Boris Johnson is right, we are not all equal when it comes to the brain department, after all the brain is a muscle and some are gifted genetically and some are not. There will naturally be a furore from the socialists because in their book everything is equal, this is the communist ethos. No doubt Harriet Harperson now has her sights set on blowing poor old Boris’s brains out with a well placed shot but the socialists are the ones who thrive on a dumbed down population the most. Ever heard the words ‘Education, education, education’?

The world needs dumb people. People who follow blindly without question, people who are easily persuaded, people who are only capable of doing menial jobs, people who are addicted to social networks, people who watch reality shows and participate in them. If it weren’t for these people, the rich would not be where they are now. Look at any internet entrepreneur like Zuckerberg and Twitter’s Jack Dorsey and you will see people who have harnessed the power of their brains to accommodate those below them, and make some decent bucks out of it too.

World religions thrive on stupidity because the myths they extol defy any form of logic or science. Therefore to follow these myths blindly and without question is inherently stupid. Religious leaders love stupid people, so bring ’em on, the more the merrier, cha-ching!

Simon Cowell, a self confessed stupid person has proudly announced to all that he has never read a book in his life yet he has amassed a huge fortune by dangling a carrot in front of stupid wannabees who he exploits on his shows and ridicules for profit. This shows some level of manipulation on his part therefore he’s not completely stupid but of course a complete c*nt.

The super wealthy can be stupid too, but only if it is inherited wealth. At least they can employ clever people to run things for them, and as long as they don’t do anything too stupid while pretending to be clever, they can pass as clever people to the stupid people watching.

High intelligence should rightly be respected and rewarded. Natural selection of the highest order within the confines of human society as well as the animal kingdom does prevail in a predominantly dumb society.

The internet is proof in itself that stupidity is an all encompassing problem and it is filled to the brim with stupid unintelligent nonsensical comments, but it is this very stupidity that keeps the wheels turning. Without the stupid people filling Twitter and Facebook for example, Zuckerberg and Dorsey would not be living in their mansions and have billions in the bank.

Stupidity therefore is a commodity worth mining and harnessing. Human stupidity is a very deep gold mine begging to be mined by the few miners who know where to dig.

Here at the Squib, we’re as stupid as f*ck, because we say the truth that no one wants to hear, therefore we’re so poor we can barely buy a drink down the pub. If you want the definition of stupidity, try and write the best satire on the internet (ha,ha) and get nothing for it whilst watching other mediocre fully funded mushy sites raking in serious cash by writing for the stupid. Now that’s f*cking stupid.

Boris Johnson, if you read this (doubt it very much) buy our poor satire writers a drink with that Telegraph money you make, proper satire really does not pay.

After being assassinated some time in the 1960s, news is slowly filtering in that John F. Kennedy is still kind of dead.

“He died in the 1960s. Somehow he got shot whilst travelling in a moving vehicle. Yep, he’s still dead now. Been dead and gone for a long time,” Larry Sliverstein, a man who remembers the day Kennedy died, told Time Magazine yesterday.

“As far as being dead, it means that John F. Kennedy will not be coming back, I guess that’s what happens when your dead,” a news reporter for a local Dallas news team said during another Dead Kennedy TV spectacular.