17.7 C
London
Friday, January 23, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 308

Greek Coast Guard Applauded For Drowning and Shooting Desperate Syrian Refugees

Santanico Pandemonium
-
0
Greek Coast Guard Applauded For Drowning and Shooting Desperate Syrian Refugees

It’s okay when Greek so-called ‘coast guard’ ships deliberately capsize migrant boats, and shoot at them with live ammunition as some sort of sick game, but if a non-EU country did that, they would be vilified and then reported to the UN. One refugee has already been shot dead at the border by Greek police.

Greece needs to accept these poor desperate refugees into the country, so they can move to other EU countries, especially Germany. These are the basic tenets of the Christian European Union which exemplifies the mantle of free movement and travel in the Schengen zone.

Luckily Britain has left the EU, and for good reason, however the bloc’s demise hastens every day, not only with economic stagnation but a vast horde of migrants set to enter its borders.

Double standards

“The Greeks treat the refugee migrants less than dogs, even if some get through the border, the unsanitary Greek camps are terrible places where refugees are left to die on the ground, where food is scarce and where disease and hopelessness is rife,” an aid worker who was not given any access to help the refugees revealed.

NGOs have been driven away from helping refugees by local Greek fascists in Lesbos.

 

All there is now is the sound of crickets as the mainstream media refuses to even say a single word against the Greek attempts at murder.

Who wants to be rescued by a coward Greek coast guard? Maybe receive a few bullet wounds, and have your boat sunk. It seems the Greeks do not even care if there are women and young children aboard.

eu welcome

Much of the derision by the Greeks is because they are an Orthodox Christian nation who detest the Muslims with a vehemence, therefore it is seen by Greeks as totally permissible to sink a boat with babies and women on board.

The EU watches and simply says nothing, only blaming the Turks, who have been inundated for years now with over 5 million Syrian refugees without any assistance from any other nation.

Where is your fucking EU free roaming free movement Schengen zone or Christian humanity now?

 

What Might the New Boris Baby Look Like?

Santanico Pandemonium
-
0
What Might the New Boris Baby Look Like?

Experts at the Pre-Post-Natal Prediction Agency have come up with an amazing prediction for what the new Boris baby will look like when it pops out of his soon to be wed wife, Carrie Symonds.

Using algorithmic neural spectrographic technology and five quantum computers working 24-7 for a fortnight, the final image was unceremoniously splatted out just like one of Boris’ many sprogs.

Boris Baby

“Our eggheads are delivered straight off the line from MIT and Stanford, so I have every confidence that the image representational algorithm neural imaging software and the quantum computers have done their work, either that or the image was rendered by some little pipsqueak from the Daily Squib with an old mac and a copy of photoshop sitting in a dark room surrounded by half-full coffee cups, pizza boxes and very loud music blaring out,” assistant director to the program, Professor Arnold Kovaks revealed.

The predictive portrait will be featured in a special exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery on the 12th March for a month.

boris baby

 

Why Doesn’t Greta Thunberg Go and Speak to the Chinese About Pollution?

Santanico Pandemonium
-
0
Why Doesn’t Greta Thunberg Go and Speak to the Chinese About Pollution?

It’s easy for Climate icon, Greta Thunberg to be preaching to the converted in places like Britain, a country which has made the most effort in combating climate change in all of the G20 countries. What about China?

In fact, since the coronavirus lockdown in China, the pollution levels are visibly down, showing that the world drastically needs the Chinese to alter everything about themselves if anything is ever going to change.

With countries like China and India making up 37% of the global population and pumping vast numbers of pollution into the atmosphere and environment, Greta should be concentrating on these nations and not countries like tiny Britain, a miniscule drop in an ocean of plastic bags and nappies.

It’s of course not just the developing nations that she should concentrate on, but the United States, which makes up 5% of the global population yet uses 60% of its resources.

Why not go to these countries Greta? Why is Beijing not your first priority? Even if the UK became a zero emission country tomorrow, it would not matter much because China, and India would still be spewing out grotesque amounts of pollution everywhere.

It’s as if Greta Thunberg does not realise that what happens in China eventually travels around the globe in the atmosphere.

Disney Could Replace Meghan Markle With Plank of Wood

Santanico Pandemonium
-
0
Disney Could Replace Meghan Markle With Plank of Wood

Disney executives who are being begged by Harry and Meghan’s agent to give her a role in a superhero film, or anything that comes up, are so fed up that they might just have a plank of wood on screen to represent the former Duchess of Sussex.

“She can’t act, has zero charisma, and is a foul using bitch who has zero endearing qualities, plus has a very negative image in the public’s eyes. We just went to Home Depot and bought a plank of plywood, that will be her,” Gus Van Horten, senior studio producer told CNN.

It would be a win win situation for the film studio because the plank of wood costs about $19.99 as opposed to some horrific sum pushed by Meghan’s deluded agent.

“The plank of wood will have more presence and acting skills than Meghan Markle, who was a Z list anyway,” another Disney producer revealed.

The former royal couple are currently holed up in Vancouver, Canada staying as a guest of a Kremlin connected Russian businessman.

Meghan Markle is signed up to visit Britain for the last time before embarking on her Hollywood ‘career’.

Meghan Markle is detested with such vehemence in Britain that many use her name when they step in a dog shit.

Why Custom Badges are the Best Long Life Promotional Products

Santanico Pandemonium
-
0
Why Custom Badges are the Best Long Life Promotional Products

Lately, running a business has become a challenge. That’s why one has to be innovative so that the business can remain sustainable. As entrepreneurs try to offer the best products, the competition in business becomes very high. Competition is good because it opens your mind and helps you to think of effective ways of improving your business.

Research shows that the best way of promoting your company’s brand name is by using custom badges as promotional products. Below are the reasons why custom badges are the best promotional products.

They Are Cost-Effective

Not all businesses have enough finances for advertisement and promotion. Custom badges are the best because they are cheap to make and last for a long time as compared to other products such as pens, umbrellas, and even clothes, which can easily fade and wear.

Furthermore, items such as custom glasses can easily break despite their price. Thus, custom badges are the best products to give as gifts at trade shows and other events because they have a higher value for money, which prevents loss in your business.

Replaces Business Cards

In most cases, many customers end up losing their business cards because the cards are not always seen as an important product. After all, they are made of paper, which can easily tear or burn. This mentality will immediately stop when you start giving out custom badges because they are high quality and have attractive designs. They can be made in any shape or colour that impresses you.

 

They Are Recognizable

It is easier for someone to always remember your business because of the company’s name and logo on the badge. It is very easy to pass a message to potential customers while using badges from the best badge manufacturers.

If it is attractive, the better for you because most people like colourful things hanging on their bags and jumpers. By doing this, they are advertising your company’s name.

Make a Lasting Impression

People love gifts, especially tangible ones. By giving them badges, it will leave a lasting impression on them. They will always think about the company that gave the free badges at a certain event.

In return, it builds loyalty because they will always want to come back to your business and make a purchase to appreciate the act of giving them something attractive.

They Are Easy to Distribute

Because of their light weight, badges can be distributed to people easily. They can be given at trade shows, community events, and other shows. They can be packed together and easily transported as compared to other products like custom glasses, which are delicate to handle, or custom bags, which can end up being bulky.

Promotional custom badges are the best way to keep your customers coming back because of the heavy impact they have on your business.

Did you know that they are considered the best giveaways at trade shows? Well, if you never knew, now you are informed. They are also good because they are eco-friendly and small.

Top Reasons to Think About Temporary Buildings When Starting a Business

Santanico Pandemonium
-
0
Top Reasons to Think About Temporary Buildings When Starting a Business

It is a no-brainer that many entrepreneurs are turning to temporary buildings when starting a business. Surprisingly, the number of businesses and organizations that are considering these structures during the expansion and opening of new branches is still increasing. But what could be the main reason for this?

Experts have observed with keenness to understand this trend. These structures have numerous benefits for any business or organization. To understand this better, let us focus on the main reasons why an entrepreneur should think about temporary structures when starting a business.

A Solution That Is Affordable

In many cases, business starters are on a very tight budget. They need to lower the cost of anything as much as possible to avoid financial strains when the business starts to operate.

Luckily, there is an affordable way of making reliable structures. When designed and erected by experts, temporary structures give a higher value for money than the permanent ones. There are also many temporary structure packages to suit the budgets of different clients.

High Flexibility

When you are starting a business, you might not be certain of what will happen in the near future. Sometimes, you might realize that the current location was a big mistake or even have a need to relocate and expand.

Therefore, you need structures that are flexible enough to allow relocation. Temporary structures can be moved with ease since it is all about assembled frames and panels. All you need is to involve experts who will assist in this relocation.

Saves Time

Smart Space UK and other reputable experts have a reputation for constructing temporary structures within record time. Whether it is a large showroom, a classroom, or any other structures, these experts will deliver without wasting any of your time.

Modular temporary buildings are faster to make compared to custom temporary structures. These structures will not waste any of your time. As such, these are the best solutions when schools, hospitals, and businesses have a short time to be ready for operations.

They Are Environmentally Friendly

Authorities in any country are keen on how structures affect the environment. Assessments are done to identify the extent of damage and mitigation measures are recommended. With temporary structures, there is nothing to worry about since they perfectly meet most of the requirements.

Modular structures made of recycled materials are the eco-friendliest. They do not emit harmful substances, and they also do not disturb the vegetation on the ground since they are made elsewhere and erected on site. Many also tap into green energy such as solar and wind.

They Are Easy to Customize

If you are looking for structures that can be customized with ease, temporary structures are the right solution. The customization ranges from designs to furnishing. If you need to change anything in the near future, their high level of flexibility allows people to customize them the way they want.

Temporary structures give entrepreneurs a very good deal when starting their business. Even as time goes on, they still remain the best because they have low maintenance needs and allow expansion with ease.

The Five Best Performers in this Year’s Six Nations so Far

Santanico Pandemonium
-
0
The Five Best Performers in this Year’s Six Nations so Far

The 2020 Six Nations is past the half-way point and only pre-tournament outsiders France can complete the lucrative Grand Slam. Fabien Galthié’s young side, who are now odds-on to win the tournament if you’re looking for a bet on the rugby odds, have surprised many, beating England, Italy and Wales in their opening three matches, meaning only Scotland and Ireland stand between them and their first Grand Slam in 10 years. But who have been the standout players so far in this year’s campaign? Read on to find out who makes the top five.

1. Charles Ollivon

The six feet, six inches tall Toulon back-row was named Les Bleus’ captain following theCharles retirement of Montpellier hooker Guilhem Guirado, who captained France for three years, and has led from the front. The 26-year-old played a part in all four of his side’s tries against England in the opening game of the tournament at the Stade de France – scoring twice and assisting the others. Ollivon also successfully completed all 13 of his tackling attempts and turned the ball over once. The number eight scored again in the following match against Italy in Paris, before another impressive performance at the Principality Stadium in Cardiff – setting up a try as Les Bleus won their first game for 10 years in Wales.

2. Romain Ntamack

Ntamack’s performances at fly-half have been so good that you would think he’s in his Romainprime years, although then you remember that he’s just 20 years old. The Toulouse number 10 slotted home all four of his kicks against Eddie Jones’ England, despite the ferocious winds of Storm Ciara, whilst he also set up one of France’s four tries. Ntamack scored his first Six Nations try against Italy in France’s next match, assisting another. However, this time the horrendous weather took its toll on the youngster’s kicking as he successfully converted just three out of his seven attempts. The Wales game may just be the fly-half’s best performance in a Les Bleus shirt to date. Ntamack made a crucial interception inside his own half and went on to score his second try of the tournament, whilst a further two assists and five kicks from five led to him being named Man of the Match.

3. Antoine Dupont

Ntamack’s half-back partner, Dupont, is already being labelled one of the best scrum-duponthalves in the world, and he’s only 23 years old. The Toulouse number nine’s tackling in this year’s tournament has been sensational – including a crunching hit on England’s Willie Heinz and several crucial tackles against Wales – and across the three games thus far, he has missed on just three attempts. Dupont has also assisted a whopping eight tries, with three against the Red Roses, four against whipping boys Italy and one against the Red Dragons.

4. Maro Itoje

The first non-French player to make the list, Itoje hasn’t let the turmoil of his club rugby atMaro Saracens affect his performances on the pitch for Jones’ side. The 25-year-old flanker is the only England player to play every minute of this year’s Six Nations – a rarity in today’s game. Itoje’s tackling has been second to none for the Red Roses with an impressive 91% success rate. The 25-year-old was England’s best player in the opening weekend defeat to France, winning five turnovers and making 10 tackles – two hard-hitters leading to knock-ons. The Saracens forward was even better against rivals Scotland, making 21 crunching tackles in the low scoring match, whilst he stepped up once again with 18 successful hits against Ireland in the must-win match.

5. Gregory Alldritt

Alldritt was called upon to replace Les Bleus veteran Louis Picamoles, who made over 80 ALLDRITTappearances for France across an 11-year spell, and the 22-year-old has stepped up massively. The La Rochelle back-row has completed an eye-watering 45 tackles in France’s three games thus far – incredibly missing just one attempt. The number eight is also the top ball carrier in the tournament with 44, whilst he also contributed a try and assist in the victory against Italy.

COVID-19 Coronavirus is Biphasic Like Anthrax – Contracted Multiple Times

Santanico Pandemonium
-
0
COVID-19 Coronavirus is Biphasic Like Anthrax – Contracted Multiple Times

A Japanese tour operator has caught the COVID-19 virus twice, and there have been other reports of multiple infections on individuals in China. Instead of creating immunity, the virus can reportedly reinfect an individual and hasten fatal heart failure. Even if an infected patient recovers, the virus has two phases, therefore triggers still exist in the victim’s body and can awaken again with even more deadly effect.

CHINA – 14% of patients who recovered from coronavirus infection test positive again. This means they are let go, to contaminate further.

The implications for the spread of the virus are horrific because this means the body’s immune system somehow does not create immunity to COVID-19 once recovered.

This highly contagious airborne virus is now spreading fast across the globe. Particles of COVID-19 can linger for over three hours in the air.

As of today, the virus has reached every continent in the world, and still the infected are travelling via air traffic spreading COVID-19 on a constant basis. The virus stays dormant for a period of 28 days in some individuals, and during this period it is highly contagious, even though the carrier may not show any visible symptoms.

Much of the data from China cannot be trusted and it is feared the death toll is way above the amount they have reported, as is the same now ravaging Iran.

Even if a vaccine is created in 12-18 months, this will not stop the rapid spread of the virus.

The vaccine creation would involve finding a viral sequence that would reliably cause a protective immune-system memory but not trigger an acute inflammatory response that would itself cause symptoms. Thankfully, the Israelis are on it and are getting close to a vaccine.

Global flight traffic is still now spreading the virus far and wide – RIGHT NOW. https://www.flightradar24.com/

Man Awakens From Woke Nightmare

Santanico Pandemonium
-
0
Man Awakens From Woke Nightmare

The New Jersey man awoke from his woke nightmare yesterday evening whilst being preached at by another woke celebrity on twitter, the social network.

“Everyone I know now is a control freak woke activist, everywhere I go to on the internet I am accosted by woke preachers telling everyone how to think and what to say,” the man said from his hiding place.

According to the man, he awoke from his woke nightmare and now appreciates life a lot more.

“Before, I was told that all white people are bad, all people who do not believe in socialism or communism are fascist evil killers, and that anyone who dared to eat meat might as well eat their own children.

“It was a nightmare, everything was racist, every man was a sexist pig who needed to be castrated, and the world was either black or white, there was no grey, there was nothing but socialist labels put on every segment and element of society. I changed my mental model away from their socialist mental prison, and now accept people and things as they are.

“I am now thankfully free of the woke nightmare. I am not a cultural Marxist communist, and I do not condone the ‘cancel culture’ and soviet-style censorship of shutting down free speech that is so prevalent of these so-called ‘progressive inclusive socialists’ in the West.”

Due to waking up from his woke nightmare prison, the man is now a pariah in his society and no longer has a job, has lost all his friends, and is now a complete outcast — a happy outcast.

George Clooney Saddened He Got Caught Out for Peddling Child Labour

Santanico Pandemonium
-
0
George Clooney Saddened He Got Caught Out for Peddling Child Labour

Uber-Liberal celebrity and spokesman for humanity, George Clooney, is extremely saddened today at being exposed for peddling child labour products.

“I am feeling a great deal of remorse today, not for the little 6-year-old bastards who are employed in the coffee farms under slave labour conditions, but my endorsement of this fucking coffee company has now been exposed and compromised, and it was a very lucrative gig,” Clooney said from his flooded grand mansion along the Thames.

“Do as I say, not do as I do, is my motto, as I jet around the world all the time in my private jet fleet spewing massive carbon emissions into the goddamn atmosphere! But you, you mere peasants aren’t someone of my status so you can’t do that, I forbid you.”

Stop Child Labor

The Channel 4 Dispatches programme reveals how it was given access to farms in Guatemala that supply to Nespresso and found children working at every one.

Naturally, no one in the company or George Clooney knew about the use of child labour, and slave conditions at the farms, just like the actor never knew about Harvey Weinstein either.

1...307308309...804Page 308 of 804
squib footer 270

Breaking News

Copyright © Daily Squib 2024.

The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.