Call it what you want, but bullying is bullying and the EU is well versed in it. This time, because they’ve fucked up their own vaccine program for Covid, they are attempting to seize Britain’s vaccines, which have already been ordered many months ago.
All your vaccine are belong to us!
“First come first served? Vat iss das? NEIN! Ze Astra Zeneca vaccine vill now be diverted to EU. You Englisher Schweinhund need to be punished for escaping the EU. Halt! Who goes there? Your papers are not in order!” unelected EU Dictator, Ursula von der Leyen emphatically proclaimed on Friday.
During an impromptu EU press conference, the EU president then took out a needle and vial.
“You commen zie hier! I vill administer ze serum for you right now! Guards! Get him!”
Plunging the large hypodermic needle into the terrified man’s arse cheek, the EU president leaves the needle in and walks back to the podium pointing at the man.
“You are now cured of coronavirus. You can danke me later sie! Now take him avay!
“EU comrades, zat vaccine vas commandeered zis very morgan by our EU Stasi troops. Ve surrounded ze AstraZeneca factory unt liberated ze vaccine for ein volk!
“Let zis be ein lessonnen to zie Britisher, or any vun who leaves ze EU, ve vill punish you!”
Hanson Robotics certainly have improved on Sophia’s AI, although her facial emotive servos seem a little lacklustre. Recreating human emotion in any form must involve replication of human muscle tissue synthetically to really work. Recreating emotion is not just about facial muscle movement but in the eyes. How do engineers replicate the emotive movement of the human eye in conjunction with the muscles around the eyes, as well as the glistening surface of the eye itself? Is Sophia getting close to the uncanny valley?
There are still decades of study to conclude before any robot can truly visit the uncanny valley. Sophia, is still at a 25% stage of realism, however she is slowly getting there.
As for AI, humans first need to recreate the human brain before they get to realistic artificial intelligence. This arduous task involves mapping every single neuron, dendrite and axon.
What about engineering pioneers like Ray Kurzweil? Surely, something he is doing deep in the depths of Google will forward this type of tech.
Human emotions are also coloured by hormones, and it is hoped that future engineers factor this into creating realistic AI robots.
Whatever happens in the future, Sophia will be a pioneer.
Ecologically speaking, the tourism industry is responsible for much of the world’s pollution. It is a blight on the planet destroying entire ecosystems all because of pure greed, and transporting billions of tourist masses across the globe, a putrid stench of locusts that not only decimate our finite resources, but exploit diverse cultures purely for their own fleeting entertainment.
Let the mass tourism industry go under, so the coral reefs can breathe again, so the plastics on the beaches and oceans can slowly dissipate, let the globe relinquish itself from this mass tourism onslaught that every day is destroying its entire ecological system which took billions of years to evolve.
If there is to be a small tiny tourism industry, it should only be one where there are limited, sustainable numbers of tourists who give back to the environment and culture they take from. Costs should be commensurate to the true cost to the environment, therefore prohibiting the awful cheap package holiday industry.
As for space tourism, that should be fully supported. The more people shot into space can only be a good thing, shame it is not a one way trip. Some would even pay good money to see Instagram/YouTube influencers all put into one rocket and shot into space with no designated destination. Good riddance to a vile parasitical pestilence that pollutes not only the ecosystem but all culture on earth as well.
The Department of Homeland Security may deport illegal appointee, Joe Biden back to China where he belongs, a spokeswoman for the agency revealed today.
“Let’s face it, he’s not called China Joe for nothing. The Chinese Communist Party have also requested that their embedded asset is returned forthwith to be debriefed,” Ellen Sanchez, a DHS spokeswoman revealed today.
Biden could be deported as early as next week, where he will be received by his CCP masters and possibly detained for not undermining America enough.
Chinese agent Xiang Ping Dong, who is Biden’s handler in Beijing said on Tuesday that the CCP were very unhappy with Biden’s progress.
“We paid him and his crack smoking idiot son millions of dollars which they stashed without tax so that we could take over America, but he has done very little work. Our army has been waiting for orders to parachute into Washington D.C. and all major U.S. cities, but Biden needs the Americans to surrender completely to China first. If he does not do the gun grab soon, this means there could be some resistance to our soldiers. Also, he needs to sabotage the U.S. military to stand down. He has not done enough, after all the money we gave him.”
According to one Chinese Politburo member, the Chinese Virus also has to kill millions more Americans before Chinese troops can move in.
“We are watching the situation every day, it has not killed as many Americans as we hoped, but Biden is also ordered to destroy the U.S. economy, we hope he will fulfil his orders soon as he promised. The Chinese population is getting impatient because they want to move in to America as soon as possible,” the official was quoted as saying on the Xinhua news network, Tuesday,
Joe Biden has not just fucked over the conservatives of America in his first few days with his vindictive executive orders, but he has also lost over 85,000 American jobs and livelihoods by cancelling an important oil pipeline from Canada to the USA, as well as other projects. The unions who were suckered into supporting Biden and even furnished his campaign with millions of dollars were firmly bent over a table, and their asses filled. These socialist Marxist unions were betrayed by Biden within a few hours of his alleged inauguration.
The plan for the next four years will be hell, as the vindictive, nasty Democrats punish anyone who even resembles a conservative, or a libertarian. In fact, if you’re not a Marxist, you’re fucked. The worst part of this whole nasty situation is that the Democrats will sadistically enjoy torturing people with their insane profligate irresponsible policies bordering on a recklessness never before witnessed. Remember that this is Obama’s third term, and Biden is a bumbling China-controlled puppet with little or no mind of his own. Biden’s dementia or whatever he fucking is suffering with is all too apparent as he stares out blankly wondering where he is most of the time. When signing the multitude of executive orders he even quipped he did not know what he was signing, and the funniest moment of all was when he was walking through a doorway and his controllers told him to salute the marines through his earpiece, the idiot blurted out the commands instead of saluting the marines standing there looking bemused.
Biden for most Americans is not the president, and many people refuse to even acknowledge the sham that is continuing in front of vast audiences. He will just be known as Biden, and nothing more.
The Democrats however, who have moved so far left that they are bordering on totalitarian communism will enjoy hurting conservative Americans, they will enjoy cancelling and deleting, bringing in their evil totalitarian policies purely to gouge the eyes out of Middle America. Opening the borders will be a principal policy as well as fucking with ICE, by halting all repatriation operations of illegal aliens.
As for Britain, Biden and Harris hate the British and will punish the UK as much as they possibly can. Boris Johnson has been a huge disappointment as he kowtows to Biden and begs daily for a trade deal. Good luck with that, Biden and Harris who value the EU over the UK will make sure that Britain gets fucked badly with an excruciatingly nasty deal that won’t be worth the paper it’s printed on.
There are lots of things to look for in the next four years, a never ending Chinese pandemic that will eviscerate whole communities and be used by the controllers to bring in their evil agendas of enslavement, and the Biden Harris dystopian nightmare that will make the fall of Rome look like a fucking picnic.
Where real journalists look at a subject relatively in an objective manner, considering both sides of any opinion, swamp creature propagandist activists masquerading as ‘journalists’, have no argument, they just call people ‘liars’ without any justification.
One has to praise Senator Rand Paul for his tenacity in the face of such a disgraceful onslaught from ABC’s George Stephanopoulos, a piece of shit so divisive and cowardly, it is time he was flushed back into the swamp where he belongs.
The American news stations discarded real journalism decades ago, and Stephanopouloshit is a prime example of partisan biased activism — not journalism.
Leading think tank on the coronavirus pandemic – Pandemic Institute of Sequential Solutions (PISS) has released a new advisory non-governmental paper outlining future developments which will occur due to the global pandemic.
“The masses seem to be caught up in their holidays, their pubs and High Street shopping. The public still does not understand that the globe pre-2019 will not be repeated ever again — that consumerist world will completely disappear by 2024.
“There will be very few hotels, restaurants, bars, pubs, tourist vacation spots, or hospitality industry left in a few years time. The only places left will be for the ultra-rich billionaires and high ranking governmental officials. International air travel will be eradicated for the masses, and only be available for high ranking world government officials and the very rich.
“The globe is entering a post-consumerist age where private property owned by the masses will be eradicated completely. The ownership of land or property will be eradicated in 99% of the population. The Covid-19 pandemic was planned many years ago, as was the Great Reset.
“We conceive that there will be multiple viral pandemics, and many variant mutations, some running across the globe concurrently overlapping each other. Due to the multiple variants, vaccines created for one strain will be deemed obsolete for others. Even if people are vaccinated, they will still be able to contract one or more variants of the virus.
“Lockdowns do work, however they are detrimental to many businesses, and there are humans who will rebel to the order to stay home. Those who are unprepared, and unresponsive to wearing proper N95 rated masks will eventually perish, because one strain or other will eventually infect them, and depending on their genetic makeup to any particular strain, irrespective of age, will die.
“Wearing a mask in public is not good enough, the viral particles in the air can land on the surface of the eye, especially as the majority of people do not wear eye protection, this will ensure the virus continues spreading far and wide. The virus can also be transmitted via bodily fluids, therefore people who indulge in any sexual activity are in danger of contracting/spreading the virus. Drinking any form of alcohol diminishes the efficacy of any covid vaccine.
“Schools, and children are by far the biggest spreaders of the virus, and as long as educational institutes remain open, the virus will continue to spread far and wide. This mass proliferation of the virus in educational establishments is mainly due to the asymptomatic spread of the virus carried by the youth to adults. As the mutations increase however, we could easily see an increase in deaths of children as well, due to the mutation increasing its potency and specifically attacking the genetic sequences of younger humans.
“The globalist controllers will utilise the pandemic to bring upon the world, something they call the Great Reset. Once the global population is whittled down over a period of decades, they will fully implement their plan to introduce their eco reset, which will involve many points mentioned earlier, for example, the eradication of private property for the remaining masses.
“The earth is still in the preliminary stages of the pandemic, as many decades are ahead of the global purge. This will be a controlled reduction in the population, and governments in the West will also have to deal with significant reduction in GDP, as well as tax revenue. Led by China, the Western governments will follow its economic might, as they capitulate to the strength of the communist totalitarian regime. China brought their virus into the global community for a reason, and it will benefit them solely to the detriment of all other nations. Biden’s recent instatement will be the signal for the Chinese pandemic plan of the Great Reset to go ahead full steam.”
Mr. Spin Casino is a reputable online gaming platform that came about in 2017. Regardless of being relatively new in the online casino industry, Mr. Spin has managed to leave a good impression on punters across the globe.
Its ownership alongside operations is courtesy of a company known as In-Touch Games. Additionally, Mr. Spin Casino has a valid gambling license from the UK Gambling Commission (UKGC), with the affiliate program being In-Touch Affiliates.
Regarding the feel alongside the design of Mr. Spin, it indisputably stands out from its rivals. As such, the casino’s logo is situated on the far left of your screen and is represented by an animated cat. In the opposite direction, you will see the vibrantly coloured icons of ‘Join’ (in yellow) and ‘Login’ (in green).
Getting Started at Mr. Spin
The sign-up procedure exudes simplicity and in turn, takes a few minutes. Therefore, it can be done in the steps below.
You need to key in your details, including a working mobile phone number, gender, and area of residence.
It entails filling out your account details (banking information) followed by your details (first and last names, email address and more). The entire procedure of registering takes not more than 5 minutes.
Usability
Upon gaming access to Mr. Spin, the dark blue colour theme will capture your attention. You will find an array of casino games which are in thumbnails on the site’s homepage. Furthermore, you will notice that the games are arranged according to popularity, as opposed to chronologically or in alphabetical order.
Mr Spin is accessible on mobile gadgets along with PCs in Instant Play mode (directly on your web browser). Therefore, this saves you the hassle of downloading and installing the software client, courtesy of HTML5 technology. In turn, this implies that Mr. Spin Casino can be accessed on any OS, anytime, and from any place.
Despite the games alongside the visuals being light, there is no compromise on quality. With the ‘Join’ along with the ‘Login’ icons being tucked away at the rightmost corner, the remarkable slot machines are at the forefront of the Mr. Spin Casino website. Selecting the drop-down menu on the left will grant you access to everything that the casino has to offer its players.
Mr Spin Pros and Cons
The Pros
The Cons
It exudes mobile compatibility.
Few game selections.
Tip-top customer support.
Sports betting (e-Sports) is not included.
Call-backs are free of charge.
The lack of a Live Casino.
The casino is proven for fairness.
Live Chat feature is included.
An Overview of the Games
It is no secret that a majority of gaming sites avail a plethora of games (more than 100) to their users, courtesy of the different software providers. Nevertheless, at Mr Spin things are done a tad bit different. As such, the game selection is less than 25, all of which stem from a single game developer, known as In Touch Games. Thus, this means that the game offerings are unique to Mr Spin.
As such, the casino is alluring to players who wish to break the monotony of partaking in the generic games found in other gaming sites and prefers trying out new game titles in the market.
While the limited assortment of games implies that the site is overshadowed by other casinos in the sector that are packed with hundreds and hundreds of games, Mr Spin continues making new additions from time to time, thereby keeping punters captivated.
Given that the games are from In Touch, they contain unique features which casino players will not find elsewhere. In addition to that, the games feature a progressive jackpot which constitutes a small percentage (0.005%) of each loss that a player incurs on each round of gameplay.
Image by romanov from Pixabay
The Mr Spin Slot Machines
For a fact, the slots at this casino are unique (as mentioned earlier) which means that they are not available in other gaming sites. Regardless of the slot games being few, it is certainly comforting to a myriad of players to encounter a gaming site that avails games that are exclusive to it.
Furthermore, there are Mega Jackpot slot games which refer to a network of slot machines containing a jackpot pool that begins at 100,000 GBP and increases exponentially by 0.5% of each punter’s losing round of gameplay.
To that end, users can take their pick from eight available Mega Jackpot slot machines as listed below, and possibly emerge as winners.
Woodstock
Jewelette
Hollywood Wins
Reel Royalty
Polar
Arabian Nights
Reel Lucky
Siberian Wins
Aside from this unique assortment of slot games and regardless of the absence of Poker, Video Poker, Blackjack, and Baccarat, users can delight in the thrill from the Bingo games offered at Mr Spin Casino.
Therefore, there are four bingo rooms, each of which offers the 90-ball variation with the costs of the tickets starting at 10p. Thus, this makes it affordable for players with low budgets.
In the virtual bingo rooms, you will get to communicate with moderators coupled with other participants, not to mention relishing side slot machines simultaneously.
Best online pokies can be played for free at free-onlinepokies.com
The Live Casino
Given that there is no Live Casino available at Mr. Spin, this means that there is no live dealer or live games such as Live Roulette, among others, that you would find in other online casinos.
Table Games
Mr. Spin was created as a gaming platform that solely focuses on slot machines. Nevertheless, customers will stumble upon Roulette Gold, which is the only table game available.
Gaming on the Go
While you can delight in the available table game, bingo games, and slot machines on your desktop PC, you can do so on your mobile device as well. As such, those using iPhones or iPads can install the app on the Apple Store.
The same applies to Android users. They can install the Mr. Spin app from the Google Play Store. Given that only a few games are available, navigating the mobile app is quick and simple.
There is the option of launching the site directly from your web browser (as stated earlier). The games are designed in a way that they automatically adapt to a user’s screen size while maintaining the tip-top quality visuals along accompanied by sound effects. Hence, this ensures that players get the most out of their gameplay sessions.
Customer Support at Mr. Spin
The highly informative FAQ section is where you should start when seeking information on Mr. Spin. As such, you will find details on the sign-up process, deposit and withdrawal procedures, and so much more.
If you do not find what you seek in the FAQ section, then you can consult the customer service representatives that are available 24/7 via:
Live Chat (the quickest way to get assistance)
Email (send a detailed explanation of your query to [email protected])
Make a phone call to +44(0)1384 888102 explaining the issue at hand.
If you have a Twitter account, then you have the option of sending a tweet to @MrSpinCasino. Alternatively, you can send a text to 89910 with the word HELP after which you will receive a free call back from one of the customer support agents. Furthermore, you can click on the ‘Request Call Back’ on the support webpage to be eligible for the free call back.
With these convenient avenues for reaching the support agents who exude professionalism, friendliness, and competency, there is no doubt that Mr Spin is a gaming site that goes above and beyond for its customers.
Safety and Fairness
For a fact, In Touch Games, which is the software used at Mr Spin Casino, has authentic licensure from the UKGC (as mentioned earlier). Along with the provision of links to Be-Gamble Aware alongside Gam-Stop found on the site, there is also certification from the renowned GamCare which assures players of safe gameplay. Coupled with licensing from UKGC, this serves as validation that Mr Spin takes matters of security very seriously, thereby making players feel at ease as they delight in the services.
Furthermore, Mr Spin Casino incorporates the top of the range SSL Encryption software which ascertains that users’ banking along with personal information remains inaccessible from unauthorized third parties.
The site also implements a Random Number Generator (RNG) in all its games to ensure that they exude fairness. The RNG undergoes regular and thorough auditing and evaluation by independent testing firms.
Banking
There is an abundance of banking options available by which you can conveniently deposit to your Mr Spin account. They include:
PayPal
VISA
PayPal
Paysafecard
MasterCard
Mobile phone users can make deposits via phone bills. Regarding payouts, users can use the above methods and Direct Wire Transfers. In instances whereby you are yet to deposit to your Mr Spin playing account, the lowest payout amount is £30. Upon making an initial deposit of a minimum of £3, then any payout request you make (of less than £10) will automatically incur a charge of £3.
Generally, the processing of withdrawals at the casino takes a maximum of 4 business days, depending on your selected banking option. As such, processing payouts via debit or credit cards takes the longest whereas via e-wallets is the fastest.
The Mr Spin Bonuses and Promotions
As seen in other online casinos, Mr Spin is not left behind when it comes to availing a Welcome Bonus to its new members, which is as follows.
A maximum of 50 Free Spins with no deposit necessary coupled with a 100% match on the 1st deposit you make.
Nevertheless, it is essential to note that the free spins come with wagering limits of 20X and the 100% match offer comes with betting terms of 1X. Other terms and conditions associated with the Welcome Bonus are:
The extra spins are only valid on the slot machine, picked by the Mr Spin casino managers.
After exactly 14 days free spins will expire, and then the respective wins are credited as bonus funds (cannot be withdrawn). Nonetheless, the later earnings that you score from utilising the bonus funds can be withdrawn.
The top-up which is then credited to your Mr Spin account as bonus funds, and thereby is not subject to withdrawal. The winnings which stem from using the bonus cash can be retrieved as a payout provided that the stipulated betting conditions have been met. All the available games contribute towards meeting the stipulated wagering requirements.
Just like the games, the welcome bonus also exudes immense uniqueness, more so with the 1X wagering terms associated with the match offer, which is notably lower than other gaming sites. In addition to that, the low deposit of only £3 to be eligible for the bonus is indeed a rare occurrence. Hence, it is these factors which make the Mr Spin Casino Welcome Bonus worth every minute of your time and worth your hard-earned money.
Other Promotions
Aside from the incredible welcome offer, you will stumble upon other worthy promotions at Mr Spin.
Refer-a-Friend: In this offer, users qualify for a gift of the referral’s initial deposit. In addition to this, members acquire eligibility to receive frequent promotions, more so when new game titles are added to the casino.
VIP Program: The Elite players of Mr Spin get to relish in some perks such as an additional warm welcome bonus with no betting terms attached. Furthermore, they are awarded a personal account manager, unique offers, weekly promotions, and invitations to exclusive tournaments and events.
In addition to that, they get to try out new game additions before other Mr Spin members. However, it is important to note that becoming a part of the VIP Program is strictly by invitation, which implies that you will require being patient to receive the email from a staff member.
The Loyalty Program: Players automatically earn bonus points (comp points) as they play the games at the casino. The points can be utilised on purchasing credits, gift coupons, and more, at the virtual Loyalty Shop.
Prohibited Territories
Mr Spin prohibits punters situated in the following regions from creating a Mr Spin Casino account.
South Africa
U.S Virgin Islands
Australia
U.S. Miscellaneous Pacific Islands
U.S. Minor Outlying Islands
FAQ
Does Mr Spin Casino confirm users’ identities? – Yes! To curb underage wagering, all players at the site must validate their identities coupled with their ages and jurisdictions, before they can begin enjoying the services. Usually, the casino will also validate users’ details electronically once they sign up, for instance, with the assistance of authorised third parties. If this fails, then respective players will be requested to confirm their identities via the submission of government-issued documentation such as National ID or Passport. Alternatively, Mr Spin may confirm users’ identities via the Facebook Verification Feature.
What verification documents are required? – Users may be requested to provide documents such as a Driver’s License, among others, which will then undergo rigorous assessing for accuracy. Moreover, upon scoring a win and requesting a payout, the same documents will be requested for verification, to ensure that the request has not been initiated by cybercriminals, for instance.
Is there the option of self-exclusion? – Yes! Mr Spin advocates for gaming responsibly. Therefore, those who feel that they may have a betting addiction can make a call to 01384 884466 to initiate the self-exclusion process. However, it is essential to remember that upon the initiation of this process, you will be unable to make a deposit, partake in the games and enjoy other services provided by the casino. Moreover, the self-exclusion has a timeframe of 6 months (minimum) and cannot be reversed.
Is the casino licensed? – Yes! Mr Spin has valid licensure coupled with regulations from the UKGC under the number 000002091R104264027.
Are the users’ transactions and personal details safeguarded? – Yes! The casino server incorporates the SSL Encryption technology (256-bit), which does a phenomenal job of safeguarding users’ financial alongside personal information. Furthermore, this is the same software that is implemented in a multitude of reputable financial organizations across the globe.
What is the lowest payout a player can request? – The lowest withdrawal is £10 when using Direct Wire Transfers and £20 via e-wallets such as PayPal.
How long do payouts take to be processed? – The processing of payouts takes a maximum of four business days during which you may be requested to provide identification documents, as part of the verification process.
How is the withdrawal of funds conducted? – The withdrawal of earnings takes place as follows:
PCs: Head over to the casino’s website, log in with your credentials, proceed to the ‘My Account’ section and click on the ‘Banking’ option. Upon doing so, you will have the capability of pinning down your preferred banking option, followed by the amount you wish to withdraw.
Mobile: To make a withdrawal or deposit cash to your playing account, you will need to open the casino app, and proceed to the ‘Banking’ menu located at the top left corner of your screen. You will then have the ability to cash out and deposit funds as you deem fit. Alternatively, the ‘Banking’ tab can be accessed from the web browser of your mobile gadget.
Why am I unable to log in to my playing account? – Unsuccessful logins to Mr Spin may be due to two major reasons.
Firstly, you may be accessing the platform on an unstable internet connection. As such, this is mostly the case when you are accessing the casino in a jurisdiction with poor service.
Secondly, you may be keying in the wrong credentials. Thus, if you have forgotten your password, then you ought to select the ‘Forgot Password’ option on the login page and follow the on-screen prompts.
What are the reasons that my deposit has been declined?- Mr Spin may decline a user’s deposit for various reasons, such as lack of identity verification or the selected banking option has chosen to block the funds.
When this happens, an error message will pop up on your screen. Therefore, to clear this mishap, you can request a call back from a customer care representative or connect with an agent via Live Chat or Email.
I failed to receive my welcome bonus. What could be the reason? – Firstly, the welcome offer is only valid for new members. Thus, if you already have a registered account at Mr Spin, then you will not receive the offer. Secondly, upon registration, your details will need to undergo verification. Once you pass this phase, then you will qualify for the welcome bonus.
Nonetheless, if you feel that you have been unfairly left out of the welcome bonus, then you can always get in touch with the customer support staff.
What do my account details entail? – Once you sign up at Mr Spin, you will be requested to confirm your mobile number and required to formulate a password. In turn, the mobile number, coupled with your password, will become your login credentials each time you wish to gain access to the platform.
Is it possible to change my password? – Yes! To change your password, you simply need to head over to the ‘Settings’ tab at Mr spin and follow the straightforward on-screen prompts.
How do I submit the request identification documents?- The fastest way is to submit a scanned copy of your government-issued passport, National ID, or Driver’s License to the ‘Send ID’ icon that you will come across upon clicking on the ‘My Account’ tab. Players have the option of emailing the requested documentation to [email protected]. However, if you select this method, it is vital to make sure that you include your mobile number (the one you used to register) in the email for easy identification of your account.
Closing Remarks
All in all, courtesy of the In Touch Games, Mr Spin exudes a plethora of essential features for punters, ranging from unique games and remarkable bonuses to an excellent team of customer care agents. Hence, this makes the user experience quite fulfilling.
1. Avoid eye contact. My Dude: there is nothing more outwardly aggressive than treating a woman like she’s your equal. It’s an archaic practice—a slowly fading remnant of the patriarchy—an insult to her status as an object of your affection. If you must sneak a glance at her visage, do it quickly, and then return to shredding up cocktail napkins as you mutter incoherently.
2. Agree with every statement she makes. If she tells you that her shoes are killing her, tell her they’re killing you, too. If she tells you that they cost a fortune, tell her they were worth every penny. There is no shame in contradicting yourself. Actually, there is. See what I did there?
3. Apologize. Apologize. Apologize. Take responsibility for everything that has ever gone wrong in her life. If she bitches about the traffic, tell her “totes my bad.” If she says the salmon is delicious, say “I’m sorry I didn’t recommend it more highly.” If she tells you to stop apologizing so much, don’t fall for her trap, this is a test of your resolve. Push your bottom lip out as far as it will go and start whining like a puppy. In fact, this is a perfect opportunity to show off your baby-talk skills. In a whimpering moan, tell her: “aww, I’m sawwee.” Now go ahead and rehearse that a few times. There you go! Now you’re getting it!
4. Remember: backbone = turnoff. Whatever you do on this date, Homie, do it curled up in the fetal position. Pro-tip: pop a thumb in your mouth and give it a hickey. Chances are good that she won’t be able to resist cradling you in her arms—these are her primal instincts—it’s the same reason she refers to herself as ‘Mommy’ when she’s talking to her dog. As you nuzzle into her, listen closely: if you hear her humming and wishing you a sleepy-go-night-night, you can start patting yourself on the back—she’s DTF, bro—guaranteed.
5. Liken her to all the strong women in your life. Nothing gets the juices flowing like hearing some heart-warming anecdotes about your lesbian Aunt Trixie and her wild sense of abandon. Mega bonus: if the little lady has slathered herself with perfume, close your eyes, lift your nose and sniff. Then, unblinkingly and in your most delicate whisper, tell her it reminds you of that time you helped your Gram-Gram make her ‘extra-special’ pot-pourri.
6. Profess an affinity for self-proclaimed ‘sluts.’ My Man: no modern woman wants to feel like you’re sizing her up for a long-lasting and meaningful relationship. That sort of thing went out the window along with chastity-belts and witch-dunking, Your Piousness. Assure this little filly that you intend to ghost as quickly as possible. Think about it: the last thing she needs in her life is some asshole junking-up her Netflix algorithm.
7. Present her with a gift. Chocolate, flowers, jewellery—all fine and dandy (if you’re a chauvinist). If you really want to showcase your unrivalled sensitivity, have your ‘manhood’ prepared ahead of time by a professional taxidermist and wrap it all up in a fancy, red ribbon. She’ll appreciate the pluck. Pun intended.
Brussels is threatening the UK with relentless post-Brexit chaos unless the Prime Minister abandons his plan to slash taxes and increase business whilst reducing the ridiculous amount of red tape the EU puts on everything. The Singapore-on-Thames plan would bring vast riches to Britain but make the EU look bad.
Unelected European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen THREATENED Boris directly: “You vill follow our orders Englander! You see mein Pickelhaube, vell it has ein very sharpen point!”
She added: “Ve do not want you Britisher Schweinhunds to be successful outside ze EU. Zis is prohibited because other imprisoned EU nations may see your success and follow you out.
“Unless you stoppen zie your Singapore on the Thames plannen, ve vill continue to disrupt your food shipments. No more hummus or German schnitzel for you English just einen das Backpfeifengesicht across your Englander faces!”
“Over here in Greater Germany, oops I mean ze EU, ve haff a lot of Erbenzählers, so we see everything you do meticulously. Jah? Ze Trade unt Co-operation Agreement vill haff to be looked at again, where iss mein monocle?” von der Leyen continued.
