No, it’s not a Brucey Bonus this time but a twelve-inch kitchen knife pushed deep into your liver by some South London thug zoned out on skunk who just did not like the way you looked that day. The excruciating electric pain sears through your body as the thug laughs out loud repeatedly stabbing your convulsing body multiple times, your hot steaming blood spurts wildly over the bus stop poster of London’s Mayor Sadiq Khan. The last thing you see before you lose consciousness forever is the leering face of Khan on the poster, the words read ‘Making London Safer’.

Since Sadiq Khan became the Labour Mayor of London, crime has rocketed across the capital. Not a day goes by without headlines of bloodbaths across the London boroughs, the Mayor has done nothing for this city as he sits in his ivory tower picking between his dirty toes with his bare fingers whilst eating takeaway curries.

“Yes, another brutal knife murder, how wonderful!”

“Our streets are filled with fear, we’ve got moped gangs, knife gangs, drug gangs, all mainly Afro-Caribbean and these animals are merciless, high on skunk weed and crack they literally tear people apart with their knives, absolute savage attacks that can come out of nowhere. One minute you go to your local shop to buy a pint of milk, next minute you’ve got a knife deep in your stomach. Who wants to live like that? All because it is politically incorrect and racist to search these fucking thugs,” one terrified resident of Tower Hamlets, South London revealed.

The buses are not safe, the trains are not safe, the schools are not safe, pretty much everywhere is not safe now. Gone are the days when children could play in the streets, a distant memory for a different generation.


Sadiq Khan constantly brings up the ridiculous argument that the crime rise is because the Tories have shut down the youth centres.

“When I was a kid I never had a youth centre, never even knew what they were. I never had a reason to go and join a gang and commit atrocious acts of violence. There are millions of young people across the country today who do not have a youth centre, and they’re perfectly okay about it. For Sadiq Khan to say that youth centres would stop the stabbing is ridiculous, in fact they probably encourage crime in urban areas because they are a place where these thugs can get together and plot their next crimes whilst playing snooker, or smoking crack, or dealing drugs in the cafe,” Arthur Tibbold, 52, from South London told the Evening Standard.

Meanwhile, citizens across the sprawling metropolis of London live in abject fear every day of their lives. No one listens to them, there are little or no police and if you call, no one comes for hours. This is London today, a place where the pavements are not paved with gold, but the blood and stripped flesh of victims, carved up like a Sunday dinner, then forgotten to rot in eternal silence.