17.7 C
London
Saturday, November 7, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 459

Farewell to Bill O’Reilly

As psychopaths go, it is relatively rare to see and study one up close on screen nearly every day on TV. Most psychopaths reside mainly in the board room of top companies, or government high office, covered away in their ivory towers of business and governmental power politics.

Bill O’Reilly, was an outstanding example of psychopathy and his daily rants instilled in Americans a fervent ideal point of view that only a cold hearted murderous psycho could deliver.

In times of war, there was O’Reilly enjoying every moment of his airtime by telling Americans to obey their masters wholeheartedly without question, telling any dissenters to ‘shut the fuck up’ and employing a murderous outlook on anyone who even looked like an Arab. His psychopathic rage bolstered by his devout Irish Catholic fanaticism.

Behind the scenes in the Fox news network, O’Reilly threw his unwanted advances onto female co-workers with a cold deranged loveless vigour, something a rapist would do, but he was a news anchor so he had the right to do what he wanted, that is until he got caught.

Not easy to work with, O’Reilly rose to the top of the Fox network through brutal office games, burying his opponents in the sand, his psychopathic nature feeling no shame or conscience as he stepped on the skulls of those he had slain to rise up top.

“Psychopathic narcissists like Bill O’Reilly do not feel emotions like real people. They have learned masks and mannerisms to look like they feel, but in truth they have little or no emotion when it comes to the people they crush on the way up. They cause mayhem and discord in the office to further their own needs, and their cold calculating nature helps them get promoted, simply because they do anything for their bosses,” leading psychiatrist in the field of psychopathy, Professor Neil Jenkins, revealed on Thursday.

Experts: North Korea Attack is Not WW3

With all the ridiculous headlines hailing the beginning of WW3 just because North Korea may be attacked in the not too distant future by America, let us analyse why these hysterical notions and labels are so overblown.

For a start, any war with North Korea would be over in less than a month. This is because of their ageing military equipment. The puny N.Korean air force still uses some ancient MIGs and an assortment of outdated Soviet planes. The U.S. would dominate North Korean airspace within days.

The N. Korean nuclear aspirations are not worthy of comment, simply because they do not have the ballistic rocket technology to hit any U.S. territory long distance.

A world war should actually mean a world war, where every nation would be embroiled some way or another. By fighting N.Korea, there is a small chance of escalation, however it is a certainty most NATO allies would choose to only concentrate on Kim Jung-un and his outdated tin pot army.

An attack on N. Korea certainly will not mean WW3, that is unless, Russia and China join the North Korean side, and although this may happen, strategically, the Chinese and Russians see N. Korea as much a nuisance as the U.S.

If the Americans defeat the North Korean regime, this will leave U.S. bases on the doorstep of China and Russia. Something like that will be a highly undesirable outcome but will be liveable for the two nations.

Naturally, in a war scenario, there are not only many variables to consider, but also events happen, plans do not always work out, and chaos ensues.

Helmuth von Moltke the Elder once said: No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

Believe us in saying, you will know when the REAL WW3 starts when China and Russia join forces for the final fight. Every day is a march towards this final conflict, as every day the earth’s finite resources are depleted by the ever growing human population.

Theresa May: Snap Election Could Go Crackle and Pop

What the fuck has Theresa May gone and done now? She has ordered up a snap election on June 8th. Are you serious Mrs. May? Oh yes she is and what a clever girl she is too.

In one fell swoop she could bury Labour for the next hundred odd years and destroy that Scottish nationalist anti-English maniac, Sturgeon, once and for all.

Of course, it could all go belly up as well. Theresa May may suddenly become really unpopular and Labour could oust Corbyn bringing in a secret super candidate they have been keeping in a dungeon somewhere. This would be the ultimate tragedy, but if the election is to be held in two months time, this leaves little or no chance that the electorate will get to know them, unless they are relatively well known already.

What about the SNP? Well, when Theresa May wins the election, she will have a proper mandate, thus be able to swat away the meddlesome midget from Scotland with more ease. The Scottish referendum that nobody apart from Sturgeon wants could be delayed until 2052 for all it’s worth. By then, hopefully Sturgeon will be dead and no one will give a hoot.

What about Corbyn? Despite not winning many popularity contests amongst his party, he still has a following, and he is not to be underestimated. The communist  and lib dem remainers will no doubt pick this old fart to be their choice in an election, more of a protest vote, but the majority of the country will vote for May, and not some Marxist commie bastard who wants to line people up in the street and have them stripped of all wealth then unceremoniously shot in the back of the head.

Lest we forget other elements that may sway an election. The EU for a start who have infiltrated vast swathes of this country’s institutions like the BBC, could have another Project Fear campaign against May and Brexiteers. Naturally, those who have some understanding of politics will be able to see through the EU fearmongering, however, the EU has a lot of money at their disposal, and they like to throw it around a lot. This is dangerous, because it could sway opinion.

Again, we are at an impasse, this heady Brexit roller coaster ride has indeed brought up the bile, one minute we’re sailing into the open sea, the next, we’re back to square one.

Theresa May has certainly done the courageous thing and called a General Election, albeit if parliament accepts, and if she wins, she will hopefully install a full Brexit cabinet, dumping the Remoaners.

We nearly forgot. BoJo? Could he step into the breach? In times of war, we need a Churchillian type who has the balls to do what is right.

It’s all up in the air once again…Aaaargh!

Latest Thrill Seek: Getting Dragged Off a United Airlines Flight

Thousands of thrill seekers are flocking to United Airlines booking offices across the U.S. with the hope they get dragged kicking and screaming from a flight before it takes off.

“We saw that guy, he was treated worse than an animal being pulled by those burly thugs just so they could have a member of staff take his seat. It would definitely be exciting, maybe tie a bungee cord to your seat so when they drag you out shtooom you fly back in,” Brad Mycine, 21, an avid extreme sports fan told Fox News.

The way that some airline passengers are treated has always been a fascinating topic, however to pull people by their hair or legs off a flight is a next step in brutality.

Psychologist Dan Barnes tried to explain why United Airlines would do such a thing.

“They just don’t care, literally they don’t give a shit about paying passengers. They see so many every day, it’s like nothing to them to drag one off a plane. They’re conditioned over many years to not care or feel anything.”

One board member for United Airlines said: “The fuckers are lucky we don’t drag them off the plane at 35,000 feet.”

Michio Kaku and Richard Dawkins in Fist Fight Drama

 

According to reports from assembled revellers and science enthusiasts, the fight was started over who gets the most amount of air time on TV shows as experts in the field of science.

Mr. Know it all

“Kaku was bragging that he gets paid to discuss fantastic scientific future events on TV sometimes three or four times a day to dumb but fascinated Americans, when Dawkins came in with a right hook connecting just below Kaku’s chin. Then Dawkins started spouting book sales numbers, and saying he was the real scientist and not some game show performing monkey like Kaku. This is when it went to the next level, Kaku who is Japanese, suddenly connected with a karate punch to Dawkins’ balls and the fight was over,” Bella Donna, a science enthusiast who attended the event, told New Scientist magazine.

Sadly the book signing was cut short due to the fracas and the police swooping on the two scientists.

One astrophysicist present said: “At least they should have discussed something more scientific. I can understand a heated debate about dark energy or perhaps where that pesky baryonic matter resides, or what caused the re-ionization of the universe 13 billion years ago. What a bunch of poseurs. It’s a good thing Stephen Hawkins was not present, he would have had both of them.”

Nicola Sturgeon Gives Birth After Sudden Pregnancy

 

“We were on a field trip to the Highlands. You know to soak in the Scottish spirit of the wild. I noticed that Ms Sturgeon looked a little bloated. Without a word, she farted and this fish smell hit us. It was like a caviar smell that has gone off. Anyway, next thing we know she’s rushing down the water’s edge near the reeds. She lifts her skirt and plops down in the freezing waters. We rushed over to see if she was all right, when these big black eggs started to fill the water. Her eyes turned upwards as she let out this god awful gurgling sound. Sturgeon was laying them from her bottom or some att, not sure.” Bruce McCollery, SNP deputy in charge of PR, told the Scotland Times.

Much to the delight of the assembled SNP troupe, it all turned out well.

“Luckily, one of us had some crème fraîche, and crackers with some Pouilly-Fuissé, we scooped the lot up, munching away and then it hit us. We could use Nicola Sturgeon to get Scotland out of this financial mess so we could leave England. We are going to use her to cultivate expensive caviar. Who needs a fish farm when you’ve got her, she nearly filled up the whole lake with eggs. We could sell ’em to rich Californians for a packet,” Mr. McCollery added.

Coming soon to the plates of the rich and famous, a plate load of Nicola Sturgeon eggs excreted from her fat and productive duille.

sturgeon-caviar

 

 

North Korean Air Force Readies Itself For Trump Showdown

 

“We will not bow down to American imperialist aggression and our amazing air force is on standby to shoot the Americans wherever we see them. They will not even get close to our shores and their tin pot ships will be sunk to the bottom of the ocean,” Ling Fuk Yu, the North Korean air force commander in chief told state news services on Tuesday.

The North Korean air force is a deadly opponent that should not be underestimated. With a fleet of three aircraft and a dozen home made flying contraptions that have a top speed of 16 mph, the U.S. will soon realise they have made a huge mistake.

Despotic communist leader, Kim Jong-un was on hand to inspect the air force later on in the day.

“We will crush the Americans. I see all of you young pilots ready for action in order to defend our nation of heroes. All twenty three of you are heroes. You will give your lives for your supreme leader and country. Now excuse me while I am driven to my bunker. Goodbye.”

The Natural “high” – What is Your Drug of Choice?

It all boils down to pleasure. Being one of our largest motivators throughout all mankind our bodies have various ways of providing us with this sensation, such as producing endorphins.

You might have heard someone describe how something felt like “such a rush”. Maybe you heard a story about someone who broke a bone and didn’t realize until hours afterwards. In either case, it’s safe to say endorphins were involved.. Often referred to the brains “pleasure chemical”, endorphins are produced by the pituitary gland in moments of excitement, but also during moments of pain or anxiety and at times of remarkable mental or physical stress. It is what turns our excitement into pleasure, relieves our pain and pushes our bodies beyond its capabilities when necessary.

A common way of recreating this process naturally is Extreme Sports. It may be activities such as Bungee Jumping, Skydiving, Mountain Climbing or Cliff Diving. There are numerous ways “deceive” our brain into thinking we are in remarkable danger, lethal even. When our brain perceives that are under remarkable stress and danger it’ll go into overdrive producing not only endorphins, but also other hormones, dopamine and beta-endorphins.

Our pulse starts racing as the heart beats faster, getting blood into both our brain and muscles much quicker than usual. As our reaction quickens, time slows down. We’re able to perceive our surroundings with senses heightened far above normal level. Maybe now you’ll understand why some people enjoy throwing themselves out of airplanes!

Working somewhat similar to how extreme sports triggers these effects would be Exercise, exerting ourselves beyond our limits triggers very similar responses. It may be through lifting heavy weights or simply running, our bodies have a lot of tricks to surpass our current abilities!

But there are ways of making our bodies produce these substances without throwing yourself from a cliff with nothing but a rope or climbing Everest. Should you feel like something more in-doors then fear not, there are various activities for that too. Your drug may be music, reading, spending time with loved ones or why not try your hand at a Live Casino? As studies have shown, the amount of endorphins these activities release can be enormous.

So, what is your drug of choice? Leave a comment below and see what other readers do for their kicks.

Love at First Sight at EDL March

“I was going to first kick her in the head for being a paki scum, but when I looked in her eyes, I fell in love. She smiled at me, and I thought to myself, why am I being such a racist twat? Everyone in this world is just born the way they are and we should let people exist even if their skin colour is dark like dirt,” EDL leader Ian Crossland, told the BBC after the march.

So, what prompted such a drastic change of heart? According to reports, a young Asian lady turned up and simply smiled at the group of EDL supporters.

“She was smiling, and you could see she was not scared of the hate mob. It was incredible. I saw one EDL guy simply sit down on the grass crying. The leader of the group says he is now in love and the happy couple are to marry next month,” one bemused onlooker recalled.

k1

Why Wasn’t There Any Religion Before Humans Existed?

 

In a world where religion is all encompassing and infects every part of human consciousness and culture, it is a pertinent question that begs to be answered.

“Before humans inhabited the planet en masse, there were only animals. These animals went about their daily business without gods, religions or prophets. It was only when man gained full consciousness and the ability to linguistically articulate that gods and prophets were introduced to the human condition.

“This incredible moment of creating gods was to compensate for the unknown. Here was man, under the stars looking up into this great black mass and it was unknown. Anything unknown is a superstitious jump in the human brain where the void is simply filled by gods and their actions. The rain that falls one day, or the lightning in the sky, these were unknowns to early man, and all attributed to the gods. Volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, and of course great floods.

“If one was to analyse the human brain in all cultures, there is a propensity to create religion in man. It is most certainly an in built function of the human brain, and analyzing each different culture and religion we see the same spots light up in the brain scans.

“Even though ancient cultures were divided by oceans and mountains, we see the same patterns in South America as we do in South East Asia, and through to Europe and the Middle East, as well as Australasia. The unknown can only be answered by creating gods, and the unknowns help to deal with the ultimate unknown — death.

“When you die, does your soul essence, this electrical mind, the little wisp of light arise from the body or is there full brain death and then just nothing? We will most probably never as a species fully understand that, but in all certainty, one thing is sure in death, and that is the vehicle i.e. the body is vacated and something departs or is merely switched off. Within this universe, nothing can be totally destroyed, if one pours a cup of water onto the floor, the droplets evaporate and eventually come back down to earth again, the same must be said about what inhabits the body of a creature that is alive. That spark, that initial electrical charge, either switches off or is released through some sort of universal memory into the ether.

“If the earth were to explode today. The universe would still exist as it has done for millennia, there would be little or no change. The universe does not care, it just exists. Man made religions are just questions, they cannot be deemed as fact, they are stories made by humans to react to the utter magnificence of our world and reality, as well as the unknown. Reading any religious book, one must take into account the culture that created that book, the superstitions of the culture, and also the race of the book creators. The linguistic style of the written religious book also gives away many things to the creation time of the piece and the people who created it.

“There are no prophets today or religious bibles written, because we have science to disprove nonsense, however this same science did not exist in the Middle Ages or prior and generational brainwashing has been allowed to take place. Religions today are basically systems of control that have survived in human culture because they are very effective tools in managing large swathes of people. Religions certainly do not want progress, or lateral thinking or any form of logic, for them this would awaken the masses who are their lifeblood and money supply.”