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Study: Politicians Are Capable of Feeling Regret

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Researchers set up a test called Taxpayer Expenses in which the politicians had to decide how much taxpayers’ money they could swindle from a dwindling pot.

“They just couldn’t help themselves,” Professor Smirno Radish, of Kentucky Fry University, told the BBC. “They had helping after helping of taxpayer money, and even came back for seconds, but we saw something truly astonishing with some of them, a pang of regret.”

In some cases, the politicians decided to move on from one expense account to another resulting in deep seated regret that they could not swindle even more freebies.

Faced with this scenario, the politicians often stopped and looked back at the previous expense payments and were regretful that they did not get more, and more and more.

“Many of our politician study members expressed regret when the expense accounts were reduced in size over a period of time. They wished they had stolen more money,” he said.

The study, published in “Parliament Today”, questions claims that regret is a uniquely non-politician’s emotion.

Next week, professor Radish wants to conduct a study on BBC executives.

Scotland to Rebuild Hadrian’s Wall

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“We don’t just want to break up the United Kingdom but we want to completely remove ourselves from the rest of the mainland. The wall will be even higher than before and this time we’re going to build it to keep the English out.”

The Scots will also be required to wear blue paint on their faces, even when it rains, which is 99% of the time in Scotland.

Anyone venturing that far North may have to have a shield handy as the wall will be guarded by mad Scots armed with spears and heavy rocks.

Rik Mayall Finally Gets to Swindon

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It was a hard car journey, vomitous, violent and fucking hilarious, but Rik finally got to Swindon to attend that sales conference.

Is Swindon heaven or hell? That’s an existential question best left for another millennia.

As the strains of Spandau Ballet ooze through the ether, let’s hope for Rik’s sake that the disc is not jammed again.

The EU is Testament to Failure of D-Day

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“Those poor fools in Normandy, they died for nothing, as much of the Allies in WW2. They were sold the story that they were fighting for freedom, and yet look at us now, the same people who Britain fought are now in charge of Europe, and are now dictating Britain’s laws,” a politician in Westminster revealed one day after the D-Day anniversary celebrations.

Hitler would have been proud of the EU because they managed what he wanted to achieve covertly and without a single shot being fired.

Now the tables are turned, as we presently have less freedoms than we had in 1944. George Orwell would be truly shocked to see what has happened today, a thousand times worse than his dystopian vision of 1984.

Just as Hitler was thwarted by his suicidal attack on Russia, so too has the EU’s covert destabilising attack on Kiev with a coup brought the front forward right onto Russia’s doorstep. History repeats itself, as the bold fall hardest, could Russia once again be the stumbling block for the conquistadors?

Only time will tell.

Surveillance Camera Man: Cameras, Cameras Everywhere Even Here!

You walked down the street, you were tracked by multiple cameras, you took the underground, then you were filmed in all of your glory, you went into a shop and the cameras followed you, you drove your car and your entire journey was filmed and tracked. You’re at home and the surveillance cameras can be activated on your phone and computer.

There are cameras on everyone’s phone, cameras on every laptop and tablet computer, there are cameras in the sky on drones, watching you every minute of the day.

So what’s the big deal when someone walks around actively filming with a camera?

Why Google Glassholes May Need Their Own Island

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Professor Rodrigues Martine, of Boston Applied Science University outlines some of the vagaries of being a ‘glasshole’.

“What stands for Google, who are supreme innovators in the technical field, certainly does not stand for the rest of the mundane population.

“This is why they need to open their own exclusive territory where people dedicated to the transhumanist ideology can be free from the masses.

“The Google glass is one small step towards a bigger prize, but it will be hard to sell to the general public purely because big technological jumps are usually frowned upon by most.

“Try picking your kid up from school whilst wearing your Google glass, and you may be arrested or beaten up by other parents. Try going to a pub with your Google glass, and you may get glassed literally with a broken pint glass.

“The answer for Google is to acquire its own technological island, instil its own laws, currency, advanced military systems and to promote freedom, the thirst for ultimate knowledge, life extension and an advanced technological society that transcends the sedentary morose societal and governmental structures in place in existing countries today. Governments around the world today are sluggish corrupt organisations still entrenched in the past, it is best to start from scratch, because the entrenched nature of these entities are irreparable.

“Google certainly has the money to start its own colony, city, country and government, so what is holding them back?”

Think Tank: How Socialism Kills Economies, Innovation and Entrepreneurship

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“Britain’s great past is filled with invention, and it seems those days are all over, purely because of the socialist system we are living in now.

“You may say, hang on a minute, the Conservatives are half in power now, but that is a hollow point to make because the internal system is socialist in nature, whoever is in power. Britain’s massive welfare bill is testament to this fact.

“Socialism not only kills economies dead, look at Hollande, Obama and Brown, but it stifles the raw hunger for creative success, which can only be achieved in a free economy where welfare spending is limited. Rawness of innovation flourishes when people are up against the wall, do or die should be the mantra, not languishing in taxpayer funded housing projects withering away in slow rot mode.

“Britain’s post war welfare state created by socialists formed a cushion for the unfortunate masses who could not be bothered to innovate or educate themselves. The welfare state today in the UK is an over bloated free for all where success, education and prosperity are actively discouraged.

“Poverty breeds poverty, and socialism as a construct encourages further breeding of people who have no hope, no education and no will to contribute to humanity.

“The same is also true in America where millions of people languish in welfare projects on food stamps. These places of squalor, are a testament to the failure of socialism unlike an alternative innovative forward looking political ideology.

“If there ever is a proper ideological party that comes into power, there would be value in demolishing these socialist systems, which not only suck money out of the economy but encourage people to be lazy, stupid, ignorant and ultimately poor. The useless eaters of society are pretty much that, a burden on knowledge, a burden on humanity moving forward to increased heights, they need to be cut loose, to extinguish their free ticket would be the best thing for them and the planet.”

Are You Wearing a Botnet Nappy? Well You Should Be

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According to reports from the interweb a mad Russian hacker has gone and crapped all over the internet.

Computer boffins everywhere are in a tizzy because the botnets all over the place are going to soil the internet’s nappy and steal all your hard earned money, that is if you have any left during this supposed economic resurgence.

“You can shield yourself against a botnet virus by taking two diarrhoea pills daily and wearing a nappy on your head whilst surfing the infected Delhi belly internet. If you are not suitably shielded from the botnet then you might get a blowout all over your keyboard,” Dean Kermit, an internet security analyst told Tech Toilet magazine.

If there is an internet still available in two weeks time, it may still be unsafe to take your nappy off your botnet hidden deep in your PC, so don’t get too cozy with it all.

‘Teflon Barry the Invincible Magic President’ Opens to Rave Reviews

 

Starring Teflon Barry the Magic President, it involves a man who mysteriously comes to become U.S. President seemingly out of nowhere.

“Like nothing touches this guy. He can do anything and get away with it. Any other leader would have been impeached long ago, but this guy gets away with murder, literally,” producer and writer, Dick Clancy told Hollywood Week magazine.

Without giving away too many spoilers, the action packed film starts with the president spending 15 trillion dollars on pretty much nothing, then bringing in a series of contentious pet projects that cost the U.S. taxpayer even more vast sums of money. The president is of course a mean shot on the golf course and is filmed delegating orders bypassing congress mid swing and consorting with terrorists. The film ends with a big shootout in a ranch somewhere Midwest, with Barry the Magic President walking away after executing hundreds of cowboys in a bloody stand off.

Initial screenings saw many audience members vomiting into their popcorn such was the sick factor of the film.

Teflon Barry the Invincible Magic President opens Friday nationally.

Experts: France’s Eurovision Result Reveals EU Discontent With Country

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The Founding Father of the EU Jean Monnet once said:

”Europe’s nations should be guided towards the superstate without their people understanding what is happening. This can be accomplished by successive steps, each disguised as having an economic purpose but which will irreversibly lead to federation”

And it is to this end that France has dug its own grave, by creating an EU monster, the duped masses are now fighting a second revolution. The controlling elites underestimated the power of the people once again, as they are revolting against the superstate behemoth of the EU with its dictatorial edicts.

The Eurovision contest is a good metre to EU sentiment, and this time France got 3 points. France has disobeyed many orders and was punished duly by the EU controlling board, even in an inconsequential song contest not fit for purpose. This sort of vindictive behaviour is childish but belies a deeper totalitarian spirit within the EU, which dictates its message of conformity to every strata of society and politics.

The EU is now like a religion, almost akin to Islam, where it encapsulates all elements of existence and those who do not adhere to its stringent rules are vilified, persecuted and penalized.

Marine Le Pen, head of France’s far-right National Front is the Joan D’Arc risen like a phoenix to ‘save’ her country from becoming a simple faceless district. The EU’s future is one of horror for the masses who were duped into joining a totalitarian technical entity that will kill individualism completely and eventually abolish ownership of all property for the masses. To be a federal superstate, there will need to be crisis after crisis dealt out by the elites; who is to say that there will not be another holocaust in Europe, with all the chess pieces falling into place right now?

What people do not realise is that the antithesis of EU communo-fascist technical rule is pure Fascism, which Le Pen is extolling. French history post-revolution was one of socialism, Marine Le Pen, is a National Socialist, and her brand of political ideology is borne out of economic discontent, wherein the immigrants and foreigners are blamed for the country’s many problems.

The EU wishes to remove Nationalism completely, this will naturally create a backlash because the people are brainwashed from youth to be patriotic and jingoistic. Ideally the EU would also remove all religion eventually, and instil allegiance to only the EU god.

Whatever happens, the EU will win, either through economic assimilation or if it comes down to it military means. The EU will not be halted in its mission and there is nothing anyone can do to stop this juggernaut ploughing through its policies onto the insignificant populace.

Russia has already rediscovered its soviet roots, and its eyes look West. We may very well have another fight to rebalance the weights of global hegemony.