17.7 C
London
Friday, January 30, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 203

5 Tips to Avoid the Horrendous Holiday Season Travel Chaos

Judas Finch
-
0
5 Tips to Avoid the Horrendous Holiday Season Travel Chaos

Spending eight hours waiting for your flight amongst thousands of angry, rowdy and smelly travellers? The check-in queue extends for miles, with fights breaking out and young children screaming constantly. Once you are finally on the plane, the captain comes on the tannoy and says there will be another eight-hour wait because a screw fell off the hydraulic capacitor. The insanity of modern-day travel chaos makes you wish you had never ventured out your door this morning. There are five-hour waits for your hired car. No one has any information as you are told your flight has now been cancelled after waiting for another nine hours in hope…etc…

You can avoid the utter nightmare of travel chaos and aggravation with only a few tips that will ensure you and your family have an amazing care free holiday.

1. Hire or own a private jet. This way, you will never have to travel with the unclean masses ever again. To do this, you will need to at least have a minimum of a few million or a billion in your bank account and be making millions/billions of pounds per annum. You will be able to fly to the most exclusive holiday spots in the world and enjoy first class service all the way. You will never be stuck in an airport or even have to speak to another bothered holidaymaker ever again.

2. Do not go on holiday abroad and save not only your money but your sanity as well as your dignity. Being stuck in a rain-soaked Welsh field in a tent listening to the torrential rain coming down whilst chomping down on some awful ready-made meal is far more preferable to any extended airport mayhem.

3. Do not go on holiday at all. This is possibly the best advice to give anyone who is thinking of travelling at the same time as all the other rats who want to go on holiday. Why would you do this to yourself in the first place, make your children suffer the indignity of waiting for days on end in some overcrowded soulless airport and treated like absolute shit by the overworked understaffed airport staff? Do not go on holiday.

4. Yes, go on holiday, but wait for the time when everyone is back at work and school. This way you will obviously avoid the needless exercise of being part of the dirty masses. Just pull a massive sicky at work, say you have Covid and Monkeypox at the same time or something like that.

5. Earn shitloads of money, so much so that you will never have to work again and basically move to a beach somewhere in the world on permanent holiday. If you can manage this feat before the age of 30 at least you can enjoy some healthy days of fun.

6. (BONUS) Become unemployed. No hard work is involved with this one, and you don’t have to ever work for the rest of your life. If that is not a holiday, what is?

“The Big Guy” Ordered Police to Stand Down During Uvalde School Shooting

Judas Finch
-
0
“The Big Guy” Ordered Police to Stand Down During Uvalde School Shooting

The Democrats positively salivate at the mere thought of a school shooting simply because it gives them carte blanche to parrot their anti-gun anti-second amendment mantras to the compliant leftist press. Who told the police to twiddle their thumbs outside while little defenceless children were being shot to pieces by some mentally disturbed incel teenager? The orders to stand down must have come from a high place superseding the local police chief. Known only as “the Big Guy” it is rumoured this person now resides in the White House.

Cui bono?

“These were orders directly from the Big Guy’s administration and the Big Guy himself. As the gun shots continued for over 15 minutes the police stood outside the school watching,” a speculator revealed. Imagine the horror, the helplessness of those parents as they heard their children screaming and yelling amongst those brutal gunshots, and all the while the police stood around smiling.

Naturally, the assembled parents at the scene saw the police doing nothing and when they tried to do something the police assaulted the parents. The tasering of the parents was proof in itself that police orders were to stand down in order to let the carnage continue.

Additional reasons for the stand down order given by the White House by the imposter Big Guy was that the school was made up of predominantly Mexican children, and for Joe Biden these are seen as mere collateral damage for the “greater good” of introducing gun control. Biden detests the Hispanics because many voted for Trump during the last election.

As the question of gun control is now a primary subject matter in the media, the Democrats cannot wait for the next mass shooting to take place so as to further solidify their anti-gun agenda.

The displays of faux outrage by Democrat politicians as they politicised the latest shooting were also another indicator that school shootings in America are not only great political tools in disarming all Americans but a pathway to dismantling the 2nd amendment right to bear arms once and for all.

“We need more school shootings simply because Americans need to feel vulnerable and constantly fearful. Nowhere should be safe. Only then will the people beg us to disarm them for their own safety,” another Democrat senator said on Monday.

The Benefits Of Playing Online Casino Games

Judas Finch
-
0
The Benefits Of Playing Online Casino Games

There are many people who are discovering the joys of playing casino games online, and there are many benefits to doing so.

One of the best benefits of playing online casino games at a new online casino is that you can find games to suit any budget. Whether you want to play for free or for real money, there are many options available. You can also find games with different stakes, so you can always find something to suit your budget.

But, you should also know that not all the benefits are financial. Today we are going to discuss other benefits of playing online casino games.

You Can From The Comfort Of Your Home

It is safe to say that the most obvious benefit of playing casino games online is that you can do so from the comfort of your own home. You don’t have to dress up or travel anywhere, and you can play for as long or as short a time as you like.

That is perfect if you do not want to socialize, but you want to play casino games.

Social Benefits of Playing Online Casino Games

If, however, you want to socialize, you should know that there are many social benefits of playing online casino games. For one, it can help you make new friends. Playing online casino games can be a great way to meet new people from all over the world. You can also use it as an opportunity to socialize with people you already know.

Another social benefit of playing online casino games is that it can help you relieve stress. If you’re feeling stressed out, playing a game can help you take your mind off of your worries and relax. It can also be a great way to bond with friends or family members who also enjoy playing casino games.

The Problem-Solving Benefits Of Playing Online Casino Games

There are many benefits to playing online casino games, including the fact that they can help you sharpen your problem-solving skills. Casino games often require quick thinking and good decision-making, both of which are important skills to have in life. Playing casino games can also better your memory. That can also be pretty important in life.

Playing online casino games is a wonderful hobby. But, if you want to have a good experience, make sure to only play at secure sites.

How to Get the Most from New Betting Sites

Judas Finch
-
0
How to Get the Most from New Betting Sites

If you’re like many punters, you might be a little bit stuck in your ways and reliant on the same betting site that you’ve been using for years. While it’s sometimes nice to stick to what you know and are comfortable with, it can also get a little tedious. And given there are over one hundred betting sites for UK punters to choose from, you don’t need to limit yourself to just one or two of your favourite sites. Should you decide to take the plunge and sign up for a new betting site, here are some tips on how to get the most out of a new site so you don’t waste the opportunity.

Find a site with the best offers

horses-g04121743f_1280With so many new betting sites competing for your business, you should spend some time and discover the sites that boast the best value offers and ongoing promotions. While you can do this by reading reviews on Google and Trust Pilot, you can also utilise betting comparison sites like Betfree Ireland that do a lot of the hard work for you. You can easily find the best value offers from new betting sites after a simple Google search, which is an important step, so you know what to expect from your new site.

Read the welcome bonus carefully

It’s a given that most new betting sites offer some type of welcome bonus to encourage new customers to use their platform. Because these welcome bonuses vary significantly from site to site, it’s so important that you read the offer carefully, as well as the detailed terms and conditions. Qualifying bets normally have to be placed on specific markets and at minimum odds, so you don’t want to miss out on your free bets by failing to read the small print!

Understand the payment terms and options

It seems so long ago that cash was king in the world of betting! Nowadays, the newest and best betting sites offer punters a huge variety of payment terms and options, making it easier than ever to deposit and withdraw money. While every site accepts debit cards, you should research sites like Topbettingsites that are compatible with payment wallets and other innovative payment methods to give you the best possible variety when it comes to accessing your winnings. You should also read the site’s payment terms, as you don’t want to wait for weeks for them to process a simple withdrawal.

Check the site’s features

In the modern-day, it’s not enough for a betting site to simply offer customers the chance to place bets. Punters want to access sites with exciting features like in-play and cash-out options, as well as sports that can be watched via live streams. For online casinos and slots, players want variety and a broad selection, so betting sites that provide a huge collection of themed and classic slots, as well as traditional table games and live casino options, will likely attract more punters than those that don’t. When deciding on which site to sign up for, make sure they have all the key aspects you would hope to see on a modern betting site.

Download the mobile app

Although lots of punters are content with accessing their betting account via their laptop or PC, downloading a site’s mobile app allows you to gamble and play anywhere you are, providing you have access to the Internet. You will find that most purpose-built gambling apps have excellent graphics, are incredibly user-friendly and intuitive, and provide an exceptional gambling experience that is even better than using your PC or laptop. Another thing to consider is that punters who download the app of a particular site are often afforded special offers and bonuses, so it’s a good idea to utilise a betting app, so you don’t miss out on notifications.

Although you might have initial reservations about signing up for a new betting site, your fears will be quickly allayed as you get to know your new surroundings and begin extracting great value from the site. To be honest, you can never have too many betting accounts, as it’s an excellent way of keeping in touch with the latest offers and promotions and enables you to compare and contrast odds before placing your bets.

5 A Day: EU Vegetables and Fruit Full of Cancer Causing Chemicals

Judas Finch
-
0
5 A Day: EU Vegetables and Fruit Full of Cancer Causing Chemicals

Have you had your 5 A Day portions of dangerous cancer causing EU vegetables and fruit?

The Pesticide Action Network (PAN-Europe) has revealed most of the fruit and vegetables from the EU analysed had traces of chemicals used in the most toxic types of pesticides, linked to cancers, cardiovascular problems and diabetes. They can also be highly toxic to the environment, poisoning rivers and other precious ecosystems.

The analysis, based on almost 100,000 samples, highlights a 53 percent increase in contamination by the most hazardous pesticides found in fruit over the period 2011-2019. PAN Europe’s report shows an 8% increase in the proportion of contaminated fruits and vegetables, compared to 2015-2017.

It seems the European Union’s stringent rules and diktats on other countries’ exports do not extend to the EU’s exports of fruits and vegetables, and for the sake of massive profits they are exporting deadly chemically cancer causing produce to Britain and other parts of the world.

So much for the supposed EU standards in food production, as the evidence plainly shows that there is complicity in the production of such deadly, toxic fruit and vegetables.

“I just had my 5-a-day and now have terminal cancer. Thank you, EU,” a gracious Remoaner added before dying a painful death in hospital.

Read the full report here

Why Loveable Cad Boris Johnson’s Job is Safe

Judas Finch
-
0
Why Loveable Cad Boris Johnson’s Job is Safe

Trying to catch out Boris Johnson is akin to trying to juggle with live squid as the Labourites, quislings and Remoaners have realised. Much to the consternation of the assorted menacing beasts of Westminster, Boris just keeps ticking away despite the numerous barriers and shouts of condemnation against him.

So, why is Boris’s job as safe as houses?

Well, this is quite an easy question to answer. No one in their right mind would dream of taking over the bloody mess the country is in at the moment. The Americans in the military very succinctly call this a “clusterfuck” and certainly the problems in Britain, especially in the economy, are increasing daily. No politician in their right mind, on the Tory right or the Labour left would put their career to such a test, simply because it does not matter what you do in this mess, it will all end in tears.

Somehow, of course Boris deals with the numerous problems with relative ease, and is probably exactly the right chap to be in charge at the moment. Boris doesn’t give a fuck, and that is exactly the attitude needed to not end up a gibbering wreck as the other politicians would invariably end up as.

From surviving the snivelling wretched vengeful plots of former SPAD Cummings, treacherous interrogations by Beth Rigby and the ‘Partygate’ pathetic pettifogging manhunt as well as irrelevancies like ‘wallpapergate’, Boris is a consistent survivor. One could imagine him on a desert island surviving quite well, possibly increasing the population if he found a few native women, or goats.

The key to all of the constant attacks of course has to be Brexit, as plot after plot by the Remoaners come daily, and are aptly quashed daily. It seems the Remoaners just do not get it, much like cult members who cannot be deprogrammed, their only salvation is a dumdum bullet in the cranium.

The EU is itching for Boris to be ousted, and they are using their well-payed (backhanders) agents in Westminster to hatch plots on a constant basis to topple the PM. What these useful idiots are not thinking about though is — who the hell will take over after Boris has gone? They can try to install one of their Remoaner stooges but invariably they will be rumbled sooner or later, plus they will simply not be able to cope with the mega problems at hand.

In this time, in this hour of need, it is only Boris who can lead Britain through the mire. Sure, Boris has made some serious capitulations and Brexit fuckups, but what is the alternative? If a Tory Remoaner or god forbid Labour politician ever gets into power, Brexit will be seriously compromised.

For now though, Boris is safe.

 

 

What Brexit? Immigration Rising at Record Rate

Judas Finch
-
0
What Brexit? Immigration Rising at Record Rate

The latest figures we have year-on-year show that work visas issued were up to 240,000, family reunions, 280,000, student visas 430,000.

Whilst there is some leakage with illegal immigration across the Channel, underneath the radar, the government has an open door policy for legal immigration. The majority of migrants are coming from India, simply because the government has made a deal to sweeten up trade deals with Narendra Modi, the Indian PM.

What the UK is essentially doing is supplanting mass immigration from the EU with that of the Third and Developing world.

Visa and immigration advisers are preparing for a massive influx of inquiries ahead of a deal, which could be in place as soon as November.

Boris Johnson met Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi to discuss a deal last week. Any concessions agreed on immigration will give the UK ‘a golden opportunity’ to patch up its labour shortage and enter a new era of immigration, post-Brexit, according to experts. SOURCE

There are plenty of unemployed British workers to fill jobs, but the Johnson government are still opening the doors to massive immigration from Asia.

Brexit Britain is effectively going backwards, not forwards regarding immigration, which was one of the key triggers for many Brexiteers voting during the EU Referendum. This Brexit betrayal is much more important than the silly fish wars, the EU punishments or the NI imbroglio.

We might as well have not had a Brexit, because this already overcrowded little island is about to get a lot more overcrowded. Dumping millions of immigrants onto already overloaded cities and towns like rats in a barrel will mean less resources for Brits, as the NHS is already heaving under a mass of people, and all social and benefit services are already seriously oversubscribed.

Britain is still under ECJ law; is increasing massive levels of immigration and is barely a sovereign nation still subject to EU diktats. This is not the Brexit people voted for on June 23, 2016.

War: Why You Need to Thank the Globalists for Building Up the Chinese Military

Judas Finch
-
0
War: Why You Need to Thank the Globalists for Building Up the Chinese Military

Globalism can be great if the entire globe is democratic, but if some parts of the trade structure are made up of brutal totalitarian communist governments, then all you are doing is building up their military infrastructure. This is why the globalists are complicit in creating wars of the future.

Through sheer greed, cheap labour and resources, globalists used China to make vast profits for Western companies and build up China’s wealth knowing full well that China’s overall CCP plan is to eradicate the West militarily and economically.

Therefore, every cheap item you have bought either from a Walmart supermarket, or from companies like Amazon, or IKEA in the last thirty or forty years, that money has been used by the People’s Liberation Army to strengthen China’s overall military capabilities to attack the West.

The controlling globalist leaders of Western nations knew this would happen all along and when it comes to responsibility for the current situation where China is now converting their economy from a peaceful trading stance to a wartime closed off stance, they are completely complicit.

What can we expect when China moves on Western interests and declares war? First to go, of course will be Taiwan. We can also safely theorise that Australia, Japan and much of South-East Asian countries like Singapore, Indonesia, Malaysia, the Philippines and Thailand will fall.

The CCP has thousands of embedded operatives in the United States whose function is of destabilisation of the infrastructure. Furthermore, much of the American left wing political apparatus like the Democrat party, Big tech, ANTIFA, BLM, Hollywood has been aligned with China for decades and stuffed with CCP funding. Their role was in fracturing and destabilising American society from the inside. When you polarise a nation as efficiently as China has done to the USA, loyalties shift amongst the population. Many American left-wing people now identify more with communist China than their own country. This state of affairs plays into the long game the Chinese communists have been exercising all along.

Many wars are won in preparation, which is a fundamental principle the CCP and PLA have adhered to with clinical aptitude. There is a reason China has been stockpiling over 60% of the globe’s wheat, grain and corn for the past two years. Once military operations commence on Taiwan, they know what the Western reaction will be. Whilst China has been slowly repatriating their assets from Western nations, many Western assets in China will be seized once war commences. The CCP will seize all company assets, factories, property costing the West billions. Needless to say, all trade with the West will be halted costing it trillions of dollars in lost revenue. The CCP having fulfilled its plan to upgrade and modernise China’s vast military force will not need the West’s money anymore, when the prize is vast territorial conquest who needs the West’s business? China used to be the cheap factory of the world, but now it will be the war machine of the world.

With a weak, pathetic and corrupt administration in the U.S. China and Russia are both capitalising on a deficit in global power from the United States.

‘Compassionate’ Meghan Markle Ignores Her Dying Father in Hospital

Judas Finch
-
0
‘Compassionate’ Meghan Markle Ignores Her Dying Father in Hospital

One would think, if you constantly virtue signal to the press and public about your ‘compassionate’ nature, that you would at least show some of that same fake compassion to your own father in hospital suffering after a stroke.

Naturally, the real emotion of compassion does not apply to Meghan Markle and the staunch shunning of her own father, Thomas Markle is the shameful result.

Psychologist Johann Brandt reveals an analysis of Meghan Markle’s ‘compassion’: “It is immediately evident that Meghan Markle is not a compassionate person, but is instead a person who pretends to be compassionate to increase her narcissistic standing. Psychopathy comes in many forms, and Meghan is an analytical hard-edged celebrity fame machine who deliberately married a royal purely to increase her celebrity status and power. Psychopath’s cannot feel real feelings like other humans, they can only mimic emotion. As Meghan mimics her fake love for Harry, who she is using, she also is attempting to copy Princess Diana and her charitable endeavours during her life. Meghan used her father to get ahead in show business and once she used him up and reached her pinnacle with Prince Harry she dumped her own father. This is another psychopathic trait, where people are used and believe they are being loved by the psychopath, but when the psychopath has used up all of the mark’s resources they move on to the next mark without even a whisper. There is no feeling and remorse and after countless people are used up by this narcissistic schizoid psychopath she moves from one person to the next seamlessly. She dares not revisit her dying father in hospital because of one single reason, she cannot feel real compassion and this problem would reveal her real character: a cold, heartless, narcissistic, power mad psychopath.”

Meghan Markle’s father is currently in a hospital, only two and a half hours drive from Meghan’s Montecito mansion. In Meghan’s dark callous mind, the hospital is a million miles away, or simply does not exist.

The treatment of her own father is definite proof that Meghan Markle does not feel compassion for him or any other global cause she claims to champion.

DAVOS: Increase in Mass Migration, Inflation Riots, Famine, Disease and War

Judas Finch
-
0
DAVOS: Increase in Mass Migration, Inflation Riots, Famine, Disease and War

The future’s so bright I gotta wear shades, or the future’s so shit I gotta wear a crash helmet. Things were turning bad even before the Ukraine crisis, where the augurs were not pleasant in any way. We are now reaching a point that will see the worst humanitarian crisis since World War II.

mass migration eu greeceTake the morsels of food from the hungry to feed the starving, the overpopulated Third World and Developing nations will see many people fleeing in their millions thinking things are better in the West. It is only a short journey from North Africa into Spain or Italy, or Mexico to the United States. When people are desperate, they will do anything to feed their families, and if that means enduring a short crossing to the food haven of Europe, they will come in their millions.

Global food prices have far surpassed those of the Arab Spring riots in 2011, and as Sri Lanka sinks into the mire of mass civil unrest, so too will Pakistan, Indonesia, Peru, Egypt, Congo and others.

It is only a matter of time, in six months from now when the tipping point occurs in many countries struggling with feeding their population already.

Europe will see another caravan of refugees pleading to be fed crossing their porous borders. What is the EU going to do, turn them away? If the EU caves and admits the millions of migrants, then the EU will eventually collapse itself.

There is a reason that China has been stockpiling 60% of the globe’s food resources for the past few years. The Chinese knew what was planned all along. The CCP also know that Western sanctions will not affect them when they give the Taiwan invasion a green light.

world food prices

If you have not prepped for the future, you are not only irresponsible, but do not care for your own family, your children, your babies. The time for prepping has passed because now not only are there huge inflationary pressures on commodity prices but serious supply problems regarding certain perishable foods. Every family should have at least two or three years worth of food because society and the marketplace will eventually deteriorate to a point of no return.

We are seeing stock markets falling daily across the globe right now, with the NASDAQ and S&P leading the way down. All those Big Tech dictatorial totalitarian miniature Hitlers will see their stock value fall back into the sewer of inequity. There will be no multi-million dollar retirements anymore for these tech Marxists as they see their net worth go to zero. Can you eat Facebook shares worth a few pennies? Will those Alphabet shares at 12 cents buy a Porsche?

1...202203204...805Page 203 of 805
squib footer 270

Breaking News

Copyright © Daily Squib 2026.

The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.