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Palace Insiders: Meghan Markle Ordered the Queen Around

Jacques Darippa
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Palace Insiders: Meghan Markle Ordered the Queen Around

Meghan Markle (dubbed ‘Megain’ by royal courtiers) is not making any friends in palace circles as of late, and the descent into the black books continue daily with her actions which are perceived as rude, blunt and frankly very common.

“After Meghan snubbed the Queen’s invite to Balmoral, instead opting to jinx her tennis mate Serena Williams by attending her match in America, even the mention of her name around the Queen brings silence. The implanted Duchess of Sussex has shown herself to be as common as muck, and noses are firmly turned when anyone even mentions her name,” royal commentator, Ariel Huntington revealed over the weekend.

There are also reports that Meghan attempted to order the Queen around, who she views as being too old and stuffy.

“The Duchess whilst attending Buckingham Palace to dine with the upper royals, ordered the Queen to bring her ketchup to slap on her serving of Beluga caviar. When the Queen winced and said it was just not on to do that, Meghan got angry and said she has to have ketchup on everything. She then went on a tirade about the progressive modernizing of the royal family, equality, inclusion and that is the way things should be done. She also demanded corn on the cob with her foie gras. Prince Philip immediately assumed the colour of a beetroot and steam was seen to be emanating from his flapping ears. He was very close to blowing. Meghan Markle, after covering the caviar with tomato ketchup ate it hurriedly even slurping, before storming off from the table much to the astonishment of everyone assembled. Prince Harry who was quiet throughout, hurried after his wife squeaking for her to come back,” a palace insider revealed.

Meghan also likes to walk at considerable speed whilst in the palaces, and constantly tells the Queen to hurry up.

“The Queen is understandably for her age a bit slow when walking and this does not play well for the Pushy trainee Duchess who does things very fast. If she wants something it has to be given to her in less than five minutes, or she starts getting very anxious and angry. She constantly berates the 94-year-old Queen to “hurry the hell up” as they walk along the corridors. She will usually say the words under her breath, as Her Majesty lumbers along slowly, maybe stopping to admire a painting or piece of furniture. The Queen however is not as stupid as Megain thinks, and hears and sees everything,” another palace insider revealed.

Suffice to say, the celebrity actress is now a pariah within palace circles, and even mention of her name draws rolled eyes and whispers.

One can only feel sorrow for the royal family who have not been blessed with good fortune, especially when it comes to their grandchildren’s marriage choices.

Verhofstadt: “The EU Empire Has to Constantly Expand or Die”

Jacques Darippa
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Verhofstadt: “The EU Empire Has to Constantly Expand or Die”

Speaking at the Marxist den of inequity, otherwise known as the Lib Dem yearly conference, Guy Verhofstadt revealed why Britain was wrong to leave the dangerous, dying EU empire.

“Why is Britain trying to leave an EU empire led by Germany? Our empire is a dangerous European soviet construct which is now building up a dedicated army that will directly threaten our neighbours, especially Russia. You Britons must stay in the EU, so we can send your young boys into battle to be in the front lines, and have their legs blown off by Russian shells. Join us!”

Spitting his EU Soviet collectivist rhetoric at the conference, Verhofstadt is certainly dedicated to the communist empire Soviet European Union, a place that has to keep expanding or die.

“All empires throughout history have had to keep expanding on a constant basis or die. This is why, just like the Third Reich, the Soviet Union, and the Roman Empire, the EU will have to expand its borders eastwards. Yes, we are talking about Ukraine, which we will take into our fold, and we will take the whole country, even the part the Russians are playing in. From there we will take Moscow and go further than Napoleon or Hitler. This is the destiny of the EU, and we will expand our EU Soviet Empire to take over the whole peninsula.”

Loud applause rang out from the Lib Dem audience, some whistling, others crying with joy, as their dedication to the EU Soviet is so engrained it makes up their entire existence.

Jo Swindler, the Lib Dem leader adjusted her pushed up tits after Verhofstadt’s speech and took to the podium to speak of her love for the EU Soviet agenda which is playing every trick in the red book to keep the UK in the communist bloc.

“We will sabotage Brexit because it stands for freedom, democracy, low taxes and lucrative trade deals with the USA and other global nations. We do not want to be free, we want to be slaves to Germany and France, we want them to tell us what to do, we want them to dictate every part of legislature, and what we should do, and what we should say. We do not want to control our own laws or borders, we strive for Soviet enslavement and anti-democracy.”

Saudi Oil Fields: Iranian Proxies Winning Victories With West

Jacques Darippa
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Saudi Oil Fields: Iranian Proxies Winning Victories With West

As the Saudi oil fields burn and are now at half capacity, the West can only look on as if blinded by the headlights of Iranian supremacy in clandestine operations within the region.

This cat and mouse game is something the Persians excel in, and are winning the war because the Western allies are too scared to act.

The EU still has hopes of keeping the Iranians in a failed nuclear deal, as does the UK which has been shown to be impotent in their inaction to hostilities from the Iranians. The Americans are just as impotent, now that Washington hawk Bolton has been fired by the US administration, Trump thinks he can actually talk to the Iranian Mullahs who will literally laugh in his face and mock him mercilessly behind his back.

There is only one fix for this stand-off and that is most certainly a full scale attack on Iran, with the Saudis, America, Israel and EU nations, but until that happens, the Iranians will continue to agitate the region, to inhibit oil supplies to the West, and to utilise its myriad of proxies to conduct clandestine operations on Western assets.

Despite promising to not supply oil to Syria, the Iranians used their previously seized Gibraltar tanker to unload oil to the Iranian and Russian backed Assad regime in Syria. This act made the US and UK look like a laughing stock, and the Iranians have even kept a previously seized British oil tanker for themselves.

Obviously any incursion into Iran, if the West ever has the guts to actually move with plans to attack, will cross the red lines of Russia and China, which could escalate to bigger things. The Iranians are capitalising on this Western fear to act autonomously within the region without any signs of constraint.

The Iranians are now commandeering Iraq, Yemen, and Syria with thousands of proxy agents as well as cells embedded in Western countries too. This latest Iranian coordinated attack on Saudi Arabian oil fields will leave an indelible mark on relations with this rogue nation in the future.

BoJo’s Channeling Trump as PM – But Could a Business Leader Do Better?

Jacques Darippa
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BoJo’s Channeling Trump as PM – But Could a Business Leader Do Better?

​There is plenty that can be said about British politics at the moment, but one undeniable fact is that it is in a pretty good state. The Brexit process is running along nice and smoothly, and as the days go by it is clear that our glorious leader Boris Johnson is really growing into the role of Prime Minister.

From telling porkies about pork pies to suspending Parliament, he’s really taken to the whole thing with a minimum of fuss. Worried about remainers thwarting democracy or the House of Commons getting in the way of Brexit? Simply stick your fingers in your ears, shout ‘la la la’ at the top of your voice and pretend they’re not there. Easy!

He’s certainly knocking it out of the park when compared to Theresa and the way she had the audacity to actually attempt to negotiate a Eurocentric surrender deal for never leaving the EU. The cheek! No deal completely makes sense, as it ensures a proper clean break as voted by 17.4 million people and the added bonuses of low taxes and lucrative US trade deals. Fantastic!

What a joke

Saying that, it does feel like the UK is missing a trick when it comes to its political leaders. Having actual politicians with experience in governing is a bit old-school these days, and you have to wonder whether it is high time we went down another road. After all, other countries seem to be having so much fun by doing that. Just look at Ukraine and the way they poetically highlighted how politics is just an enormous joke by literally giving the presidency to a comedian.

While that is a nice move, we remain big fans of the ‘business leader as political leader’ route. However, with Richard Branson seemingly set to blast off into outer space in the near future and Mike Ashley still running Newcastle United, who could we get to step into the breach?

Surely the first place to look would be the FTSE 100 index. As social trading platform eToro outlines, the famous list features the 100 largest companies by capitalisation on the London Stock Exchange and is refreshed every quarter so that declining companies can be replaced with fresh blood. It’s basically the Premier League, but with less TV money.

So why don’t we just see which companies are doing well on there and try and pinch their top dogs? After all, the strategy of sticking a businessman in charge of the country has gone swimmingly for our delightful US cousins.

Top Trump

Considering the huge global splash he made in the worlds of board games, steaks and vodka, we all just knew Donald Trump would do a great job as US president.

Time and time again he just knows how to get it right. Just look at the whole situation around the US wanting to buy Somalia; perfectly reasonable! All he did was equate the purchase of a territory with high rates of anarchy, unemployment and war to a “large real estate deal” and those pesky Samolians (sic) got all grumpy about it! He’s always handled international relations well too, particularly when it came to Theresa May. Praising her handling of Brexit while on a state visit to the UK was a master-stroke, but the best moment was undoubtedly when he took to Twitter to truthfully label her efforts a disaster just weeks later. It’s that clarity of thought and consistency which really sets him apart from other world leaders.

Donald has undoubtedly shown there is another way for countries to be run and he has very definitely highlighted that business leaders have a lot to offer in the political sphere. While politicians have often been accused of not doing enough or lying, Trump has shown that business leaders are undoubtedly men of action. Just look at how fast that wall is going up!

Make Britain Great Again

So while we think that BoJo is doing OK as our PM, could a business leader, especially one whose opinions resemble your uncle’s rants at family dinners, ultimately do a better job? The US has undoubtedly shown the way on this and we think that Trump’s track record is proof enough that the time is right to find a great mind from the world of business who can shape the UK into a thriving and exciting place once again.

Ultimately, considering where things are at right now, what could possibly go wrong?

Visitor From Outer Space: The Strategic Engineer Behind Brexit

Jacques Darippa
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Visitor From Outer Space: The Strategic Engineer Behind Brexit

Bismarck, Sun Tzu, Machiavelli, are some of the luminaries from human history that have affected this engineer in his work who came to earth to help in moments of serious complexity and urgency.

“I awoke one evening to a flash of azure light, and this little green creature with a big forehead, obviously with a huge brain, was floating in front of me on a disc. Immediately I pinched myself to make sure I was not dreaming. He did not communicate vocally but through telepathy. He told me he had come to help Britain leave the EU, and this task would require other-worldly skills in tactics and strategy,” Boris Johnson recalled before the EU Referendum had been won.

The Vote Leave campaign required intricate tactical excellence and skill to win because the government of the time was behind the Remain campaign as was the EU.

When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.
O.V.B

This creature then engineered the political death of Remainers who had hijacked the Brexit negotiations, and was instrumental in BoJo becoming the next PM. Since Johnson’s instatement as Prime Minister the engineer or Mekon as he is sometimes called has successfully navigated the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune thrown at the Brexit government by various Remainer plots in parliament, but we’re still not out of the woods. There is still a lot of work to be done until Brexit is finalized, especially before October 31.

The message? Don’t mess with the engineer, because he will fuck you up so bad you will truly wish you were on another planet.

EU Soviet Comrade Cameron Returns

Jacques Darippa
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EU Soviet Comrade Cameron Returns

Like a creature from the Black Lagoon, or an unwanted case of the clap, Comrade Cameron has once again returned from his Soviet EU wilderness to sell his new book and berate some old enemies from the old days.

Big Society

“Your papers are not in order! Halten zie!” Comrade Cameron shouts with his East German Stasi accent at a bemused Chipping Norton postman delivering the mail.

“I missen zie old days, and I missen zie Comrade Clegg, he is now worken for Facebook en zie! Einen EU Soviet project is under Blitzkriegen from Boris and Gove! It is meiner mission zie to attack them as my Meisters in Brussels zie have ordered! Otherwise my booken zie will not sellen zie! Jah?” Comrade Cameron rails on.

The EU Referendum did not go as planned for poor Comrade Cameron, here was a devout Soviet EU operative who thought the deal was in the bag, he even spent £9 million of British taxpayers’ money to make a case against its own people. How could he lose the EU Referendum, it was inconceivable?

And then the results came in…

 

 

 

Climate Scientists: Dinosaur Farts From Millions Years Ago Caused Global Warming

Jacques Darippa
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Climate Scientists: Dinosaur Farts From Millions Years Ago Caused Global Warming

The planet is still recovering from dinosaur farts created from the Mesozoic period over 266 million years ago, climate scientists have revealed.

“The air we are breathing today still contains methane and carbon dioxide created by dinosaurs millions of years ago. Creatures like the Diplodocus and Brontosaurus would violently expel huge amounts of gas from their asses which combined, would contribute to global warming today,” professor Giancarlo Moritz, at the Institute of Climate Change revealed in a new study released, Friday.

Imagine a fart from a Dreadnoughtus which roamed the earth 77 million years ago. It weighed 67 tonnes, and was 85 feet (25.91 metres) long. These amazing animals would eat vegetation all day long, and the amount of gas produced by them would equal about 40 double-decker buses. There were herds of these dinosaurs all across the globe, all creating huge farts which contributed to global warming.

Diplodocus
Diplodocus

“A fart from a Dreadnoughtus or Argentinosaurus was so powerful that it could blow down a small bush or a smaller dinosaur in the wrong place at the wrong time. Imagine the discharge of energy from an engine on a small private jet. That is the power these dinosaurs had when they bust their anuses and farted in the wilderness of the Cretaceous period.”

The Climate Change Institute is still conducting further research into the dinosaur farts that caused global warming on the earth millions of years ago, and which we are still feeling the effects of today.

Climate change activists welcomed the new findings and are now spearheading a protest to ban dinosaur farts from the atmosphere.

Draghi: “Your Bank Account is Mine Now”

Jacques Darippa
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Draghi: “Your Bank Account is Mine Now”

Europe’s economy is in serious dire straits, and this is why Mario Draghi has dropped interest rates to negative.

“If I put in one euro in my bank account, when I go to take it out next week, I will only have 15 cents left. That’s what negative interest rates mean,” an angry German saver from Düsseldorf revealed today.

Negative interest rates are a drastic measure that shows that policymakers are afraid that Europe is at risk of falling into a deflationary spiral. In harsh economic times, people and businesses tend to hold on to their cash while they wait for the economy to improve. But this behaviour can weaken the economy further, as a lack of spending causes further job losses, lowers profits, and reinforces people’s fears, giving them even more incentive to hoard.

As spending slows, prices drop creating another incentive for people to wait as prices fall further.

This is precisely the deflationary spiral that European policymakers are trying to avoid with negative interest rates. By charging European banks to hold reserves at the central bank, they hope to encourage banks to lend more.

Mario Draghi, the ECB boss warned that rates of minus 0.5pc combined with €20bn of quantitative easing a month might not be enough to battle the downturn.

The EUR/USD see-sawed violently on the news and affected all other Forex pairs with the violent movement.

One trader who was having a cup of coffee in front of his terminal at the time of the announcement yesterday wants to bill Mario Draghi for a new keyboard, pc, and desk.

“I was sitting at my desk sipping my coffee watching the secretary bending over a desk to pick up a file, when the market suddenly lurched down by so many pips I lost count, then it rose up again in a millisecond, then all the way down again. My coffee flew over my terminal and at that point sparks and smoke turned into fire. Not only did I lose over $10,000 in less than a minute, I lost my pc and everything else. Remember kids always use a stop loss.”

Tory EU Plotters All Promised Lucrative Positions in European Union to Stop Brexit

Jacques Darippa
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0
Tory EU Plotters All Promised Lucrative Positions in European Union to Stop Brexit

The extent of EU infiltration into Britain’s parliament is astounding, the worst part of this evil debacle is that these Europhile MPs are driven by pure greed, and do not care that they are destroying Britain’s democracy.

Whilst Tony Blair and Peter Mandelson are all on the EU roster, with weekly meetings in Brussels, they work on thwarting Brexit from outside parliament, whereas the Tory Remainer rebel MPs are working from the inside of Westminster.

“These people will most probably be offered lucrative positions in the EU after Brexit is stopped. They are already sweetened with little incentives, but their EU masters are offering them great riches on the EU gravy train. We’re talking about unlimited expenses, huge pension plans, and immense salaries that make the British MP salary look like tuck shop money,” an EU insider revealed.

The plan is to halt the EU Referendum result of 2016 any way possible, and the rogue MPs who thwart the democratic process the best will gain the largest prizes from their EU overlords.

“When it comes to this sort of power and money these people will destroy democracy in Britain and sell out their country to their foreign masters. Everything to them is about money, they would happily sell their children to Chinese laboratories for money. This is the type of people we are talking about, and these Remainers, whether Tory, Lib Dem, or Labour are cut from the same cloth of pure greed,” the EU insider added.

What can a regular commissioner in the EU expect to get in perks?

Monthly salary of 45,000+ euros, unlimited expense account, luxury international first class flights, 5 star hotels, first class medical service, expenses for entertaining, daily massages, chauffeur driven to every destination, all private school fees paid, staff budgets can be paid all to yourself, and a full pension plan amounting to millions of euros. That is a brief list of some perks, but the list goes on.

There is no wonder that these Tory Remainer rebels and the Speaker of the House will do anything to thwart Brexit, because money talks in the end, and these slime bags are willing to sell out their own country and democracy to stop Brexit completely.

 

Knife to See You, to See You, Knife!

Jacques Darippa
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0
Knife to See You, to See You, Knife!

No, it’s not a Brucey Bonus this time but a twelve-inch kitchen knife pushed deep into your liver by some South London thug zoned out on skunk who just did not like the way you looked that day. The excruciating electric pain sears through your body as the thug laughs out loud repeatedly stabbing your convulsing body multiple times, your hot steaming blood spurts wildly over the bus stop poster of London’s Mayor Sadiq Khan. The last thing you see before you lose consciousness forever is the leering face of Khan on the poster, the words read ‘Making London Safer’.

Since Sadiq Khan became the Labour Mayor of London, crime has rocketed across the capital. Not a day goes by without headlines of bloodbaths across the London boroughs, the Mayor has done nothing for this city as he sits in his ivory tower picking between his dirty toes with his bare fingers whilst eating takeaway curries.

sadiq
“Yes, another brutal knife murder, how wonderful!”

“Our streets are filled with fear, we’ve got moped gangs, knife gangs, drug gangs, all mainly Afro-Caribbean and these animals are merciless, high on skunk weed and crack they literally tear people apart with their knives, absolute savage attacks that can come out of nowhere. One minute you go to your local shop to buy a pint of milk, next minute you’ve got a knife deep in your stomach. Who wants to live like that? All because it is politically incorrect and racist to search these fucking thugs,” one terrified resident of Tower Hamlets, South London revealed.

The buses are not safe, the trains are not safe, the schools are not safe, pretty much everywhere is not safe now. Gone are the days when children could play in the streets, a distant memory for a different generation.

 

Sadiq Khan constantly brings up the ridiculous argument that the crime rise is because the Tories have shut down the youth centres.

“When I was a kid I never had a youth centre, never even knew what they were. I never had a reason to go and join a gang and commit atrocious acts of violence. There are millions of young people across the country today who do not have a youth centre, and they’re perfectly okay about it. For Sadiq Khan to say that youth centres would stop the stabbing is ridiculous, in fact they probably encourage crime in urban areas because they are a place where these thugs can get together and plot their next crimes whilst playing snooker, or smoking crack, or dealing drugs in the cafe,” Arthur Tibbold, 52, from South London told the Evening Standard.

Meanwhile, citizens across the sprawling metropolis of London live in abject fear every day of their lives. No one listens to them, there are little or no police and if you call, no one comes for hours. This is London today, a place where the pavements are not paved with gold, but the blood and stripped flesh of victims, carved up like a Sunday dinner, then forgotten to rot in eternal silence.

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