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New London Postcards Unveiled

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Gone are the Beefeaters, Tower Bridge and Big Ben which have now been replaced by homeless Roma travellers camped out in every conceivable green space within the capital.

“I think these new postcards are great. They show Park Lane and and the wonderful shot of a Romanian beggar cleaning his feet in a bucket next to Buckingham Palace was a wonderful touch. I’m sure tourists all over the world are going to want to come here more so they can have their pockets and passports pilfered by these shady characters,” Chris Mellors, spokesman for the London Tourist Board told the BBC.

There is further good news for Britain when in 2014, 29 million Romanians and Bulgarians will be given free passes by the EU to come to the UK, and this will provide even more interesting material for tourists who come to the UK on their holidays to send postcards home with.

Snowden Probably Knows About 911

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Most certainly Vladimir Putin knows about that special piece of information that could be rather embarrassing to the U.S. government if it was divulged to the public, this is why Mr Putin has told Snowden he will give him asylum only if he keeps his mouth shut from divulging further leaks. It would probably not be in Russia’s best interest if things were to go awry across the pond.

You don’t have to be a brainbox or security analyst to know what would damage the U.S. more than anything else in the world.

New American Century

“I always like to say, if you want to find out who did something, you have to look at who benefited from an action. Hmmm, now let’s see. Who benefited from 911? Cui bono? The Arabs and Muslims certainly did not benefit, and they were the ones who supposedly committed those atrocities. You see, there it is. Now, let’s go further with this. What would the American people do if they found out who really engineered 911? Personally, I don’t know what the American people would do. All I can say is, some people know and some just choose to carry on still knowing but feel they have too much to lose if they tried to do anything about it. Therefore, they secretly in their hearts accept it,” Dan Innocentu, a man who witnessed the twin towers demolition in 2001 told a radio program today.

Let’s hope that Snowden does not reveal any more information.

Life is Cheap When You’re an African American

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“Barack Obama would certainly not be a U.S. President if he was just a regular coloured person in America. He’s only one now because of his lineage and connections. You see life is cheap for African Americans, if they ain’t killing themselves, they’re getting killed by others or being incarcerated in prison. Violence and poverty for African Americans is endemic. When it comes down to it, a black person’s life ain’t worth a white person’s freedom. It just ain’t and never will be. You don’t see blacks rallying when they’re constantly shooting each other, it’s only when they get shot by someone who ain’t black,” Karl Matheson, a race equalities worker told Ebony magazine.

America’s prison population is awash with the African American. Successive U.S. governments just don’t know what to do with them.

“You would have thought since slavery was abolished in 1865 the African Americans would have risen up the social scale just a little, but apart from a few tokens here and there, there are still major distances in the gulf between blacks and whites in America.” social anthropologist, Kathy Denholm told CNN.

The 16th U.S. President, Abraham Lincoln said in an 1858 speech: “I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in anyway the social and political equality of the white and black races – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race. I say upon this occasion I do not perceive that because the white man is to have the superior position the negro should be denied everything.”

Anyone who studies ancient history or modern history will attest to the fact that the inherent nature of man rarely changes. It does not matter what progressive laws and ideologies pass, and how human societies develop supposed ‘equality’ laws. The inherent nature of humanity always stays the same.

Zimmerman Walks America Talks

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“Looks like the disgraceful dirty tricks by the prosecution did not work this time and justice has prevailed,” a court side observor revealed after the all female jury came to their decision to free Zimmerman.

The Daily Squib accurately predicted the court decision on July 3rd.

Florida police spokesman Ron Gonzalez said: “The uncivilised threats of violence by many on social network sites are just that, empty threats. Thanks to Twitter we know who you are now and if you were foolish enough to post on that site you should know that these are surveillance sites which are used to map out trouble spots utilising special software programs. Social surveillance sites are a very useful tool in law enforcement.”

All is well again, justice has been done.

Man Talks to His Family For Whole Hour

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“If it wasn’t for the power outtage I wouldn’t have talked to my family for more than an hour. To say it wasn’t the longest hour of my life would however be lying,” Mr McCormack told the Daily Mirror.

The momentous event was relayed across the media and even Boris Johnson, the London Mayor said he was astonished at the news.

“An amazing feat, this man should be given a medal for breaking away from the gadgets for a whole hour let alone for finding the courage to speak to his family face to face for that time.”

The man’s kids were said to actually be very relieved when the hour was up and everyone got back to their gadgets and all was happy again in the household.

EU Says Britain Must Be Physically Moved Closer to Europe

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“Ve haff vays of making you move the land mass of Britain so ve can board your island easier und make ze necessary changes to your former country,” Hans Von Richter, an unelected EU representative said Friday.

The EU directive proposes that the English Channel is filled up with concrete and this will thus link up Britain with Europe permanently.

“There won’t be any white cliffs of Dover any more, just a parking lot,” another faceless EU official revealed.

Plans to start the concreting start in 2017.

Royal Baby to be Given Own Cot Palace

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“You’d think no one had ever had a baby or something, but ay there’s the rub, this one is supposedly royal. He or she is getting its own cot palace thingy, whatever that is?” a commoner from the streets of London revealed.

With 24/7 royal baby news coverage at the moment how come something of this magnitude has slipped the net?

The royal baby’s cot palace will be equipped with a solid gold nappy changing table resplendent with a diamond encrusted nappy pot where the royal poop will be interred, then discarded by one of the four hundred staff on hand. The Italian marble floors of the play pen were delivered from a quarry somewhere in Naples, and the mother of pearl high chair has a big 40,000 karat diamond on the top of it. Maybe something to play with when dribbling.

“The royal baby’s quarters will still be within Kensington palace’s grounds but some say it is actually more architecturally grandiose than the rather bland Kensington palace itself. Prince Charles himself studied the plans and approved of the design, so that’s definitely a seal of approval,” Charles Butterworth, a royal spokesman revealed to the BBC today.

Law Experts: “Why U.S. Justice System Should Not Be Held Ransom By Riot Threats”

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“In essence, this is blackmail. Either the courts adhere to the decision of the baying mobs and current administration or all hell may break loose. By watching the actions of the lifelong democrat judge presiding in the Zimmerman case one can clearly see from her actions that she is supposedly guiding the jury and rooting for the prosecution of an innocent man, George Zimmerman. No doubt, the judge has also fielded threatening calls from Obama and his Attorney General, two bully boys who have to have their own way at all costs. As for Friday’s closing arguments, whilst the defence were only allowed one, which they completed in a factual and logical manner, the prosecution were allowed two closing arguments, mainly composed of emotionally charged non factual rhetoric.  This is not justice, this is how things are done in lawless countries and banana republics,” professor Jerry Brower, a law expert for top Miami law institute Mather & Kelly said on Friday.

One only has to do a search on Twitter to see the double standards of American society with regards to blacks under the regime of Obama.

“If George Zimmerman is jailed for the next thirty years because the courts wanted to please African Americans, I am certain the whites would not riot. They just do not do that. Did the whites riot when OJ Simpson was acquitted for the murder of Nicole Simpson? That’s a firm, no!” professor Brower added.

New Study: “Being Ignorant Really is Bliss”

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“If you see things that most of the population cannot see, then that can be troublesome. Your knowledge and expanded world view can therefore impact on your happiness levels,” Edward Hurley, a Whitehall policy researcher revealed to the BBC today.

The government therefore prefers an ignorant public who are not troubled by intelligent discourse, an expanded world view or thoughts about the efficacy of things like religion and team sports.

“You might not wave the national or team flag if you knew how supporting sports teams is a form of diluting your tribal instincts and indoctrinating you from a young age to be nationalistic/area specific drones. Some women might not wear bright red lipstick if they knew it was a way to advertise their pouting fertile vaginas, and people might not decorate their Christmas trees any more if they knew the Christmas tree is pagan symbolism for the celebration of the erect fertile phallus,” another policy maker revealed.

The study says that happiness is best achieved by less deep thought. Intelligent analysis only brings unhappiness because one sees how society really is and how governments and generationally controlled traditions all over the world brainwash their citizens.

Neckless Giraffes Found in Serengeti

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“This could be something to do with global warming because many tall trees have died off and giraffes no longer need to have long necks.

“The good thing about not having an elongated neck like a regular giraffe is that these new giraffes can run almost as fast as gazelles, so they can escape predators easier and are not as cumbersome as their long-necked counterparts.

“We’re just confused at how quickly some of these giraffes have evolved to adapt to their surroundings,” Dr. Derrick Hammond, a zoologist studying the new species revealed.

The new giraffes (Giraffa noneckus) have already been named and the Tanzanian authorities are protecting the ones that have been discovered as they can be easy prey for poachers and trophy hunters.

“We have to be careful as these neckless creatures are a real rarity and there is huge demand to either capture or shoot them as trophies by unscrupulous hunters.” Abasi Dengo, a Tanzanian official told the state news service.

Billionaire zoo keeper, Ronald McTavish, has put in a bid to house and breed some of the neckless giraffes in his zoo in Scotland. It is yet to be clear whether he will be allowed to procure the animals, as they need special care.