17.7 C
London
Wednesday, July 15, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 417

Stormy: President Trump Consults Carlos Santana

Angela Simmons
-
0
Stormy: President Trump Consults Carlos Santana

First go to the Stormy video and press play to listen before reading this article

President Donald Trump is in a stormy situation and is consulting veteran musician Carlos Santana about it.

“I like his music, and even though he’s a Mexican chicano he can play a mean guitar, you know how he makes the PRS wail like a moaning woman I just grabbed by the …”

Carlos in his retirement sits in his Las Vegas mansion watching the weather channel all day, and was surprised to get a call from the Donald asking for advice.

Black magic woman

“I said to the cat, you need to get back to 1978 man. Put yourself in that mode. Also I told him to grow his hair longer and the answer would come to him from the cosmos. You need longer hair man, acts like an antenna to the universal mind. Plus, reef. You need the reefer or a few tabs to get the real vibrations to life and all the answers to the questions…oh, and while he’s doing this he gotta wear a hat, that bit muy muy importante.”

Whether President Trump will adhere to Santana’s advice is still to be seen.

Why Americans Must Adopt Gun Control Now

Angela Simmons
-
0
Why Americans Must Adopt Gun Control Now

Gun control is a serious fact of life. If you are holding your prize Deagle primed with some .50 AE ammo and you can’t control the recoil, you might as well be pissing in the wind, this is why you need gun control.

You empty a clip, your reload time may be a life or death situation, this is why you need to reload fast, and have many magazines available for the next burst of fire, this is all about gun control.

Collateral damage, this is acceptable in the military but on the streets or home can get you locked up for good, therefore when you’re aiming, get the right target (the bad guy) for fuck’s sake. Gun control is a very important aspect of this situation otherwise you could end up with multiple instances of collateral damage.

What about jamming? If your weapon of choice is not properly maintained, cleaned and oiled, then you will get more instances of your firearm jamming due to fouling. You don’t want that to happen if you’re in a serious life threatening situation and firing a fully automatic or semi auto weapon. Revolvers are generally more reliable, but they still need to be maintained and under gun control.

 

Gun control is also about what gauge you use with your weapon. What can you handle well? Know your limits. It’s a toss up between blowing major holes in somebody or something or getting that accurate clean head shot into the cranium with little or no recoil.

Practice, practice, practice! If you don’t practice with your gun, you won’t know how to control the gun. This is why access to a good shooting range is invaluable.

Don’t forget, gun control is not only about controlling the gun but most of all controlling yourself. If someone cuts in line at the fast food restaurant, just let it go, sure you can say a few words, maybe have a fist fight, but no guns will be needed there. Gun control is mostly about responsibility. You should only ever use your weapon when in serious fear of your life, and mostly on your own property to protect your family and yourself.

 

Hopefully with these tips, you will adhere to good gun control and live a long happy life of liberty including the Second Amendment’s right to bear arms. Remember, the founding fathers wrote the Second Amendment for a very good reason, and that was to protect you the citizen, not only from daily crimes, but from any tyrannical government that may ever pop up.

 

Making the Most of Live Dealer Games at Online Casinos

Angela Simmons
-
0
Making the Most of Live Dealer Games at Online Casinos

Online casinos popularity is practically through the roof, and players are constantly looking for ways to spice up their game play experience.

Considering that it’s human nature to strive for greater interaction, online casino platform providers have managed to identify several ways to retain and increase player traffic.

Live dealer games offer the ultimate level of interactivity with the remaining participants, i.e. the game dealer and the remaining players on your table.

If you haven’t experienced the live dealer games available online, you should know to expect a real-life person and table transmitted onto your computer screen instead of the usual graphic design setup.

How Do Live Dealer Casino Games Work?

In order to function optimally, the live dealer game selection at online casinos does not depend on the same operator. Namely, this technology is still developing and improving, which is why there are only a handful of third-party live dealer game software providers that regulate all its settings and technical support.

In terms of requirements, live dealer casino games may be said to be somewhat demanding, even though players using an average computing setup could access and enjoy them.

Mobile online casino players, however, are still unable to access live dealer casino games properly, as currently manufactured mobile devices don’t have enough bandwidth to run and support them. This means that you will be able to enjoy such entertainment at the comfort of your own home, or any place that allows you to take your laptop.

Regardless of the location and device you choose, there is one criterion that needs to be met in order to ensure the games will run smoothly – the players’ Internet connection.

It is highly advisable to use Wi-Fi as a connection, but only from a reliable and secure provider, and ensure that high volumes of traffic are available, as it can use up to a few GBs from your monthly subscription.

Which Types of Live Dealer Casino Games Are Available?

So far, not all casino games have been adapted to the live dealer mode, but those that have been are blackjack, roulette, baccarat and poker.

Blackjack games have no trouble attracting online casino players, but this live mode is definitely ‘the real deal’. Live blackjack is played using actual card decks, which are shuffled in a real life shoe, and dealt by a dealer.

Should you have a few blackjack strategies up your sleeve, live dealer blackjack is the best place to use them as it provides the least chance for others to note them.

Live dealer roulette is available in all its standard versions – European, American and, on some occasions French Roulette, which offers the best odds for its players due to the number of characteristic betting possibilities.

Baccarat is also suited to this specific format, especially since dealing and betting moves are applied without anyone noticing that you still haven’t handled all the rules.

As for poker, Texas Hold’em is arguably the most popular variant, but as live dealer games are progressing, so is the number of poker game types available in this format.

Exclusive Footage From Wakanda South Africa Parliament Persecuting White Farmers

Angela Simmons
-
0
Exclusive Footage From Wakanda South Africa Parliament Persecuting White Farmers

As the exodus of white farmers continues from South Africa, the country is descending back to the law of the jungle.

South Africa reports that 400 white farmers have been killed in the past 12 months and they were also being forced off their land, as a new policy was implemented through African National Congress (ANC) and its new leader and South African President Cyril Ramaphosa.

The real Wakanda

A motion passed in the South African parliament recently calls for the expropriation of land without compensation of white farmers.

Many white farmers are now trying to flee to Australia from South Africa.

One fleeing farmer said anonymously: “Once all white farmers go, they won’t know how to run the farms and will probably starve. Good luck to them.”

Trump Puts Brakes On Brutal Communist Chinese Global Economic Dominance

Angela Simmons
-
0
Trump Puts Brakes On Brutal Communist Chinese Global Economic Dominance

Donald J Trump has finally clamped down on communist regime China, a brutal totalitarian country that tortures its citizens mercilessly, genocide of millions of Tibetans, has no copyright recognition, and has been booming economically from unjust tariff trade deals.

China is a serious threat to Western democracy and needs to go back to its 1970 poverty.

Here is a communist country that utilised capitalist systems to gain great wealth, albeit from a skewed tariff trade system heavily in favour of China. The devious Chinese in consort with suitably aligned U.S. entities tried to use the ensuing wealth to spread communist ideology by stealth.

This is why U.S tech monopolies in consort with China’s communist ideology (Google, Twitter and Facebook) have been pushing Chinese censorship techniques in the West today.

Chinese brutality

Apart from the brutal dictatorship that knows no human rights or law, China is knockoff central, where they take products from the West then copy them without any form of copyright reciprocation.

China has been getting away with their economic murder for too long, by utilising slave chinese knockoff mcdonaldslabour to make Western products undercutting American workers. One has to also acknowledge that the previous socialist administrations were the ones pushing for China to be America’s factory.

China has also infiltrated every business in America and even many universities have seen funding come from China. This is why America is now fighting back from Chinese infiltration into Hollywood; into American universities, into American institutions, into American business.

Communist China is a cancer

Send the money back. No more economic rape of America will be tolerated. Global communism has today taken a step back. China is a cancer to true democratic globalism, and this cancer like a big fat pulsating tumour must be stopped from spreading. The Chinese ploy of spreading communism through the economic backdoor has now backfired. Fuck communist China. The only thing you stand for is brutal torture, censorship, dictatorship and other totalitarian communist ideals.

Guide for American Wedding Guests at the Royal Nuptials

Angela Simmons
-
0
Guide for American Wedding Guests at the Royal Nuptials

For American invitees to the wedding of his Royal Highness, the Prince of Wales and Ms. Meghan Markle at the chapel in Windsor Castle, these careful words of advice are hereinafter given to provide some pointers to avoid gaffes on your part.

“Hi, buddy” is not considered a proper greeting to the Prince, nor “Hi, there” to Meghan. With the British, first names are not used at once as if you are drinking pals. In the case of the Prince and Meghan, this means you cannot address them as “Harry” and “Meghan” (let alone, “Har” and “Meg”).

If the conversation becomes boring, it is not considered normal behavior to begin fingering objects at the reception and checking their bottoms for prices. An occasional nod of the head will give the impression of paying attention. Appraising the women’s legs is a no-no.

When tea is served, as it invariably is, it will be brought in a cup. Nor should the saucer which accompanies the cup be considered an unnecessary accoutrement; the saucer should not be waived away with distain, nor should you say you prefer “a brew” instead. The little finger should not be pointed (and certainly never at the prince or the bride) but curled in raising the cup, and the index finger should not be extended in lieu thereof, even in emphasizing a conversational point.

Actually, points are not emphasized in England, rather they are nudged into place. Napkins are also served, and the mouth should be patted, never swiped at. Sweeping gestures are frowned on. The last sweeping gesture made by an Englishman was that of Sir Walter Raleigh in spreading his cloak for Queen Elizabeth (the First) to walk on, and he subsequently lost his head.

The English are a reticent race. Do not pepper them with a lot of rapid-fire talk. On the other hand, you may doze until they finish their sentences, and mumbling is also tolerated, which facilitates answering them if you are in the midst of a tart which the English dote on. Do not ask for a Big Mac instead.

The English cannot abide shouting, so your normal speaking voice must be modulated. An alternative technique is to stand further back from your conversant than you do in the U.S. This can only enhance your status, as the English frown on familiarity. Do not worry that you will not be heard, for many Englishmen are equipped with ear-trumpets, a habit no doubt stemming from their use as mouth-trumpets during fox hunts. Touching the English when speaking with them is absolutely forbidden. This touchiness derives (in the case of males) from their public school days, in which such physicality was regarded as a discreet overture.

When presented to an Englishman, especially if titled, it is not considered proper to thereupon inquire as to his salary or the cost of his residence, nor even (if it is not abundantly clear) what he does for a living. Many titled Englishman do nothing for a living, nor are they expected to. Caveat: If you are presented to a Lord, do not commence to mention your own favorite schemes for investment. Don’t try to purchase London Bridge as a souvenir.

Finally, a general rule: when in doubt, adopt passivity. This may prolong your visit unintentionally a few weeks until your hosts take the initiative, but they will regard you forever after as the most decent of chaps. A final suggestion, do not call the Queen, “Queenie.”

This guest article was submitted by a genuine American

First They Came for the Satirists, and I Did Not Speak Out— Because I Was Not a Satirist.

Angela Simmons
-
0
First They Came for the Satirists, and I Did Not Speak Out— Because I Was Not a Satirist.

Where will this mass censorship drive by left wing tech companies end? The internet is slowly being purged of free thought and freedom of expression by monopoly companies that control 95% of everything now on the world wide web.

All there is is silence. No one apart from a few sites and people are speaking up or doing anything about it.

Well if you don’t stand up for your rights, then one day you will be next, one day you will be censored, demonetized and deleted, or relegated to page 3,000 in search. Who will speak up for you then? NO ONE!

As well as Martin Niemöller’s words that ring so true in this insane Orwellian age, we can also mention Edmund Burke who famously stated — “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

How ironic that Google once said that it’s motto was: “Don’t be Evil”

Just as Google has censored our satire and parody so too is China.

In retrospect, what is happening right now is beyond evil, because what these monopoly tech companies and their extreme leftist policies are doing is in fact aligning with communist Chinese censorship and its destructive dictatorial ideology. And here we thought we lived in a functioning Western democracy where we had rights of free speech? Alas, the tech companies like twitter, facebook and google have demonstrated otherwise by inhibiting our fundamental rights to human expression and freedom.

THIS WILL NOT END WITH US – YOU ARE NEXT

Our brand of Juvenalian satire has been punished so severely that we can barely write anything or post a picture without Google punishing our site. Such are the lengths they go to to censor satire, a literary genre borne from the beginning of mankind’s history.

How would Decimus Iūnius Iuvenālis have dealt with the Google push against real satire and free speech on the internet?

No doubt, he would have reacted with great disgust. Not only at the punishers of free speech but at the media companies, the authors, the writers, the politicians and supposed guardians of democracy who are NOW silent. Even so-called upholders of investigative journalism and satire, Private Eye, who are now merely establishment BBCified stooges towing the line are silent. You are pathetic in your silence, but one day, you may hark back to this moment and realise you were wrong and cowardly.

Berners Lee? Where is he? Nowhere to be seen.

All we know is, the Daily Squib stood up. We will fight them to the end, to the end of the universe, to the end of time, and to the end of every sinew, every muscle group and every fucking last drop of our spittle for our right to write satire and parody.

google vs daily squib satire cartoon
cartoon: Damien Glez http://glez.org/

Tory Brexiteers Fling Wet Fish Into Thames

Angela Simmons
-
0
Tory Brexiteers Fling Wet Fish Into Thames

Protesters have flung a big flapping wet fish into the River Thames opposite the Houses of Parliament this morning in a demonstration against the Government’s Brexit transition deal.

Fishermen and Tory MPs took part in the protest after the Government caved to demands from Brussels that Britain remain in the Common Fisheries Policy until 31 December 2020.

The climbdown over the transition deal means that the UK will be subject to quotas imposed on British fishermen from the EU for an additional 21 months.

Setting off shortly after 8am, the fishing vessel HMS Brexit set sail under Tower Bridge towards Parliament, carrying more than a dozen journalists and fishermen ready to fling the wet fish into the Thames.

Sold Britain down the river

“She kept trying to justify capitulating to Brussels and being a wet fish. She’s sold us all down the river with this terrible transition deal which will see our fishermen scuppered,” a protester said before the flinging commenced.

Just like everything else, wet fish, Theresa May was pathetic even to the end, and as the Tories and fishermen lifted her up, she blubbed like a soppy sodden sponge.

With an almighty splash, the wet fish first sank, then rose, drowned, floating silently down the river that has for centuries been the heart and soul of the capital.

Don’t Drop the Soap – Sarkozy in Le Prison

Angela Simmons
-
0
Don’t Drop the Soap – Sarkozy in Le Prison

Ooh la la! Mon dieu! Is it true, oui, c’est vrai! Nicolas Sarkozy, the former French president, has been put behind bars in prison.

Sarkozy is in custody as part of an investigation that he received millions of euros in illegal financing from the regime of the late Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi, according to a judicial source.

“I told him, he needs to clean the money. Sarko, would not listen to me and deposited the millions in a French bank. He thought he was untouchable because he was part of the French elite,” a former associate revealed.

Though an investigation has been underway since 2013, the case gained traction some three years later when French-Lebanese businessman Ziad Takieddine told the online investigative site, Mediapart, that he delivered suitcases from Libya containing 5 million euros in cash to Sarkozy and his former chief of staff Claude Gueant.

Investigators are examining claims that Gadhafi’s regime secretly gave Sarkozy 50 million euros overall for the 2007 campaign. Such a sum would be more than double the legal campaign funding limit at the time of 21 million euros.

In addition, the alleged payments would violate French rules against foreign financing and declaring the source of campaign funds.

French prisons are full to the brim of young African men who have not had a piece of ass for a long time, so Sarkozy will be fresh white meat thrown to the dogs.

“He better not pick up the soap in the showers,” a former inmate revealed.

Is It Safe To Buy Injections From Clinic Without Consulting A Doctor? 

Angela Simmons
-
0
Is It Safe To Buy Injections From Clinic Without Consulting A Doctor? 

Hormones are chemicals produced by the body. They are very small, however powerful, and lack or excess of them can cost one health.

Hormones directly influence the majority of organs and tissues, physical and chemical processes, even state of mind and emotions. For example, the most powerful hormones in the human body are:

  • Adrenaline;
  • Testosterone,
  • Human Growth Hormone;
  • Estrogen;
  • Insulin;
  • Cortisol.

When these or other hormones are disbalanced, hormone replacement therapy is one of the treatment options. Hormones can be provided in pills, injections, patches, etc.

While some people believe that having a diagnosis and knowing what hormone is lacking or in excess is enough to go an buy a medicine on their own, this is totally incorrect.

To provide proper treatment, years of experience and profound knowledge in medical field are needed.

So, to buy proper pills, patches or injections, go to https://www.hgha.com/ and consult a doctor first. it may even turn out that what you believe is endocrine system problem is actually not, and additional intake of hormones will ruin your health even more.

healthy life girl

 

Why You Can’t Get Injection Of Your Own Choice 

In order to attract clients, pharmaceutical companies started to produce different injections that aim to increase the level of certain hormone in the body. The patients who need injections can theoretically buy those and do injections at home, without need to visit the clinic. However, these injections are and should be sold only after proper research, analysis and calculation of dosage.

Here are some reasons why you should not get injections without doctor’s prescription:

  • To decide what injection is correct, the doctor has to make a full medical screening. In order to improve the level of hormone in the body, any injection dosage is not the option.
  • The processes can only be changed in a needed way if the components of injection correspond to particular body needs.
  • You can’t calculate the dosage yourself. General prescriptions are not enough. Each patient’s endocrine profile is different. You have to consult the doctor if you want to get the medicine that will really help you.
  • The efficiency and influence of hormones should be constantly supervised and the indications should be measured, to check the progress and adjust the treatment plan if needed. The dosage may need to be changed already in two weeks, or another medication should be offered. Without proper education and experience, a patient cannot conduct such observation.

These reasons show that you can only get the injections by doctor’s prescription. Otherwise, you will simply ruin your health.

doctor-medical-medicine-health-42273

 

What Doctor To Address

Not all endocrinologists who work in clinics are able to prescribe the right hormone treatment, in other words, only being a doctor in a clinic is not enough. A professional doctor has to have years of practice in the field, having worked specifically as endocrinologist.

The doctor also has to have appropriate certification from relevant authorities confirming him as a specialist. medical diploma is not yet an indicator of proper knowledge and skills. It is always a good idea to ask your friends about contacts of a good doctor; the word of mouth is a good recommendation in this case. If the doctor or clinic is awful, people will readily tell you so.

The treatment methods, medications and approaches also develop constantly. The scientists discover new options, and modern doctors have to be posted about the innovations.

Pharmaceutical companies develop new products that have to be checked, tested, certified, assessed, modified, and doctors take part in all that, too. Therefore, the doctor has to be really experienced to provide proper diagnosis, treatment plan and patient support. Choose your doctor and clinic wisely.

1...416417418...823Page 417 of 823
squib footer 270

Breaking News

Copyright © Daily Squib 2026.

The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.

KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH