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Moaning Luvvie and His Continual Last Film

Pastor Marks
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Moaning Luvvie and His Continual Last Film

As luvvies go Daniel Day Lewis is top of the herd, and a truly celebrated actors actor, however he keeps having these moments of self-pity and declaring this is his last film.

“O woe is me, I am a celebrated actor, I act, I become the role. This was my last film,” he said in the previous film he acted in.

It must be such a chore, such a hurdle to be so celebrated, to be at the top of the actors pile, and this is the only way Mr. Lewis can cope with it.

Whether it’s working as a cobbler or spending long days in the mansion moping about his celebrated status, Daniel Day Lewis is just an over privileged pompous old fool who probably thinks the world revolves around his fat luvvie head.

Grow up man. If it’s your last ever fucking film, like the other ones, just go away without announcing it every time. What do you want, a fucking medal or something for doing something you profess to hate so much?

There are literally millions of wannabe actors who would drag their genitals over miles of broken glass to even get a position like Daniel Day Lewis, but here he is moaning into his champagne.

Why don’t you actually do something other than moping around and moaning? Not many people even know you exist?

 

BAD DEAL: Weak Theresa May to Pay EU Ransom 100 Billion Euros

Pastor Marks
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BAD DEAL: Weak Theresa May to Pay EU Ransom 100 Billion Euros

Margaret Thatcher would have never bent over and got fucked by the EU, especially after their criminal ransom demands, but Britain is different today, and at its helm is Theresa May, who has capitulated to the erroneous demands of the EU and will be parting with 100 Billion euros of taxpayers money.

By playing a weak hand, Mrs May has consigned Britain to the dustbin of history, and ruined any sort of Brexit that voters voted for on June 23, 2016.

David Davies, the chief negotiator has not achieved anything, and neither have any Brexiteers within the Cabinet.

The money that will be thrown into the EU black hole will no doubt be spent on even more useless socialist projects, wasted on propping up the Greek failing economy or just given to poor beggar nations like Romania, Italy or Spain who are vastly in debt.

The advice to Mrs. May is to just shoot yourself in the head because you have condemned Britain not only to donkey status in the world, but to be laughed at for eternity.

This is what has happened to a country that won two world wars, once had a vast empire straddling the world, and commanded respect from other nations.

When Britain could have easily traded using WTO rules, and left without paying a penny, as told by WTO leader Roberto Azevedo, Theresa May has basically shit on this country, and shit on the millions of people who voted to get out of the EU.

London Mayor’s Gender Neutral Toilets Have Holes in Them

Pastor Marks
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London Mayor’s Gender Neutral Toilets Have Holes in Them

More gender-neutral toilets should be built in public spaces to help trans and non-binary people feel more comfortable, according to Sadiq Khan’s new London Plan.

The mayor’s planning blueprint for London will build more public toilets across the capital, including in commercial developments, to reflect the diversity of the city.

The document, due to be published this week, will include guidance saying more toilets must be built in shops, leisure facilities and large public areas that are suitable for all users, including transexuals, homosexuals, cottagers, doggers, cis and non-binaries.

In a historic move, the London Plan also calls for the provision of gender-neutral toilets for trans and non-binary people.

Khan said he was concerned that some Londoners and visitors to the city are limited over where they can visit and how long they can spend somewhere because the capital does not have enough appropriate toilet facilities.

Glory Holes

“I have vowed to be a mayor for all Londoners so I am determined to ensure that everyone has the ability to enjoy our great city to its fullest,” he said.

“Toilets are a vital public service and can help to shape the experience of the capital for those who live here and for those visiting. When you walk into the new toilet cubicles there will be a hole in each wall. These holes are named in local slang as ‘Glory Holes’. We have incorporated a clean environment for all genders to conduct their business in a private, clean atmosphere.”

Mike Hunt, chief executive of Gloryhall, a charity for LGBT rights, said: “We’re pleased the mayor has used the London Plan to call on councils to create more gender-neutral toilets, and so help meet the needs of all Londoners and the city’s many visitors. Gender-neutral toilets are a practical solution for many people, for many reasons and it’s a powerful demonstration of acceptance that has benefits for everyone.

“But, the London Mayor has still come short, there is no mention of sauna facilities or massage beds.”

Women’s Rights campaigner, Virginia Mulch, commented about the gender neutral toilets, and said: “Women have wanted equal rights, and now we have them. We have to share toilets with men, transgenders and homosexuals. You can’t get better equality than that, can you?”

 

New Reality Show: ‘I’m a Celebrity Sex-Pest Get Me In There’

Pastor Marks
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New Reality Show: ‘I’m a Celebrity Sex-Pest Get Me In There’

“Because of the current climate of celebrity perverts and sex abusers, the time seemed right to bring the show to viewers. We like to keep up with the times, and the other formats seem so tired and old now,” series producer, Bogart Menendez revealed.

According to the press release, Harvey Weinstein has already been signed up for a cool $2 million. He will be put into a jungle somewhere in Borneo clad only in a shower robe.

“We put the sex pest celebrity into the jungle, and within a 20 kilometre radius will be various young actresses dotted around. Obviously, Weinstein will be chasing these women, and it is their job to either flee outside the barbed wire electric fence perimeter or succumb to the greasy charms of Weinstein,” Menendez added.

Rated as X, the program will be aired at midnight, and still has to go through Ofcom’s strict regulatory restrictions.

Luckily for the actresses, if anything gets too heavy, they will have an assortment of weapons on hand to deal with the sweating, dribbling mass of Weinstein rearing up on them.

Each episode will have a different celebrity sex-pest. Already, quite a few names have signed up, and they’re all from Hollywood.

Royal Family Prepares Itself For Arrival of Creole Princess

Pastor Marks
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Royal Family Prepares Itself For Arrival of Creole Princess

Prominent members of the royal family today posed for a photograph to commemorate the arrival of Prince Harry’s bride to be, Meghan Markle.

The fifth in line to the throne will marry Ms Markle in spring 2018.

The couple, who have been dating since the summer of 2016, did not attend the photo session in Buckingham Palace but instead posed for the press at Kensington Palace in London, where they will live.

Royal aides said that by donning afro hairstyles, the royal family are subtly saying ‘Yes, it’s okay to have a mulatto princess amongst the pure blue blood breeding pool’.

At one point during the photo session, the Duke of Edinburgh said something rather unsavoury about cannibals and spears, but it was luckily brushed under the carpet when Prince William coughed.

Prince Harry, has come a long way since the days of donning swastikas, and calling brown people ‘pakis’.

In a remarkable change of direction, the Prince now likes to talk about sensitive subjects like mental health, and his choice of bride is also an indication that his past is well behind him now.

Welcome to the 21st Century Royal family.

BREXIT: EU High Representative Joins Discussion With Theresa May

Pastor Marks
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BREXIT: EU High Representative Joins Discussion With Theresa May

 

‘Bimbo’ is a six year old chimpanzee who is the High Representative for the EU Commission and specialises in EU law making as well as bananas.

Mrs May, the British PM in charge of Brexit talks asked Bimbo the chimp whether upping the Brexit ransom to £40 Billion would allow talks to go ahead regarding trade deals?

Bimbo said: “Ooh, aah, ahh!”

Astounded at the answer, the British PM capitulated, because she is weak, and said that Britain would of course throw in a few crates of bananas into the mix.

On hearing this news, Bimbo said excitedly: “Ooooooh! Oooooh! Aaaaaaah! Aaaaaah!”

The deal was sealed there and then much to the astonishment of everyone gathered.

EU Spokesman, Gunther Weisehaus, later told the press: “Bimbo achieved more in three minutes, than the whole blasted lot of overpaid apparatchiks at the EU Commission.”

Black Friday Pandemic Spreading Across Globe

Pastor Marks
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Black Friday Pandemic Spreading Across Globe

This virus has no cure, it has no possible chance of a cure in the future, as it mutates every year getting worse and worse.

Spawning mainly in North America, where the dregs of humanity live in their consumerist driven dystopia, this virus has no boundaries to who it targets, the fat, the thin, the rich, the poor, anyone is susceptible to — GREED!

Yes, folks, that 55 inch 4k HDR TV you just trampled over some woman’s head to get, is the finest example of pure greed at work, and it is an unstoppable force, as it spreads far and wide.

The only distinction that this virus has is that in Sub Saharan Africa, the villagers trample over each other to get a bag of grain to feed their family from an aid agency; whereas in the West, the rabid hordes of greed driven infected trample over each other to get electronic items labelled as 70% off retail price.

BLACK FRIDAY FRENZY

It is not just the people scrambling in the stores who display this virus, i.e. the poor, but also the rich, who are the ones who fuel this greed virus. They are the ones behind the scenes who put on the sales, they are the ones who hype it for weeks before the event, and they are the ones who ultimately make vast profits from fuelling the unadulterated greed that envelopes whole cities, and communities.

Will there ever be a cure? No, because greed mutates, it spreads, it has no qualms about who it infects, it is not discriminatory, greed, greed, greed..

Since there are only two major emotions humans are controlled by — Greed and Fear.

One day it would be good to have a Black Friday where greed is not the master, but fear is.

For example, if you do not run away from that HD television in 10 seconds, you will be shot. An interesting reversal where the crowds run away from store sales as opposed to being attracted to them like the filthy greedy fucking rats they are.

Good News: EU Has Change of Heart Lets Britain Go Without Ransom Payment

Pastor Marks
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Good News: EU Has Change of Heart Lets Britain Go Without Ransom Payment

 

Donald Tusk was cheery today after announcing the change of heart and end to ransom payments.

“I woke up this morning and thought to myself. What are we doing kidnapping the UK? We are holding them to ransom and all they want to do is to leave the European Union. We are not kidnappers, or Somali pirates, even though we have been acting like that for some time. This is ridiculous behaviour and by punishing them, we at the end of the day punish ourselves.”

EU Commission President, Jean Claude Juncker was also apologetic and even shed a tear during a press conference.

“The way I treated the British. I am ashamed of myself. Here is a country that saved Europe in WW2, and we are treating them like criminals, just because they want to leave the EU. I am sorry to Mrs. May for calling her an old bag, or was it a witch? Anyway, I would like to extend my profound grief at the way the EU attacks dogs have been treating the British. We are not Mafiosi, although we have acted like that. If the Brits want to leave, they should be allowed to do so without huge ransom payments, or punishment.”

Chief EU Brexit EU negotiator Michel Barnier, was also repentant of his awful treatment of the British.

“I am French. Yes, we dislike the British, and have for some time, however, I am extremely sorry for the way I have acted in trying to sabotage Brexit at every turn, and with my impossible demands of ransom money. The British do not owe us anything. Does Japan, which is not even in the EU, have to jump through so many hoops to trade with the EU? No! The same must be entreated to les Rosbif eating friends in Britain. From now on, I will be kind to you. Especially as it is you who liberated us cheese eating surrender monkeys in WW2 from our keepers, the dastardly Jerries.”

Huzza! Britain will leave the EU, the ECJ, and will not be held to ransom any more.

The Intrinsic Difference Between Satire and ‘Fake News’

Pastor Marks
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The Intrinsic Difference Between Satire and ‘Fake News’

Recently, satire, a literary genre which has been around for thousands of years, has been much maligned by the forces of ignorance, and of the endemic culture of fear spreading across the heavily controlled mass media.

To have satire labelled as ‘fake news’ by the apparatchiks and so-called holders of the ‘ultimate truth’ is laughable to any satirist, especially in its usage of the didactic grammatical form of literary nuance.

Fake News

Let us get this straight, the catch-all term ‘fake news’ was created during and after the Trump election in November 2016. Fake news was a term created most definitely by members of the American Democrat party as a reaction against Hillary Clinton losing the election to Donald Trump. Their claim was that the Russians skewed the election media by manipulating articles and media on social sites like Facebook and Twitter. The term ‘fake news’ was also utilised against any independent news source with a right wing conservative stance.

There is no doubt that Russian Troll factories were probably complicit in their role to destabilise, misinform, and spread their fake news throughout Western media. Here is the first distinction: Fake News is a tool used for propaganda purposes to destabilise other governments/ political factions or regimes by spreading blatant falsehoods. In both world wars, there was an abundance of fake news/propaganda used to try to sway views and opinions of the troops and general populace.

Satire

Satire, on the other hand, does not seek to maliciously destabilise or propagandise foreign governments in a militaristic intelligence driven sense. It does not work for clandestine government agencies in some bunker in Moscow, on the orders of the FSB, or Vladimir Putin.

Satire’s role is mainly as an entertainment vehicle to mock the foibles, hypocrisy and character of celebrities/politicians or institutions including their ideas, claims and proposals. Through the use of humour, parody, irony, sarcasm or exaggeration we expose the myriad of flaws or vices within these individuals or groups. We see everything through a macro and micro lens simultaneously.

The Daily Squib, for example utilises the more hard-hitting Juvenalian genre of satire. Horatian satire is more jocular, and we sometimes delve into the world of Horace, however our main focus is on Juvenal. The satire of Juvenal does not necessarily have to be funny or humorous, its main objective is to cut to the bone, to get to that ultimate truth however nasty it may look in the cold light of day.

ministry of truthThe truth! This is where true satire deviates from fake news further, because satire is based on the ultimate truth of any given subject, whereas fake news is made to completely mislead the target and sway them towards a lie or certain thought process benefiting an International or domestic agenda. The Daily Squib is akin to an unholy mirror that reflects daily topical discourse and reanimates it in a Luciferian light of ultimate truth.

As a satirist, I have found this thankless job more to be a way of life, filled with immense passion, creativity and dedication. Satire is to me High Art and yet The Daily Squib is continually punished monetarily and censored by almighty web authorities like Google and our site deleted from Google News feed for no reason other than hysteria. It has been nearly erased from search engines in 2013, but it fights on through adversity in the name of satire. We at the Squib have a devout allegiance to the spirit of Decimus Junius Juvenal, the Roman poet and satirist born some time in the first century AD. To see us, and other fellow satirists, who create satire daily so maligned by the term ‘fake news’ is an insult to such a renowned literary genre.

Naturally, the analysis could go on forever, however in the interests of lazy satirists who can’t be arsed to explain the obvious to misinformed, ill educated nincompoops, go read a copy of George Orwell’s satire 1984; to not only understand satire, but ‘fake news’ as espoused by the fake news peddling — ‘Ministry of Truth’.

Mugabe Democratic Election Into Obscurity Goes Well

Pastor Marks
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Mugabe Democratic Election Into Obscurity Goes Well

In another one of president Mugabe’s elections where democracy is strictly adhered to, the dictator and criminal who has stripped his country of its wealth for his own gain, has had a result he was not counting on.

The election, or military coup, to be more precise, ousted the tin-pot dictator and has put him under house arrest.

Speaking from his new prison, Mugabe was defiant that democracy had finally been served upon himself.

“All those previous rigged elections I presided over were proof that I was a ruthless dictator who often used violence against my own people to get what I want. I have a villa alongside Lake Como, Italy, I have numerous properties in Lake Geneva and several in other undisclosed areas. Along with my many Swiss bank accounts where I siphoned off literally billions whilst my people starved, I am adamant that the military coup committed against my terrifying regime is a just one.”

It is good to see that some form of order has finally arrived in Zimbabwe once more after many decades of the horrible Mugabe reign.

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