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Brexit: Turkey Given EU Go-Ahead – The FACTS

Sgt. François Chevalier
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Brexit: Turkey Given EU Go-Ahead – The FACTS

 

After economic and monetary accession talks were opened on 14 December 2015 as well as on January 2016, the latest round of talks today signal an immediate quickening of pace regarding Turkey’s EU interests.

The implications for Britain are very severe regarding the EU’s agenda to rein in Turkey, and has David Cameron’s full backing.

“..in terms of Turkish membership of the EU, I very much support that. That’s a long-standing position of British foreign policy which I support.”

75 million Turkish citizens will gain visa-free access to the Schengen zone

There are multiple threats regarding this action, the EU’s Schengen open border system will facilitate a massive movement towards Britain, rendering the NHS, schools, and essential services, already overloaded to a standstill. Britain’s welfare system will have to be halted eventually as the amount of benefits recipients will outnumber those working; purely because there are not enough jobs to accommodate the influx of millions.

Visa liberalisation for Turkey will occur by the end of June 2016, just after the UK’s referendum.

Unless Britain votes to leave the bloated monstrosity of the EU, there will be open access from Syria’s border to the English Channel.

Foreign Secretary, Philip Hammond has stipulated that he is in favour of giving anyone who is within the Schengen zone full access to the United Kingdom.

The UK is liable for an unlimited sum of money to Turkey to bail out the Schengen zone

Financed from the EU budget, which the UK pays into, it is therefore liable to pay for Turkish refugee assistance and all other costs. This could extend to the multiples of billions.

The UK will thus not have a veto to the financing of Turkey, according to the Treaty on the Functioning Union, article 214.

In the interests of the UK’s governmental system and citizens it is imperative that we leave the EU on June 23, as to stay in will result in certain suicide, not only for this generation but for the next, and beyond.

Think of your children, their children, and their grand children.

 

BREAKING: Celebrity Cook Jamie Oliver Electrocuted

Sgt. François Chevalier
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BREAKING: Celebrity Cook Jamie Oliver Electrocuted

Celebrity cook, Jamie Oliver has been tragically electrocuted to death in a terrible accident.

“We told him not to play with the wire,” a worker for Southern Electric told the BBC.

According to reports, the celebrity cook, who makes a lot of money by selling people products with high levels of sugar in them, was celebrating some news about more taxation on the public when disaster struck.

One witness described the horrific incident with quite a lot of detail: “Well, I was walking the dog, and I saw a man jumping about. It looked like that fat-tongued cretin Jamie Oliver who everyone hates. Anyway, that’s when the smell of burning flesh hit my nostrils, I thought wow that’s rather unpleasant. He had smoke and fire coming from every orifice, so I continued walking the dog. Little blighter doesn’t like getting upset. I left Jamie to it, besides, he likes a barbecue in his cookery show.”

Here’s to more tax on all food, thanks to Jamie Oliver, a brown-nosing bottom sniffer if there ever was one.

Six Jeremy Kyle Guests that Look Like Nags

Sgt. François Chevalier
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Six Jeremy Kyle Guests that Look Like Nags

 

 

The show is well known for its use of DNA tests, but how accurate are they? After some detailed investigation, scientists at Paddy Power HQ think they’ve found the true paternal fathers of most of the guests on the show.

 

Who have you been rolling with in the hay?
This guest caused a Twitter meltdown! When viewers asked why she spent money on a lie detector test when she could have got her gnashers fixed.

nag1

 

Hacked Off
It’s the same old story on JK, the guests are clueless to the fathers of their own children.

nag 2

 

Bucking the trend amongst benefit-folk
This fellas ex was desperate to stop his son from seeing his teeth.

nag3

 

Burberry Bridle Wear
This guest wanted viewers to think he was down on his hooves, in fact he was rolling in designer hay.

nag4

 

Red Rum? Just Rum!
This fiery red head was overjoyed to be on the show!

nag5

 

Rein it in lass
Sometimes the mules get free and security has to herd them back to the safety of the stage.

nag6

If you’d like to see some real studs, then visit Cheltenham Festival 2016 page to find out more.

 

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Backstage: What Trump Really Thinks About His Followers

Sgt. François Chevalier
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Backstage: What Trump Really Thinks About His Followers

Ever the narcissist, Donald Trump loves his rallies. This is where he gets to talk to the wild-eyed brainwashed citizens he dupes with false hope, promises he will never keep and utter lies that drop out of his gorilla lips like a festering turd from an old man’s diarrhoea soaked underpants.

In plain sight

“I’m selling these people hope. Look at them, they adore me. I could tell them anything and they would believe it without question. Not one question comes from their poor mouths. These fucks. Backstage, we laugh so hard. I put one up on these poor hypnotised morons, and they eat it up like it’s a filet mignon from my bankrupt Trump steak house. To tell you the truth, I feel nothing but pity for them, they ain’t got no money, they smell, and I hate poor people. You know poor people disgust me. If it were up to me, I would have all these people in the crowd taken to a farm and processed. Hey, at least we could make some fucking money off of them then. Sure, some of them pay taxes, but it ain’t enough. Fleecing these poor bastards has been the easiest job I ever had. Pack ’em in, pack ’em in, roll up you chumps, eat up the Trump. I hate ’em,” a disgusted Trump was overheard telling one of his aides on Tuesday.

Brexit: Ve Haff Vays of Making Ze Comedy

Sgt. François Chevalier
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Brexit: Ve Haff Vays of Making Ze Comedy

The Heute Show is such an attempt, and although may bring up a few chuckles – purely because it’s a bunch of Germans trying to be funny – in the end it’s a dire display of the desperation emanating from the leaders of the EU at the moment.

There is a resoluteness to the British people the Germans just do not understand, and it seems they never will.

With news that MEPs in the EU parliament who voice their dissatisfaction with Brussels are now being shut up and the cameras turned off, we are slowly witnessing some of the totalitarian un-democratic nature of the EU.

To stay within such an institution of dictatorial imprisonment is decidedly un-British, and however you may vote on the day, Brexit must be the only correct answer to this EU tragedy.

End it now.

FA Cup Semi Finalists Learn Wembley Fate

Sgt. François Chevalier
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FA Cup Semi Finalists Learn Wembley Fate

Manager Quique Sanches Flores has led his side on a tremendous cup run this year and will be hoping his side can make the final, capping off an excellent season for the Spaniard in his first year in English football. In the other half of the draw, the winner of a quarter final replay between West Ham United and Manchester United will face off against Everton, after the Toffees knocked Chelsea out of the famous competition.

With this year’s competition proving to be one of the most open in many a year, through the lack of big names reaching the latter stages, it may well be that yet more surprises are on the way leading up to the final. Although there may be doubts as to whether they can win or not, the likes of Watford and Crystal Palace will certainly be looking to put themselves in a position to do so by reaching the final on May 21st. Betway currently offer Everton as the favourites for glory this year, in what would be their first FA cup success since 1995, with each of the other four teams still involved matched with odds of 5/1.

For Manchester United, a late goal from Anthony Martial helped them to salvage a draw in their tie with The Hammers, and now face a difficult away trip in London, as they look to equal Arsenal’s record of twelve FA Cup wins with success this year. For United manager Louis Van Gaal, the competition could well offer him his final chance to win silverware with the Old Trafford based club, as a disappointing two seasons in charge has led to calls for his departure. With Jose Mourinho heavily tipped to replace the Dutchman, Betway offer odds of 1.25/1 on for the former Chelsea manager to be in charge of United next season.

With many sections of the football community feeling that the FA Cup has lost some of it’s magic in recent years, coupled with FA plans to scrap much loved and financially rewarding replays, a surprise victory from an underdog this year could well inject some much needed life back into the historic tournament.

In collaboration with Blue Note Marketing

The Emotional Turmoil of American Liberals During the Trump Ascendancy

Sgt. François Chevalier
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The Emotional Turmoil of American Liberals During the Trump Ascendancy

At first it was laughter, disbelief, here was this loud mouth fat fingered vulgaraton going for the presidency, but then came the wins, the crowds, and ultimately the American socialists were suddenly compromised. What were they to do?

Trump has trumped, huffumped, kerrumped and blown down the house, and yet amongst the religious extremists and nutjobs who support him, his strength grows daily. For heaven’s sake, even Camille Paglia is writing doting articles about the man.

Bernie Sanders? He has no chance. Hillary Clinton? She has a chance, but her controllers need to act fast in cutting Trump off at the pass, they’re going to need some pretty radical techniques to put paid to the man who likes a fight, in fact, encourages it at every turn.

Knight to E5: Putin’s False Retreat

Sgt. François Chevalier
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0
Knight to E5: Putin’s False Retreat

Nothing is further from the truth though, Putin, the chess master, is simply effecting a false retreat as an observatory measure.

Just as the Americans and NATO drew Putin out of the shadows so they could observe his new military hardware, a veritable treasure trove of information has been gathered in a few months, Putin will now sit back and wait for the next move by NATO.

The Russians will still keep a few bases on the ground, strategically placed, and on standby.

This war, will be long, a game of cat and mouse, and the winner will have to be patient.

 

Who Dares Wins – Brexit

Sgt. François Chevalier
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0
Who Dares Wins – Brexit

 

Tony Millhouse, the film’s director says the new film will “knock you off your fucking feet!”

The film is set in 2016 Britain and involves a fiendish plot to rig the EU Referendum so that Britain stays in the EU and hold the British people under ransom in an EU regime of totalitarian dictatorship where every facet of life is dictated by faceless eurocrats in a foreign country.

“This time the PM doesn’t send in the SAS, because in the film, the PM is a bad guy, and so are most of the Cabinet. It’s up to someone within the government who fights for Britain and is not a treasonous slime ball to save the country,” Millhouse revealed to Empire magazine.

Get Out Your Inflatable Goiters the Ghost of Peter Sellers Needs Your Help

Sgt. François Chevalier
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0
Get Out Your Inflatable Goiters the Ghost of Peter Sellers Needs Your Help

A day does not go by in the illustrious Daily Squib offices when we do not have an episode of Pink Panther on the video screen. We love every moment of Peter Sellers as the indomitable Inspector Clouseau, and it is to this end that we must urge our readers and anyone else who sees this to assist with a proposed labour of love.

The Ghost of Peter Sellers, is a story of the crumbling genius of Sellers in his last years, someone who had such Mercurial talent that destructive forces would sometimes visit to counteract the creative frenzy.

Support the documentary by donating as much as you can. If you have ever been touched by the genius of Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan, please help bring back to life some of the moments that occurred in 1973.

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