EU Orders Britain to Scrap ‘Singapore on Thames’ Plan

BRUSSELS - Belgium - The EU has issued a stern ultimatum to Boris Johnson threatening the Prime Minister with continuous post-Brexit border chaos unless he drops his plans to transform the UK into the "Singapore on Thames"

Brussels is threatening the UK with relentless post-Brexit chaos unless the Prime Minister abandons his plan to slash taxes and increase business whilst reducing the ridiculous amount of red tape the EU puts on everything. The Singapore-on-Thames plan would bring vast riches to Britain but make the EU look bad.

Unelected European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen THREATENED Boris directly: “You vill follow our orders Englander! You see mein Pickelhaube, vell it has ein very sharpen point!”

She added: “Ve do not want you Britisher Schweinhunds to be successful outside ze EU. Zis is prohibited because other imprisoned EU nations may see your success and follow you out.

“Unless you stoppen zie your Singapore on the Thames plannen, ve vill continue to disrupt your food shipments. No more hummus or German schnitzel for you English just einen das Backpfeifengesicht across your Englander faces!”

“Over here in Greater Germany, oops I mean ze EU, ve haff a lot of Erbenzählers, so we see everything you do meticulously. Jah? Ze Trade unt Co-operation Agreement vill haff to be looked at again, where iss mein monocle?” von der Leyen continued.