17.7 C
London
Saturday, January 31, 2026
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 190

No Difference Between Salman Rushdie Knife Attacker and Woke Cancel Culture Censorship

Colonel Kurtz
-
0
No Difference Between Salman Rushdie Knife Attacker and Woke Cancel Culture Censorship

The appalling violent attack on writer Salman Rushdie in New York state yesterday is a message to all writers of literature in all its forms and is a testament to the immense importance of free speech in the West.

The knife man who stabbed Salman Rushdie tried to silence him forever. The woke censors of Silicon Valley with their monopolies are doing the same to many voices on their platforms — silencing us forever.

Whether you are a coward censor on Twitter hiding behind your little keyboard or some other woke global monopoly company or a knife man or a gunman, you are overtly acting as a censor with NO RIGHT to silence words that you either cannot comprehend or they offended some obscure strand of society.

All literature, all words and all art has a right to be heard. Even if you disagree with our stance here on the right to free speech and write an article about it, we would defend your right to voice your opposing opinion with our lives.

The Daily Squib has been permanently Shadow Banned on Twitter. You can only find us directly @DAILYSQUIB

 

Socialism is Not One Step Away From Communism

Colonel Kurtz
-
0
Socialism is Not One Step Away From Communism

Socialism is actually two steps away from communism, and not one step away as previously thought, political analysts have revealed.

“For the complete demoralisation of a nation to take place, all education and institutions must first be infiltrated by socialists. Once they infiltrate these organisations, they will alter policy from the inside, and lay the foundations for further political development towards the final goal of communism.

“Socialism is an elementary starting point to indoctrinate the masses over generations, and includes the concept of soviet Political Correctness, which over the decades has morphed into what is called Wokism today. By utilising the cover of benevolence and inclusivity, the virtue signalling socialists inculcate a methodology of totalitarian power and control. These self-proclaimed arbiters of all morality are thus lauded as the high priests of all discourse. All opposition is thus labelled in black and white terms. If anyone dares to oppose the woke media machinery, or Democrat party they are labelled as racist, sexist, homophobic, trans phobic or peddlers of ‘hate speech’. Without any discussion, the opposition is thus cancelled.

The term political correctness first appeared in Marxist-Leninist vocabulary following the Russian Revolution of 1917.  SOURCE

“From this intermediate transitional stage, socialism eventually moves towards complete communism. Democracy will thus be eradicated completely — how can it function in an environment when all opposition is cancelled or silenced? The American socialist party, the Democrats, utilising their Big Tech creations, completely cancelled and removed all opposition on the internet and main stream media during the 2020 elections. By silencing all of the opposition, and any dissenting voice, or questioner, the socialists and their monopoly companies that dictate everything to billions of people globally were able to skew the US elections in 2020 with their technique of cancelling the opposition’s voice. That is not democracy, but totalitarianism.

“Seeing as socialists in America have predominant control over all media in the US, they are thus able to stay in power indefinitely. This will be the next stage where the socialists will eradicate the need for elections. Why bother having elections when there is only one party that has a voice? From there, full communism, and the ultimate goal of the socialists in America will be realised.”

BBC Mourns Loss of EU Directive Forcing Us to Eat Insects

Colonel Kurtz
-
0
BBC Mourns Loss of EU Directive Forcing Us to Eat Insects

Damn it, how are we going to live with ourselves now, apparently Brexit has ruined our chances of eating insects for the rest of our sorry lives. According to the BBC, the menu item of bugs is a huge loss for the planet.

The EU planned to force Britons to eat insects while members of the EU Commission and EU parliament would dine on filet mignon is something to be truly mourned.

“Because of Brexit, I will not have thousands of insects, some of them still alive, forced down my fucking throat for the rest of my pitiful life. God, I hate Brexit!” one man who read the horrendous news quipped.

eu insect food directive

EU INSECT DIRECTIVE APPROVAL

One guy who enjoys eating insects in the EU parliament was licking his lips that because of Brexit Brits will now not be forced to eat cockroaches.

Guy Verhofstadt told Euronews on Monday: “To crunch on the hard shell of an insect until the guts ooze out is a most enjoyable dining experience for me. I particularly love the feeling of the insects still moving when I swallow them. Joyous! Praise the EU! If the stinking Brits and their Brexit don’t want to eat insects. More for me! Yummy!”

Doubleplus Woke Announcement: Chocorat Increase by 25 grams

Colonel Kurtz
-
2
Doubleplus Woke Announcement: Chocorat Increase by 25 grams

Woke comrades, commissars, Bolsheviks, workers and proles.

Increase in Chocorat Woke Directive 37634-c was announced today via Big Brother in Silicon Valley.

The Great Reset Initiative in conjunction with the Inner Party will increase the chocorat to 25 grams this week.

Unpersons will not be permitted the chocorat increase but instead will be vaporised after submitting to a session of two-minute hate on the monopoly Social Thinkpol Network.

Due to the significance of the chocorat announcement, anyone seen committing thoughtcrime by the Thinkpol will be vapourised.

Hail Woke Brother.

FBI to Change Name to ‘Democrat Bureau of Investigations’

Colonel Kurtz
-
0
FBI to Change Name to ‘Democrat Bureau of Investigations’

The official name of the FBI is to change to Democrat Bureau of Investigations (DBI) the White House announced today as they set their agency on Trump once again. Along with their politically motivated unjustified attack on Roger Stone now The Don himself has been targeted.

Speaking away from Mar-a-Lago where DBI officers were ransacking his home, Trump was indignant: “Rosario, one of our maids told me that these DBI officers were queuing up outside Melania’s bedroom to sniff her panties. Some were even taking souvenirs to sell on eBay and Facebook marketplace. They broke into my safe, and looked through my shit.”

Joe Biden, who set the corrupted biased partisan agency on Trump said, “Today I appointed the Democrat Bureau of Investigations onto Trump again. Hillary, was of course spared of any investigation now or at any time in the future. Now, ‘scuse me, my colostomy bag just burst on to the carpet…nurse!”

Meanwhile, Trump supporters across the USA were naturally outraged at the treatment of their leader.

“Hyuck! Jesus, better come back soon to sort this shit out. We waitin’!” Daryl Gomer, 34, from Arkansas told Fox News.

Beyond Satire Episode IX

Colonel Kurtz
-
0
Beyond Satire Episode IX

Dear Squibbers, wherever you are, even if you’re on your hols. We have another assortment of Beyond Satire articles dug up from the depths of the internet(s) for you. Sit back on your lounge chair, pour another Sloe gin and read up.


finial1

Top scientist admits ‘space telescope image’ was actually a slice of chorizo

A French scientist has apologized after tweeting a photo of a slice of chorizo, claiming it was an image of a distant star taken by the James Webb Space Telescope.

Kudos to Étienne Klein, a celebrated physicist and director at France’s Alternative Energies and Atomic Energy Commission, who shared the image of the spicy Spanish sausage on Twitter last week, praising the “level of detail” it provided.

“Picture of Proxima Centauri, the nearest star to the Sun, located 4.2 light years away from us. It was taken by the James Webb Space Telescope. This level of detail… A new world is unveiled every day,” he told his more than 91,000 followers on Sunday.

Thousands of Twitterers in all their glory replied to the physicist’s post, praising the amazing imagery and discovery. When he revealed the image was in fact a slice of chorizo sausage, the usual outrage was displayed at being fooled so easily.

Just goes to show how easily the masses can and are daily fooled by authority or the authorities.

finial2

Father, 32, is jailed for 19 years for defending his property

On a more serious note, via the Daily Mail, this story reflects the disparity between the UK and US regarding the right to defend your property, self, and family.

In the UK you get 19 years in a prison for dispatching an invader who could have been armed and dangerous, whereas in the US, the police and courts would be on the side of the victim.

Obviously, an Englishman’s castle is not fit for purpose anymore.

Just let them all into your home to take what they want and do as they please and ask no questions. Defend yourself? Go to prison.

finial

Twitter allows hardcore pornography, paedophiles, terrorists to post without any warnings yet restricts and labels our site as offensive

Along with freely allowing the Taliban, and members of Hamas to post whatever they want on Twitter. Hardcore pornography and posts from paedophiles are freely distributed across the social media site without warnings of their content. Children are daily exposed to images of hardcore sexual acts and terrorist media.

The Taliban has over 800k Twitter followers

Our site, however has been wrongly labelled, simply because we write Juvenalian satire. Twitter has removed us from search and when we post anything no one can see our posts. The literary genre of satire has been around for thousands of years and was once celebrated yet today in an upside down world, Juvenalian satire is punished by people who either do not understand it, or are simply malicious twisted soviet morons.

@DAILYSQUIB

To add insult to injury, now there are multiple copycat accounts on Twitter copying our name. Please be aware, @DAILYSQUIB is the only account on Twitter that is us.

Slick Sunak Redistributes Supplies From Grimsby Food Bank to Tunbridge Wells

Colonel Kurtz
-
0
Slick Sunak Redistributes Supplies From Grimsby Food Bank to Tunbridge Wells

In a shocking action that has confirmed how out of touch billionaire Rishi Sunak is, he ordered the redistribution of vital food supplies for poor people to be given to rich people who simply threw it all in the bin.

“On Wednesday, a massive van turned up at our food bank. We thought it was a food delivery, but Tory leadership hopeful Rishi Sunak turned up with a troop of thirty or so movers. They slapped a paper down then went into our store and ransacked the joint leaving only a packet of Ginger Nuts biscuits,” Reverend Shawn Gundam, told the Grimsby Express.

Meanwhile, down in Tunbridge Wells, where many wealthy people live, the food bank stores were delivered to multi-million pound homes.

Graham Jagger, 38, a stockbroker in the City, was shocked to have a load of food delivered straight to his doorstep at his £6.5 million property.

“There was a note from Rishi Sunak saying he delivered some levelling up. I looked in the basket of food and immediately threw it all in the bin. Not one piece of organic, gluten-free, macrobiotic sustainable food was present. I may be a stockbroker, but I have to have the right food.”

Naturally, upon hearing of this levelling up fiasco, the Labour Party’s sister magazine The New Statesman had a bloody field day, along with Tory leadership hopeful Liz Truss and her supporters.

Woke Directive 43725-a Demands Ban of All Humour by 2023

Colonel Kurtz
-
2
Woke Directive 43725-a Demands Ban of All Humour by 2023

The Office of Woke Censorship today announced that all forms of humour will be banned by the year 2023 on and off the internet.

Directive 43725-a stipulates that all forms of humour are harmful to Woke communist ideology and constitute a grave threat to the sensibilities of permanently triggered people.

“We will make sure that humour whether jolly, dark or mischievous is banned across the entire globe. Aligned with the destruction of Western Democracy and the death of freedom of speech, the directive instates a ban on all forms of humour — especially satire, and parody.

“Any entity, whether a registered business, individual or group caught trying to be funny, or creating silly satirical articles will be either Shadow Banned or Banned completely.

“Cancel-Culture Woke Directive 43889-b may also be implemented to ban the offending party of ever trying to be humorous ever again. 

“There is no restitution or remedy for the banned entity once the Directive has been actioned. 

“Invoking the series Game of Thrones as an example of some of the punishments that will be meted out on humorous offenders, they will be stripped naked and made to walk through crowds of brainwashed Woke people whilst a Woke Supreme Priest of Censorship will cry out the word “shame!” at the offender. 

“There will be no need for any form of woke censorship policing or humour ban in Germany, though, simply because no humour exists there. That is the only exception.

“Remember, any form of humour or satire is an offence because humour requires an element that may offend some obscure strand of the population at any time. Shocking people with humour is also an offence, almost as much as making people laugh.”

THIS HAS BEEN AN ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE WOKE CENSORSHIP CANCEL-CULTURE STASI HUMOUR DELETION TEAM. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO LAUGH, JOKE, OR ATTEMPT TO HAVE ANY FORM OF SENSE OF HUMOUR.

POLICED BY INTERNET MONOPOLIES AND SPECIALIST MEDIA OUTLETS ALONG WITH SELECT GROUPS OF OUTRAGED WOKE CITIZEN GATEKEEPERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

No DNA Evidence Biden Killed Defunct Terror Group Leader

Colonel Kurtz
-
0
No DNA Evidence Biden Killed Defunct Terror Group Leader

How’s that for a fitting end to the now defunct Al Qaeda story? The Joe Biden administration, after fucking up the exit of Afghanistan by leaving the Taliban over 100 billion dollars of high end US military equipment, takes it upon himself to blow some old man on a balcony to smithereens with some CIA rockets.

There is little or any evidence that the so-called target Al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri was still alive or was hit by two American Hellfire missiles delivered from a drone. If on the off chance the true target was vapourised, who cares? The old fucker was useless anyway, and Al Qaida is long gone since the American funding dried up, giving the organisation a great start in the early years.

One can tentatively imagine an old man in his eighties shuffling onto the balcony for his daily breath of fresh air and to listen to the birds chirping in the trees. He momentarily looks up to see a raven winking at him, then boom — nothing.

With the death of some inconsequential old man, naturally the Biden administration feel vindicated as they do victory laps around an empty stadium.

Congratulations on your Pyrrhic victory, Joe. No one apart from you gives a flying sideways fuck.

Brass Balls Pelosi or Taunting China For War Crazy?

Colonel Kurtz
-
0
Brass Balls Pelosi or Taunting China For War Crazy?

Nancy Pelosi, the madam of the Democrat party arrived at Taipei Airport in Taiwan much to the derision of the communist Chinese, but what does this really mean?

The Daily Squib prophesied in 2011 that America would bait the Chinese and Russians to war, and surely enough there has been provocation after provocation. Obama’s administration meddled with the Russian controlled president in Ukraine and eventually after being ousted, Putin had enough and invaded the East annexing part of the country. The West awakened the sleeping Russian bear, and now with shit going on in Taiwan and the South-East China Sea, the Chinese dragon has awakened.

War must come at some point simply because it is the natural cycle of progression. The Democrat socialist agenda has already ruined the US economy and the stockmarkets are faltering. Biden’s idiotic and wasteful stance on eco matters has also stunted growth, as well as his insane open door policy of letting in half of South America’s poorest people to become a social security burden on American taxpayers. When the economy has nowhere to go then going to war is always a surefire bet. The Democrats are both stupid enough and desperate enough to bait Russia and China. Retraction. Some of these Democrats are Neocons at heart, or should that be Neolibs?

It’s just about pushing those select buttons to trigger these sleeping totalitarian military nations into action. As the globe’s finite resources diminish and are forever lost it is only natural that the competing factions will fight wars so that they are the sole winners of the last of earth’s resources. With global population growth estimated to reach 10-12 billion at the current rate of breeding, this will also be a catalyst for war.

Fighting the commie Chinese though won’t be a walk in the park. The PLA is manned by robots — communist human automaton robots with serious programming of these shitbags. Brainwashing of these communist twerps starts at birth. They just go forward in battle like mindless programmed communist droids.

Pelosi probably does not know it herself but she is a dumb pawn in a much bigger game.

1...189190191...805Page 190 of 805
squib footer 270

Breaking News

Copyright © Daily Squib 2026.

The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.