US Election Results Leaked Early

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Despite election results being leaked by the automated voting software owners, Diebold, the respective candidates, John McCain and Barack Obama have agreed to carry on pretending to campaign in the last few hours before the voting booths open.

Diebold’s all important logo has never been more important than now : “It’s not the people who vote that count. It’s the people who count the votes.”

Diebold, the company which controls and creates the voting software that won elections for George W Bush not once, but twice has done it again.

“We were in the Utah town of Boneta, Duchesne county, when the head of the polling station came across a glitch that revealed what many have suspected for awhile. The elections are a sham and ‘democracy’ is simply a system to keep the masses from revolting every four years. The winner of the 2008 election was revealed to us before we even let the first person into the polling station to vote. It’s right there on the screen,” Alan Waskowich, an independent observer told CNN.

In the state of Montana there have already been three instances of computer glitches that have revealed the winner of the 2008 election. One such town called Philipsburg has even gone as far as calling a town meeting to discuss the ramifications of knowing who won the election even before the first vote was cast.

Last month, Princeton University’s Centre for Information Technology found that touch-screen machines could easily be manipulated. Andrew Celantro, a professor, said the touch-screen machines used in 18 of New Jersey’s 21 counties could be hacked into in seven minutes. He added that someone could replace a machine’s memory chip with one containing a fraudulent computer program capable of changing the results.

Representatives of Diebold and Sequoia Voting Systems were not available for immediate comment however they released a brief statement.

“We are now all living in a digital age and it is thus much easier to manipulate the masses because of our technique and special control systems. We would therefore simply implant the belief into your sheep like brains that you voted for the right candidate and that you actually count within this system and are not simply viewed as a grazing consumer tax producing statistical plebe. Please carry on consuming cheap trinkets from China, and playing on your gadgets, please continue to be entertained by large screens in your homes, please continue your herd mentality and discard any delusions of individualistic behaviour.”

The winners of the election, John McCain and Sarah Palin have vowed to carry on campaigning as well as the losers, Barack Obama and his team.

Even though the election results were leaked yesterday, campaigners are still carrying on with the pretence of campaigning before the main national voting will commence on the 4th of November.