are outcasts and lepers to the predominantly Christian population.

If nothing is done soon, there will be all-out war in Europe, civil unrest, and riots where people take it upon themselves to commute justice on those they view as wild savages.

They will keep coming and coming, every day, every minute, more will come, and the next day even more, and there will be no checks, no stops, no order, a constant deluge until Europe is no more.

finis

KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH