“It’s because the British people have been conditioned very well to accept every indignity and horror without question. The form of mass hypnotism employed on the UK population ensures that they will never voice their displeasure at being fisted by Rip-Off-Britain prices foisted on them daily, or the Draconian laws prescribed upon their limited freedoms. You can tax a British person until they have to fork over 80% of their salary to the state, and they will nonchalantly recline and switch on the telly to watch Deal or No Deal. You can let in half of the population of Eastern Europe, Asia and Africa to take away much of the already limited resources, and only a few people voice their displeasure. Of course, this is a well trained form of apathy which we have implanted into their psyche. The mass brainwashing is complete, as the evidence of no uprisings in hundreds of years since 1642 has suggested,” Albert Rupert Speer, a government spin doctor working for David Cameron’s office told the Daily Telegraph on Saturday.

While many countries in the Middle East are in political and social turmoil and the people are fighting back against the oppressive machinery of slavery, here in Britain, no one is even batting an eyelid let alone striking up a protest at the various indignities meted out on the people on a daily basis.

“In the UK now we’re paying £6 ($9) per gallon of petrol. The cost of a small loaf of bread in some supermarkets is now £4.50. Go to any supermarket in the UK and you will soon realise the enormity of this situation as the prices will baffle you. And yet, no one gets angry. Not even a whimper, or a word of defiance. Are us Brits that yellow and cowardly that we let ourselves get fucked by the system every day and not say even one word or do anything about it? I guess we are,” Norman Titbit, a political commentator from Westminster said on Friday.

There seems to be some form of Pavlovian sado-masochistic battered wife syndrome embedded within the British psyche wherein they can be goaded on endlessly, tormented, robbed, swindled, and cheated without reproach.

Perhaps there is a link with the current malaise infecting the population and Britain’s Feudal past. Ingrained over centuries of subjugation is the happiness of serfdom, a quality that is obviously treasured by the robber Barons and controllers who laugh as they count the spoils of their conquest.

“We couldn’t believe it. We ordered this young beautiful reporter with her smooth pale skin and blonde hair to go bang into the middle of a mob of crazy Egyptians celebrating in Tahrir Square. They’d never been up close to such a beauty and in a country where women wear Burqas, we don’t understand how she was sexually assaulted multiple times only to be rescued by the Egyptian Army,” Ron Weinstein, senior segment producer for CBS news said from his luxurious office in Washington DC.

Surely the CBS hierarchy who order reporters into situations could not have been so naive?

“I don’t know how this could have happened. We ordered Lara Logan to go and report right in the middle of the sexually frustrated baying crowds of young Egyptian men. They must have thought it was Christmas, Ramadan and Hanukkah all rolled into one!” another CBS producer quipped before driving off in his Lamborghini Countach.

Next Week, CBS producers want to send Ms Logan into a Guatemalan jail armed only with a Polaroid camera and a skimpy blouse.

The new initiative pushed through by Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, will involve massive renovations to all the churches in the British Isles.

Equalities Minister Lynne Featherstone is to propose pushing through the gay bath house bill making it compulsory to include bath houses at all religious settings in England and Wales.

“We’ll have bath houses where the men and priests can congregate and even a viewing gallery where Coalition church bath house inspectors can ensure that the gay orgies within the churches are conducted in a gay enough manner,” Arch Deacon of the Bristol Diocese, Henry Felcher, told the BBC.

Already, there has been interest from some celebrities like George Michael and Sir Elton John.

“We’ll be going to church a lot more often in England now. I’ll bring the baby I recently bought with me to tell him about the bees and the bees,” Sir Elton John told the Los Angeles Times.

George Michael has also requested the Coalition government install men’s urinals in the churches to facilitate the Christian cottaging population.

“When I walk into the church I want to smell the urinals. They can have cubicles right next to the altar,” Michael said, attending an opening ceremony at a church in Highgate, North London.

The Catholic church, however, has dismissed the new Church of England rulings as ‘atrocious’.

Speaking from the Vatican, Pope Benedict said: “Gays in the church? The Catholic church does not agree that gays should marry in church, for a start, our priests do not marry, and furthermore, they are bound to the utmost secrecy when buggering young boys.”