17.7 C
London
Tuesday, March 31, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 178

Greta Thunberg to Star in Eco Pizza Porn Video to Taunt ‘Toxic’ Influencer

Fanjita Manners
-
0
Greta Thunberg to Star in Eco Pizza Porn Video to Taunt ‘Toxic’ Influencer

It doesn’t get more insidious than this. Darling of the eco hysteria business Greta Thunberg announced on Friday through her management company that she will be starring in an eco pizza porn video. Why would this sweet little girl be doing such a thing?

Big Dick Energy

“I want to humiliate this toxic influencer and his toxic ways. He has small dick energy, and I only like my Isterband at 10 inches. Anything below that is small for me. Throw in a couple of vegan pizzas I can roll around in, and we have some real dirty Swedish eco porn.”

The strictly naughty videos will have images of icebergs melting and polar bears stranded on rocks to compound the effect of helplessness that is Thunberg’s trademark.

How Bare You!

The people that control Thunberg want to promote a dirtier side to the angelic character that everyone knows and loves.

“She is not promoting breeding with this video, on the contrary, she will be promoting self-love and pizza to save the planet. Greta also wants to put two fingers up to that toxic idiot who got caught by the police from a pizza box. We never mention his name here in the Eco HQ, just call him a ‘liten skit’,” Göta Söderström, spokeswoman for Thunberg revealed on Friday.

China Encouraging Worldwide Travel During Covid Epidemic

Fanjita Manners
-
0
China Encouraging Worldwide Travel During Covid Epidemic

The Chinese Communist Politburo are encouraging the spread of possible new strains of the Covid pathogen so that the globe can be reinfected, thus propagating a new global pandemic.

Chinese Travel Ministry official Sum Ting Wong was jubilant about Chinese infected travellers spreading the pathogen worldwide.

Our hospitals are overwhelmed, people are piled up in corridors, and they are dropping dead in the streets, so what better time to open the doors to travel the world. Even our exported Christmas lights are infected with the possibly deadly virus.”

china tourists covid spread
Infected Chinese tourists are being encouraged to travel abroad to spread the deadly pathogen

Italy is a prime target for the Chinese, especially as they know the porous Schengen zone will allow the new deadly pathogen to spread through Europe quickly and efficiently, killing many of the infected.

“Italy is the Chinese virus’ gateway to Europe from China. It is imperative that as many of our tourists are allowed in to Italy so that more infections can occur,” a PLA chemical warfare specialist revealed on Thursday.

Biden on Vacation: “Glad I’m Not in Buffalo or Texas Border”

Fanjita Manners
-
0
Biden on Vacation: “Glad I’m Not in Buffalo or Texas Border”

In two years, Joe Biden is on his 250th vacation, and he’s glad he’s not in freezing Buffalo, or the porous Texas border.

Holidaying in St. Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands, the beaches run for miles and the tropical climate is wonderful. Compare that to freezing parts of the US like Buffalo, where even the Niagara Falls have frozen over.

Permanent Vacation

“We’re having a great time here, Hunter came over with a group of six underage trafficked Russian prostitutes and plenty of crack, Ashley brought her diary, but this time stuck a chain on it, and I brought over one of my ‘Big Guy’ sacks of money I never received from one of Hunter’s dodgy deals. We’re so glad the FBI and media turn a blind eye and fully protect our Biden illegal activities,” Mr. Biden said from his taxpayer funded villa on the island.

As many people freeze to death in America and mass looting by ‘young people’ continues unabated in some states, it’s great to see Joe Biden having a great time in the sun.

“C’mon man! Gimme a break! Let the fuckers freeze. You think I fuckin’ care? Let them come over the border by the hundred thousand. They’ll vote Democrat! Now, ‘scuse me folks, I got a date with a sun lounger and some fuckin’ ice cream! Here’s to 2024 where the FBI/Facebook/Google will ensure another win for me! I’ll be 106!”

Joe Biden’s permanent vacation continues.

China Prepping to Release Covid Pandemic Wave 2.0?

Fanjita Manners
-
0
China Prepping to Release Covid Pandemic Wave 2.0?

It’s receiving minimal news in the media, but what is happening in China with a massive spike in Covid infections is a serious matter. Whatever it is, whatever pathogen this is, it cannot be ignored due to its magnitude and how it will affect the world. Are we about to see another gift from China — Covid pandemic wave 2.0?

The CCP are used to great purges, and communist regimes have no qualms in purging millions of people if it means they stay in power. Chairman Mao casually murdered 55 million of his people for The Great Leap Forward. Stalin murdered millions, and Pol Pot cleansed Cambodia with the Khmer Rouge. What is worrying now is that China views things globally and not nationally.

The Chinese Politburo are looking to cleanse foreign countries to move their own people into lands that are not severely polluted and overcrowded like China. This will require that entire nations will have to be cleansed first before the remaining Chinese populations can take over and move in.

Covid 2.0 will be China’s final solution. We have had the initial test phase of creating the first global pandemic, but now could be a second phase to introduce a pathogen with 80 or 90% effectiveness in killing humans. Who knows what goes on in the labs? With a faltering economy and overpopulation, China is running out of time and options, and the new covid pandemic 2.0 may surely be the answer. As a whole, all industrial nations are finding that large populations are unmanageable nightmares, therefore the modus operandi for many developed nations is going to be a purge. Having huge populations does bring in good tax revenue, however this comes at the cost of managing an extended populace that every day could bring about complete chaos at the drop of a hat. The elite controllers are thus so overburdened and outnumbered, they are clearly worried. We are already seeing a manufactured cost of living crisis being pushed upon populations as another form of purge.

Arch enemy India will most probably be the initial target for the release of the pathogen 2.0 as will Europe and the USA further down the line. The PLA may roll into New Delhi and conquer India without a single shot being fired after the pandemic has done its bidding on the population of 1.393 billion.

China is viewed by the World Economic Forum and United Nations as the ideal model for global hegemony.

The post consumer society will be one where the elite will not need tax slaves anymore, especially as they have reached the technological heights they have been working on for so long by using consumers for decades. In the future, the elite will be served by AI as well as select humans who have been genetically modified from birth to serve without question. There will be no need to pretend that there is a democracy anymore as they are doing in many Western nations. The 2020 elections in America proved how elections were engineered to protect and promote a presidential candidate who is clinically deficient and afflicted with advanced dementia. The biased, corrupt elections prove that democratic and fair elections do not exist in places like the USA. There is of course talk of a Great Reset, but that will be for the few impoverished who survive the deluge. The Great Reset means, in cryptic terms, a time when the controllers have created a collectivist feudal system where the populace do not own any form of property or assets, especially as this will be a post consumerist society.

£8.95 For a Loaf of Bread Britain

Fanjita Manners
-
0
£8.95 For a Loaf of Bread Britain

The high tax and spend Socialist Tory Party led by unelected autocrats Rishi Sunak and Chancellor Jeremy Hunt along with their morose policies only increases inflationary pressures whilst meting out destitution to businesses and consumers. How much are you prepared to pay for a loaf of bread, or butter, or some eggs?

Burnt toast

There is no halt in the continuing misery of living in Britain today as interest rates continue to rise, not only because of the destructive policies from the government but from the Bank of England. This is why there is little or no optimism for the coming new year, because the foundations of economic suicide have already been sown by Hunt and the deluded caught-in-the-headlights pen pushers looking at outdated charts.

Lest we forget the aspirations of Liz Truss who had an inkling of the right way to revive the economy until her policies of low taxation were killed off by EU powers and money in the markets. Brexit Britain must not be a success, and the powers-that-be, will ensure it is not. The Tory remoaner plot to dump Boris effectively sealed the party’s fate of an inevitable loss at the next general election.

Instead, what we have now is a nation where there is little incentive to work or start a business. What’s the fucking point when you will have the majority of your money taxed? Businesses are folding daily as the electricity bills alone murder their profit margins, and many are fearful of putting up their prices to compensate for the increases in production and materials, let alone tax or interest rates.

Brexit is now a thing of the past, especially as the Brexiteers have been purged from the Cabinet. But what is Brexit when British law is superseded by the ECHR? Britain needs to bring the Great back into the country, but the government is now a sinking ship. Where Britain sailed the oceans of the past and led the world in innovation, it is floundering under the shackles of Big Government with taxes upon taxes, and still shackled to the EU law courts. Forty thousand illegal immigrants came over the Channel in rubber fucking dinghies in 2022. The shackled government under the auspices of the ECHR could do fuck all but put these poor trafficked economic migrants in hotels and feed them Domino’s pizza at a cost of £10 million per day billed to the taxpayer. If the government refuses to leave the ECHR, then how about building offshore static ships where the illegal migrants could be held and not be tied to any laws? If there is no deterrent, then they will keep on coming. In 2023, it is projected that 150,000 illegal migrants will be trafficked, simply because it is a growth business for the human traffickers.

As the strikes continue, and they will only continue into the new year; as the throttled businesses crumble, as the homeowners lose their homes, as the government dithers and dathers, there will be no respite to this malaise. What does the unelected billionaire Sunak care about the homeless or the hard-working business owners who have already lost everything or now stand to lose everything?

Former Tory voters have already moved on, as have the majority of Brexiteers. There will be a new party to vote for in the coming election, and it won’t be Tory or Labour.

Twitter Bots Voted Against Elon Musk in Resignation Poll

Fanjita Manners
-
0
Twitter Bots Voted Against Elon Musk in Resignation Poll

It seems Elon Musk is sometimes his own worst enemy. Anyone with some form of logic would know that on a platform full of trolls and bots, polls don’t mean shit. You just can’t trust the Twitter mob, and it was inevitable they would vote for Elon Musk to resign as CEO. To Musk’s credit, he may have wanted that result, because the poor guy seems overwhelmed since being duped into buying the site for $44 billion.

Whatever the agenda or faction, Twitter is awash with bots and there is nothing the administration can do about it. If they somehow managed to erase the bots, that would be at least 85% of Twitter users gone.

Bots are utilised for many things on Twitter; from skewing elections, manipulating interest in certain stocks/crypto to ramping up retail sales for products, as well as meting out mob justice. If one faction wants a certain person banned or shadowbanned, the bots will target the victim and report them to Twitter support en masse. Et voila, the victim is banned.

Even savvy billionaires make mistakes sometimes. Don’t take it to heart Elon, simply notch it up, then move on.

Ambulance Strike: ‘Bring Out Your Dead’ Carts Roaming Neighbourhoods

Fanjita Manners
-
0
Ambulance Strike: ‘Bring Out Your Dead’ Carts Roaming Neighbourhoods

“You may hear us coming down your road ringin’ a bell. Bring out your dead or dying, we take them straight to the mass graves in each town. Doesn’t matter if some of the poor blighters are still barely alive, leave ’em with us and they’ll soon be stiff as a board,” Clive Jagger, one of the organisers of his local parish horse and cart ambulance service revealed to local newspaper reporters in Grimsby.

With NHS ambulance and nurses on strike, the horse and cart death ambulance business is booming.

“We get a few quid for each corpse, dead or alive. It’s cheaper than submitting to astronomical union demands by NHS workers, innit. Also, if they’re barely alive, could be a fresh liver or pair of kidneys in it to sell off,” Jagger added.

Nora Parsnip, 74, from Blackheath, London got rid of her husband on Tuesday morning when a death cart ambulance came through her street.

“The cart was loaded up already so did not think my Malcolm would fit on. Poor sod was moaning in agony, he slipped on some ice and broke his hip. The nice gentlemen came to our door and picked him up. They checked his teeth and all and asked if he was a smoker or alcoholic. I said no, and they quickly stuffed him on the cart still alive.”

Let’s hope cemetery staff do not go on strike as well.

Shame! Woke Septon of Marxist Morality Target Jeremy Clarkson

Fanjita Manners
-
0
Shame! Woke Septon of Marxist Morality Target Jeremy Clarkson

Oh dear, the keepers of all morality, speech and thought have sunk their puritan high priest of woke claws into simple farmer, Jeremy Clarkson. Oh, the utter shame, the puritan priests have been offended, the Woke Septon clergy are assembling to drag this lowly fellow through the streets and have shit thrown at him. Shame, he has angered the mighty puritan Marxist woke god of seven farts.

Repent to the Soviet Woke Gods of Communist Morality

Who wants to see Jeremy Clarkson naked? It would be preferable to have one’s eyes gouged out with rusty ice-cream scoopers. Well, next week on Thursday, he will be paraded through the streets lined with morally outraged woke puritan leftists who abhor free speech.

Shame! Shame! Shame! (bell ring)

Clarkson, you will repent to the High Septon of The Woke Church of Seven Farts. Puritan woke Marxists will not abide by such nonsense uttered from the columns written by Jeremy Clarkson.

Hypocritical woke women want the ideal of egalitarianism yet when they have equality thrust upon them, they suddenly do not like equality so much. The woke #metoo High Septa will not abide by such things like being treated with the same vitriol as males are treated on a daily basis.

If only someone would plant that magical explosive green stuff under these woke puritan arseholes and be done with them once and for all.

 

 

Pragmatic Play Hits the Sweet Spot with ‘Sweet Powernudge’

Fanjita Manners
-
0
Pragmatic Play Hits the Sweet Spot with ‘Sweet Powernudge’

With the launching of Sweet Powernudge, a new slot machine inspired by candy, Pragmatic Play, a prominent content provider to the iGaming market, strikes the sweet spot.

The 65 reels used for gameplay have symbols that represent different candies, jams, and chocolates. Five or more adjacent matching symbols must create a cluster to result in a win. Any winnings trigger the Powernudge feature, which nudges reels with at least one winning symbol down a row to reveal fresh symbols at the top of the board and the opportunity to produce more symbol combinations.

A multiplier reel situated next to the regular reels can randomly spin on each base game spin, giving any wins between a 1x and 10x multiplier. This also nudges if the regular reels activate the Powernudge feature, accumulating additional multipliers and boosting the title’s winning potential.

Seven free spins are awarded for four or more scatters. In this game, the multiplier reel is always spinning and collects more multipliers for each Powernudge that occurs on the playing board. A retrigger is also possible, and four scatter symbols will grant three additional spins.

Immediately after recent hits like Pizza, this newest slot release was released and hit the gaming world by storm. Pizza? Pizza, Hot Pepper, and Reel Banks are just a few of the more than 250 original games in Pragmatic Play’s library of accolade-winning games.

Pragmatic Play is one of the top software developers in the iGaming industry offered by some of the best new slot sites including Casumo, Fun Casimo, 888 Casino, and others. The software company is one of the most active producers of thrilling and wonderfully designed slot machines. As a result, more people worldwide are now interested in this gaming studio’s material and searching online for it, which has significantly expanded their popularity. Popular slots include Wolf Gold, Sweet Bonanza and The Dog House Megaways, Gates of Olympus, amongst other favourites. Recently, Pragmatic Play has also won two awards in the gaming industry including iGaming Supplier of the Year, and also receiving Game of the Year for its hit title Gates of Olympus. After being crowned Casino & Games Supplier of the Year at the SBC Awards Latinoamerica 2021 in October, Pragmatic Play has had a very successful year. This honour highlights the supplier’s tier-one status in the area.

“The Powernudge mechanic is a huge favourite with slot enthusiasts, as we’ve seen with previous hit games such as Rise of Giza Powernudge™ and Goblin Heist Powernudge’’, says Irina Cornides, Chief Operating Officer at Pragmatic Play.

“Building on this feature has seen the introduction of a multiplier reel, which can dramatically increase wins both in the base game and free spins round. We are also returning to a successful candy theme in this game, with the award-winning Sugar Rush™ and Sweet Bonanza™ already making use of this style. This title delivers on the features and mechanics that players look for in terms of replayability and win potential.”

Now Harry and Meghan Demand They Are Portrayed on Pound Notes

Fanjita Manners
-
0
Now Harry and Meghan Demand They Are Portrayed on Pound Notes

After King Charles III unveiled the new pound coin and ten pound note with his portrait on Monday, news has filtered through to Harry and Meghan in Montecito, California.

“The Duke and Duchess of Sussex not only demand an apology from the royal family for treating them in such a poor despicable way but also want their portraits on British money as well as stamps,” spokesman Ovid Scoobie announced on Tuesday.

The Royal Mint were quick to reply to the demand from the Montecito duo.

“Unfortunately, we cannot agree to the unreasonable and frankly ludicrous demands of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. If the Royal Mint ever mints a three and a half pound coin, we may consider it.”

Commentators on Twitter even suggested the Duke and Duchess of Sussex mint their own coin, possibly with a picture of a donkey’s arse, portraying both of the sorry characters.

King Charles was contacted for comment, but was too busy talking to a shrub.

1...177178179...813Page 178 of 813
squib footer 270

Breaking News

Copyright © Daily Squib 2026.

The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.

KAjwhriuw024hvjbed2SORH