17.7 C
London
Friday, December 19, 2025
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 11

Maybe It’s Time to Invade Venezuela

Censurae
-
5
Maybe It’s Time to Invade Venezuela

Fuck the Nobel Peace Prize, it’s just some stuck-up useless trophy that doesn’t mean anything any more, given out by biased socialist judges. Trump may be throwing things around the Oval room right now, including some of his advisers, but hang on for a second there pal, what about Venezuela?

Yes, Venezuela, that socialist shithole with tonnes of oil reserves. Not only that, it’s close to home so not a big hop, thus cutting transport and logistics costs. It could be over in a week, or less than that, because they have little or no defences seeing as they have no money.

Triple bonus — the people will see Trump and the USA as liberators from socialism. It certainly beats eating rotten food from a garbage dump.

Win-win all around. Trump has to do this, for the cause of stopping the drug cartels of course, like he can say they are a huge threat to the USA — which they actually are… shhh.

Audere est facere

Trump Already Installed a Cabinet in the White House For Nobel Peace Prize

Censurae
-
7
Trump Already Installed a Cabinet in the White House For Nobel Peace Prize

The Gaza deal, it’s a done deal, just like The Don likes it. He’s also solved and brokered deals to hundreds of wars around the globe including World War II, and World War I and the 100 Years War, as well as the Battle of Agincourt in 1415. According to the Donald, if the Norwegians don’t give him the Nobel Peace Prize, there’s going to be some serious, serious trouble for them and Norway.

“Look at this cabinet. I got the gold stuff around it, see. I got the gold-plated things, you know, those designs. I got the glass here, it’s shiny, real shiny, they’re installing that tomorrow. Likewise, I just have to wait for the Nobel Peace Prize to put it right in here so I can add it to my multiple, multiple, quadrupletastic achievements,” the Teflon Don revealed on Thursday from the Oval Room.

Unfortunately for the Don, the socialist-leaning Nobel Peace Prize judges may have different views. As the committee deliberates in the green velvet and dark wood lined interior of the Nobel Committee meeting room, encircled by portraits of previous winners, there are signs Mr Trump’s demand for recognition is unlikely to be granted. Barack Obama was given a prize just for being the first black U.S. President, and he achieved nothing during his presidency, especially regarding bringing peace to the globe.

The fact is, Donald Trump does not align with the ideals of the Nobel Peace Prize and his divisive, swaggering leadership style will harm his hopes for the award, according to insiders.

The president’s military overtures, U.S. Aid cuts, mass deportations, and globally implemented tariffs conflict with the principles of international coexistence that the prize’s founder Alfred Nobel sought to inspire. The winner will be announced on Friday from a list of 338 nominees.

Mr Trump has deployed immense levels of intimidation on the Norwegian Nobel Committee, the five-member body that awards the prize, claiming to have “solved” numerous wars and declaring that it would be an insult to the US if he does not bring home the medal on December 10.

“If they don’t give me the prize I’m owed, well, lookee here. See that, those shelves in my new cabinet. The motherfuckin’ judges heads will be on those,” The Don said, smiling mischievously.

A word of warning to the Nobel Committee, remember when a certain guy was denied a place at art school? What happened after that? Do you think that decision worked out well?

Experts: Trump Needs to Destroy China Economically

Censurae
-
0
Experts: Trump Needs to Destroy China Economically

China has warned the USA that if it intervenes in any way militarily to its actions, probably regarding Taiwan, it will have no problem with using nuclear force against the USA. That’s pretty fucking serious. For too long, China has been placated by the West.

The USA under Trump has a chance now to change things. By completely removing trade with China, and ordering other Western nations to do so as well, some positive movement could be achieved in damaging China’s economy. Of course, because many Western nations are dependent on Chinese manufacturing, the damage to Western economies will have to be offset by transferring manufacturing bases to other friendly nations or increasing manufacturing domestically.

China is a serious danger to global stability, and for decades their spies have been stealing blueprints from Western countries for their own economic benefit, and military capabilities.

This is the sole biggest task for Trump that could really make a difference in thwarting China’s expansionist imperialistic programs to spread global communism. Trump may have trouble with the Labour government, which has disappeared so far up China’s asshole that they let off some blatant Chinese spies from prosecution and have refused to designate China as an “enemy of the state”. Labour have also given away the Chagos Islands to Mauritius who are under China’s Belt and Road Initiative, and have made the UK more vulnerable in a war situation. Human Rights lawyer Keir Starmer sure has a fondness for an evil communist Chinese regime that is conducting an active concentrated genocide upon the Uyghur people, has decimated Tibet, and presides over a huge organ harvesting program.

Militant African Americans Want to Bring Back Segregation

Censurae
-
2
Militant African Americans Want to Bring Back Segregation

It is rather ironic that after decades of forced inclusivity demanded by African Americans and the liberals of America, it is the African American contingent who are now calling for the return of segregation. Why is there so much hate going around right now? What happened to peace and love?


The levels of crime created by African Americans is disproportionate to their population, and for many in the country, voluntary segregation would be a wonderful situation for the violent militants. Hallelujah!

black crime

In 2021, among males, Black or African American (Black) males had the highest age-adjusted rate of firearm-related homicide (52.9 deaths per 100,000 standard population), and Asian males had the lowest rate (1.5). Among females, Black females had the highest rate (7.5), and Asian females had the lowest rate (0.5). Males had higher rates than females across all race and Hispanic origin groups.

Of course, not all African Americans are militant racists, but it would maybe be a sigh of relief if there are sections of African American society who wish to shut themselves off in their own segregated enclave. No harm in that at all.

Labour Will Introduce Social Credit Scores With Digital ID

Censurae
-
2
Labour Will Introduce Social Credit Scores With Digital ID

The Labour government is trying to push through a Digital ID system that would include social credit scores, that would rate every citizen in the UK. Labour are very close to the CCP, and are being tutored on how to bring a digital ID system into the UK. Labour are so close to the communist state that they recently let off two Chinese spies from being prosecuted through an extraordinary intervention.

In China, hundreds of thousands of people are now homeless, sleeping in the streets where they can because they have been blacklisted from society due to having low social credit scores. China’s digital wallet WeChat is also China’s major social media app.

If you criticise the Chinese government on WeChat, it immediately reports you to the police, and puts you on the social credit blacklist. Then you have three days to withdraw your digital money from WeChat. WeChat sometimes bans people from getting their digital money, and they are left with nothing.

Because most important things in China are only bought with WeChat, once you are banned you cannot receive a salary, find a job, healthcare, rent a home, or even purchase a ticket on public transport. China is now predominantly a cashless society, therefore all transactions are made digitally.

In China’s Xiamen city, only people with a social credit score of 584 or higher are allowed to visit a doctor in public hospitals. In China, if your neighbour doesn’t like you, you’re shit out of luck if they have a high social credit score, because they can report you for any minor infraction and get you blacklisted.

Tony Blair is the engineer of all this, and it is the first move towards the CBDC (Central Bank Digital Currency) and subsequent social credit system.

This is the future of Digital ID Britain under Labour. Every individual has a citizen score that jumps up or down with each action. A subversive Big Brother Big State algorithm tracks all your behaviour: purchases, internet use, what you say in chat groups. AI-powered facial-recognition cameras record your every move and use it as evidence if needed. If your score drops too low, you become part of a new subclass, the Untermensch, locked out of the system, unable to perform even basic freedoms like buying train tickets, renting a room, receiving money — nothing.

They waited for the public uproar on mass immigration to reach a crescendo to capitalise on introducing the Digital ID system that will effectively remove the last strands of basic freedoms Britons have left in their own country.

Tories and Labour: We Promise This We Promise That

Censurae
-
2
Tories and Labour: We Promise This We Promise That

We promise! We sell you “hope”. When you dumb motherfuckers vote for us again, it will be more of the same as Labour are doing. They promised the dumb motherfuckers who voted for them the same things. They promised no more tax rises; they promised change, they promised the farmers help — yet now many will lose their livelihoods and farms, they promised stability and growth, instead they killed off business, they killed off growth. They promised the pensioners everything for their vote, and when they came into power they pummelled them and abused every part of their trust. It’s the same old bullshit, these fuckers are promising the suckers everything under the sun yet when they gain power they do what they fucking want.

Do not vote for them. It’s as simple as that. The British voting public are treated like fools, and every election cycle proves that they are actually fools. The entire system is false, it reeks of fakery on a grand scale. Vote for Tories, vote for Labour, and you get the same lies you voted for last time. Do you honestly think that if the Tories came into power tomorrow, they would repeal any of the unfair punitive tax changes brought upon by Labour? Definitely not.

Vote for any other party, and the system assures that it is a wasted vote, looked upon as a “protest”. How defiant of you, because you just helped one of the main two parties to get in with an even bigger majority.

There is no point in voting when the entire system is corrupted and wrong. But you’ve got “hope”! Your hope mounts to shit, it is meaningless. It is just currency for the sharks who run these operations, there is no reality to your “hope”.

As for a third party, they will most probably do the same because the entire system demands it.

Labour and the Tories have condemned not only your children, but your grandchildren and their children for many, many generations to a debt fuck hole no one can get out of.

Great News! Comrade Starmer Approval Rating Now -56%

Censurae
-
0
Great News! Comrade Starmer Approval Rating Now -56%

Comrade Starmer has hailed his increase in de-popularity in the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain. During the Labour Party Conference last week, every time Comrade Starmer spoke his popularity approval rating dropped by many points, and he is proud to announce it stands at minus 56 percent. Yes you read that correct proletariat scum that is -56% popularity rating.

OPINIUM POLL STARMER -44 PERCENTThe new poll from Opinium recorded the evidence of the massive fall in approval ratings, and the staff of the organisation have paid the ultimate price for their indiscretion. They were taken from their offices during working hours on Friday and liquidated. They have been processed into Net Zero Juice — that cool, refreshing drink.

“According to the poll, I am now less popular than a piece of shit that someone steps on whilst frolicking bare foot in the park. This is of no consequence of my supreme leadership skills, which have seen major soviet victories. It is I who appointed Commissar Rachel Reeves, who has increased mass poverty in the PRSB. Under her auspices, economic growth is 0.0003% and many wealthy capitalists have fled. Her profligate spending sprees, bribing Big State apparatchiks with pay and pension rises, has left the PRSB with a huge 70 billion soviet pound black hole. Bribing the civil service pays dividends in loyalty to the Big State and my popular rule,” comrade Starmer said from his dacha in Scunthorpe.

PRSB NEWS BULLETIN

WHEAT RATIONS FOR ALL CITIZENS WILL INCREASE BY 0.00001 GRAMS BY 2038, AND CHOCOLATE RATIONS WILL INCREASE BY 0.000000001 GRAMS FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS BEFORE HALTING FOREVER. ANY CITIZEN OF THE PRSB WHO IS CAUGHT BUYING BUTTER FROM UNAUTHORISED VENDORS WILL BE LIQUIDATED AND MADE INTO NET ZERO JUICE — THAT COOL, REFRESHING DRINK! PRSB TRAITOR COMMISSAR BURNHAM WILL BE EXECUTED ON TUESDAY 12:45 AT RED PARLIAMENT SQUARE. ALL CITIZENS ARE WELCOME TO THROW RED TOMATOES AND FAECES AT HIM BEFORE HE IS SHOT BY A FIRING SQUAD. HAVE A NICE FUCKING DAY! 

Putin Loves the Slow, Slow West

Censurae
-
4
Putin Loves the Slow, Slow West

The engineered swarms invading European borders will probably never be sorted out, and will continue for the next 50–100 years. Why? The answer is simple — the West is bogged down with unnecessary committees, bureaucracy, lawfare, ridiculous laws, socialism, and bureaucratic nonsense over bureaucratic nonsense that is completely unnecessary. Putin knows this inherent weakness, and plays upon it with great results. The slow West is a delightful weak, easy way to exploit and cause serious damage to Western nations, with useful idiot socialists doing much of the destructive work of destabilisation and creating division.

The UK is an easy touch, it is weak and an easy target for Britain’s enemies to exploit and damage. The key to demoralising any nation is creating division that has strength in its voracity, then fuelling it on a constant basis. To this end, the Russians and Chinese are enjoying watching the West commit economic suicide daily, with millions upon millions of people coming into the UK to use the lucrative UK benefits system. Britain’s enemies know that socialist do-gooders are the harbingers of their own doom because they cannot walk away from welcoming millions upon millions of people from the Third World into Britain. These useful-idiot do-gooder people are incapable of knowing when to stop, 50 million, 100 million, 400 million, 1 billion, they cannot stop being socialist do-gooders on their tiny little island. The irony is that their socialist system is now being killed off because of their inability to stop the millions of people streaming into the country like fucking rats and insects, locusts, taking up every space, every hospital bed in the crumbling NHS, taking up every school place, and feasting off the oversubscribed destroyed socialist benefits system.

How much is enough? Every person from the Third World should be financially funded by the UK taxpayer accommodated in Britain somehow, even though it is not physically possible.

This is all a delightful tear of joy for leaders like Putin and Xi Jinping. The demoralisation in the West has worked a treat, especially the woke imported mind virus which has embedded itself much like a cancerous tumour embeds itself in a kidney, or a pancreas, spreading like an unholy tree across an entire system with very drastic effects.

Paris is now a shithole. Berlin has been soiled. Brussels is a toilet. London is a place that is unliveable and a miserable bomb of human misery that can explode at any time. The provincial towns and cities are tinderboxes.

The Russians don’t have to lay a finger on the West. Decades and decades of woke demoralisation and mass immigration have worked wonders in destroying entire Western nations from the inside out. It’s just a matter of time, and Britain’s enemies are playing the long game with the required patience, just as long as the socialists stay in power not only overtly but in the Big State Blob. The slow, slow West is a delight, because nothing ever gets done — even in crisis.

Soviet Tory Party is Same as Soviet Labour Party Says Badenoch

Censurae
-
0
Soviet Tory Party is Same as Soviet Labour Party Says Badenoch

Comrades, everything the soviet Tory Party does and says is pretty much the same as what the soviet Labour Party says and does.

Wets

Comrades of the People’s Republic of Soviet Britain, I commend and agree with whatever Comrade Starmer does and says. Comrade Starmer and the Labour Party have the same policies, and we practice the same ideology, albeit with different names.

We talk the talk, but never walk the walk. Fourteen years of nothingburgers prove my point. That’s another way we are the same as Labour.

I am pleased to accept the terms of the Labour Party in all policies. We are all the same and say the same things in parliament, and I agree with Keir Starmer in all things. We both are establishment party sections of the Big State.

Here’s to more of the same in the future.

 

Woke Amazon Destroys James Bond

Censurae
-
0
Woke Amazon Destroys James Bond

The wokery is getting worse and even though sporadic is in some cases accelerating. One example is of Amazon, who own MGM studios, acquiring the rights to the James Bond franchise, thus ensuring the imminent wokification of a British traditional cult figure.

One can only curse the Broccolis, who only through sheer greed gave up on James Bond, leaving the franchise for the fucking dogs.

There will probably be no point in watching the new films when they are made, and hopefully Bond will finally be put to rest, although we doubt that will ever happen. The last watered down dregs will be eked and siphoned out and pissed into a drain.

Remember that wokism is a censorious soviet Marxist construct that cannot create anything new, it can only acquire and defile something that has existed in some fashion before, whether it is a historical fact, or a much-loved TV character, or an entire film franchise.

No more guns for James Bond on the posters, as they are airbrushed out. No more sexy women, no more funny one-liners, Amazon and MGM are going to shit out another woke turd that will slowly take James Bond to his final sewer resting place.

1...101112...799Page 11 of 799
squib footer 270

Breaking News

Copyright © Daily Squib 2024.

The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.