sussex royal patented toilet brush

The Queen’s gone and done it now, Lizzie has banned Harry and Meghan from profiting off the ‘Sussex Royal’ brand, which has sort of left the Daily Squib office toilets out of bog brushes.

Our office manageress, who is not royal in the least, ordered online from the Harry and Meghan Sussex Royal website, some Sussex Royal toilet brushes (manufactured in China by slave labour). The idea was if you left a curler in the bowl and it refused to flush, one would break up the offending poo with the Harry and Meghan patented toilet brush, then scrape the remaining shit from the inside of the bowl not only allowing for a clean flush but also leaving a spick and span shine to the toilet.

Having back ordered the Sussex Royal toilet brushes, we were sincerely looking forward to using these things on our toilets as they get blocked up daily simply from the amount of traffic, but now will have to make do with a generic non-patented toilet brush. Sorry Harry and Meghan, but we will be pushing for a full refund.

One of our head writers, who writes most of his material on the bog was livid.

“I can’t bring myself to unblock a massive turd in the bowl then clean the marks from inside the bowl unless it has the Sussex Royal trademark on the toilet brush with a picture of Harry and Meghan beaming at me whilst big chunks of brown stuff get lodged in the brush’s bristles.”