Here at the Daily Squib, we have been at a loss of words, reason and satirical congress when confronted with the above video of possibly the greatest actor that has ever lived.
The video depicts a grown man literally crying in awe and joy over the new Star Wars trailer.
We suspect this man works for the Disney corp. and this is some kind of viral advertising marketing scheme that is tricking millions of people to pay attention to the new film which will be released in December.
Who is this guy? Is he not the best actor that has graced the screen? He is way beyond Olivier, and shits on De Niro.
All we know is, he is booked into a hotel. That’s it.
Today is a sad day for the beating heart of Paris, the magnificent gothic architecture of the Notre Dame has succumbed to a huge fire.
This priceless 850-year-old artefact has been gutted by fire, the beautiful rose windows now cracked and blackened by the intense heat.
The three rose windows, are among the most famous features of the cathedral. The west rose window, over the portals, was the first and smallest of the roses in Notre-Dame. It is 9.6 meters in diameter, and was made in about 1225, with the pieces of glass set in a thick circular stone frame. None of the original glass remains in this window; it was recreated in the 19th century.
The north rose was created in about 1250, and the south rose in about 1260. The south rose in the transept is particularly notable for its size and artistry. It is 12.9 meters in diameter; with the claire-voie surrounding it, a total of 19 meters. It was given to the Cathedral by King Louis IX of France, known as Saint Louis.
South rose window in Notre dame cathedral, Paris, France
The south rose has 94 medallions, arranged in four circles, depicting scenes from the life of Christ and those who witnessed his time on earth. The inner circle has twelve medallions showing the twelve apostles. The next two circles depict celebrated martyrs and virgins. The fourth circle shows twenty angels, as well as saints important to Paris, notably Saint Denis, Margaret the Virgin with a dragon, and Saint Eustace. The third and fourth circles also have some depictions of Old Testament subjects. The third circle has some medallions with scenes from the New Testament Gospel of Matthew which date from the last quarter of the 12th century. These are the oldest glass in the window.
The cathedral is considered to be one of the finest examples of French Gothic architecture. The innovative use of the rib vault and flying buttress, the enormous and colorful rose windows, and the naturalism and abundance of its sculptural decoration all set it apart from earlier Romanesque architecture.
The cathedral was begun in 1160 and largely completed by 1260, though it was modified frequently in the following centuries.
Today, Monday, April 15, is truly a sad day to see such an iconic piece of architecture destroyed.
The cathedral has survived much disaster during the centuries, including being gutted during the French Revolution and damaged by the Huguenots in 1548, but much of the glorious Gothic architecture was added by Eugene Viollet-le-Duc, in the 19th century.
It is not clear whether the cathedral will survive such a fire, especially as the priceless carvings, windows and internal art, organ, have been destroyed.
The religious aspect of the cathedral is irrelevant, only the historical and architectural relevance is important, and its contribution to artistry. The Catholic religion will unfortunately survive, even when their churches burn down.
The fire destroying such a historical building is almost symbolic of the current president Emmanuel Macron’s presidency and will certainly be part of his legacy of extreme failure.
Although it is one of the most popular and iconic games in the United Kingdom, ask anyone the average age of a bingo player and you’d expect most, if not all, to say that the average age is somewhere in the 70s.
But thanks to the rise in online bingo, such as sites like Paddy Power Bingo, the average age of players has dropped to the early 60s already. That said, if bingo is to continue to progress into a popular game amongst the younger generation, does it need to rebrand itself?
Taking advantage of technological advancements
If bingo is to remain one of the most popular games in the UK, then technology will need to be embraced. In the same way that live casinos work to provide a more realistic casino experience than the traditional online casinos, online bingo needs to move away from the computerised bingo rooms and instead look into developing live bingo games.
This will not only continue to help players play at their own convenience but, by hiring bingo callers with fun and quirky personalities, you can attract even more people to the game. It is these sorts of advancements that will prolong the life of bingo and ensure that bingo halls, both brick and mortar and online, continue to thrive in an ever-competitive market.
Bingo hall revamp
Let’s be honest here, bingo halls always appear to be something of a rundown room that has seen better days, a bit like the traditional players. But with a younger audience starting to become engaged with the game, bingo halls need to update themselves if they are to lure in and keep hold of these new, younger customers.
The revival of the much loved game could be entirely dependent on the modernisation of bingo halls. They too could take advantage of technological advancements, by introducing bingo machines inside the hall, allowing people to socialise in person while also playing with a more technologically advanced bingo card.
Bingo call revamp
It’s not just the halls that could do with a major revamp, but it’s also the bingo calls. Although there are the classics like “Two fat ladies – 88” and “Two little ducks – 22”, it might be time to retire some and bring in some new bingo lingo for the youth of today.
So many of the calls would be lost on most people of this generation, like “Doctor’s Orders – number nine” which is in reference to a laxative pill given out by doctors in the armed forces during World War Two, which was named ‘Number Nine’.
Another of the weird ones that could do with an update is “The Lawnmower – number 14” which was given its name because the original lawnmower had a 14-inch blade. I’m sure most young people neither know nor care about these sorts of calls, and updating them to represent the modern era would be a great way to keep people hooked.
Can it survive?
Bingo has suffered from a drop in numbers over the past few decades, but with a reduction in tax on bingo halls, they have been given the chance to flourish. Of course, it’s not without its troubles. But as we’ve outlined here, if they can rebrand certain elements of both online and offline bingo, there’s no reason why the new generation can’t embrace it as much as previous generations.
It may be regarded as Europe’s secondary crown, but for the four teams involved – all of whom are facing their own precarious races for the European spots domestically – it represents an opportunity for a major trophy and, perhaps most importantly, a pathway into the Champions League next season.
Here, we’ll dissect who is best placed to lift the Europa League crown in Baku come 29 May.
It’d be difficult to look past the two English teams remaining in Chelsea and Arsenal, a feeling supported by the Europa League winner odds on Betfair. Before recent periods of transition, these two could realistically be considered European heavyweights, with Chelsea lifting the Champions League and Europa League consecutively in 2012 and 2013, and their London neighbours qualifying for the Champions League knockout stages for 15 straight seasons.
Both are struggling to find any consistency in their head-to-head race for the top four in the Premier League, but are both now presented an alternate route that may offer less resistance.
Chelsea, quietly confident that they are deserving of a higher competition, have certainly found the Europa League comfortable thus far. Where their league form has stuttered under the unfamiliar reigns of Maurizio Sarri, they have enjoyed an unbeaten streak in Europe that has also seen them score 30 goals.
If they are to progress to the final, it is clear that competition top scorer Olivier Giroud – so infrequently used domestically – will play a pivotal role. His ten goals have been representative of a team that have appeared incredibly relaxed in the competition, seemingly utilising it as an outlet of the pressure that often seems to restrict them back home.
Excepting an off-day in the semi-finals, the Blues must be confident in their ability to reach Baku, given the strength in depth that their European campaign has demonstrated so far, with impressive performances from previously second-tier players like Giroud, Ruben Loftus-Cheek, Callum Hudson-Odoi and Emerson Palmieri.
To get there, however, they will at least need to overcome an Eintracht Frankfurt side that have risen from a shaky start to now be in serious contention for their first silverware in 30 years. Sitting at the edge of the Champions League qualification places in the Bundesliga, Adi Hutter’s side have utilised their two prodigious talents in attacked – Luka Jovic and Sebastien Haller – to ruthless effect.
They know that in terms of both squad strength and European pedigree, they are the minnows at this stage.
Jović: 8 goals in 744 mins
Giroud: 10 goals in 849 mins
However, weaker teams than themselves have ridden waves of euphoria to finals before and, with the ominous threat of their talents being picked off this summer, there may be hope that sheer determination could allow them to surprise their West London opponents.
On the other side of the draw, the tie rests on finer margins.
Arsenal demonstrated poise in overcoming quarter-final opponents Napoli so efficiently but, with the echoes of Arsene Wenger seemingly ringing still, retain an ability to find trouble where none was expected.
Despite a team filled with quality – particularly in the attacking talents of Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Alexandre Lacazette, Aaron Ramsey and co. – their defensive frailties have seen them look vulnerable both domestically and in previous rounds.
Depending on which Arsenal turn up on any given evening, it would be possible to see them both cruise to the final or be knocked out in dramatic circumstances.
The problem for Unai Emery’s inconsistent side is that they will be coming up against a Valencia team who are very much finding their form.
Marcelino Garcia Toral’s side have won seven of their last 11 league games – including an impressive win over Real Madrid – and may serve here as the competition dark horses. In their centenary year, they have developed a formula that means they are incredibly difficult to beat but with an attacking dynamism that has seen them rise to sixth in a very competitive La Liga.
English hubris may suggest it’ll be an all-London final and, without doubt, both Chelsea and Arsenal should be confident. As is ever the case in this competition however, surprises are always around the corner when guards are dropped and, in Valencia and Frankfurt, they come up against true emerging talents amongst the European elite.
Constantly angry Labour MP David Lammy who labels every white person who does not agree with his extreme Marxist views as a Nazi, has been told to visit the former concentration camp of Auschwitz to see what real National Socialist Nazis were.
“There is some confusion with this angry black man who is calling everyone who is a Leaver in the Brexit debacle a Nazi. Lammy is obviously ignorant of history and has probably never read a book in his life and he is low of basic intelligence levels. It is sad to see such individuals being given positions of authority and abusing their position with ignorant and idiotic blatantly racist views,” a parliamentary disciplinary official revealed on Monday.
The angry Lammy will be put on a flight and shown the truth about what real Nazis are and the atrocities they committed in WW2.
Although most of the Labour party have been found to be antisemitic, and deny the holocaust ever happened, it is crucial to try to educate Lammy to the horrors of real Nazism and of mass genocide.
“We don’t expect this angry piece of shit to understand what a real Nazi is, but we will try our best to educate him. It is all too prevalent in this day and age for socialists and Marxists to label anyone else who does not agree with their political ideology as a Nazi. I wonder how they would feel if they knew the Nazis were actually socialists themselves. This Nazi label is now used commonly in the wrong context purely because these people are generally ignorant unintelligent individuals,” a political adjudicator added.
A British woman has been detained in Dubai and sentenced to thirty years in prison for having a gin and tonic drink once on an Emirates flight in 1976.
The 64-year-old woman who booked a two week holiday at a Dubai luxury hotel was detained at the airport when she arrived last week.
Once landing, Hillary Wanstead, 64, was ushered quickly into a secure room, strip searched, and told to lie on the floor naked whilst officials gave her an internal body cavity examination. She was then handcuffed and thrown into a van where she was taken to the Dubai Court of Misdemeanours, denied a lawyer, and charged with a thirty year sentence after evidence was shown of her alcoholic drink in 1976, when she was travelling from London Heathrow to Australia.
Prosecutor, Jamal Al Hussein, revealed the sordid details of the detention.
“We are constantly looking on ways to detain Western infidels, and we scour all records dating back decades to find anything we can use to arrest these dogs. It’s good for the tourist industry in Dubai because it gives an element of fear to any prospective tourist. We have actually seen bookings rise. This woman is now going to do thirty years and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”
Britain’s Consulate in the UAE, are already inundated with British detainees in Dubai, and have a backlog that stretches for years.
“Unfortunately we will only be able to get to Mrs Wanstead’s case by the year of 2025 simply because of the backlog. We are dealing with thousands of expats and tourists already,” an unrepentant Consulate worker revealed.
Dubai is a perfectly safe place for Westerners to visit.
Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex has given birth to a baby girl at the Frogmore Estate in Windsor.
The secretive birth has been a very private affair, however anonymous courtiers have revealed exclusively some details.
Meghan Markle was last seen in public on March 19, but has been out of sight since then which is highly unusual for the celebrity who courts attention at every moment.
The celebrity couple have chosen to not make any public announcements as of yet, and are keen to enjoy their new baby in total privacy away from the crowds.
There will be no photoshoots on the steps of Lindo wing, as was the case with other royals.
Meghan plans on feeding the baby only vegan food and vegan milk, as well as not giving the baby girl any gender specific roles or toys. The child will also be taught about socialism and activism from a young age and schooled on role models like Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King and Malcolm X.
The couple plan on showcasing the baby in a few weeks to news media and the public, but until then will keep the birth a secret. The rest of the royal family have attended, and Prince Philip was said to be kept away so as not to cause offence with one of his quips.
Commemorative souvenirs, stamps, plates and banana baskets have been manufactured already but are firmly on hold for now.
The sclerotic UK government seems to have its priorities all wrong, instead of getting us out of a Soviet EU superstate they prefer to incarcerate a person representing the right to freedom of speech who exposed massive war crimes — Julian Assange.
No doubt dark forces in the upper echelons are pulling the strings, and the betrayal of the Ecuadorian government led fully to Assange being dragged out by his beard by some hired goons and stuffed headfirst into a waiting police van.
Assangexit was thus committed with more vigour than Brexit which has been derailed three times already and now given another unnecessary extension. If only the UK had as much interest in completing a proper Clean Brexit as was voted by 17.4 million people on June 23, 2016 than their urgency to shit upon the mantle of free speech and the rights of one man who stood up to corrupt governments.
Government corruption, an endemic malaise that stinks up the globe, is now a default setting, and Theresa May who presides over daily lies and betrayals is so deep in corruption that her head is barely bobbing above the manure.
We see mass corruption in the House of Commons and Lords, where Britain’s parliament have circumnavigated democracy and tried with many attempts through contravening the law and parliamentary procedure to thwart Brexit. Their promises to honour the EU referendum result with nothing but lies and blatant betrayals as they simultaneously received large sums of raw cash from the EU delivered in discreet brown envelopes in back alleys .
We could have had three or four Brexits, instead we got an Assangexit.
If one were to imagine Theresa May’s bedside cabinet, they would not be surprised in learning the myriad of pharmaceutical drug bottles, and stacks of pills she has laid out all over the place.
Doctors who have examined recent footage of the PM wandering around Brussels red carpets have come to the conclusion that Theresa May is so whacked out on drugs she barely knows where she is or what she is doing.
“If you watch her usual robotic movement, it is now more pronounced and jerky. Her eyes are far gone, the pupils dilated, she has a thousand yard stare and we suspect she is barely functioning as a human being anymore,” Professor Friedrich Hegel, at the Munich Institute of Psychiatry and Mental Health told Euronews.
Westminster insiders know that the PM is suffering from severe depression and needs to be propped up by certain drugs taken every day.
“We’re talking Lorazepam, a benzodiazepine anxiolytic drug that is used for severe anxiety, and the serotonin reuptake inhibitor Sertraline. She is also probably on large doses of Modafinil, a drug used to treat narcolepsy. Add into the mix copious amounts of Adderall, and Methylphenidate, as well as Amisulpride, Clozapine, Paliperidone and Quetiapine, it’s quite a mix. One can imagine she chucks it all into a large jug then downs the lot in one gulp,” a Westminster insider revealed.
The PM is just going from one long meeting to another, she is simply going through a well known routine in autopilot. Her barely functioning robotic body is carried by a brain that is so fucked up it’s a miracle she can get through any sort of political discourse let alone make any crucial decisions that will affect Britain for decades.
“Our country has now been effectively entrusted to a drugged up robotic freak who is an automaton fucked up on copious amounts of prescription pharmaceuticals,” another parliamentarian added.
To have a forward looking independent sovereign Britain that embraces democracy is a threat to Britain’s enemies.
Instead, those who wish to weaken the country wish it to be swallowed up by a soviet EU superstate where its wealth, innovation and freedom are subverted and assimilated within a collectivist totalitarian mechanism then eviscerated completely.
The EU only weakens nations, it takes away power of a country’s right to self determination, and to make its own economic decisions. Britain as a free nation would thus be a greater threat to the EU, and to countries like Russia and China.
This is why within the UK, there are enemy operatives within parliament who are funded directly by the EU and Russia trying to stop Brexit with such vigour. These same people who promised to uphold the EU Referendum result have now subverted and almost destroyed any chance of a proper, clean Brexit.
The enemy within, works for the enemy without, and their job is to keep Britain shackled to an EU political superstate to weaken Britain and rob it of its riches.
Debt ridden EU countries like Greece, Italy and Spain need the cash cow of Britain, a stalwart money bank which funds their socialist lifestyles of three day working weeks and massive pension plans when they retire at 40.
Media elements who have received large funding from the EU, like the BBC, and Russian owned newspapers like the Independent and Evening Standard are also actively trying to thwart Brexit.
The elements in the British parliament who are paid by the EU to destroy Brexit, are also supported wholly by Russian interests. Certainly, to have an independent Britain is a great threat to Russia and China. They do not want Brexit at all costs, because Britain would once again rise economically and militarily.
Theresa May and her operatives are therefore seeking to ruin Brexit, to keep Britain shackled indefinitely to the EU, to never be able to make our own laws or control our borders, or to make trade deals for ourselves.
No, Britain must be weak, it must be enslaved, it must have its economic wings clipped, it must be controlled by Brussels, because the EU fears it as much as Russia and China do.
The operatives actively working against Britain in parliament do not have morals, or care about their country, they have had their bank accounts filled by the EU and Russian elements. This is all that they care about.
