Once upon a time, in a not-so-distant land, there existed a former president who had left the grand halls of power and retired to a life of luxury, gold taps and social media posts.
President Bluster had a knack for bombast and an insatiable desire for attention. He loved nothing more than being in the spotlight, even if it meant making outlandish claims and taking credit for things he had nothing to do with. His loyal followers hung onto his every word, whether it made sense or not, and defended him fiercely against any and all criticism.
However, the tides of fate can be fickle, and the land found itself with a new administration brought into power through extraordinary forms of electoral trickery. This president, known for nothing apart from his drug addled corrupt son and fondness for young children, took office with a mission to supposedly heal the country and restore faith in its institutions.
President Sleepy, aware of the divisive legacy left by his predecessor, vowed to move forward with unity and progress. But little did he know that President Bluster, unable to handle the loss of power, had hatched a scheme to remain relevant.
President Bluster, armed with his social media posts and a self-proclaimed degree in professional agitation, accused President Sleepy of various nefarious acts. From stealing the last slice of pizza to secretly controlling the weather, no allegation was too petty for President Bluster to hurl at his successor.
Unbeknownst to President Bluster, President Sleepy had a secret weapon at his disposal—the corrupt biased federal government. And so, he decided to play along with President Bluster’s game, weaponising the very institutions his predecessor had once attempted to command.
First, President Sleepy had the FBI launch an investigation into President Bluster’s infamous hairdo. The agents combed through thousands of hairspray cans, analysing the chemical composition with utmost seriousness. It turned out that there was no foul play involved, just a strong gust of wind that couldn’t resist messing with President Bluster’s meticulously styled coiffure.
Undeterred, President Sleepy ordered the Department of Justice to pursue an indictment against President Bluster for tax evasion. The former president’s business empire, known as “Tower of Babble,” had creative accountants who had a flair for bending the rules. However, the investigation revealed that President Bluster’s tax returns were so complex and convoluted that even the accountants themselves were left scratching their heads.
Emboldened by these victories, President Sleepy unleashed the Environmental Protection Agency on President Bluster’s golf courses. The EPA meticulously inspected every sand trap, fairway, and water hazard, searching for any hint of environmental violations. Much to their surprise, they found a whole ecosystem of endangered turtles happily nesting in one of the water hazards, creating a protected sanctuary in the most unlikely of places.
As the indictments piled up, President Bluster’s bluster started to lose its steam. The public, once captivated by his bombastic rhetoric, began to see through the thin facade. Memes circulated on social media, with users joking about President Bluster’s impending arrest for crimes like jaywalking and using too many exclamation marks in his social media posts.
However, President Bluster’s most loyal supporters were not amused. They felt betrayed and furious at what they perceived as an orchestrated effort to undermine their chosen leader. Their anger grew day by day, fuelled by conspiracy theories and misinformation.
And then it happened. The anger spilled over, and the country fell into a state of civil war between the polarised groups. Former President Bluster’s supporters, now organized into militias and armed factions, clashed with those who supported President Sleepy.
The once peaceful streets became battlegrounds, and the land was consumed by chaos.
The media, now divided and sensationalised, further fuelled the flames of the civil war. News outlets on both sides amplified the rhetoric, painting a picture of an irreconcilable divide, and deepening the mistrust between fellow citizens.
Amidst the turmoil, the country found itself torn apart, with families and communities fractured by their allegiances. The once-united nation now faced the daunting task of healing wounds that seemed to grow deeper by the day.
As the civil war raged on, both sides began to realize the folly of their actions, but unfortunately it was too late. Each side took heavy losses and the toll on the people of the land was immeasurable.
Seeing this as an opportunity, communist Panda forces landed on the beaches and proclaimed themselves as peacekeepers. Nothing was further than the truth, as the communist troops inundated the two warring factions with limitless waves of soldiers and firepower. Both sides of the warring nation’s factions were then eliminated in one fell swoop, leaving only mass devastation and carnage.
The communist panda forces lifted their commie flag over the land that was once supposedly a democracy and cherished the mantle of freedom. The remaining population were then put into camps and eliminated either through starvation or overwork. The vast country of Panda had a very large population and had polluted their own land, so acquiring new territory was pleasing to many of their people as the majority of them moved in.
And that was the end of a one time great nation, once the communist Panda nation took over there was no going back ever, because all the original inhabitants were now all stinky worm food.
