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England Football Team Prepare For Russian World Cup

Errin Hunter
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England Football Team Prepare For Russian World Cup

You ever tried to do a bicycle kick wearing a full Hazmat chemical hazard suit in a World Cup final?

Well, the England boys are all suited up and ready for today’s training. Their destination is the 2018 World Cup in Russia, which will be a serious test for the team.

After a few minutes, there’s a breakaway, Jordan Henderson, the Liverpool midfielder suddenly checks his run, and parries through an instep drive towards centre. Unfortunately, due to the Hazmat suit, his shot hits a stopper, and the opposing side now delve deep into territorial danger bossing the game. After angling to the sweeper, then square passing to Harry Kane who runs the ball right up to the opposition’s line of retreat just outside the penalty box, he suddenly collapses with extreme heat exhaustion and cannot move. The goalie breathes a sigh of relief.

The perils of this dangerous endeavour are ever present. Half the team can barely run for fifteen minutes before suffering from heat exhaustion and fatigue wearing the heavy suits.

“It’s hard on the legs especially. Plus you try spitting phlegm in a Hazmat? You can’t spit, you can barely run, and your field of vision is shot to shit,” Jamie Carragher says from the sidelines.

It’s half time and the boys are knackered. There’s no way you can eat an orange segment let alone have a smoke in a fucking Hazmat.

Second half

Gareth Southgate, the manager comes out of his hut at 56 minutes and presses a red button. It’s a chemical nerve agent test to see if the England squad will survive.

If they have their Hazmat suits on and in proper nick, then it should be okay. Oh dear, one of the boys goes down, the gas got through a little gap as he didn’t put his head dress on properly. Poor bastard, looks like Rose, Tottenham left-back. He is carted off the pitch twitching like an altar boy in a Catholic church. After a few minutes the medics administer the antidote and the foam stops coming out of his mouth. He’s okay.

“I wanted to test the team. What if we’re two goals up on Russia, and they suddenly send in their nerve gas while we’re at the other end of the pitch to the Russian team? This is why it is essential our boys wear these suits. Not only could it save our lives but we could win games whilst under chemical attack, the cowardly Russians are dirty players, but we won’t let them get us,” Southgate later revealed.

You’ve got to hand it to the brave players for the England squad. They’re really putting themselves forward for Queen and country.

Scientists Reveal Vegetables and Fruit Cry Out in Pain When Eaten

Errin Hunter
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Scientists Reveal Vegetables and Fruit Cry Out in Pain When Eaten

Scientists for the Agricultural Research Center in Syracuse, Onondaga County, New York, have revealed the shocking findings in a recent research journal posted last week.

Professor Haley Baum, has shocked the world’s vegetarians and vegans with the research data.

“Our initial analysis process was to determine electrical nano-pulse feedback from plants when harvested from the ground. We found that when a plant is uprooted from the earth it has stood in from seed, the plant lets off a high pitched sound above any human register, along with electrical impulses. This reaction led us to hypothesise that the plant was not happy about being uprooted and was in effect screaming for its life.

“We then moved on to vegetables being first cut, then eaten. We attached a series of meters and electrical signal sequencers to each vegetable. The noisiest scream and electrical impulse came from a tomato. Each cut of the blade through its flesh would register a shock impulse denoting extreme distress, then when the tomato was put in the mouth and slowly chewed the distress signal increased until slowly ebbing away.

“Bananas being peeled are in pain. It is akin to skinning a living animal. Scraping the skin off carrots, we registered the yelps of pain and distress. Putting fruit in a blender however resulted in no electrical impulse or sound, because death came quickly.”

Salad

It is thought that meat eaters are the cruel ones, but think about those grapes, maybe that slice of lemon, or that watermelon you just sliced and diced.

This new revelation by scientists may change our eating habits forever. Maybe fruit and vegetables will have to be stunned first before meal preparation.

Restaurateurs are not happy with the new scientific data. Many who were consulted, said that this would mean many meals for customers would take longer to prepare costing them millions in lost revenue.

All living things feel pain, and anguish, especially when they are cut up, doused in the finest balsamic vinegar, then thrust unceremoniously into your mouth. Crunch, crunch, crunch!

Death of Western Democracy – Communist China Globalism

Errin Hunter
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Death of Western Democracy – Communist China Globalism

Something has brought forward this thought about the major threat to democracy in the West and the rise of China-led globalism.

Recently, the monopolistic tech companies like Google and Facebook started to clamp down on free speech, freedom of expression, satire, and other forms of literature. This totalitarian policy was once only seen in China’s communist dictatorship, and censoring regime.

Put two and two together and you have globalism led by China. This means that the tech companies are actually following Chinese communistic techniques in limiting freedom of speech, censorship and dictating what people can and cannot say.

Therefore, one can see that there is a shift to soviet communism by the tech companies, who are pandering to China’s globalistic aspirations to take over the West.

The tech companies are not doing this only for money, but one suspects that they actually subscribe to Chinese communist doctrine.

In relation to the communist doctrine that encapsulates China, some tech companies even happily report dissidents to Chinese authorities. Twitter and Google have both done this, which resulted in the dissidents disappearing, never to be seen again. The Chinese authorities can only get the data about someone’s details, from Twitter or Google, therefore they collaborate with the communist regime in arresting individuals who are critical of the state.

tiananmen square - daily squib

China’s awful human rights record is of course glossed over when it comes to profit, and so is the treatment of Tibetans who have been tortured, killed and displaced by the brutal communist Chinese state.

Imagine being abducted and whisked away to a cell where you spend the next several months or years with no charge or conviction, and your organs harvested.

Communist Chinese brutality puts down any talk of democracy, freedom of expression or free speech. This is very similar to how the Western tech monopolies are acting right now.

There can be no globalism with communist China. If this happens, Western democracy loses everything.

Amnesty International China

 

VIDEO: Wakanda Spaceship Filmed By US Navy Over Atlantic

Errin Hunter
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VIDEO: Wakanda Spaceship Filmed By US Navy Over Atlantic

Holy Shit! This is proof that Wakanda is real because a spaceship or some sort of craft made from vibratium was filmed zooming over the Atlantic ocean at impossible speeds by US Navy F-18 pilots.

“We’re sure it was the Black Leopard on a mission from Wakanda. They have technology way more advanced than us white men. It was incredible. I think the craft was travelling at 45,000 mph with no sign of jets, exhaust or heat,” flight lieutenant, Agustin Moss, told the New York Times.

Black people all over the world are celebrating the existence and solid proof that Wakanda is not just a made-up place created by CGI experts in Hollywood.

“Imma go Africa ‘n’ axe whey da Wakanda at? Niggas betta point me in da right direction and sheeit!” Maurice Shanaquanda III Esq., an avid Black Hyena fan from New York told Ebony Magazine.

Why it is Important to Develop Internet Friendship

Errin Hunter
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Why it is Important to Develop Internet Friendship

Today’s world has no borders. Even if a person physically is not in the same country that his second half or a friend, they can still communicate effectively.

No matter how far the people are they still can enjoy each other.

In order to facilitate the communication with those who live in different countries, messengers and video chats were developed.

Messaging online is quite good. It lets us instantly to send the message to people we love. Though, video chats are even more effective.

They let the person to see the other person no matter how far he is. The person simply has to use video chat coomeet to get advanced communication experience.

What the Internet Friendship Brings You

Getting to know new friends on the Internet is not a regular practice for many people. Some still think you can’t find real emotions online. Though, in reality, the Internet is only another type of space, where feelings can be not less realistic than in real life.

Often when people meet online they keep a friendship for many years or even for the whole lifetime.

Getting friends online has some important benefits:

  • You can find special people whom you can hardly meet in your regular surrounding. Often people find their second halves online.
  • You can get to know people with different beliefs. On the Internet social, cultural and religious borders do not exist. You can get to know an Indian person who is British. This unique cultural experience is very valuable.
  • You can find people who have similar interest than you do. Often a person who lives in the same surrounding for a lot of time lacks communications. He needs to find new people to share his ideas with. Internet friendship is exactly what is needed.

These are the main benefits the Internet friendship provides. Use virtual space for the real benefits. Find interesting people and establish new contacts.

Does Fraud on the Internet Exist?

One of the main disadvantages of talking to unknown people online is that you can hardly know if you talk to real personalities. Fraud on the Internet is a very normal thing. Though, you can protect yourself from it.

In order to do so that you have to choose that communication platforms that check its participants. Such websites oblige people who want to register to present their personal photos and scan versions of passport. That is a very efficient way to check if the person is real or not.

Another threat that exists in the virtual space is personal details disclosure. Often in virtual space, the information simply leaks. If you would like to protect your personal data, you need to check Confidentiality policy of a given platform. You should find the clause that states that the web-platform won’t pass your personal details to third parties.

Virtual space opens great opportunities. Though, it is important to use it accurately. If the person feels secure, he will use the possibilities the Internet provides extensively. He will be able to find new friends and new impressions.

Trump: “I’ve Got Big Balls of Steel”

Errin Hunter
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Trump: “I’ve Got Big Balls of Steel”

You gotta hand it to Donald Trump, here is a guy who doesn’t do things by half, he goes in all the way, balls deep, clinking and clanging with those huge balls of steel.

By stiffing the Chinese and EU with steel trade tariffs Donald Trump is merely saying, the Communist globalist agenda has to take a back door.

Who wants globalism dictated by communist China?

The answer is Soros, Obama, the leftists, the EU and China.

There is nothing more horrible and ghastly than having the Chinese commie bastards dictating to us what we should do, and this is why having the Don dictate back to them is frankly a breath of fresh air.

Globalism should only be completed without a China that is communist. If China dumps communism, then there will be a chance of proper democratic globalism.

We cannot have true globalism with a dictatorial communist China and an EU which is a collectivist pseudo-Marxist bloc.

We must therefore welcome Brexit, and the American president’s movement to shake up the unfair trade conditions which were running previously in favour of communist China.

Communist China, with its awful human rights, its communist dictatorial ideology is counter to globalism, because it is anti-free speech, anti-democracy and anti-freedom of expression.

Obama Marxist Propaganda to Infiltrate Netflix

Errin Hunter
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Obama Marxist Propaganda to Infiltrate Netflix

If things can’t get any worse for Netflix, or the users of the streaming service, former U.S. president, Barack Hussein Obama is going to get a series of shows on the platform to push his agenda down peoples’ throats once again.

“This guy is like a dog turd on your shoe that never goes away. You wipe it, you wash it with water, and you drag it along the grass, the turd always stays there and the smell too,” a man, sick to the stomach at the mere thought of Obama propaganda stinking up the network.

Maybe Netflix has had its day. Maybe it is time to dump the subscription. People just don’t need this type of propaganda stuffed down their throats day in day out.

Some may say, just ignore it, but the notifications keep popping up, watch Obama, watch now.

“I thought we got rid of Obama. Everytime I turn on Netflix, the last thing I want to see is his big fat head and his feral wife looking at me. I don’t want to see that guy’s face or his wife’s ugly face period. We had to endure eight years of those bastards. If they put him on Netflix, I’m cancelling my subscription and so are millions of others,” another angry person said on Twitter.

Looks like it’s goodbye Netflix.

Google Maps Wants to Look Inside Your Body

Errin Hunter
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Google Maps Wants to Look Inside Your Body

Google Maps has mapped pretty much every part of the world, including under the sea, and space, however the company wants to go one step further — your internal body.

Google Maps chief engineer, Rama Bangalawa, wants every global person to have their internal body mapped.

“We insert the camera through your rectum. Do not worry, the camera is only 12 inches in diameter and will not be intrusive. Then we push it all around your insides mapping the data which is then publicly available to whoever wants to see it. Like, say I want to see my girlfriend’s left kidney or ovaries, just type it up on our Google Maps app, and you will have all the photos there.”

Asked whether the new internal body mapping initiative is a bit intrusive, Google denied any invasion of privacy.

“It is our policy to map every part of the globe, and you as a human inhabit that sphere of data input. This is not an invasion of privacy but a right that our company is entitled to.”

The body map will go all the way up to the brain. That’s a long way to go from your rectum. Yowzer!

An Interview With Brutal Eastern European Gangster Controlling London Underworld

Errin Hunter
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An Interview With Brutal Eastern European Gangster Controlling London Underworld

We have been given exclusive access to an Eastern European gang boss who controls vast swathes of Inner City London and the suburbs.

Eastern European gangsters are a thriving community who have increased their numbers thanks to the opening of borders under former PM, Tony Blair, in 2004.

The brutality and fierceness of these gangsters is legendary, meaning they are practically untouchable by other gangs, and the police.

Eastern European criminal gangs specialise mostly in people trafficking, gun running, drugs, prostitution, armed robbery, extortion, kidnapping and digital credit card fraud making their annual tax free takings very lucrative.

After many months, we have finally been granted exclusive access to the Eastern European mafia’s Barjak (executive committee), who are one big family (fis), comprising of units led by individual bosses (Kryetars), all answering to the highest boss of bosses.

Our contact tells us to go to a cafe in Walthamstow, and from there we are picked up by a van. We are urged to get into the back of the van which travels for approximately 45 minutes until it stops and we hear garage doors opening. My assistant and I are frankly a bit nervous, as we have no idea where we are as the windows in the back of the van have been blacked out.

Once we are out of the van, I hear a silenced pistol bang.

My assistant is dead, shot in the temple with a single bullet.

I guess I am next…

(Sadly the DS lost two investigative reporters on that day. We recovered the information for this article from a last transmission prior to their death. Their bodies were never found.)

In memory of Alan Bates 1980 – 2018, and John McCallister 1979 – 2018

The Daily Squib is currently recruiting more investigative reporters, if you feel you are up to it, please send your CV and credentials to editorial (at) www.dailysquib.co.uk

Why HGH Therapy Can Benefit Your Health and Lifestyle

Errin Hunter
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0
Why HGH Therapy Can Benefit Your Health and Lifestyle

Feeling down, loss of energy, loss of libido, then you may find benefit in HGH therapy. Life can be full of hardship, and it is made harder when you are feeling depressed, or with lack of energy.

This is why HGH treatment can seriously turn your life around physically and emotionally and give you that extra youthful zing you may have lost over time.

Pick yourself up with more vigor, more energy and a faster metabolism.

The benefits of HGH treatment are incredible, you will have faster metabolism, lower risk of heart disease and heart attack and an increase in energy, stamina, and vitality.

HGH is totally safe, and is usually administered by injection or a special pen that the clinic will give you, and show you how to use safely.

Safe prescription in the US

HGH injections are prescribed by clinical doctors at www.hghinjections.com and are totally safe. He or she must be over 30 and in otherwise good health. The doctors will determine your specific needs after viewing your test results, and prescribe the necessary treatment that will personally benefit you.

Key facts about HGH

HGH injections are a synthetic, bio-identical replication of the growth hormone that the pituitary gland naturally produces.

Human growth hormone (HGH) is a 191 amino acid sequence, single-chain, large protein, polypeptide molecule.

The manufacturing process of HGH is carefully processed in controlled laboratories in the USA. The product is very sensitive to light and movement, therefore it must be treated with care.

HGH, also named as somatropin, has two main delivery methods depending on the brand. Some brands deliver the HGH via syringe, others with specially designed pens. Again, you will decide with your clinician what is the most suitable way for treatment.

Benefits of HGH treatment

The benefits to HGH treatment are immense. After your initial treatment, you will feel a sense of wellbeing that will change your outlook on life. You will feel less stressed, and much more able to cope with everything. Your physical wellbeing will increase in many ways and catapult you to a healthy new beginning.

  • Increased energy and stamina
  • Increased endurance levels
  • Great vigor and vitality
  • Faster metabolism
  • Loss of unwanted fat
  • Increased sexual drive and increased sexual libido
  • Less depression
  • Stronger skin elasticity
  • Hair grows in thicker
  • Less balding

This is why, it is in your best interests to think about getting HGH treatment. If you wish to seriously change your lifestyle, increase your physical and emotional wellbeing, HGH is the way to go.

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